Nobody's Girl

by Kitty Neale

  ‘She’s in bed with bronchitis.’

  ‘So – we have the place to ourselves.’

  ‘Well, yes, I suppose so.’

  Kevin smiled with satisfaction. He and Pearl had only been alone in his car, and in the small space it was unsatisfactory. When he called round to Bessie’s, she never left them alone, and his mother was the same. It maddened him. The silly bitches didn’t seem to realise that they were bolting the stable door after the horse had bolted. He lowered himself onto the sofa, arms outstretched. ‘Come here.’

  As Pearl sat down, Kevin kissed her passionately, and as usual she melted against him. So far he had resisted revealing his preferences, deciding that he didn’t want to frighten her off, but once they were married she’d learn a thing or two. He’d dominate, show what a man he was. With Pearl he always felt in control, but that wasn’t enough. With his need to overpower, he wanted resistance, but she was always so soft and compliant.

  ‘Kevin, have you had any luck finding a job? I really do want to move away from here.’

  ‘I’m looking, but I ain’t working for peanuts.’

  ‘I can work too.’

  ‘Oh, yeah? And what about when you drop the sprog?’

  ‘Others manage.’

  ‘Look, I’ve told you I’m trying to find a job, so just shut up about it.’

  ‘All right. I’m sorry.’

  Pleased that she didn’t nag, he smiled. ‘Come on, we’re on our own so let’s make the most of it.’ His head dipped, once again kissing her passionately, nipping her lower lip and hoping to hear a yelp of pain.

  There was no resistance and his frustration mounted. He paid the girl in Soho to fight, to beg for mercy, and God, he missed it.

  Pearl snuggled up to him again, but he pushed her roughly away. She was bloody useless! Her eyes widened, and on such a short fuse it was enough to set him off. He growled as he grabbed her, his teeth sinking brutally into her neck.

  ‘Ouch! No, don’t, you’re hurting me!’

  The fear in her voice drove away the last of his common sense. She had dared to protest and he loved it. ‘Shut up and get on the floor,’ he snarled.

  ‘Wh … what?’

  ‘I said get on the floor.’ Kevin shoved Pearl off the sofa and as she landed with a thump he swiftly knelt over her, laughing gleefully at the shocked expression on her face. Without preamble he yanked up her skirt, his eyes feasting for a moment on the bare skin that gleamed whitely where her stocking tops ended. Then, unable to wait, he tore at her underwear.

  Pearl’s hands fought to hold him off. ‘Stop it – oh, please, Kevin, stop!’

  Her white face staring at him wide-eyed with fear spurred him on. He raised a hand, slapping her across the mouth. ‘Shut up – bitch!’

  With another yank her knickers came apart, and as she cried out again he fumbled with his trousers. With a swift movement he thrust into her, grinning with delight at her yelp of pain.

  She writhed in protest beneath him, increasing his enjoyment until he lost control. He was in a world of his own now, pounding into her without mercy, but it was quick – too quick. Disgusted, he flopped on top of her for a moment before rolling onto his side.

  Pearl scrambled away, rising quickly to her feet, hands held over her mouth in horror as she stared at him. As he rose to his feet, she cried out in fear, ‘No … no, don’t come near me!’

  It was the terror in her voice that suddenly brought him to his senses. He wanted Pearl as his wife, a wife he could rule, but now he may have blown it. ‘Christ, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.’

  ‘That … that was like rape.’

  Kevin wanted to laugh, but fought to keep his face straight. Little did she know that it had been tame compared to what he got up to in Soho.

  It was play-acting there, he knew that, but by paying for it he was able to resist his urges. Urges that made him want to rape women – to hurt them – to make them see that he was a man.

  At seventeen years old he’d done it, attacked a girl, but he’d nearly been caught. After that he’d been too scared to try it again, yet deep inside he knew that if he hadn’t discovered Soho, his needs would eventually have driven him to strike again.

  Kevin now took a deep breath, forcing himself to look sheepish as his eyes met Pearl’s. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said again.

  ‘Why did you hurt me like that?’ she sobbed, tears beginning to role down her cheeks.

  His mind raced, struggling to find words, finally able to find a lie. ‘I don’t know, but I think it was suppressed anger. Anger that I’m being forced into marriage.’

  Pearl’s face was red and blotched, her clothes dishevelled, and her voice quavering as she spoke. ‘But … but we talked about this, and I said I’m not forcing you.’

  ‘I know,’ Kevin said, shaking his head as though in a quandary, ‘and I don’t know what came over me. It’s just that we’re never alone, and it’s been driving me mad. If it ain’t Bessie, it’s my mother, and I’m sick of it.’ He moved towards her, but she cowered away, her hands frantic as she straightened her skirt.

  ‘Please,’ she begged, ‘don’t touch me, and … and I don’t think I want to marry you now.’

  He stepped forward again, feeling her flinch as he dragged her into his arms. ‘Don’t say that, Pearl.’

  Her body was rigid as he held her. ‘I … I was so frightened.’

  ‘I know you were, and I’m really sorry.’ Kevin hid a scowl. He hated this, hated having to grovel.

  ‘Please, let me go,’ she begged.

  Shit, he thought. Now what? Desperate times called for desperate measures and though loath to say the words, he forced them from his mouth. ‘Pearl, please, I love you and don’t want to lose you.’

  She drew back, her eyes wide. ‘You … you love me?’

  Unwilling to utter the words again, he just gave a slight nod, only saying, ‘I really didn’t mean to hurt you.’

  At last he felt her body relax. ‘Oh Kevin, I love you too, but you really frightened me. And … and you could have hurt the baby.’

  He blanched. Christ, hurting a woman was one thing, but a baby! He had hardly given the child she was carrying a thought but now, with sickening clarity, it hit him. The baby was his – his son or daughter. ‘Is it all right?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, I think so.’

  He gently ushered her towards the sofa. ‘You’d better sit down. Are you in any pain?’

  ‘No, well, I feel a bit bruised.’

  ‘I hope I haven’t hurt it. Maybe I should run you to hospital?’

  ‘I … I don’t think there’s any need for that.’

  He paced the room, his hands raking through his hair, and moments later asked, ‘Any pain yet?’

  ‘No,’ she said, touching her tummy.

  He looked at the slight swell worriedly.’ Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He stopped pacing to kneel at her side. ‘Thank God for that! We must have a tough little bugger in there.’

  For the first time a slight smile played across her lips and, seeing it, he enfolded her in his arms. ‘Pearl, I really am sorry. Say you’ll still marry me.’

  ‘I … I don’t know. You’re so changeable and it scares me.’

  ‘I know I can be a moody bugger, but I can change. It’s my mother, Pearl. You know what she’s like and she drives me mad. Once we’re in our own place, I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Do you really love me?’

  ‘Yes,’ he murmured, ‘and I’ll never do that again. I don’t want to risk hurting our baby.’

  She was quiet then and he held his breath, slumping with relief when she said, ‘All right, I’ll still marry you, but please, Kevin, find a job soon so we can move away from here.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I will.’

  He held her gently, but hearing a thump on the ceiling, they drew apart. ‘That’s Bessie,’ Pearl said. ‘I’ll have to see what she wants.’

  ‘Are you sure you�
�re up to it?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine. I expect she wants her hot-water bottle filled again.’

  Kevin solicitously held her arm as she stood up, watching as she left the room. From now on he’d be gentle with Pearl, but to hold back the demons he’d somehow have to raise the money to go to Soho. Of course after the baby was born, it would be a different matter.

  Pearl was still in a daze as she walked upstairs, her mind distracted as she went into Bessie’s bedroom.

  ‘Something woke me,’ the old lady complained. ‘I thought I heard voices. Is someone down there?’

  ‘Yes, it’s Kevin.’

  ‘What’s that on your cheek? It looks like a hand mark. Have you been crying?’

  Pearl flushed, her hand rising to touch her face.

  ‘Did he hit you?’ Bessie demanded.

  ‘We … we had a bit of a row.’

  ‘That’s no excuse. I’ve got no time for men who lay into women. If he’s hitting you now, I dread to think what he’ll be like when you get married. If you’ve got any sense you’ll call it off.’

  ‘No, it’s all right. He promised he won’t do it again.’

  ‘Huh, and pigs might fly. Listen, girl, you don’t have to marry Kevin Dolby. Stay here with me and we’ll manage all right. Who knows, with your fresh eyes we may be able to come up with a way to drum up a bit more business.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Bessie, I’ll be all right. Kevin said he loves me and I love him too. If we can find a place of our own, I know we’ll be happy.’

  ‘Well, it’s up to you, but I still think you’re making a mistake.’

  Pearl bent to straighten Bessie’s blankets, her mind turning. It had been awful, the sex brutal, Kevin’s face a mask of anger as he took her. Yet afterwards he had been so contrite and his explanation was plausible. She could understand that Dolly drove him mad, and once away from her he’d be fine. Kevin had been so worried about the baby, and not only that, he had said the words she’d been longing to hear. He loved her – he really did, and her heart soared. Soon she would have what she’d always dreamed of. A home and family of her own. She smiled. Three children would be nice …

  Then Bessie coughed loudly and Pearl looked at her with concern. ‘Your chest still sounds bad. Is there anything I can get you?’

  ‘No, but I want that young man out of my house. It isn’t right that you’re alone down there, and I don’t trust him.’

  ‘Bessie, I’m having his baby and we’ll be married soon. I think it’s a bit late to worry about a chaperone.’

  ‘That’s as maybe, but I don’t want him left on his own to nose about. He’d rob me as soon as look at me.’

  ‘How can you say that? Of course he wouldn’t rob you.’

  ‘I’ve heard rumours about him and what he gets up to with that Nobby Clark. Now do as I say and get him out of my house.’

  Pearl wanted to argue, but Bessie’s hacking cough started again and she didn’t want to upset her any further. ‘All right, calm down. I’ll ask him to go.’

  She hurried from the room, hoping that Kevin wouldn’t be upset at having to leave, but the old lady’s words played on her mind. Bessie had implied that Kevin was a thief. Pearl shook her head in denial. Of course he wasn’t. Yet even as her mind dismissed it, she couldn’t help thinking about the cartons of cigarettes she’d seen in Nobby Clark’s shop. Had Kevin been involved?

  Doubts about the marriage rose again, but as she walked into the living room, Kevin spoke anxiously.

  ‘Are you all right? You’re not in any pain, are you?’

  Pearl grabbed at his words. Bessie wanted him to leave, and now a way lay open, one that she took. ‘No, I’m not in any pain, but I am feeling a bit tired. Perhaps I should have an early night.’

  ‘Yes, do that. I’ll go now, but I’ll be over first thing in the morning.’

  ‘There’s no need.’

  ‘Yes there is,’ he said, touching her tummy lightly. ‘That’s my son’s in there and I want to make sure he’s all right.’

  Pearl found herself smiling, pleased that he was showing such concern. ‘Or your daughter.’

  He grinned. ‘A girl, eh? No, I reckon it’s a boy.’

  ‘We’ll just have to wait and see.’

  ‘Go on, go to bed,’ he said, kissing her lightly on the tip of her nose. ‘I’ll see myself out.’

  Pearl nodded, her heart melting as, for a moment, Kevin held her gently.

  ‘We’ll be all right, you’ll see,’ he said, giving her a final soft kiss before leaving.

  She heard his footsteps on the stairs, the shop door closing, and smiled. Despite everything, she loved him, and now fought to dismiss the worries from her mind. Kevin said they’d be all right, and she believed him.

  27

  It was mid-February before all the legalities were sorted out, allowing Pearl and Kevin to marry. The registry office had originally said that she wasn’t old enough to marry without permission, but without relatives the solicitor had finally sorted it out, presenting the affidavit and the reply from the orphanage to the registrar.

  During this time, any doubts that Pearl had about Kevin were laid to rest. He was being so kind, so gentle, and on the rare occasions they were able to make love, he was careful and considerate. He was still looking for a job, he assured her, one out of the area, but so far hadn’t found one with decent pay. She was disappointed, but he told her to be patient, saying that he didn’t want her or the baby to want for anything and a well-paid job was sure to turn up soon.

  Though most of the locals still refused to speak to her, the awful earlier animosity had eased, though Derek still turned his back when he saw her. She’d hurt him so much and it weighed heavily on her mind, but despite this, her love for Kevin deepened.

  She hadn’t made any headway with Dolly, but now that she was finally to marry Kevin, her worry eased. He would be her husband and was sure to stand up for her against his mother.

  ‘Well, girl, are you ready?’ Bessie asked on the morning of the wedding.

  ‘Yes,’ Pearl said, with a last look in the mirror. Although it was a registry office wedding, with only Dolly, Bernie and two witnesses in attendance, she still wanted to look nice. At five months pregnant she had been thrilled to find a cream swagger coat amongst Bessie’s stock, one that hid her growing lump.

  The marriage was to take place at ten thirty, but with Dolly refusing to close the café for more than a few hours, there would be no wedding breakfast. Instead, Dolly and Bernie were returning to the café, opening at twelve thirty for the lunchtime session.

  Pearl’s head was spinning. It had been a frantic morning. She’d been up at the crack of dawn, hurrying to work at five o’clock to prepare all the vegetables in advance. Gertie and Madge had been roped in to cook them, and with the rest of the menu partly prepared, they had only to put the trays in the oven ready for Dolly’s return.

  Pearl now put on a tiny pillbox hat before picking up her handbag. ‘Do I look all right, Bessie?’

  ‘Yeah, but if you ask me it’s a funny sort of wedding. No reception, no honeymoon, and you ain’t even carrying flowers.’

  ‘I know, but it doesn’t matter. Dolly has given me the rest of the day off and Kevin is taking me out to lunch.’

  ‘Huh, big deal. Tell me, when you’re back to work in the kitchen tomorrow, what will Kevin be doing?’

  ‘Bessie, please, don’t start again. I’m sure he’ll find a job soon.’

  There was a knock on the street door, the old lady speaking quickly as she grabbed Pearl’s arm. ‘It isn’t too late to change your mind.’

  Pearl saw the anxiety etched on Bessie’s face and bent to kiss her on the cheek. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I know I thanked you last night for letting me stay with you, but I’m going to miss you so much.’

  ‘I’ll miss you too, but you never know – you may be back.’

  ‘Back! What do you mean? Is it your second sight?’

  ‘Now then, don
’t look at me like that. It’s just wishful thinking from a silly old woman. I’ve grown fond of you, girl.’

  The knock was louder this time. ‘I’d best go, but I’ll be over to see you as soon as I can.’

  Kevin stood impatiently on the doorstep. ‘Blimey, Pearl, you took your time. If we don’t get a move on we’ll be late.’

  ‘Sorry, I was saying goodbye to Bessie. I wish she was coming with us.’

  ‘Mum didn’t want any fuss, and once you start sending out invitations, where do you stop? It’s better this way.’

  He took her arm, leading her to his car, where she saw Dolly and Bernie sitting in the back. It was only Bernie who remarked on her appearance, saying kindly, ‘You look nice, Pearl.’

  Dolly was wearing a fitted, brown coat with a turban-style hat that hid every inch of her hair. She looked severe, grim, and nervously Pearl said, ‘You look nice too, Dolly.’

  She didn’t respond, and as Pearl settled, Kevin closed the door. He walked round to the driver’s side, saying as he climbed in and gunned the engine to life, ‘Right, let’s get this show on the road.’

  As they drove through the market many eyes were watching. Pearl had a brief glimpse of Derek, thought he was hurrying towards them, but then they turned the corner. She looked over her shoulder, but couldn’t see him, and decided she must have imagined it.

  ‘What are you looking at Pearl?’ Kevin asked.

  ‘It’s nothing. I just thought for a moment that Derek was chasing after us.’

  ‘Why would he do that?’ Dolly snapped.

  Kevin chuckled. ‘Perhaps he wanted to offer us his congratulations.’

  ‘Huh, I doubt that,’ Dolly said.

  Pearl was quiet during the twenty-minute drive to the registry office. The atmosphere was strained, Bernie trying to lighten it, but Dolly hardly replied, except to complain about the business they were losing that morning. She looked grim as they climbed out of the vehicle, but Bernie tried to jolly her along. ‘Come on, Dolly,’ he cajoled. ‘This is a wedding, not a flaming funeral.’

  ‘Yeah, cheer up, Mum,’ Kevin said.

  ‘Shut up,’ Dolly snapped. ‘What’s to be cheerful about? You’re marrying a girl we know nothing about – well, except that she’s a slut.’