“I am great. How are you?” Aurora said. “I figured I would give you a call after all of the messages you had sent.”
“I vas not good, but now I am. Your voice soothes me,” Melih said. “I am glad you finally contacted me. I am surprised for you to call.”
“I am surprised too, but I wanted to talk to you,” Aurora said.
“Oh. Oh no.”
“It is okay, Melih.”
“Ahhh, Aurora. I luh how you say my name. It is so cute.” I love the way you say mine….
“Oh, Melih…. Don’t make this harder than it is.”
“Dan vhat? I am sorry but I didn’t vant to stop messaging you. I never thought dis much about a girl. I keep trying to fight my feelings for you. I have tried for months. For years even. Believe me. I tried to stop dinking about you, but I couldn’t.”
“Melih…”
“Yes, Aurora?” Ohhh… Say my name again, she whispered softly under her breath.
“I don’t think it is good for us to see each other anymore,” Aurora said.
“But we do not see each other, Aurora.”
“I mean, never again,” Aurora said.
“Aurora, can I see you in person, please? I vant to tell you how I feel. I vant to tell you my reason for ewerything.”
“Let’s be grownups about this.”
“I know Aurora, and I am sorry, but I want to change that. Just give me a chance to explain. Let me show you,” Melih said. “Please.”
Aurora thought to herself that if she saw Melih, it would only cause more heartbreak. I am done with guys who don’t have their minds made up anymore. However, she did want to see Melih because she figured it would be better to burn that bridge before she left town.
“Okay, Melih. We can meet and talk, but I don’t want to know how you feel anymore. It just makes this harder and more complicated.”
“Okay Aurora, let us meet for a coffee tonight at 7:00. I will meet you at the same coffee shop as last time.”
--
Her glasses were full of steam as she left the cold weather outside to come into the heated coffee shop. Melih was already there. She wanted Melih to wait, so she arrived late. Melih saw her as she came in because he was anxiously watching the door, waiting for her. He walked to the front to meet her as she came in. Melih touched her back as he said, “I already paid for your drink.” He directed her to the baristas. “Just tell them you are here.”
“Okay,” Aurora said.
Aurora waited at the counter for her cappuccino as Melih sat down. Melih had a very serious look on his face. He stood up to pull out Aurora’s chair for her to sit down.
“Thank you for the drink,” Aurora said as Melih sat down.
After having a serious look on his face, as if he were in deep thought, Melih smiled and said, “No problem. That is the least I can do for a girl who deserves the world.”
Wow, that was romantic… but why is he doing this? “That is sweet of you,” Aurora said. “But Melih, I cannot keep…”
Melih grabbed her hand and interrupted her mid-sentence. “Aurora, I know vhat you vant to say. I know you don’t vant to see me or talk to me. I know I haven’t been ideal in dis situation. Especially after I told you I wanted to be by your side through dis divorce. I am sorry for the vay things vent down. I vant to be vhat you vant me to be, from now on.”
Aurora stared into his eyes and didn’t know what to say. Though she had been waiting for him to say that for months, she never thought of what she would say in return.
“I know you don’t believe me, but I am going to prove it to you,” Melih continued.
Aurora yanked her hand away from his. She spoke loudly, “Why should I give you the time of day when you could not even fight for me?” She saw people looking at them and she lowered her voice. She got her head closer to him as she spoke for only him to hear. "I mean, Melih. It hurt my feelings. Am I pathetic? Ugly? Fat? I know I am not yours, Melih. But you hurt me and dragged me around long enough.”
She took a few deep breaths.
Melih just wanted to listen to her and not interrupt her. “We have been doing this for months. You tell me how you feel and then you disappear… How do I know you will not disappear on me again?”
He grabbed her hand again and said, “Because this time is different. I kept pushing you avay because I knew a guy like me doesn’t deserve you,” Melih said
“What are you talking about?” Aurora said. “You told Gannon that I am not yours or anyone’s.”
“Vell, yes I did say dat, but I said you are not mine, yet… Not like you will be my property, but I vould like you to be someding more than a friend. Someday, in sha Allah.”
“What does that mean?” Aurora said. “In-sha-la?”
“In sha Allah means, if God wills.” Melih continued.,“Look Aurora, nothing is wrong vith you. You are perfect. Dings are just complicated vith my parents… I know if they vill ewer meet you, they vould love you.”
“What? You are saying things like I am your girlfriend or something?”
“Vell, dat is the thing, Aurora. The vay I vas raised. Vee don’t really have girlfriends, at least not in my family. A lot of people in Turkey do, but my family is different.”
“So that is what you wanted to tell me?” Aurora said.
“Look, Aurora. I am not against courting you,” Melih said.
Courting? Like old school dating?
Melih continued, “I just vant to do it right. I cannot control myself vhen I am alone vith you. I feel like I am a vampire and your blood is like a drug to me.”
Aurora was taking a sip of her coffee as she choked up the words, “Like a drug?”
“Yes,” Melih said. “It’s just dat…”
“Melih, I understand you are a conservative person but… So...So what do you want to do?”
“Vell, I vant to start hanging out more vith you. But vee need to meet in public because I don’t want anyone to think anything bad about you,” Melih said. “I have a lot of respect for you. I don’t want anyone to say you and I are…” Melih started to struggle to say the next word because he didn’t feel comfortable saying it.
Aurora finished his sentence and said, “Having sex?”
“Yes, that.”
“Well Melih, you are in luck. I believe sex is for marriage.” As Aurora said that, she remembered Jason and the fun time she had been having with him. It was like Jason didn’t even exist until that point. She felt extremely guilty. Whatever Melih was saying, Aurora started to block out because she felt bad for what she did with Jason. She didn’t want to be like Gannon and be a cheater. Though Aurora and Jason never said they were exclusive. For people at Jason’s age, if you were dating regularly, are you considered boyfriend and girlfriend? Aurora didn’t know the rules, but she felt guilty nonetheless.
Melih pulled on her hand as he saw she was not paying attention to what he was saying. “Rora, are you okay?”
“What?” Aurora blinked and shook her head from the shivers that went up her spine.
“I said, are you okay?” Melih said.
“Oh yes. It is just… The caffeine rushed to my head too fast. That’s all.” She pulled her hand away from Melih, crossed her arms, and put them around her stomach, rubbing her fingers against her ribcage. “Melih, I think I am ready to go home.”
“Are you sure you are okay?” Melih said.
“Yeah, I am fine,” Aurora said.
“You are right. You have a long drive home. I should let you go.” Right… Melih doesn’t know I live in town now. So she decided not to tell him and used it as an excuse to leave early.
“Sorry, Melih. I am tired. I had a long day.” She got up and put on her coat before he had a chance to offer to walk her to her car. He got up quickly while grabbing his jacket and walked fast to catch her.
“Let me valk you to your car.”
“No, I am fine,” Aurora said.
“I insist.”
“Fine.”
He walked her to her car and they didn’t say a word. He could feel her tension.
It felt like the longest walk in her life.
He opened her car door after she clicked the unlock button on her car keys. “Promise me you are okay?”
Annoyed, Aurora said, “Yes, I am fine.”
“Okay, I vill message you before I go to bed tonight. I vant you to know that you are the first thing I think about before I sleep,” Melih said. “I promise I will talk to you more now.” Aurora started to shiver from the cold and her jaw jittered. “I guess you are cold…”
“Yes, I am pretty cold.”
“Can I…” Melih said so quietly it could have been mistaken for a whisper.
“Can you?” She said.
“Can I have a hug, Aurora?” Melih said as she stared into his eyes.
“M-m-may you have a hug?” Aurora said back in confusion.
“Vas that too straight forward?”
“No. I was teasing. You should have said ‘may’ instead of ‘can.’” Could you be any more awkward? She looked down and shook her head at herself.
“Vell?” Melih said as he slowly put his hand under her chin to lift up her head.
“Yes!” She took and big gulp and she said, “Yes, of course you may hug me. I would love that.” Aurora’s heart stopped as she tried to breathe in the cold winter air. If only he knew I longed to feel his heart against mine.
His hug felt warm and she could feel his heart beat through his leather jacket. His warm lips touched her forehead. She could feel his stubble beard scratch her forehead. She felt like they hugged for an eternity. She didn’t want to let go and neither did he.
“Well, Melih,” Aurora said as she slowly let go of Melih and slowly slid her hands along his ribs when she pulled away. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment in complete silence. “Melih, I should go.”
“Okay,” he said as he put his hand to her cheek. “Good night, Aurora.” She got into her car.
She looked at him in the rearview mirror as she drove away. Did that really just happen? Did he really tell me all of that?
Chapter 23
A few days later, Aurora was watching Dirty Dancing on Netflix one evening, wrapped up in her white fleece blanket, sipping on a cup of chamomile tea.
Aurora heard her phone ring. Dan? Why is he calling? He rarely calls me.
“Hey, Aurora,” Dan said.
“Hey?” She said has she untangled her phone cord.
“Can I talk to for a second?”
“Sure,” Aurora said. “What’s up? Is everything all right?”
“Yes. Everything is great. I was seeing how you were doing,” Dan said. “I know you had a rough night the other night.”
“I am still shook up, but it’s okay.”
“Well,” Dan replied, “I want to tell you something.”
“What is it?” Aurora said.
“I am calling you for Melih.” Aurora’s heart stopped when she heard his name. “Do you remember the night you cooked for us and made that yogurt salad with sugar instead of salt?” Dan said.
“Of course!” Aurora responded with excitement, like she knew an answer on Jeopardy. “He was the only one who complimented it when everyone else bluntly said they hated it. But that was years ago. Why are you bringing this up?”
“Yeah, well,” Dan responded as he laughed, “we all hated it, but Melih kept raving about it and saying he loved it.”
Aurora became silent. “Again, why are you telling me this now?”
“I don’t know. I am just sick of him not saying anything.” Dan continued, “I only decided to speak up because I saw the look in his eyes that he had when you walked out of the living room back to Zara’s room.” So he doesn’t know about Melih and me meeting at the coffee shop?
“The night Gannon showed up?”
“Yes,” Dan said.
Aurora heard a man with an accent murmuring something in the background on Dan’s end.
“Who was that?”
“Oh, no one,” Dan said.
“Come on. Why are you calling for Melih, though? Isn’t he right next to you?” Aurora said. “I know he is there with you. I can hear him.”
“Oh no…”
“Oh yes….” Aurora said. “Would you mind putting him on the phone?”
“Melih?” Dan said to him on the other end.
“Hello, Aurora…” he said as if he were a puppy that had just been caught ripping up its owner’s shoes.
“Why did you want to call me? Or why didn’t you tell me when we had coffee? You can talk to me about anything, Melih.”
“Well,” Melih said, “it actually vas Dan’s idea.”
“Oh.”
“Vell, Dan wanted me to call because...” Melih hesitated.
“Just tell her!” Dan whispered loudly in the background.
“Tell me what?” Aurora said more loudly.
“Vell, Dan noticed dhat vhen you got up to go to da bedroom at Zara and Sara’s…”
“Noticed what?”
“He saw the look in my eyes when I saw you were sad and you walked away.”
“So?”
“Vell…. he knows.”
“He knows what?”
“He knows….”
“I got that he knows already.”
“Ouch!” Melih yelled.
“Are you okay?” Aurora asked.
“Yes,” Melih said. “It vas just Dan punching me to make me tell you.” He continued as he choked on the words, “To tell you that I like you.”
“You like me?” Aurora said. He likes me.
“Yes, Aurora, and I have since college.” Melih said. “Freshman year, to be exact.”
“Really?! For that long?”
“I knew it all along!” Dan said in the background.
“But I thought you were best friends with Gannon then….” Aurora said. “How could you hide that from Gannon?”
Melih and Dan both started laughing.
“Aurora…” Melih said. “Dan and I are best friends.”
“Really?” Aurora said. “But what about all of the times you and Gannon hung out?”
“I did it because I felt bad for him. Everyone thought he was narcissistic and a know-it-all. But no. I’m not good friends vith him now, and I never have been.” Dan continued, “Don’t you remember that vee didn’t go to your wedding?”
“Well, you said you were in Turkey,” Aurora said. “Dan said he couldn’t go.”
“Dan said he couldn’t go because one of his relatives was sick. Neither of us vanted to go to the vedding because vee didn’t really like Gannon and couldn’t bear to see you two marry.”
Aurora said, “Really? Why didn’t you two tell me?”
“I didn’t feel I had the right to tell you then,” Melih said. “Vee only hung out with Gannon because you vere our friend, Aurora. Dhat is vhy it vas easy to stop talking to Gannon once you left him.”
“I remember that after you got married and before, Melih always wanted to make excuses to hang out with you guys,” Dan said in the background. “It was only to see you. I mean, Melih never told me that, but I am sure that is the reason.”
Dan said while smiling as he took the phone, “Hey again… Melih, I am going to step into the other room for a second.”
Aurora remembered how after she left Gannon, Melih ignored her and tried to push her away. She said, “Well, after I left Gannon… Why hasn’t he tried harder? I mean he kisses me on the forehead and acts like he likes me, but I don’t know why this has to be so difficult.”
“Because, Aurora.”
“Because why?” Aurora said.
“Because you are still married. You know that Melih is old fashioned and he is also worried his parents would not accept you.”
Aurora replied, “Why is that?” She was feeling upset at herself for wanting so much from Melih when she was still married. “Why can’t he tell me this himself?”
“I have no idea,
Rora,” Dan said. “He is probably just shy to bring up a woman to his parents. He said that the way he was raised, when a man talks to his parents about a woman, he wants to marry her. He is probably too shy to tell you. He has never even talked to me about girls before.”
“Oh, wow,” Aurora said. She swallowed a gulp of air and almost choked. Thinking of getting married again made her sick.
“You okay, Aurora?”
“Ah yes. I am fine. Thanks for telling me all of that, Dan,” Aurora said. “That was a lot to take in.”
“Yes, but I think it will help you understand him more – or his actions – and who he is.”
That call was so weird, right?
Chapter 24
Two weeks before Aurora’s divorce, she felt a constant pressure in her chest, worse than what she was used to feeling. She took extra Xanax and worked out more, but nothing would take the pain from her chest. She did not know why it made her feel more anxious rather than happy. She just wanted that court day to be over with. She just wanted to feel relief, but she knew she would not have that burden lifted from her chest until after she was divorced.
She was sitting in her office at work, sipping on her morning coffee, as she looked out her window and thought about what she really wanted to do with her life. She knew that when she was divorced a lot would change because she had many big decisions to make. She needed to choose between Jason, Melih, and being alone. Well, I cannot have everything, right? That is how life seems to play out for me and the people around me. She had yet to interview for that job in New York, but she wanted to. She dreaded that she would have to resign from her position at the magazine.
She picked up the phone. You can do this. You can do this. She began to sweat. She dialed the number of Dean’s assistant at The New York Times. You can do this. You got this. Aurora took in a big breath of air.
“Hello, this is Aurora… Aurora Tousey.” She let her breath out.
“Okay,” the assistant on the other line said. “How can I help you?”
“Well,” Aurora said, “you emailed me about the assistant editor position opening up for The New York Times?”
“Oh yes,” the assistant said. “I remember now. Mr. Banquet and one of the owner’s daughters requested for you specifically to be interviewed.”
After She Said Yes Page 14