by Lucy Gordon
For now this was all she asked, to be here with him in peace and tranquillity. Soon she would want much more from him, but it was what he wanted too, and that knowledge was part of the joy now.
So deep was her contentment that she almost dozed, until she heard him say, ‘We’re here,’ just over her head.
They got quietly out of the car, trying to keep their arrival a secret from the rest of the house. Inside, he didn’t switch on any lights, but stood looking at her face in the faint glow from the hall lamp. There was a question in his eyes, which she answered by laying her lips on his for a brief moment.
‘Come,’ she said, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs.
Nobody saw them as they passed quietly down the corridor to her room and closed the door behind them.
‘Don’t put the light on,’ he whispered. ‘We don’t need light.’
‘No,’ she said. ‘We don’t need anything but this.’
She stepped back and removed the gold from her ears.
‘Turn around,’ he said, and began to work at the clasp of her gold necklace. She felt the touch of his fingers, setting off soft tremors of desire that whispered across her heated skin. When he’d finished and put the necklace aside he laid his lips in the same place, making her shiver pleasurably.
‘Are you sure?’ he said softly.
Through the pounding of her blood she managed to say, ‘Yes,’ but he was already drawing down the zip at the back of her dress.
She turned swiftly, letting the dress fall about her ankles, opening her arms to him in welcome, eager for him in every way.
‘Oh, my love,’ she said. ‘Come to me. At last.’
It was Crystal’s mocking voice in his dreams that awoke him.
‘You need a rich wife, and there aren’t many who are richer than her.’
He’d rejected the words, but they’d lingered, just out of sight, and now they pounced on him, shocking him into wakefulness.
He turned his head slowly to where Joanna lay still asleep in the dawn light. Through the sheet covering her he could see the outline of her beautiful nakedness, offered to him last night with such tenderness one moment, and such fierce intensity the next. But lovelier still was the sight of her face, soft and vulnerable on the pillow.
A rich wife!
It was horrible but true. Last night, overcome by both his love and his desire, he’d managed to believe that the disparity between them was unimportant. But in the cold light of day he knew it mattered.
What could he say to her? Speak of love while concealing the financial truth? His soul revolted at the thought.
Or how about, ‘Marry me, and by the way I need some cash.’ She knew of his debts, but not the sudden crisis of Crystal’s demands. The truth would merely convince her that the past was repeating itself, and anything was better than that.
Throughout that long, passionate night he’d been awed by what he discovered in her. The warmth and generosity that were part of her everyday life also infused her love-making. Her gifts were bountiful, and in response his whole being, not just his body but also his spirit, had been given a release that thrilled him.
He’d been startled by the strength of his own feelings, so much more intense than his mild affection for her twelve years ago, and so much deeper than his infatuation for Crystal. But the bitter fact was that there was no honest way he could approach her.
He’d discovered the truth only when it was too late.
He slipped out of bed and put on his clothes, moving quietly. When he’d finished he came over and dropped to his knees beside the bed, his face close to hers. She lay just as before, her expression as gentle and trusting as a child’s. The kiss he placed on her forehead was so light that it didn’t awaken her.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘Try to forgive me.’
Joanna kept her eyes closed until the last minute, knowing that when she opened them the night would be over. What came next would be as sweet, or even sweeter, but nothing would ever quite equal that first revelation.
She had never stopped loving Gustavo for one moment. All this time she’d been deluding herself.
But now there needed to be no more delusions. She could love him freely, as he loved her. She didn’t doubt his love, not after last night. And she knew that, when she finally allowed herself to wake, she would see that love in his eyes, watching over her.
To prolong the moment she stretched out, letting her hand wander over the place where he should have been. Finding nothing there, she lay still a moment, then opened her eyes and sat up, surveying the room.
Apart from herself it was empty.
Something in her refused to believe what she could see, because it simply wasn’t possible that after the night they had spent together he should walk out and leave her to wake alone.
She thought of that night, the passionate giving and taking, the fevered, incoherent words, the hot silences. He was a generous lover, inciting her gently, lovingly. His passion had inspired her own, taking her to heights she’d never known before.
The descent had been melancholy, but it would have been forgotten in the joy of waking in his arms.
Of course, he’d left early to avoid being seen. But why hadn’t he known that she would want him to wake her first?
Stop being childish, she reproved herself. It’ll be all right when you see him.
Slipping out of bed, she pulled on a robe and went to the window, looking out over the rear lawns stretching away, and there, in the distance, Gustavo’s tall figure wandering under the trees.
It seemed as though he had put as much distance between them as possible.
She turned away, unable to see him through the sudden blurring in her eyes.
Downstairs she found everyone cheerful. Freddy was planning to spend the day at the dig, which was going well.
Gustavo looked up when Joanna came into the breakfast room, and gave her a brief smile, with a shadow of constraint. Frowning, she made her way over to him by the window.
‘I had to leave early,’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t want to be found walking the corridor in the early hours.’
‘Like you found me, at Rannley Towers?’ she said, with an attempt at teasing. ‘Only you got the wrong idea.’
‘Yes, I did, didn’t I?’ he said with another attempt at a smile. ‘I’m sorry about that.’
‘Gustavo-’
‘At least it can’t happen again. You wouldn’t like that.’
‘No, but-’
He looked at her, and for a moment she saw something in his face that conflicted with his words. But then he was in command of himself again.
‘Is everything all right with you?’ he asked.
‘No, it isn’t,’ she said indignantly. ‘I thought we’d have more to say than this.’
‘Yes, we must talk, but not here and now. Later there are things I must say to you.’
Her temper flared. ‘Perhaps you need not bother. I’m beginning to think it’s all been said.’
‘Joanna-’
She heard the plea in his voice but was too angry to heed it.
‘All right, gang,’ she said brightly, approaching them. ‘Let’s get to work. Billy, what are you doing?’
‘Renata and me are going riding with Luca,’ he said, and she nodded, satisfied. Luca was the head groom, and reliable.
After that she gave all her attention to her work. Hal had discovered a hollow sound in one of the foundation walls, suggesting a hidden chamber behind it. Everyone was excited. By concentrating hard she was able to push thoughts of Gustavo aside, until Hal said, ‘Look who’s here.’
Gustavo was standing just outside the tent and he glanced aside, indicating for her to come out and join him. As she stepped into the sun he began to walk away.
‘I have to talk to you,’ he said. ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and there are things-I wasn’t sure whether to tell you this, how you’d react-’
A deep apprehension was grow
ing in her. ‘Is this something you ought to have told me before last night?’ she asked calmly.
‘Yes,’ he said after a moment. ‘I think perhaps I should have done that.’
‘Well, better late than never,’ she said, smiling to cover her feelings.
‘I’m so afraid that you’ll misunderstand, and think I behaved badly.’
‘Did you?’
‘In a manner of speaking,’ he sighed. ‘I should have thought before-when I saw Crystal last night-’
He stopped because a distant sound was rapidly growing nearer.
‘What’s that?’
‘It sounds like someone galloping hell for leather,’ Joanna said, looking into the distance.
The next moment a horse came into view, ridden by Luca, the groom who had accompanied Renata and Billy that morning. Now he was alone.
Gustavo drew a sharp breath and ran towards him, followed by Joanna. As they hurried across the grass she asked, ‘Why is he alone? Where are the children? Oh, God-’
‘What’s happened?’ Gustavo called as Luca reached them.
‘An accident-’ he said breathlessly.
‘Billy!’ Joanna cried.
‘No, no, it’s the little girl. She fell. I think her shoulder is hurt. Billy is fine, but he has stayed to comfort her.’
‘Where?’ Gustavo rapped out.
Luca described the place and Gustavo strode off to his car, pulling out his cellphone to call an ambulance as he went. Joanna got in with him and they were on their way, with Luca in the back.
‘Her head,’ Gustavo snapped over his shoulder. ‘Is her head injured?’
‘I don’t think so, signor,’ said the wretched Luca. ‘Just her shoulder.’
‘Are you sure Billy isn’t hurt?’ Joanna urged.
‘He didn’t fall, I swear it,’ Luca insisted.
At last the place came in sight, near a stream. There were a few trees, one of which had come down and lay on the ground. Renata, supported by Billy, was sitting up, holding her arm and sobbing.
‘Piccina…’ Gustavo dropped on his knees beside his daughter. ‘It’s all right. Papa’s here.’
He reached out to her but then drew his hands back, afraid of hurting her.
‘I’m here, cara,’ he said again.
But his presence brought her no comfort. Instead she leaned against Billy, wailing, ‘Mamma! Mamma!’
Gustavo got to his feet and turned away.
‘I hope the ambulance won’t take long,’ he said in a carefully controlled voice. It gave no hint of his feelings, but she knew, without words, and placed a hand on his arm.
‘Every child wants her mother at a time like this,’ she said. ‘Surely she’ll come now?’
‘You’re right,’ he said curtly, and began to make another call. But after a moment he hung up and said in frustration, ‘Her phone is switched off.’
‘What about her home telephone?’
‘I don’t know her number now she’s moved back to Rome. I’ll have to call her lawyer- Thank God! There’s the ambulance.’
‘Can’t we come to the hospital with you?’
‘Thank you, but no.’
She understood. He wanted to be alone with Renata, and seize the chance to grow closer to her.
She felt stunned by the suddenness of events. There was nothing for her to do but watch as the ambulance arrived and departed a few minutes later.
‘Are you sure you’re all right?’ she said to Billy.
‘I’m fine, Mum.’
‘I’ll drive you back to the dig,’ Luca said.
She’d thought that Gustavo might call her with news, but hours passed with no word from him. Then, in the late afternoon, a taxi drew up, and Gustavo and Renata got out. He carried her up the steps in his arms, and Joanna saw that she seemed to be asleep.
‘Just a broken arm,’ he told Joanna and Laura. ‘They didn’t even want to keep her in overnight. They gave her a light anaesthetic and she’s still a bit dopey, so she needs to go straight to bed.’
‘I’ll take her,’ Laura said, reaching out.
‘No, I’ll carry her up,’ he said.
Joanna went up the stairs ahead of him, reaching Renata’s room first, opening the door and waiting as he walked slowly along the corridor. She had a glimpse of his face as he looked down at his child, and saw there everything he dreaded the world knowing, his shattering love for his child and his heartbreak at her rejection.
‘I’ll help you undress her,’ she told Laura as Gustavo laid Renata on the bed.
‘I’ll wait outside,’ he said.
Renata remained drowsy until almost the last minute, but then she awoke suddenly and began to cry.
‘Mamma,’ she wept. ‘Mamma, Mamma.’
Joanna opened the door. ‘Did you manage to contact Crystal?’
‘No. I got her new address from the lawyer but when I call I get the answerphone.’
He went to the bed and tried to take his daughter in his arms, but she pushed him away with her one good arm, then buried her face in the pillow and sobbed.
‘Renata, carissima,’ he begged, stroking her hair. ‘Please-’
‘I want Mamma.’
Suddenly a thought came to Joanna, so startling that she moved away to the window, where Gustavo couldn’t see her face.
This might be the thing that would bring Crystal back, perhaps permanently. Was that what Gustavo secretly wanted, both to save himself from ruin and for the little girl’s sake?
She tried to resist the idea, but she knew it would explain his uneasiness about last night. And what else could explain it?
But it wouldn’t happen, she assured herself, because Crystal would never willingly return.
She went back to the bed where Gustavo was still sitting, his head bent in anguish at his inability to comfort his daughter. Renata’s cries had gone beyond words. The noise that came from her now was a soft wail of endless despair.
Joanna took a deep breath. There was no decision to make. It had already been made by forces beyond her control.
‘Gustavo,’ she said, ‘you’ve got to get Crystal. I don’t care what it takes but get her here.’
He met her eyes for just a moment. ‘You’re right,’ he said briefly.
For a moment she thought he would kiss Renata, but he stopped himself, looking at her sadly. Then he left.
Joanna stood at the window and watched him drive away, wondering what she had done, and how it would turn out. But there’d been no alternative. She knew that.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
OVER supper Billy told her and Freddy everything.
‘There was this fallen tree, Mum, and she said she could jump it. Luca told her not to but she wouldn’t listen.’
‘Women don’t,’ Freddy said wisely, and they exchanged nods, man to man.
‘Anyway, she jumped and fell off as the horse landed. It was really scary. I thought she’d broken her neck.’
‘No, just her arm,’ Joanna said. ‘But you’re a hero, staying with her like that.’
‘She kept talking about her mum, saying she’d come and take her away now. Then she’d cry even more.’
‘I expect that arm hurts a lot,’ Freddy observed.
‘No, it’s more than that,’ Billy insisted. ‘Even before this, she talks about her mother wanting her, and then she cries. I think she knows it’s not true. She won’t admit it, but part of her is beginning to suspect.’
‘Well, her mother’s coming now,’ Joanna said. ‘It may all work out for them. Isn’t it your bedtime?’
Billy assumed a mulish look, but Freddy clapped him on the back and said, ‘Come on. Let’s finish that talk we were having.’
They went off together.
It was late at night before Gustavo returned. At first Joanna thought he was alone, but then he opened the rear door and Crystal climbed out. Even from this distance Joanna could see that she was in a thunderous sulk. She saw Gustavo point towards the house, then take her arm firm
ly to draw her inside.
Joanna opened the door to see them approaching and stood back while Crystal approached the child, who, by now, had fallen asleep. She sat on the bed and gave her a little shake. Renata’s eyes opened. She gave a glad cry at the sight of her mother’s face, and the next moment they were locked in each other’s arms.
Joanna could just make out the words Crystal was murmuring, words of motherly love and reassurance. She gave Gustavo a puzzled look, and he drew her out into the corridor.
‘She does it beautifully, doesn’t she?’ he said. ‘You wouldn’t think I practically had to frogmarch her into the car. Now she’ll play the role of the loving mother until it bores her, then she’ll go again, leaving me to pick up the pieces.’
‘What’s happening to her other child?’
‘Safe in the apartment with Elena, his nanny.’
‘So Crystal tried not to come?’
‘Yes, but I persuaded her,’ he said, his eyes glinting. ‘I also persuaded her to bring some clothes because she’s going to stay a few days, whether she likes it or not.’
His face was hard, forbidding. Joanna would have given a lot to know his thoughts, but she suddenly realised that in this family quarrel she was an outsider.
‘I have things to get on with,’ she said heavily. ‘I hope this all works out as you want.’
For a few days she kept well clear of the family, eating at the dig and working late into the evening, determinedly keeping her thoughts on her work. She refused to speculate on what might be happening between Gustavo and Crystal. That way lay madness.
She came inside late one night to hear music coming from the radio. Through an open door she could just make out Crystal swaying in the dance. So she and Gustavo had reached that stage, she thought.
But it was Freddy, not Gustavo, who was dancing with Crystal. They moved in perfect time together and looked good, Joanna had to admit. Gustavo was sitting at a table, writing. He looked up and saw Joanna standing in the doorway.
‘Come in and join us,’ he said, with a touch of relief in his voice. ‘I’ll have something sent in.’
He rang the bell and a cold supper appeared so quickly that it was clear it had been already waiting.