by Lucy Gordon
‘I’ll just run upstairs…’ she said, eyeing the food with pleasure.
‘No need,’ Freddy said, emerging from the dance. ‘Billy’s fast asleep. We swam for miles.’
‘Oh, yes,’ she said, remembering. ‘There’s a swimming pool in the grounds, isn’t there?’
‘I’ve had it cleaned out,’ Gustavo said, bringing her a glass of wine. ‘You’re all welcome to use it. A day off in the pool would probably do your team good.’
‘Thank you. Yes, I think we’d like that.’
She sipped her wine before asking, ‘How is Renata?’
‘Doing well,’ Gustavo said quietly.
‘She’s so much better,’ Crystal said sweetly. ‘I took her to the pool and she paddled in the shallow end. The poor little soul wanted to go in with Freddy and Billy, but she can’t, because of her arm.’
‘But I’m sure she was happy sitting on the side with you,’ Joanna said. ‘It means so much to her to have you here.’
‘But of course,’ Crystal said prettily. ‘Nobody can replace a mother, can they?’
More music came from the radio and she began twirling around the room again, looking gloriously pretty and several years younger than her real age. Freddy joined her and they bounded around like teenagers.
Joanna finished her supper, bid them goodnight and went to the library, where most of the others were still up. They looked tired and disgruntled.
‘I thought we’d be through the wall into that chamber by now,’ Lily grumbled.
‘The wall’s twice as thick as the others,’ Claire said.
‘I know.’ Joanna flexed her hands, which were still painful from the day’s work. ‘But we’ll be through soon, won’t we, Hal? Hal?’
‘He’s been asleep in that chair for the last hour,’ Danny said. ‘And we’re all knackered.’
‘Fine, then let’s have some time off. There’s a swimming pool here and we’re all invited to spend the day in it.’
Everyone cheered, even Hal, who seemed to cheer in his sleep.
‘Tomorrow, then,’ Joanna said.
They gathered at the pool next day, all giving yells of delight as the clear blue water came into sight, glinting under the sun. In minutes they were all jumping in.
Joanna tried not to look as Gustavo appeared with Crystal and Renata, both in bathing suits. They seemed like a family, which, in a sense, they were. Just as she, Freddy and Billy were.
Billy was already in the deep end, crowing as he climbed onto Freddy’s shoulders and dived. But he swam the length of the pool when he saw Renata arrive and sit at the top of the steps that led down into the shallow end. Joanna stayed where she was, in earshot.
Crystal and Renata had their heads together, and Joanna heard the word ‘Toni’ several times, and saw Renata smile at the mention of her baby half-brother.
‘Look,’ Crystal said, reaching into her bag and taking out a photo album. ‘Joanna, you haven’t seen my baby, have you?’
He was a beautiful child, full of smiles. Picture after picture showed him beaming with delight, mostly enfolded in his mother’s arms, while she looked down on him with an expression of delight.
‘I keep these with me always,’ she told Joanna.
‘Hey, Crystal!’ That was Freddy’s voice, calling from the pool. Crystal gave a shriek and danced into the water.
As soon as she was gone Renata dived into her bag, rummaging through with hands that grew increasingly frantic, until at last she gave up and pushed the bag aside.
‘What’s the matter?’ Gustavo came close to ask her.
‘She’s just discovered that Crystal doesn’t keep any pictures of her, the way she does of Toni,’ Joanna muttered. ‘Damn her!’
Gustavo swore under his breath and went to sit beside Renata. For once she didn’t turn away from him, and Joanna guessed that Crystal’s presence now made him one of the ‘good guys’. She even gave him a smile, although it was clearly an effort, and Joanna guessed that Billy’s presence helped.
She swam down the pool to find Freddy, and join him in a sandwich from the buffet Gustavo had arranged at the side of the pool.
‘This is the life,’ he said, stretched out luxuriously on the grass while she filled his glass with wine. ‘How can I arrange to live like this all the time?’
‘What you need is another rich wife,’ she observed, without resentment.
‘Ah, now, that’s not fair,’ he protested. ‘I was nuts about you. You know that.’
‘Yes, you were,’ she agreed. ‘But just how nuts would you have been if I hadn’t had a nice fat bank balance?’
He considered this seriously. ‘The point is that you were always likely to. I had just enough cash of my own to move among moneyed people, so I met rich ladies. The odds were always in my favour.’
She had to laugh at this. His good-natured face was so guileless.
‘I’m surprised you’re not playing the odds again by this time,’ she said.
He frowned. ‘The problem is, knowing exactly what the odds are.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘If I did marry again, I suppose the allowance you pay me would stop.’
‘You mean I might regard it as her job to support you, rather than mine?’
‘I can imagine a lot of women being difficult about it.’
‘Not me. How could you think I’d let the father of my son go short?’
He crowed with laughter. ‘That’s the spirit.’
‘Why is it so important, anyway? If she’s rich enough to afford you-’
‘Yes, but a fellow likes to have a little independence,’ he said, totally straight-faced, which left her speechless.
‘You are totally shameless,’ she said at last. ‘I mean, I’ve never known anyone like you.’
‘There isn’t anyone like me. I’m the one and only. Buy while stocks last. Only I’ll soon be getting a bit beyond my sell-by date, so it’s time to think about the future.’
‘Do you have an ideal in mind-money apart, that is?’
‘Well, she shouldn’t be too serious. I like to have a good time and to blazes with tomorrow. But most women don’t seem to be made like that.’
‘Crystal is,’ Joanna sighed.
‘Yes, but she’s a bit short of the readies at the moment. Gustavo still has to hand over the other half of her money, and she’s asking for it faster than he can manage.’
She looked at him quickly. ‘How do you know that?’
‘She told me. We’ve got to know each other quite well in these last few days. She finds me a handy shoulder to cry on. They’re having a bit of an argument about it. Hasn’t he told you?’
‘No, he hasn’t.’
‘Ah, well, he might find it a bit difficult. Reasons of delicacy and all that.’ He said this as though speaking a foreign language.
After a moment he went on, ‘It’s a pity, because in an ideal world you and Gustavo would get married fast, and that would solve everyone’s problems.’
‘Freddy, are you going to be vulgar again?’
‘Probably. The most practical solutions usually are vulgar to people of refined sensibilities.’
‘How would you know? You wouldn’t recognise a refined sensibility if it came up and bopped you on the nose.’
‘Yes, I would, and I’d bop it first. Serve it right for causing so much trouble in the world.’
‘What are you burbling about now?’ she asked, trying to speak severely but unable not to laugh.
‘I’m saying that if you were to marry Gustavo, he could afford to repay Crystal her money, and then she’d be out of his hair, and yours. And of course, once she’s regained her fortune-well-’
‘Are you daring to suggest-?’
‘Well, you said it yourself, I need a rich wife. And I think she and I might deal very well together.’
It dawned on her that he was perfectly right. He and Crystal were ideally suited.
‘And the kids would love it,’ Freddy added
. ‘Keep it all in the family, so to speak.’
He was right about that too. In fact, he was so right in every cynical suggestion that she dived hastily back into the pool.
It was a good day and everyone felt better when they were making their way back to the house in the late afternoon, ready to dress up for a good dinner.
Joanna was down first, finding Crystal in the library.
‘Are you cross with me?’ Crystal asked. ‘You’ve been giving me glowering looks all day. I hate it when people are cross with me.’
‘If I’m cross it’s because of the way you hurt Renata.’
‘Me? I’ve been delightful to her.’
‘How about flaunting those pictures of Toni, when you don’t keep any of her?’
‘Did she look in my bag? She shouldn’t have done.’
‘She was looking for reassurance that you carry her pictures too. And you don’t. That hurt her, Crystal.’
‘Oh, hell!’ Crystal gave a despairing sigh and ran her hands through her hair. ‘Look, I- You think I’m a monster, don’t you?’
‘Well-I can’t imagine taking as little interest in Billy as you seem to take in Renata.’
‘I know, I know, but I can’t help it. It’s not my fault. Something happened when she was born-or rather, something didn’t happen. The first time I held her I waited for that rush of love you’re supposed to get, and there was absolutely nothing. I tried and tried, but I couldn’t feel anything.’
Joanna remembered her first sight of Billy, and the love that had swept through her like a hurricane. She felt a moment’s sympathy for Crystal, who hadn’t known that incredible joy. Perhaps she shouldn’t be blamed too much for being unable to bond.
But the next moment some of her sympathy evaporated, when Crystal said, ‘If only she’d been a boy! I wanted a boy so much. All those months of getting thicker and uglier, and feeling awful. Of course Gustavo wanted an heir, and I wanted to give him one and get it out of the way.
‘I had a bad birth. It just went on for ages and ages, and all the time I was thinking, Please let it be a boy, so I need never do this again. And then she turned out to be a girl and I was so angry.’
‘Angry?’
‘I was tired,’ Crystal said defensively. ‘I ached all over, and Gustavo was saying things like, “Never mind, darling. Next time.” Like that was supposed to make me feel better. And I knew every last person on the estate was going to be disappointed in me, and I just felt fed up.’
‘Fed up,’ Joanna echoed. Crystal’s petulant self-centredness was so overwhelming that it was almost impressive.
‘Of course the estate people were interested,’ she pointed out. ‘If the prince doesn’t have an heir it affects them all.’
‘Yes, well, it was no fun being a princess,’ Crystal said sulkily. ‘I thought it would be, but it wasn’t.’
‘Is that why you married him? For the title? You didn’t love him at all?’
‘I don’t really know,’ Crystal said, considering this. ‘Yes, I suppose I was in love with him, in a sort of way. He seemed glamorous and exciting then. I thought that was how we’d live, going to all the thrilling places in the world, meeting everyone who mattered. But all Gustavo wanted was to bury himself in this place and spend every penny on it.
‘Oh, we went travelling sometimes. He took me to New York every year. But even then he spent half his time on the phone to Renata’s nurse, wanting to know if everything was all right. And he couldn’t wait to get home. Lord, but he’s dull to live with!’
‘Dull? Gustavo?’
‘He doesn’t know how to have fun.’
‘I suppose he has his own idea of fun.’
‘Yes, old bones and bricks. History. Estate accounts. No, thank you!’
Suddenly she burst out, ‘I can’t help the way I’m made. It’s not my fault. I can’t make myself feel what I don’t feel.’
‘No, I suppose not,’ Joanna sighed.
‘I tried for years, but I couldn’t manage it. I should never have married him. He should have married you. You’re as dull as him.’
‘Yes, I suppose I am,’ Joanna said, without resentment.
You couldn’t be angry with Crystal, she reflected. Part of her was still a child, and knew no better.
‘I expect supper will be ready,’ she said. ‘Shall we go in?’
‘Just give me a moment. I haven’t called Elena yet.’
Crystal called Toni’s nanny several times a day to ask about him. In a moment she was on the phone to her, and Joanna could see at once that something was wrong.
‘I can hear him screaming,’ she said into the phone. ‘What’s wrong with him? Is he ill? What do you mean, hungry? He’s ill. I know he’s ill.’
Gustavo came into the room, with Renata. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Toni’s ill,’ Crystal wailed. ‘I must go to him at once. He might be dying.’
Gustavo took the phone from her. ‘Elena? What’s happened? I see. Just his feed being a few minutes late?’
‘I’ve got to go to him,’ Crystal wept.
Out of the corner of her eye Joanna saw Renata leave the room. Quietly she followed her out into the hall, up the stairs and as far as her room.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked as Renata began taking clothes out of drawers, hampered by only having one good arm.
‘I’m going with Mamma. She wants me.’
‘But-’
‘She wants me,’ Renata said, too decidedly to be convincing. ‘If Toni’s ill she won’t come back, so I have to go with her.’
Gustavo appeared in the doorway and she could see from his face that he had heard. He looked quickly at Joanna, and she saw a plea for help in his eyes.
‘Carissima,’ he said.
The child turned on him. ‘You can’t stop me.’
‘Gustavo!’ That was Crystal’s voice calling from the corridor. ‘I’m ready to go. I have to get to Toni quickly.’
‘I’m coming, Mamma,’ Renata called.
‘What?’ Crystal came into the room, frowning. ‘What did you say?’
‘I’m ready to go.’
‘But, darling, what are you talking about? I can’t take you with me.’
‘But you said-’
‘I said one day-maybe-but now Toni’s ill-’
‘But that means you’ll need me.’ Renata’s voice had risen to a wail.
‘But-but-I’m sorry, but you’ve got to understand-I simply can’t-’
‘Renata-’ Gustavo began.
‘No,’ Joanna said swiftly, putting her hand on his arm. ‘Don’t say it. This isn’t a time for authority. It’s a time for pleading.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Don’t order her,’ she said softly. ‘But tell her how much you need her. Plead, beg if you have to.’
‘But you can see how she is-’
‘Don’t give Crystal the chance to reject her again. She couldn’t bear it. It’s your best chance. Do it!’
Renata was regarding her mother with eyes that held a terrible look. Gustavo got between them, dropping down to one knee and putting his hands on her shoulders.
‘Carissima,’ he said, ‘if you want to go, I won’t stop you, but please don’t. Think of me if you went away. What would I do without you?’
She stood silent, uncertainty written all over her face.
‘I know you’d rather go with Mamma,’ Gustavo said, ‘but I love you too, more than you know. Won’t you stay with me? Please.’
Renata took a long breath and suddenly it was as though a great burden had fallen from her. She straightened herself, looking suddenly taller.
‘I can’t go with you after all, Mamma,’ she said with childish dignity. ‘Papa needs me to stay and look after him.’
‘Thank you, my darling,’ he said.
Crystal’s gift for playing a part came to her rescue.
‘I’m sure you’re right,’ she said. ‘You should stay and be kind to Papa. Yes, that’
s what you should do.’
She repeated this, evidently feeling that it was a mantra that she should cling to.
‘Now I need someone to drive me into Rome,’ she said.
‘The chauffeur will take you,’ Gustavo said. ‘I prefer to stay with my daughter.’
‘If you think a chauffeur’s good enough for me when I’m in such a state about my baby,’ Crystal sniffed.
‘Of course a chauffeur isn’t good enough,’ said Freddy from behind her. He’d slid into the room, unnoticed. ‘I’d be glad to drive you.’
‘Oh, Freddy, you’re so kind and understanding,’ Crystal said.
‘It’s my pleasure,’ he said, meaning it.
Joanna followed them out and downstairs to where the car had been brought around to the front. Before getting in Freddy gave her a wink. She shook her head in disapproval, which just made him wink again.
Before returning upstairs Joanna called Crystal’s Rome apartment. She knew the number after seeing Crystal dial it so often.
‘Elena? She’s on her way.’
The nanny gave an exasperated sigh. ‘There’s no need. I’ve fed him and he’s fast asleep. There’s nothing wrong with him.’
‘Well, she’s still on her way,’ Joanna said wryly.
She joined the others for supper and didn’t see Gustavo again until the end of the evening. Then he came seeking her, seizing her hands in his and holding them tight.
‘Thank you with all my heart,’ he said. ‘I would never have thought of that. However did I manage before you came along? You’ve transformed everything. If only I…’
For some reason he seemed unable to go on.
‘If only what?’
‘If only I’d listened to your advice before,’ he said, in an awkward way that told her it wasn’t what he’d been going to say.
‘It saved Renata’s face, poor little soul,’ she said sympathetically. ‘This way, she’s the one who made the decision.’
‘And that matters?’
‘Oh, yes,’ she said, her mind going back twelve years. ‘You’ve no idea how much it matters.’
He released her hands. ‘I’ll be grateful to you all my life,’ he said. ‘I only wish I knew the way to tell you what you’ve done for me-how much it means.’
She waited, hoping for something more, but it didn’t come. He’d retreated into himself again, and whatever he might have said would remain unspoken.