Forgiven

by Gina Detwiler

  He leans back, saddened. “I wouldn’t have asked you for that.”

  “Ha. That’s what it amounts to, though, doesn’t it? I saw what it did to my mother. I could never put myself through such…horror.”

  “I loved you Lily. I thought you loved me too.”

  “Lily.” She spits out the name. “Lily is dead to us.”

  “What do you mean?” Ralph asks.

  Shannon blows smoke. “She was such a fool. She betrayed us. Refused to get rid of it.”

  It, I realize, was Grace. I look at her and see the shock in her face, the realization that her mother had wanted to abort her. Only Lily had managed to stand up to her—to them.

  “Who’s we?” Ralph asks.

  “We is me. Me is we.” Shannon puffs frantically on her cigarette. The ash breaks off and smolders in her lap. She ignores it.

  “So you mean Lilith? Or are there more of you?”

  “What are you talking about?” she snaps. “You aren’t making any sense.”

  “I want to know to whom I’m speaking.”

  “I want to know to whom I am speaking.” Shannon repeats the words in a mocking sing-song. “Good luck with that.” She smashes her cigarette into her arm. Everyone gasps. Her nostrils flare, her mouth twists, and her eyes blacken. Her head jerks sideways as her face changes, distorted like a cubist painting. Another face appears, beaked and beady-eyed—a bird’s face.

  This is Lilith.

  Melanie and Dr. Lewis rush to her to check her arm. Ralph holds up a hand to stop them.

  “She’s here,” I say.

  “Who’s that?” Shannon’s head swivels toward me, eyes blazing.

  “It’s Jared,” I say. “Lilith…I see you. You can’t hide from me.”

  Although Shannon doesn’t move at all, Lilith comes at me like some deranged fury, scratching and pecking, screeching at me to leave her alone. I have the sensation of claws raking my skin, I can actually see bloody grooves down my arms and across my chest. I am not afraid, only confused and unable to respond. My body feels stiff and unresponsive. I let her rip by flesh to ribbons, doing nothing to stop her.

  Grace starts to sing the AngelSong. Instantly the claws retract and Lilith coils up, sliding back into some corner of Shannon’s consciousness. I look at my arms. There is no blood, only the usual flashes of lightning under my skin where the Light rises to the surface. I let out a breath I’ve been holding for minutes.

  Shannon clutches her arm and moans softly.

  “Get some ice,” Ralph says. Melanie runs out.

  “I think that is quite enough,” Dr. Lewis stands and smooths her skirt. “This…procedure…must stop.”

  “Let’s talk outside, Doctor,” says Ralph. “Jared, you need to come too. Silas, stay with her. Grace, keep playing.” Silas gathers Shannon in his arms. She collapses against him as if she’s in a swoon.

  Ralph ushers Dr. Lewis out of the room. I squeeze Grace’s hand and follow Ralph as Melanie rushes past us with an ice pack and a first aid kit.

  We go to the kitchen and close the door so we won’t be overheard.

  “I see clear evidence of dissociative personality disorder,” says the doctor. “She has hidden this from me. I believe ‘Lily’ has not been allowed out for many years. I must admit that your methods, while unconventional, did reveal something I had been unable to detect. Be that as it may, I cannot allow this to continue. Shannon is a danger to herself and others and needs to be in a secure medical environment. I will recommend her immediate transfer to a facility—”

  “Dr. Lewis, I realize that giving her the cigarette was a mistake,” Ralph says. “We will restrain her from now on, in case the entity chooses to manifest again. I should have taken over—that was my fault. I thought it best, at the moment, to let the conversation with Silas play out.”

  “Entity?” Dr. Lewis rolls her eyes. “The entity is a construct of her own mind—”

  ‘No,” I say. “Lily may be an alternate personality, but Lilith is a demon. I saw her—it.”

  Dr. Lewis takes off her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose. “This is nonsense.”

  “What happened to your open mind?” Ralph asks. “We have barely begun this process. It would be counterproductive to stop now. We merely need to take necessary precautions. Once her burn is dressed, we will begin again.”

  “As her therapist, I must insist you stop this at once.”

  “Dr. Lewis, you are a very learned woman—the best in your field, no doubt. But what you and so many other professionals fail to understand is that humans are not only psychological and physiological beings. They are also spiritual beings. Modern science has chosen to ignore the spiritual, just as the Church chose to ignore the physical and psychological for centuries. Both avenues of thinking are wrong. We are here to address Shannon’s spiritual issues only. We will leave you to deal with the others, something you cannot do as long as these spirits block her true self from you.”

  The doctor opens her mouth to speak but closes it again. Finally, she says, “Very well, but at the first sign of trouble, I will intervene.”

  “Let me tell you, doctor, when there are unclean spirits involved, a sign of trouble means we are finally getting somewhere.”

  Dr. Lewis sighs and puts her glasses back on. “I want it on record that I was strongly against this proceeding.”

  “Understood.”

  “And I would like to administer a sedative—”

  “No, we can’t do that. We need her to be as clear-headed as possible.”

  She agrees reluctantly and we return to the sunroom.

  Silas holds the ice pack over Shannon’s wound as she rests her head on the back of the chaise, eyes closed, humming tunelessly. Melanie stands by with a bandage and ointment. Grace sits at the piano, playing a single note at a time, her head down so I can’t see her face. I sit beside her and put my hand on her back.

  “I saw what she did to you,” she whispers. “She attacked you.”

  “You saw that?”

  “That’s why I sang.”

  “I wondered.” I study her profile. “Are you okay?”

  “I just heard my mother wanted to abort me. How do you think I feel?”

  “You can’t listen to that. It’s the demon talking.”

  “That doesn’t make it untrue.”

  “Even if it is true she considered it, remember that in the end she didn’t.”

  Grace nods and lets out a long breath. “Okay.”

  Silas puts the ointment and a bandage on Shannon’s arm. Ralph whispers something to Melanie and she hurries out of the room again. Ralph opens his Bible and reads some passages from Psalms. Grace starts to play a hymn. I keep my hand on her back as if I am holding her up.

  Melanie returns with two long scarves. Ralph takes them and gives them to Silas, who uses them to tie Shannon’s wrists to the arms of the chaise with infinite care. She rouses at his touch and watches what he does with amusement.

  “You want to play?” She giggles like a little girl.

  Silas averts his eyes, embarrassed. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself again.”

  “Oh, is that all?” She sighs, disappointed.

  “Shannon, do you understand why we are here?” Ralph’s voice is not as gentle as it was before.

  She gives him a sideways look and yawns. “You think I’m crazy. So does Harry.” I see movie star Shannon now in all her shimmering theatricality.

  “You aren’t crazy. You are under the control of a very powerful demon. It calls itself Lilith. Do you know who I am talking about?”

  Shannon starts to laugh. “You’re one of those nutty Jesus freaks, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” Ralph says. “Do you know who Lilith is?”

  “You must have me confused with someone who cares. Why am I tied up? I need a cigarette.” Her legs bounce against the chaise lounge. She draws her knees up and straightens them again as she tugs on the restraints. “Give me a cigarette.”


  “No,” Ralph says. “Not unless you talk to us.”

  “Fine, fine. What do you want to talk about?”

  “Do you believe in God?”

  “God?” She raises one eyebrow. “I am God. We are all God.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “I forget his name. Egbert something or other.”

  “A spiritual teacher?”

  “A god. I was the goddess. They worshiped me. All of them.”

  “Who are they?”

  “They.” Confusion clouds Shannon’s face.

  “Tell me about your father,” Ralph takes an abrupt change of direction.

  “My father?”

  “You said he was a doctor.”

  “Yes.” Shannon continues to bend and unbend her legs.

  “Was he…your doctor?”

  Shannon’s legs freeze, then slowly straighten. She smiles slowly, and I see glimpses of the bird face again as Lilith awakens.

  “Yes…” Her gaze darts around and her head starts to twitch. “There’s nothing wrong with that, you know. It happens all the time.”

  “What was your father’s name?”

  Shannon hesitates, like she can’t remember. “Sova. Peter Sova.”

  Ralph leans over and whispers something to Melanie, who starts typing on her phone.

  “So, your real name is Lily Sova,” Ralph says.

  “My name is Shannon Snow.”

  “Shannon Snow is not your real name. Not the name you were born with.”

  “I was never born. I told you. I’m a god.”

  Lilith doesn’t like that Shannon has revealed her real name. She’s moved in to block the conversation. Ralph knows it. He stands. “Okay, fine, if that’s how you want it.”

  “What, you’re quitting? Already?” Shannon seems alarmed.

  “You cannot continue until you are ready to tell us the truth. We will give you some time to think about it.”

  She sighs dramatically. “Fine.”

  “Can I get you something to eat? Drink?”

  “How about a whiskey? Make it a double.”

  “Water or tea.”

  “You’re no fun.”

  15: Unstoppable

  Grace

  I need a break.

  Ralph tells Silas to stay with Shannon and the rest of us go to the kitchen for a conference. I grab a cup of coffee from the machine and load it with sugar and cream. My hands tremble as I stir the coffee. Jared touches my shoulder. I look at him and his smile reassures me.

  I try to think of some reason why I can’t continue with this. I don’t want to even be in the same room with my mother. My chest tightens so it’s hard to breathe.

  “I’ve got you, Grace.”

  I glance up at Jared. He knows what I’m thinking. Funny how he said the very same words Ariel spoke to me when he saved me from the fire.

  Melanie wiggles her phone. “Peter Sova,” she says. “I found a newspaper report about him in the Philadelphia Inquirer from the early nineties. He was accused of molesting several of his pediatric patients but he settled out of court, voluntarily gave up his license and moved to Wisconsin.”

  “Are we sure it is the same man?” Dr. Lewis asks.

  “It seems so.”

  “What happened to the wife and child?” Ralph asks.

  “This article doesn’t say.”

  “I’ll have Ripley follow up. Do you have a phone?”

  “You can use mine.” Melanie holds out her phone.

  “No, thanks. I never touch them. Is there a house phone?”

  “In the butler’s pantry.” Melanie turns to me after he leaves. “He never touches phones? Is he like…Amish or something?”

  “He doesn’t like cell phones. It’s a thing with him.” I grab an apple from the bowl on the center of the island and bite into it, making a loud crunching noise. Everyone looks at me.

  “Sorry.” I shrug. How do they expect me to eat an apple quietly?

  Dr. Lewis sighs and goes to the coffee pot to pour a cup. Carla appears with a plate of muffins and I grab one. I feel the need to stay busy, to keep my mind off my mother’s words. Eating seems to be my only option.

  Dr. Lewis cradles her coffee as she approaches us, her gaze on Jared. “You said earlier that you saw this demonic spirit.” Her voice is carefully neutral. “Tell me—what did it look like?”

  Jared glances at me before answering. “Kind of like…a bird. A big bird. With a thick beak and long talons.”

  Her eyes narrow. “An owl, perhaps?”

  “Yes, it could be.”

  “How…curious.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the name Sova is Russian for owl.”

  “Whoa,” says Melanie. “Freaky.”

  “Lilith is usually portrayed as a screech owl,” Jared says.

  Dr. Lewis’s eyebrows rise above the rim of her glasses. “A night hunter.”

  “No wonder Shannon’s up all night,” I murmur. No one else speaks.

  Ralph returns. “Ripley will check into Peter Sova and his family and get back to us as soon as he can. Well, where were we? Okay, next steps. We will talk to Shannon some more and see what else she can tell us about her relationship with her parents. This will be helpful in learning her pathology as well as the nature of her possession.”

  “Nature of her possession?” Dr. Lewis raises an eyebrow.

  “How complete it is. There are different degrees, as in stages of diseases. Since this demon has been with her a long time, I would say the stage is very advanced. But we need to know for sure.”

  Dr. Lewis nods thoughtfully.

  I toss the apple core and the remainder of the muffin in the trash as we head back into the sunroom. My stomach, at least, feels more settled. But then I see Silas cradling Shannon’s head on his shoulder and it starts to churn again. I turn away quickly and go to the piano.

  Ralph restarts the interview. He probes deeply into Shannon’s childhood, urging her to tell us more about her father. But she continues to speak of how much she loved him and wanted to please him. On the other hand, she seemed to despise her mother. She admired strength, even if it was abusive strength, and she hated weakness.

  I bristle when she starts to talk about her pregnancy—how it made her feel fat and ashamed and how she wanted to get rid of that ‘thing’ inside of her. She was barely nineteen when she had me.

  “Did you try to get an abortion?” Ralph asks.

  “Of course I did. Every time I went to the clinic, something happened. Once, I got horribly sick and threw up all over, so they told me to go home until I felt better. I was sick for weeks, and it wasn’t morning sickness. It was all day sickness. Then I tried to go back another time but there was a thunderstorm and the clinic lost power and shut down. When I went back the next day, the sonogram machine wasn’t working—it had been zapped in the storm and they had to wait for a repairman which they said would take days. It was one thing after another.”

  Ralph glances at me and smiles. “Perhaps God was protecting your child,” he says.

  Shannon doesn’t hear him. “After that, it was too late. That’s when Vinny took me to Paris.”

  “You didn’t go back home?”

  “My father refused to take me back. He was still angry at me for leaving him. And for getting pregnant. He felt…betrayed.”

  “That must have been very hard for you.”

  She shrugs. “I learned. Never allow anyone to leave you. Always leave first.”

  I glance at Silas, who closes his eyes.

  The conversation continues in a desultory fashion. Shannon often goes off on tangents about her movies or things she remembers from living in France. Her love of vampires, which isn’t surprising. She’d had an obsession with vampires since she’d read the Anne Rice novels and had hoped, in going to France, to find the vampire Lestat. She watched the Tom Cruise movie a hundred times and seemed to think there were actual vampires in France. When the Hollywood studio called her back
to play Katrina Kross, Vampire Killer, she thought it was her destiny.

  “So you went from loving vampires to killing them,” Ralph says.

  “You don’t understand. In the vampire world, those two things are the same. Love and Death. All the same.”

  After a while, she starts to yawn and says she’s very tired and wants to take a nap. With Ralph’s consent, Silas unties her scarves and helps her to her feet. She leans heavily on him as he leads her out of the room.

  The rest of us go into the kitchen and grab sandwiches from a platter Carla set out.

  “We’ll give her a couple hours to rest,” Ralph says. “You should all rest as well. Once we begin again, it will be harder, as we will need to call the spirit out. There will be a lot of opposition. We will meet for prayer before she returns to us.”

  Jared and I take our food outside to the lounge chairs by the pool. I wolf the sandwich down and guzzle a glass of iced tea.

  “I’m exhausted,” I say. “And I didn’t even do anything.”

  “Lilith didn’t come out at all this last time,” he says. “Shannon sounded normal. Rational even.”

  “Lilith’s biding her time.” I switch to a Wicked Witch voice. “But just try to stay out of my way, just try! I’ll get you, my pretty! And your little dog too!” I cackle and reach over to poke him in the ribs. He pushes my hand away.

  “Not funny.”

  “Sorry.” He’s really on edge. “What has you so wound up?”

  “I don’t know. Just…something. This house. Shannon. Everything.”

  “Is that all?” I try to make my voice light and breezy, but he’s starting to scare me too. “Is Ariel here?”

  “I haven’t seen him.”

  “Me neither. Not in a while. It’s not like it used to be. Maybe he has someone else to watch over.”

  He glances at me and the corner of his mouth tilts up slightly. “I’m sure he’s still watching. They’re all watching.”

  “Who? The angels?”

  “And the demons.”

  “Awesome.” I pick my phone up. Having a real iPhone is still a new experience, and I already have an unhealthy attachment to it. Plus, I need to get away from this place. Nothing like a smart phone to help with avoidance issues.