Gift of the Gods (Magic Blessed Academy Book 1)

by Eva Ashwood

  It had made me feel… vulnerable.

  So I’d shut him out. I’d basically ghosted him, too scared of my feelings to even admit to him why I couldn’t continue our relationship. Maybe I’d been afraid that if I opened up and explained my feelings to him, I wouldn’t have the strength to actually push him away afterward.

  “Merrick,” I said slowly, putting the pack down carefully and lifting my chin, meeting his gaze head on. “I shouldn’t have ended things the way I did.”

  “Oh, you mean by not ending them? By flipping a switch and cutting me out of your life without a single word?”

  His words came out as if by rote, following the familiar pattern we’d established during the first several weeks of the semester of slinging barbs at each other as we rehashed the history between us. But the tone was different, the sharp edge gone. Then he surprised me by sighing and shaking his head.

  “I’m sorry. That’s not fair. You did tell me the night you brought me home after your fight that you didn’t do relationships. You told me exactly what it was.” He shook his head, amber eyes gleaming in the firelight. “But after that night—that incredible night—the fact that it didn’t end, that we kept seeing each other, made me think it could become more. I wanted it to be more.”

  “I know,” I said, my voice practically trembling from the effort of speaking. Gods, I really am a coward. Why is this so fucking terrifying? “I—I wanted more too. That’s why I broke my ‘one night only’ with you. Repeatedly. I wanted you around all the time. I craved being with you. But then I… chickened out. It felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, and if I took one more step with you, one more step toward you, I’d fall. So I turned and ran instead.”

  His gaze was still locked on mine, and there was something new in his eyes now. Something I hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since our time together in Boston.

  Openness.

  It was like he’d opened the windows to his soul and was letting me see directly inside.

  To be honest, there was a part of me that wanted to do exactly what I’d done the first time—run for the fucking hills. But I was done running. I was tired of it. I hadn’t run from any of the challenges I had to overcome in this insane, deadly realm.

  So why would I run from a man who was looking at me like he wanted to worship me? To protect me? To devour me?

  “Ari,” he murmured roughly, reaching up to trace his knuckles along the line of my jaw. My whole body reacted to his touch, nerve endings flaring to life as goosebumps prickled over my skin and my breath hitched.

  Fuck. I hadn’t been touched like this in a long time. Too long.

  To an outside observer, it may seem like nothing. Just a small, barely there touch. But the feel of Merrick’s fingers brushing against my jaw was one of the most arousing things I’d ever experienced.

  Vaguely, I remembered that he’d said my name, and it had sounded like he planned to follow it up with something. We’d both gotten distracted as soon as our bodies had come into contact.

  Leaning into his touch a little, I licked my lips. “Yeah?”

  The light in his eyes gleamed brighter, as if the flame was no longer being reflected from the outside, but was burning on the inside. As if he was burning for me.

  “I had never met anyone like you,” he said softly, his hand sliding down to grip my chin gently. “I almost didn’t go to the fight that night. It didn’t seem like my kind of thing, and I was tempted to just blow it off and let my friends go without me. But I’m so glad I was there. As soon as I saw you, I knew.”

  My heart seemed to beat slower and faster at the same time as I leaned closer to him.

  “Knew what?”

  “That you would change my life.”

  The look in his eyes was so intense, the emotions radiating from him so raw and powerful, that a twinge of fear, of the old Aria, rose to the surface.

  “Yeah, for the worse.” I huffed a soft laugh, wrenching my gaze away from his as I moved to pull away.

  But this time, he didn’t let me. He moved with me, and before I could reassemble all my shields and walls, he leaned in and kissed me.

  My body stiffened for a half-second, and then my lips pressed against his, my body responding to his kiss like it’d been waiting for this moment ever since the last time all those months ago.

  Our mouths moved together, rediscovering each other, and Merrick didn’t even pull away to speak again, whispering his words against my lips instead.

  “For the better, Ari. Always for the better.”

  Godsdammit. How did he always know what to say?

  I pressed my lips to his again, stopping him from saying any more words that would crack my heart open even as I poured everything I was feeling into our kiss.

  It was both heated and tender at the same time, and it made me feel like I was spinning, whirling through space—or maybe it was the world that was spinning around us.

  I had missed this man. I had missed allowing myself to care about him.

  “Perimeter’s pretty secure. I only found one other entry point, along the far wall back th—”

  Lachlan’s loud voice broke off suddenly. I heard a low noise from over where Trace had been resting, then a scuffling sound as he stood up.

  “What the…?” His voice was rough with sleep, but the surprise in his tone was obvious.

  Ah, fuck.

  Busted.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Despite the interruption, Merrick didn’t seem all that inclined to stop kissing me. Hell, maybe he was worried that if he stopped now, he’d open his eyes just in time to see me running for the cave entrance, fire water be damned.

  But a sudden embarrassment flooded me, and I pushed against his chest, breaking the contact between us and pulling back.

  Heat burned in his honey-colored eyes, and he licked his lips as if he could still taste me on them.

  I felt myself being drawn into his gaze, my body still trying to lean toward his, but I cleared my throat and shoved to my feet, glancing over at Lachlan.

  The large Irishman was blinking slowly, his focus shifting from me to Merrick and back again. He looked surprised, disappointed… and almost hurt.

  Against my will, I looked over at Trace, unable to resist the need to see his reaction too.

  He wore his feelings even more openly than Lachlan did. He had risen to his feet, and he looked straight-up jealous, like he was considering walking over and kicking Merrick’s ass.

  Oh, fuck.

  A sudden barrage of memories flooded my mind—flashes of all the moments, large and small, I had shared with each of the men. Without meaning to, over the past several weeks, I had grown closer and closer to all of them. My walls had started to come down, and I’d gotten to see so much more of them than the cocky exteriors they showed the world.

  I’d started to develop feelings for each of them.

  And now I’d just kissed Merrick in front of them.

  Well, I guess it wasn’t enough that we’re up against fucking fire dragons, killer butterflies, and giant spiders. Why not throw in some super awkward sexual tension into the mix while we’re at it?

  The thought would’ve made me laugh if I hadn’t been struck by the sudden fear that this was about to splinter our makeshift team into pieces.

  Already, I could see Lachlan and Trace regarding Merrick with stony faces. And I couldn’t look any of them in the eye. I had no idea how to explain what I was feeling, and I hated that by kissing Merrick, I seemed to have closed a door on the developing feelings between me and the other two.

  That’s fucking bullshit. That’s not what I wanted.

  It was hard to regret the kiss I’d shared with Merrick when my body was still flushed with heat from it, my heart still beating harder in my chest from his words.

  But the fallout? Oh yeah, I was regretting that already.

  Silence hung between the four of us, and none of the guys seemed like they were in any hurry to break it. They wer
e staring at each other like gunslingers in the Wild West having a standoff, and if the heavy tension lasted any longer, I was positive I was going to explode.

  So I reverted to my usual coping mechanism.

  Avoidance.

  Choosing to ignore the elephant in the room, I brushed my hands off on my pants and reached down to grab the rations Merrick and I had removed from the pack, holding them up and waggling them.

  “We got dinner ready.” I glanced at Lachlan, keeping my voice airy and bright. “You said the perimeter is secure?”

  “Uh. Yeah…” He shook his head as if to clear it, his gaze still shifting back and forth from Merrick to me. “There’s only one other way into this place besides the entrance we came through. So it’s not entirely secure, but better than what we’ve faced out there in the jungle.”

  “Great.” I stepped past him toward where Trace stood a few yards from the lake’s edge. “Let’s eat then.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  I heard Lachlan’s disgruntled murmur behind me, and a moment later, he and Merrick came up to join me and Trace, watching each other like two predators approaching a watering hole.

  Good gods. Men.

  All four of us settled into a rough circle, using medium-sized rocks as seats. We sat near enough to the lake of fire to feel its warmth, but not so close that the air we breathed seemed burnt.

  The stifling silence fell again as I distributed the rations, and when I handed Trace his, his fingers tangled with mine briefly, the contact between us sending a surprising jolt of heat through me. My gaze flew to his in shock, and what I saw in his eyes unnerved me more than the sensation had.

  It was something soft, almost… pleading.

  Like he was asking me without words to choose him.

  Truthfully, I shouldn’t be choosing any of these guys. Getting attached to them was dangerous. We had agreed to partner up until we reached the end of the challenge, but that put a specific end date on our time together. Everything felt weird and heightened out here, where threats lurked around every corner and we had all saved each other’s lives more than once.

  Of course I felt close to each of them here. Of course I’d developed feelings for them.

  Of course they thought they had feelings for me.

  But was any of it real?

  Drawing my hand away from Trace’s as if I’d accidentally stuck it in the lake of fire, I shuffled backward to find my seat between Lachlan and Merrick.

  I swore my rations tasted extra dry and stale—or maybe it was just because my mouth seemed to have gone completely dry. My gaze kept shifting around the circle to each of the men, and every time I locked eyes with one of them, the heat hovering around us seemed to grow.

  “Ye know…” Lachlan drawled, dusting off his hands once he’d finished his meal. “This whole partnership thing is great and everything, but once we reach the gem, all bets are off. I’m going for it, even if I have to knock you fools into the fiery pits of hell. I won’t feel a bit bad about it.”

  The two other men turned to look at him, their eyes narrowing. Merrick took a swig from the water bottle to wash down his last bite, then passed it to Trace as he spoke.

  “Of course. That was the agreement. We’ll each go after the gem with everything we have.” He shrugged lightly. “Although some of us may have a bit more of an advantage than others.”

  “Yeah, well maybe that’s because some of us started going after the gem early, which was not what we agreed upon,” Trace grumbled, shooting Merrick a glare as he passed the water bottle along to me.

  I took it, but I was so distracted that I just held it poised near my mouth, my lips slightly parted, frozen in mid-motion as I watched the three men around me bristle at each other.

  “I won’t apologize for wanting the gem,” Merrick shot back evenly, determination in his voice. “And I won’t apologize for doing everything I can to get it. I would think you two might be happy for me.”

  “We might,” Lachlan growled. “If ye hadn’t spent weeks at the beginnin’ of the semester talkin’ about how much ye didn’t want the damn thing. Trying to turn us against it. But now that we know how perfect it is, can ye blame us for wantin’ it too?”

  Merrick’s face flushed, and his gaze slid to me before he rounded on Lachlan, his jaw clenching. “I was hurt. And I was angry. I was trying to convince myself I didn’t want this.” His voice softened. “But that was never possible. It may be the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted.”

  “Then you should’ve fucking told us that before you let us get attached!” Trace said with a scowl. “We’ve both spent the past month thinking the gem is fair game, when all along, you’ve already claimed it for yourself.”

  Ooookay.

  “Guys! Guys!” I stood up, still holding the water bottle in my hand as I threw my arms out in a wide gesture. “The ‘gem’ is right here, and she doesn’t exactly love being referred to as ‘it.’”

  The men had all been slowly leaning toward each other, as if each of them were preparing to launch an attack on the other two, but now they froze, tilting their heads to look up at me. Chagrin warred with anger in their expressions.

  I raised my eyebrows. “I mean, you are talking about me, aren’t you? Your secret code isn’t exactly hard to decipher.”

  There was a moment of silence, and I honestly started to wonder if they had thought their code was totally uncrackable.

  Then Trace shook his head. “We just didn’t know, Snow. That’s all. I mean, we knew about you and Merrick from before, but not that it was still a thing. At least, I didn’t.”

  He shot a suspicious glare at Lachlan, and the big man raised his hands. “I didn’t fuckin’ know either! If I had, I would’ve told you.”

  Lach turned to cast an accusatory scowl at Merrick, who was shooting daggers out of his eyes toward Trace.

  I scrubbed my free hand over my face, torn between amusement, lingering desire, and confusion. It wasn’t like I had a problem attracting guys, but I’d never been pursued by three men at once. Especially not three men I actually cared about.

  And when I added in the fact that I wasn’t sure I could even trust their feelings, or my own, it left me clueless about how to proceed.

  But letting these three friends rip each other’s heads off, particularly when we still had an unknown number of deadly challenges ahead of us before we reached the end, seemed like a horrible idea.

  “Listen. You’re not going to get anywhere fighting over… the gem.” I rolled my eyes as I went along with their lame metaphor. But honestly, I wasn’t great at talking about this kind of stuff, so using the thinly veiled reference actually kind of helped.

  Trace shook his head. “No offense, Snow, but I know what I want. And I fight for what I want. If you don’t want me, that’s one thing. But if you tell me there’s even a chance…” His blue eyes gleamed in the firelight as he shifted his gaze to me, the same intent look on his face as earlier. “Then, yeah, I’ll fight.”

  Fuck. I guess we’re not hiding behind the gem metaphor anymore.

  The other two men turned to look at me too, and I suddenly felt like a billion-watt spotlight was trained on my face. I was positive my cheeks were flushed, and I could feel my breath coming a little faster. I wasn’t exactly the type to get nervous, but this was an entirely new situation for me, and I had no idea how to handle it.

  Especially because I had no answer to give them.

  What do you tell three men who are looking at you like they want to devour you? Like they want to snatch you up and make you theirs?

  Like they want you to choose?

  Well, if they were waiting on me to do that, we’d be here for a long fucking time. My heart, mind, and body all seemed to be sending me conflicting suggestions, leaving my thoughts a tangled up mess. There was only one thing I was sure of without a doubt.

  I shook my head adamantly. “No. I’m serious. No fighting.”

  Lachlan shook his head, his expression d
ark. “Sweetheart, that’s not—”

  “No fighting.” I glared down at each of them. “We got this far because we stuck together. Because we had each other’s backs. I’m not letting this entire group splinter because each of you wants to bang me and you can’t figure out what to do about it.”

  Gesturing at the cave around us, I let out a low, harsh laugh.

  “For fuck’s sake. Look at this place. We only made it here because we each contributed to the effort. Merrick, you saved Trace’s life today, and I’m so damn glad you did. But I can’t let you save his life one minute and then turn around and challenge him to a duel or whatever the next. That’s not how this works.”

  Merrick’s gaze flicked to Trace, and I saw his expression soften as he remembered how close to dying his friend had come today. As he remembered that the man before him was one of his best friends.

  His head dipped in a small nod. “You’re right.”

  The other two men seemed to have gone through a similar thought process, because their shoulders relaxed slightly, and the angry tension hovering in the air lessened.

  I let out a soft breath. “Good. I mean, you guys are all big boys. You can learn how to share your toys, right?”

  The second the words left my mouth, tension crackled through the air again. Only this was an entirely different kind of tension than the angry jealousy that’d filled the space around us before.

  This was shock, arousal, and… interest.

  “Share?” Merrick murmured, rolling the word around on his tongue as if tasting it. His gaze tracked over my face, heat burning in his eyes. “Is that what you want, Ari? You don’t want us to fight over you?”

  “Ye’d rather we shared ye instead?”

  Lachlan asked, his voice a little strained. I couldn’t quite tell if it was because he loved the idea or hated it, but when I shifted my gaze to him, the expression on his face definitely wasn’t one of disgust.

  “Holy fuck.”

  That was Trace’s deep contribution to this conversation, but honestly, it pretty much summed the whole thing up. Everything I was feeling right now could best be expressed by those two little words.