Death, Deceit & Some Smooth Jazz

by Claudia Mair Burney

  “Anahita’s body butter.”

  “I missed your scent.”

  “Jazzy——”

  “I just want to be honest with you tonight. I don’t know what the morning is going to bring.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Whatwould tomorrow bring? For that matter, what would the night bring if the two of us stood in my bedroom feeling nostalgic, not to mention vulnerable. “Let’s go back into the living room and finish talking,” I said.

  “You’re not nervous about being in a bedroom together, are you?”

  “I’d rather talk in theliving room. ”

  He licked his lips and grinned, probably another nervous gesture, but I found it deliciously sexy. “Do you think I’d try to seduce you at a time like this?”

  I can tell this is going to be a challenge.

  “I think that both of us are highly emotional. Shall we go now?”

  He moved toward me, his hand touching the small of my back to guide me to the couch. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I just missed you. That’s all.” Between his tender touch, his warm breath at my ear, and the hug Ma Brown’s quilt was giving me, I could have curled in to him and had a blissful nap.

  He took a deep breath when we made it to the couch, and as I eased into the cushions, he offered, “Things got out of hand tonight.”

  I guess they did, if he ended up killing a woman. A chill crept up my spine. “Tell me everything that happened.” I tried to sound as if I weren’t shocked and that whatever he said would be heard without judgment.

  “I called Kate a few days ago and asked her if we could meet at a restaurant.”

  No more thoughts of blissful sleep. Jazz plopped down beside me on the sofa. I tried to act like I didn’t care that he wanted to take hiswife to dinner and hadn’t thought to take me in a month. “Why?”

  “To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and Rocky.”

  “Me and Rocky?”

  “I had all kinds of visions of your nuptials, and there I was in love purgatory.” He propped my feet on my coffee table and massaged them. Yum.

  “That’s silly. Rocky and I are nothing more than friends,” I said, enjoying the attention he was giving my tootsies.

  “Goodfriends. You know Rocky would marry you in a heartbeat if you gave him the chance.”

  “But I didn’t. That’s why we’re only friends.”

  “Bell, I started praying.”

  Usually, I like it when people pray, but…“And then you called yourwife ?”

  “She’s not…Shewas my ex-wife.”

  I felt badly about what I’d implied in my jealousy; the poor young woman was on a slab in the morgue. “I’m sorry. Please go on.”

  “It got harder and harder to believe it was so wrong for you and me to be together. I respected you, Bell, as much as I could. I only tried to kiss you once——and got busted by my mom——not that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy the kisses you gave me.” He smiled shyly. “I tried to treat you like a sister in Christ, but God knows my feelings for you were far from sisterly. I didn’t want to sin. I was scared.”

  “Scared of God?”

  “Scared of the train wreck that could happen if we didn’t do things right. Blame my mother. All that Church of God in Christ holiness teaching.”

  “Can you fast-forward to the murder?”

  “I didn’t murder anyone.”Blam! He erected a wall between us that was almost palpable.

  I paused, chastising myself for the foolish accusation that had flown out of my mouth. I’d have to do some business with God about my impatience. I hoped I could mount the wall and get him talking again. “I’m sorry, Jazz. Why did you want to meet with Kate?”

  He didn’t say anything. Now he avoided my eyes. A minute passed. I thought a bit of disclosure would help my cause. “I’m nervous. You have to admit it looks bad.”

  He nodded but didn’t offer anything. We both sat back. I thought perhaps the conversation was over. My mind returned to the crime scene. I thought of the evidence I’d seen. I couldn’t shake the thought that nothing that I knew of him, other than the scratches on his face, pointed to him being a murderer.

  “I want to believe you,” I said.

  He looked at me. I prayed that it was hope I saw light his eyes. He exhaled, and words tumbled out of his mouth. “Bell, I know it’s stupid now, but I wanted to make sure she was okay. I’d made up my mind.”

  “About what?”

  “About moving on. I was done being tied to her.” He folded his arms across his chest.

  “Tell me more about that.” Ack! Therapist-speak. I couldn’t control it sometimes.

  “She knew my convictions. She knew I’d always feel bound to her, and she used it against me.” He looked into my eyes. His begged for understanding.

  I nodded to let him know I was still with him.

  “When we first divorced, she’d come to me when she was mad at Christine, her partner, and we’d end up——” He put his head down, waited a beat, and gazed back up at me. Whether to determine if I’d be disappointed or what, I didn’t know. “We’d end up in bed. I know it was wrong, but she could be very seductive.”

  It hurt me, an irrational response. He hadn’t even known me at the time. I knew I shouldn’t be taking it personally. As a therapist, I’d known scores of divorced couples who’d done the same——some even after one or both of them had remarried. Still, it made my heart sink to think he’d done it, too.

  He slowly unfolded his arms, literally opening up to me. “It was during the months right after the divorce. It wasn’t a good time for me, and it hasn’t happened in three years, no thanks to Kate.”

  I nodded, afraid of what my heart would let fly out of my mouth if I spoke.

  “Even after I stopped being with her intimately, she would come to me a few times a year and tell me she wanted to get back together. She said she was confused about her sexuality. Sometimes I think she only got together with Chris because I didn’t give her enough attention. I felt guilty about that, like I forced my wife to become a lesbian, but Bell, I didn’t want her back.” His left leg shook. I assumed he was letting out some of the thick tension trapped in his body. “She wasn’t the love of my life. I didn’t even like her most of the time.”

  “Why did you marry her in the first place?”

  “I told you, it was complicated. I’m ashamed to say she was supposed to be just a one-night stand.” At this he turned his head away. “I’m not proud of how I tried to use her.” He searched my eyes again, like he wanted my forgiveness. “I asked God to forgive me a long time ago, and I’ve suffered consequences you know nothing about, and I hope I never have to tell you. I’m not the man I was four years ago. I fooled around with her, and things happened that I didn’t anticipate.”

  “What do you mean, Jazz? This is all vague to me. I thought you were going to be honest tonight——that whole thing about not knowing what tomorrow will bring.”

  “I am being honest. I married her because under the circumstances, I felt like it was the right thing to do.”

  I set down the mug of tea. “What were the circumstances? Are you saying you married her because you had sex with her?”

  He shook his head and slouched into the couch, looking boyish and sullen. “It was time to slow my roll. I wasn’t an angel, and my lifestyle finally caught up with me.”

  “Just because you thought it was time for you to settle down still doesn’t explain why you marriedher. You could have had your pick of women.”

  “I’m afraid that’s a misperception. I can’t have my pick.”

  “Sure you can. You’re gorgeous.”

  “Then why’d you let me go?”

  I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to get into how letting him go was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. “Let’s get back to why you married Kate.”

  “What difference does it make? It was only a month before she started cheating. With my female partner! And Christine wasn’t the onl
y one.”

  I thought of the crime scene screaming to me that a man she’d been involved with had killed her. “Could the other person she was seeing have been a man?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Could it have been a man?”

  “I don’t know. All I know is that she went back and forth between men and women, but she lived with Christine for most of the years since I put her out, so I figured she was mostly a lesbian.” He stared at his hands. “Kate was hard to figure out. By our second month of marriage we were pretty much finished, and by the third, I was giving a lawyer a good portion of my income.” Despite expressing his desire to move on, he clearly still felt guilty. I hoped it was guilt about his failed marriage, as opposed to another kind of guilt.

  I knew Jazz well enough to know he wasn’t going to tell me tonight why he had married Kate. There could be only a few options. I didn’t want to think of any of them.

  I took a sip of my not so hot tea and set the mug back on the tray. I repeated, “Let’s fast-forward. You wanted to tell her you were moving on. What, exactly, did you mean by that?”

  “I was coming back for you, Bell. I was obsessed with the thought that you would marry Rocky.”

  “I told you, nothing is going on between me and Rocky.”

  “He wants you.”

  “What makes you think so?”

  “I’m a man. I’ve seen how he looks at you. He told me to my face that he was still in love with you. To myface !”

  “That doesn’t mean he and I are anything more than friends.” I stared into his eyes. “So, you invited her to your house?”

  “I offered to take her to dinner. I wanted to meet her at a public place.”

  “How did she end up in your loft?”

  “She just showed up. We were supposed to meet tomorrow evening.”

  “She showed up, and then what?”

  His posture changed. He rounded his shoulders as if he carried a heavy load.

  Of guilt?

  “I told her I wished her well and that I was going to…”

  I leaned back into the cushions, slightly away from him. “You were going to what?”

  “I told her some things about you, and she went ballistic.”

  Man, what do I have to do to coax information out of you?

  “What did you tell her about me? Can you be a little more specific?”

  He shook his head. “Always the therapist, huh?”

  Why not? When I was Dr. Amanda Brown, I wasn’t vulnerable Bell. But even if my defenses weren’t up like the price of Italian shoes at my mother’s boutique, I still burned to know his intentions. “What about me?”

  “Is that a bit of narcissism I detect?”

  “Will you stop it? I want to know what happened.”

  “I told her that I love you.”

  My heart soared to the heavens, then plunged back to earth, beating wildly. I couldn’t decide if I was more excited or frightened, but for the moment I thought I’d better leave that comment alone. “What happened next, Jazz?”

  “I just said I love you.”

  “I heard you.”

  Jazz’s body armor went back up. Arms across his chest. Long legs stretched out and predictably crossed at the ankles. He leaned toward the armrest of my sofa, effectively distancing himself from me. For a few moments neither of us spoke.

  I knew two things: I’d have to break through his defenses, and he’d resist me if I did so as a psychologist. I’d totally have to use my feminine wiles. I had only one or two, and they were full of dust, but I’d use them to keep him talking.

  I moved my legs over so that my knees touched his thigh. He tried not to respond, but the tiny beginnings of a smile at the corners of his mouth betrayed him. I upped the ante and rested my palm on his knee.

  God help us both.

  His gaze flicked over me. “Kate tried the old seduction ritual.” He removed my hand to let me know he was on to me.

  I could feel my “Kate” jealousy rising inside me, but I couldn’t stop it. “She got to you?”

  “Just because she’s good at it doesn’t mean I wanted her.You get to me, Bell, without even trying, but when you do try, like you just did when you touched my knee…”

  My stomach did a somersault. I grabbed my mug and took a heaping gulp of tea, then practically broke the mug slamming it too hard onto the tray. More attitude slipped out of my mouth: “Is that when she lit the candles and did a little striptease for you?”

  Jazz shook his head, probably annoyed with me. “She tried a little verbal persuasion. When I didn’t go for it, she started cursing and screaming. She lunged at me and got my face.”

  I didn’t want to hear any more, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop him.

  He clenched and unclenched his fist at the memory. “It stunned me, ’cause she got a whole lotta Jazz underneath her fingernails. She came after me again. As a reflex, I grabbed her.” He fidgeted, shaking one ankle, but he looked right at me and kept talking. Whatever lurked below the surface in him was about to shake itself free. “She kept trying to fight me, and I got more and more ticked off.”

  I expected an explosion, but his nervous energy stalled like the eye of a storm. A solemn look shadowed his face.

  Here it comes.

  “I pushed her away from me——hard——and she fell on the ground.”

  I held my breath and scanned his hands. No scratches. I thought about Kate’s defensive wounds. She wouldn’t have done that kind of damage to her fingernails by just scratching his face. She had clawed at whoever killed her.Why doesn’t he have scratches on his hands?

  Jazz gritted his teeth. “I have never hurt a woman in my life, but…”

  He’s going to say he choked her. I was wrong. I got him all wrong, and he’s about to confess.

  My blood turned to ice water. “But what?”

  Again he stared at his hands——hands with no scratches. He clenched his fists. His face turned stony.

  My voice turned to a whisper. “What did you do wrong?”

  I closed my eyes and waited for what felt like judgment to fall.

  chapter four

  ISHOVED HER.Hard.” He looked away. “I pushed her,” he said quietly, his voice full of shame.

  I stared at him. “What else?”

  His head jerked up, eyes wide. “That was it. I know it was wrong. I have no excuse. I should have just walked away.”

  “All you did was push her down?” I demanded to know, cuttin’ my eyes and rockin’ my head.

  He stiffened, knowing he would have to stand down. Brothas hate it when you go unadulterated sistah girl on them. “Isn’t that bad enough?” He twisted his mouth into a frown. “Give me a break. You know I don’t lose it like that, not even with violent women. Like you.”

  I ignored that last dig. Had to. Or we’d get all messed up, going in the wrong direction. “Jazz, if all you did was push her——” My mind swirled with bits and pieces that didn’t make sense.

  “I felt like doing more than that. While she was on the floor, that hellcat started kicking me with her stilettos. I grabbed my keys, stepped over her, and left. I felt stupid for letting her in. Then I felt bad. I wanted——no, needed——to see you. So I came straight here.”

  He hadn’t even grabbed his coat.But to escape the wildcat or in fear of getting caught? “Why did you leave her alone atyour place?”

  “What was I supposed to do? Drag her out by her heels? Call my colleagues at the station on her and be ridiculed for weeks? I knew I never should have let her in, but when things escalated, I figured if I left, she’d cool off and go, even if she did a little property damage first.”

  “What else happened?”

  Jazz sighed. “That’s all that happened while I was there. Now she’s dead.” He sagged deeper, if that were possible, into my couch. “All because I wanted to be free of her.”

  “You were already free of her.”

  “No, Bell. I was divorced, not free
. She was like an albatross around my neck.” He looked at the floor. “And the fact that I’d married her ate away at me. My parents had a great marriage. My grandparents. All my brothers and sisters have great marriages. There was this part of me that felt obligated to work things out, but the other part of me hated Kate. Hated that I ever set eyes on her.” He looked at me, his eyes pleading for understanding. “Kate always kept some kind of drama going on. I actually felt sorry for Christine for being her lover. I don’t know how she could stand to look at Kate most of the time.”

  “Jazz——”

  He jumped to his feet. “Just let me finish. Kate ruined my life. I couldn’t so much as date because I thought I’d be doing something wrong. I spent three and a half years being lonely. Mad. Feeling like it was all over for me, and then you came along and kissed me, and after that,baby ——”

  “Don’t, Jazz.”

  “Don’t what? Don’t want a life? Don’t want to cut that deadweight off of me?”

  “‘Deadweight’ is probably a poor choice of words right now.”

  He glared at me.

  I stood to face him. “I’m sorry to tell you this, Jazz, but you sound motivated.”

  “Iam motivated. I want more.”

  “Motivated as in you have amotive ——motive for murder.”

  He gaped at me. “Haven’t you heard anything I said?”

  “I heard it all, Jazz. I’m telling you what it sounds like.”

  He spoke slowly, calmly. “I felt so guilty, I couldn’t bring myself todate after my divorce. Do you think I’dkill her?”

  I didn’t answer. I’d known people to do worse.

  He repeated, raising his voice this time, “I asked you if you think I killed her?” I thought Jazz might blow like Mount St. Helens at any moment, and I didn’t know what he’d do. I’d never seen him out of control. Not even right before he got shot in the line of duty. His eyes narrowed, and the veins in his temples bulged. His head seemed to morph into a red ball of rage. I backed away from him.

  “I don’tmurder people.” His voice exploded, shattering my insides. “Iput murderersaway !”