Floyd & Mikki (Book 2): Zombie Slayers (Dawn of the Living)

by Tatner, Joseph

  They checked out the few local houses. No bodies in there. No doubt, the people who lived her had run the stores, where they all ended up dead, one way or the other. One of the houses stank less than the others, so Mikki opened up the windows while Floyd shook out the bedspread. The bed and sheets were reasonably clean, so they decided to spend the night, even though there was no running water or electricity.

  After taking the opportunity to train for an hour, the two Zombie Hunters headed back inside the house. They each pulled off their armored pants and jackets, wiped of their sweat with some dry towels, threw on some talcum powder, and dressed again. The place seemed safe, but neither one felt secure enough to risk sleeping without their armor. With Bonnie and Clyde close at hand, Mikki tucked herself into Floyd’s arms, which was no easy feat, considering both even kept their helmets on. Still, it was less uncomfortable than the Doom Buggy, and they both managed to sleep fairly well through the night. Although Floyd did have one of his fitful dreams again.

  He couldn’t even remember what had disturbed his dreams the next morning. Mikki said he had been twitching violently in his sleep, but he never actually woke up. They both felt rested enough as they faced the new day. One more night they had survived…one more day they had to survive.

  There was something really creepy about the whole place that they couldn’t quite identify. They didn’t know what it was, but nothing about the little town felt quote right. Maybe it was the giant carved wooden Indian, complete with buckskin clothing and headdress, standing guard over nothing. Perhaps it was all the empty shelves or dead bodies scattered about. The whole place felt like a grave.

  Or perhaps it just seemed odd compared to the campground they had so recently left. Whatever. It was time to move on. They trained with their swords and sparred in hand-to-hand combat for a while, they went back into the room, toweled off their bodies as best they could with no water, and suited up again. As Mikki sat on the edge of the bed, watching Floyd rub talc all over his broad chest and shoulders, she asked a question that had been nagging her for weeks.

  “Floyd, if we ever found a preacher or somethin’, do you ever think you would…well… you know… want to marry me?”

  Floyd froze. Mikki couldn’t read his reaction. The truth was, he had never even considered the question before. There didn’t seem to be any point. She was his Mikki, and he was her Floyd. That’s all that mattered.

  Finally, Floyd answered, “Mikki, I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last woman on earth.”

  Her face fell and she looked really sad. Then he added, “But since we both know that you’re not the last woman on earth…yeah. I’d marry you.”

  “You bastard!” she screamed, punching him in the arm while he laughed at her.

  “Hey!” he explained, “It’s the man’s job to propose, not the woman’s.”

  “I wasn’t proposin’! I was askin’ you if you would ever think of proposin’. I’m not really sure if I even got my answer.”

  Floyd said nothing, so after a while, she went on. “I never even thought about bein’ married before, ya know? Not even as a little girl. Most little girls try to kiss the neighbor boy and dream about getting’ married and wearin’ a big white poofy dress and all, but not me. I guess I was more of a tomboy growing up.

  “Of course, my bastard old man didn’t help matters none, the way he treated me. I was never Daddy’s Little Princess. And with my mom dead, I was nobody’s Little Princess. I guess I never even wanted to be married cuz it just wasn’t an option. Then I found out what pigs men are and…well, you know the rest.

  “But then, I met a man I could actually tolerate – at least most o’ the time. A man I actually grew to respect…even…to love. And lately I couldn’t help wonderin’ what life woulda been like if we did have the chance. Hell, I don’t know, I must be near to ovulatin’ or somethin’ cuz I’m getting all emotional and weepy and stupid!”

  “Hey!” Floyd shouted, getting her attention. “You are not stupid! Got it? Don’t you never think of yourself as stupid. You are the smartest, most amazing woman I have ever known. I don’t know what life might have been, I only know what it is now. Sure, the world turned to shit, but frankly, my world was a pile of shit anyway. At least in this shitty world, I have you. And dammit, Mikki, that’s good enough for me!”

  Mikki sat looking at Floyd, her lip trembling. A million emotions ran through her soul. In a different time and a different place…yeah, but there was no different time or place. Just this little shithole of a town. She grabbed her helmet and put it on before she could start to cry.

  They went down to the Doom Buggy, cautious as ever. Still no obvious signs of danger.

  “Wait here,” Floyd instructed.

  “What’s up, Floyd?” Mikki asked, scanning the area all around her with her eyes.

  “Just cover me. Wait here.”

  Floyd disappeared into the souvenir shop, wielding Clyde like a big game hunter stalking some hidden prey. She heard some glass breaking inside, which alarmed her, but Floyd came out only a few moments later.

  Mikki was up at the 50-cal. Floyd held out his hand to her and helped her down. He pulled off his helmet and told her to do the same. She was thoroughly confused by his behavior.

  She was even more confused when he dropped to one knee. He held up a little silver ring with embedded turquoise in his left hand and he grabbed Mikki’s left hand with his right.

  “Michelle…will you marry me?”

  Mikki was stunned. She was speechless. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t speak if she had known what to say. He throat tightened. Her tongue went dry. Her eyes were wet.

  Finally, with tears streaming down her cheeks she stammered, “Oh, Floyd! You big doofus! Yes! Of course I’ll marry you!”

  She pulled off her left glove and he slipped the ring onto her finger. It fit perfectly. Just like she fit together perfectly with Floyd. He took out a larger matching man’s ring and had her put it on his finger. Tears of joy streamed down her face. She threw herself into his arms and he kissed her deeply.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Mikki couldn’t stop looking at the ring on her finger as Floyd drove down the road. She had her glove off and just stared at it. She examined it from every angle, watching the way the morning sun reflected off the silver. Exploring all the dark blue veins in the light blue stones. It was just a stupid cheap ring from an abandoned souvenir shop, but it was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. It was also the only jewelry she had ever had that didn’t come out of a Cracker Jack box. She hoped it wouldn’t turn her finger green.

  Aw, hell! Even if it did, she would never take it off. She’d just have a green finger. So what? If she ever had any doubts about Floyd—and she had plenty in the beginning—they were gone now. Completely, utterly and totally gone. With that one little gesture, all her fears, worries and concerns had evaporated like a short summer rain in the desert.

  Suddenly, the whole world seemed right. Everything seemed OK. Against all odds, even in the middle of creeper hell on earth, with every card in the deck stacked against her, she had found someone to love her. Someone she loved more deeply than life itself. Someone who made her feel life was worth living—even this shitty hell of a life.

  And it was official! She was engaged! Of course, the chance of that ever turning into a real marriage with a home and babies and a dog or a cat seemed pretty remote, but she didn’t care. Floyd was her man. And, as strange as this sounded inside Mikki’s head, she was his. She belonged to him! The Manhater Woman was actually happy, proud, and even thrilled to belong to her man, because she knew he was a man worth belonging to. Floyd was a man who would always be there for her, as long as he was alive. And Mikki was determined to make sure he stayed alive. No matter what.

  They drove on for more than a week, occasionally stopping by little towns along the way on their trip to nowhere. They were together and they were alive. Nothing else mattered. Even when they found a safe
place to stay, there was no sex, because Mikki was taking no chances on getting pregnant during this part of her cycle. That nearly drove her crazy because it only made her want Floyd more.

  He noticed she had been quieter than usual. At one point, he asked her if something was wrong. She only looked at him with a strange smile. A strange, new, and wonderful smile. It was a smile full of…serenity…security…hope. It was like someone had flipped a switch inside of Mikki that put everything into focus for her. Floyd had once said, “What’s the good of not dyin’ if you never live?” She understood that now.

  She did have a reason to live, and Floyd was that reason. The dancing-on-a-happy-moonbeam glow was about to come to an abrupt end, however, as harsh reality slammed them both upside the head with a 2 by 4.

  “Uh oh!” came Floyd’s voice in her helmet.

  “Uh oh” was never something she wanted to hear. “Uh oh” never meant something great was about to happen. It always meant something bad, so she wasn’t terribly surprised when Floyd abruptly braked to a stop in the middle of the road. Off in the distance, they could see a dust cloud of some sort. They each opened the metal hatches above where they sat and stood up, using their helmet vision to zoom in on the action ahead.

  An odd assortment of motorcycles, pickup trucks and other vehicles was under attack. There was some sort of makeshift military encampment nearby, just outside a fairly decent sized town. The motorcycles and pickup trucks were riding around in circles, stirring up the dust and trying to protect a large tanker truck. The defenders were putting up a pretty good fight with whatever assortment of small arms they had, but it was clear they were no match for the onslaught of Super Zs in battle armor.

  “Holy shit!” Mikki exclaimed. “Just when we thought we’d seen the last o’ them Super Creepers. What do we do now?”

  “Looks like we’re the cavalry,” he answered.

  “Wait a minute, Floyd. Are you sure? The last time we tried helpin’ people they shit all over us.”

  “Yeah, I know. But we can’t just stand here and watch people get killed. And if they all turn brain-eater, then that just makes more of them for us to have to kill. Besides, we ain’t been bowling in a while.”

  “And I ain’t used my new 50-cal, yet neither.”

  “Floyd and Mikki to the rescue?” Floyd asked.

  “Floyd and Mikki to the rescue!” Mikki agreed.

  Floyd dropped down into the cockpit and Mikki flipped the track on the 1960’s Oldies CD to Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones. As the Doom Buggy lurched forward, she manned the machine gun, shouting Yeehaw all the way.

  Even the Super Z battle armor couldn’t stand up to the 50-cal for very long. If the bullets didn’t actually pierce the armor at first, it blew the Supers off their feet. If Mikki could sustain a burst long enough, she could rip a whole through the armor—and the creepers. She let out a torrent of copper-jacketed death as Floyd hit the accelerator.

  They ripped through the line of Super Zs closest to the tanker before the undead soldiers recognized the new threat. Floyd bowled through the crowd, his new plow working perfectly, as Mikki kept her fire focused on the surrounding crowd. She made sure to avoid hitting any of the humans or their vehicles. Neither the humans nor the zombies knew what to make of the Floyd-and-Mikkimobile that showed up out of nowhere, but the humans were certainly grateful for the help.

  “Make another pass!” Mikki shouted into her mic.

  “Roger that.”

  He spun around and headed back. This time, Mikki locked down the 50-cal and started throwing grenades where they would do the most good. The Super Creepers recognized the threat and jumped away, but usually not in time to prevent the shrapnel from at least disabling them.

  Having attracted the attention of the Super Zs, Floyd drove away from the pack, hoping to draw them away from the humans. The plan worked, and Mikki unleashed the 50-cal again, mowing or slowing down the line of Supers that followed them. Floyd kept a pace just slow enough to keep them coming, but fast enough to keep from getting overrun.

  “Turning back around,” Floyd announced.

  “Got it!”

  Mikki dropped back inside and pulled the iron hatch over her as Floyd bowled straight through the crowd, severing limbs and splitting bodies as he went. He aimed straight for as many as he could get. Several managed to jump onto the Doom Buggy as it went past, but Mikki fired Bonnie through the various holes and slots in the armor wherever possible to dislodge them. The vehicle bounced and swerved as it ran over bodies and plowed a path of mayhem. Mikki might hate boats, but for some reason, she never got car sick.

  As they emerged from the carnage, Mikki threw open the hatch again and spun the 50-cal around. Again, she dropped anything within range. Even though the Super Zs were amazing jumpers, they couldn’t jump faster than the bullets.

  “Out of ammo!” Mikki called to Floyd.

  She flipped open the ammo box on the roof to switch the belt, but before she could fire, a Super Creeper flew over the side of the Doom Buggy and took her off the vehicle. Bonnie and her other major firearms were still in her part of the cab. It wasn’t until he heard Mikki cursing in his helmet speaker that he realized what had happened.

  “Goddammit, Floyd! Where the hell are ya goin’?”

  Looking in one of the rear view mirrors, he saw her pulling her katana, obscured by a cloud of dust.

  “Aw, shit!” he griped, spinning the vehicle around.

  A small group of Super Zs was closing in on Mikki. Floyd popped the pins on a couple of grenades and tossed them out the window. Since the Supers were focused on Mikki, they didn’t notice either one of the grenades, enabling him to take out about eight of them. Mikki would have been proud.

  She was holding her own with Mr. Grabby Hands, who had knocked her to the ground. Either these Super Creepers weren’t nearly as bad as she had remembered, or all of Floyd’s training was really paying off. They didn’t seem to move as fast and their actions were getting more predictable. She was able to dodge every blow and follow up with a few good flying kicks of her own.

  Katana in hand, Ginsu Mikki first sliced off a hand that came flying at her. Then she relieved the creeper of its other arm. When it tried an enraged flying kick, it lost a foot, and as it stumbled to the ground, it lost its head. Mikki made a mental note to get the helmet later. This would be a good opportunity to stock up.

  Suddenly, she found herself surrounded by three of the creeper’s buddies. She froze and watched them carefully, waiting for any sign of movement, her katana raised in front of her. They didn’t seem to recognize the katana, and they didn’t attack. Then she remembered the IFF in the helmets. She lowered the katana, stood up straight and started walking away slowly.

  Sure enough, they followed right alongside of her, just like old drinkin’ buddies. She walked a little slower and let them get ahead of her. Then she sliced off their heads from behind, 1, 2, 3! Yep! Definitely a good opportunity to stock up on helmets.

  But not right away. There were still plenty more to go, and Floyd was on his way. He skidded to a halt next to her.

  “Typical man! Always late to the party!”

  “Well, I’m here now. Hop in!”

  “I got a better idea. I’m hoppin’ on. Take me to the back of the line and I’ll jump off. These things’ll think I’m all friendly if I ain’t in this buggy.”

  “Ah! Gotcha!”

  Floyd plowed through the middle of the crowd, flattening or slicing as many of the Super Zs as he could. When he made it to the back of the group, Mikki jumped off. Floyd killed the engine and jumped out himself, letting the buggy roll to a stop a hundred feet or so away. All the Supers followed it and moved on right past them.

  Mikki held up her sword and simply said, “Can opener time.”

  Soon, the remaining Super Zs had surrounded the Doom Buggy and were womping on it any way they could. A few of them shattered their limbs attacking it. Meanwhile, Floyd and Mikki set about removing creep
er heads from their bodies, one by one, with the swords.

  The undead soldiers realized something was wrong, but the helmets didn’t pick up the swords as a threat. Whoever had programmed the helmets hadn’t anticipated running into Samurai warriors. If they had held knives or machetes, the helmets would have identified them as weapons, but not the Japanese blades. Add to that the fact that the helmets Floyd and Mikki were wearing were registering them as friends, and the Supers literally never knew what hit them.

  Within five minutes, every undead body around the Doom Buggy was twitching headless in the dirt. Floyd and Mikki jumped back in the buggy and drove off to meet the people they had just rescued, praying they were nothing like the folks they had recently left at Emerald Valley Campground.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  An unusual assortment of vehicles surrounded the tanker truck as the Doom Buggy drove up. Floyd stopped about 20 feet in front and waited a minute. No one made any threatening moves. Everyone just stood and stared, waiting for the two to emerge. Half of them looked scared to death. Then one little girl recognized the logo and yelled out, “Hey! It’s Floyd and Mikki!”

  Oh no, not again! Mikki thought to herself. But this time was distinctly different. The crowd exchanged glances and mumbled a bit to each other, waiting anxiously to see if the little girl was right. A great cheer went up when the two Zombie Hunters finally exited the buggy and took off their helmets.

  “Hey, it is Floyd and Mikki! I know them! Hey!” It was the little pudgy guy from Lake Havasu, Raul. “Remember me?”

  Floyd shook his hand as Mikki affirmed, “Of course we remember you! But what are you doin’ all the way out here? I thought you wasn’t gonna leave?”

  “Well, it’s like you said, Miss Mikki…I’m the guy with the gun! Carlos and I got tired of the way they were treating us, so we grabbed the guns and left. Then we find these nice people and we join them. Hey, guys! This is Floyd and Mikki! Just like I told you!”