by Golden Angel
Lexie reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into her so fast that she caught him off balance and he actually came. Her lips met his hungrily, soft and slightly parted from surprise.
Yes. This. This is what I need.
Her tongue moved, coaxing him, tasting mint as she delved into his mouth. A low groan vibrated through her body as his hands found her hips, fingers tightening. Need and passion burned like a fever, making her lightheaded with euphoria as she finally, hungrily kissed him the way she'd always wanted to.
Chapter 10
The kiss lasted for less than a minute. Lexie cried out in disappointment as Patrick thrust her away from him, stumbling back from her. He'd responded for one glorious second - she knew he had - but then he'd suddenly closed himself off again.
The ache that she'd been feeling in her body amplified with the loss. He'd been touching her, dammit. Caressing her. Kissing her. Her emotions whirled chaotically as the loss of his physical presence hit her. Rejection, anger, frustration, regret. The perfection of the moment dropped and shattered upon the impact of reality.
"Don't ever do that again."
The words were like a knife to the heart. Slashing so deep, so swiftly, that she actually gasped, hunching over, because she could feel it like a physical blow to her chest. Patrick stepped forward, his dark eyes almost regretful, but she shrank away from the hand he held out.
"Pixie... I'm sorry, I didn't mean it quite like that, but..."
"But what?" she demanded, her body still slightly turned away from him. For all that she was no longer restrained, she suddenly felt a million times more vulnerable than when she had been. Her ass clenched around the plug in it, making her feel even more unbalanced. It wasn’t like she could take it out right now, and its presence inside her was impossible to ignore, reminding her with every twinge of her body how she’d just handed herself over to him.
The slight remorse she saw in his eyes slid away, and he reverted back into the in-control, arrogant Dom that she was far too familiar with. Master Mold. Head Sentinel. Owner of the club and sure that he knew what was best for everybody in it. "Your dominant controls the scene. Not you."
"I wasn't thinking, I was just reacting. Because I wasn't getting what I needed." Slam. A direct hit. He actually winced. Vindictive anger rose up in her. "You're jerking me around, Patrick. I need more than just a flogging and some toys. It's not enough. I need to be touched. I need to feel like there's not a fucking wall between us."
Growling, Patrick threw his hands up in the air, turning his back and stepping away from her. Lexie slid off the table, standing on wobbly legs. Anger and adrenaline were giving her strength now, but she still kept one hand on the table, just until her head stopped whirling. She wasn't dizzy, exactly, just unsteady as her body normalized.
When he turned around, she could see his frustration, even though she could tell he was trying to hide it.
"Look, Pixie, maybe we shouldn't scene again until after Jake gets home and I've had a chance to talk with him. It's just too much-"
"Jake? What the hell does Jake have to do with anything?"
The look she got was absolutely dumbfounded.
"He's my best friend and your brother," Patrick said, sounding confused.
Oh for the love of...
"Are you serious?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, and then wincing when they pressed against her sore nipples. She shifted them to underneath her breasts, her right foot starting to tap. That had always seemed like a cliché, but right now she realized there was a reason behind the cliché. Her arms felt like they were all that was holding in her pent-up emotions, while her tapping foot was leaking some of the energy that needed a place to go before she exploded crazy bitch-rage all over him. "You have to talk to Jake, before you'll touch me. That’s what you’re saying."
Now Patrick looked like he was getting kind of pissy too, which just enraged her even more. "Yes, Lex." Ha. Not 'Pixie' anymore apparently. "I have to talk to my best friend before I date his little sister. It's called-"
"It's called fuck off," she snarled, springing into motion. Darting to her dress – as best she could with a plug in her ass - she snatched it up along with her shoes and little purse, pulling it over her head as she stomped towards the door, shoes dangling from her fingers. Fury and misery were clashing inside of her.
She couldn't even list the number of ways that she'd bent over backwards, shunting her pride to the side, turning fucking flips to get Patrick's attention in the way she wanted it. She’d thought she'd finally gotten it. Thought that he'd finally seen her as more than Jake's little sister, realized that she was her own person who could do what she wanted and be in a relationship with who she wanted. But big, bad Dom Patrick wasn't going to touch her without someone else's permission. Who the fuck was he kidding?
If he wanted her - really wanted her - he would never let anything or anyone stop him. He never had. So why the hell wasn't she important enough for him to go after, the way that she'd gone after him?
The Dungeon was like a smack in the face as she raced out the door. Sex, sweat, screams, cries of pleasure and pain... all the things she'd wanted and craved. All the things she thought she finally had.
"Lex, wait, slow down." The concern in his voice actually had her slowing, looking over her shoulder. His hand grabbed on to her bicep, fingers wrapping around like a caress. "You're having sub-drop –“
"Oh fuck you again," she shouted out in sheer exasperation. Tears filled her eyes, and not the good kind this time. She didn't even notice that half of the noise in the Dungeon came to a halt. "You don't know everything. How dare you brush off my feelings by saying it's just sub-drop, like they're not real, so that you don't have to acknowledge them. I know exactly what I feel. I feel sick and tired of fighting for you while you're sitting around waiting for permission from my brother. The only person whose approval you should need is mine. Do you think I've asked Jake for permission for anything about you? No, because it's none of his fucking business!"
She burst into tears, wrenching her arm out of his hand, and ran for the stairs. Fuck him. Just fuck him so very much. Behind her she could hear him growling at everyone to go back to what they were doing, because all action in the Dungeon had come to a halt while she'd shouted at him. The only good thing about it was that it gave her a head start to get up the stairs.
Sprinting, she ignored him calling her name. She didn't have to listen to his orders anymore. The scene was over. That's all it was for him. Scening with her, putting her off, placating her like a child until her brother got home and he could ask permission.
Dammit, why couldn't he just love her, the way she loved him? What would he do if Jake got home and said he didn't want Patrick dating her? It wouldn't matter to her, she didn't care what her brother thought about her relationships, but apparently what Jake wanted mattered more to Patrick than what she wanted. She'd put him first, over everything, over everyone, and he'd just kept putting her off over and over again. Because she hadn't mattered enough for him to fight.
A sob tore through her throat. Tears blinded her as she ran for the women's locker room. Patrick wasn't the only one calling her name now, but she ignored them all. She just had to get to safety, and the only safety for a submissive woman in Stronghold with a Dom hot on her heels was the women's room.
She damn well wasn't going to let him see her crying. Not while he was invalidating her feelings by saying it was all sub-drop. Let him make himself feel better with that if he wanted, but she knew better. Sub-drop was the downside to the euphoric ecstasy of a scene, the drop of emotions as adrenaline and endorphins dissipated, before the chemicals in a human's brain normalized again. It happened, Lexie knew that, but this wasn't it. At least, not all of it.
This was years of her feelings being unacknowledged. Months of hard work, of trailing after him like an eager-to-please puppy dog, being brushed aside. Hours of proving to him that she could be the sub he always w
anted. If he couldn't see that, if he couldn't appreciate that, then she didn't want to be with him anyway.
She didn't want to be with someone that didn't - or wouldn't - care about her the same way she cared about him.
******
There had never been a moment in his life when Patrick wished he didn't own Stronghold. He loved the club. He loved his work. But having to stop and telling everyone to return to their own scenes, to give them a quick reassurance that everything was fine - when it wasn't - made him wish he didn't have the responsibility. It took precious moments, moments in which Lexie managed to get far ahead of him.
Remorse, anger, guilt, a rush of emotions pounded through him and made his breath short. It felt like his rib cage was squeezing his heart out of his chest. He'd thought that the memory of her face, wreathed in ecstasy, would haunt him, but the memory of pain filling her eyes completely obscured that.
Guilt that he'd wanted to do more than kiss her, that he'd wanted to give in, lay her back on the table, and fuck her senseless, had crippled him. All his vaunted self-control and he'd nearly lost it completely, just because her skin felt like silk and she tasted like strawberries and sweetness. He'd panicked, and because he'd panicked, his thoughts hadn't been as ordered as they normally were.
He hadn't meant to hurt her, but nothing had come out right, and he wasn't sure if he could explain his conflicting urges in a way that would placate her even if he'd had an hour's warning. Lexie didn't want to hear that he had to talk to Jake first, he got that, but he also knew that he wasn't going to change his mind about it.
What was so wrong with wanting to talk to Jake first anyway?
Her reaction was completely unreasonable and illogical, which was part of why he suspected sub-drop. It had been an intense scene, for both of them, followed immediately by rejection... but he hadn't had a choice. She just kept pushing and pushing, without thinking about any of the consequences, as far as he could tell.
"LEX!" She hit the door to the ladies room, shoving past it, and he almost roared out his frustration. There was always the possibility that he might be able to make it in there before anyone –
Fuck.
Mistress Lisa stepped out of the room, eyes cold as ice. He skidded to a halt, panting. Looking him over, a quick flash of sympathy skittered across her face.
"You know I can't let you go in there." Her tone was almost apologetic. Patrick really fucking regretted making the locker rooms so out of bounds to opposite sexes. Although, to be honest, he'd never had any control over it, but he had encouraged it.
Frustration bubbled inside of him, ready to boil over. He almost snapped when a hand patted him on the shoulder.
"Don't worry, Patrick, we've got this," Maria said, her voice full of concern as she hurried past him. Jessica shot him a look as she went by, right on Maria's heels. Mistress Lisa turned her body slightly to let them pass, her arms crossed over her breasts, as if she was standing guard. Apparently she didn't trust him not to go into the room without someone actively blocking his way.
Good on her.
Clenching his fists, as if they could somehow hold in his uselessness and rage, he stormed towards his office. If he stood outside the door, waiting, his temper would just boil over and he'd end up punching someone. Probably someone who didn't deserve it.
Inside his office, he could throw things. Shout. Send his chair flying across the room. Thank god for soundproofing.
Grabbing the phone, he hit the direct connection to the bar.
"You okay, man?" Rick's voice, laden with worry, didn't do anything to help his temper. Like he needed to be reminded that everyone had seen him lose complete control, not just of the scene or his submissive, but also of himself. He couldn't remember who was supposed to be behind the bar tonight, but apparently they'd decided to let Rick deal with him. Which meant all the assholes out there were probably already speculating about what had just happened.
"Call me as soon as she's out," he growled. "Don't let her leave without talking to me again." He slammed down the phone and barely resisted the urge to throw it across the room as well. He was going to need it so Rick could call him and let him know when Lexie finally came out of the locker room.
"FUCK!" he yelled, pounding his fist into his desk.
Which hurt like a bitch.
If Lexie wasn't barricaded in the women's locker room, he'd already be on his way over to Liam's dojo to blow off some major steam. Come to think of it, doing so was practically becoming a Stronghold courtship ritual. Had any of the other guys not done so while in the process of solidifying their relationships? He didn't think so. That made him feel marginally better.
Unfortunately, that tiny loss of anger meant that other emotions were able to take over. Misery. Helplessness. Frustration. He couldn't get to Lexie, and even though he knew her friends would be taking care of her, it wasn't the same. Patrick wanted to be the one to hold her and give her water and...
Ha.
There was something he could do. Yanking open the bottom left drawer of his desk, he grabbed one of the king size Twix candy bars. Lexie's favorite. Considering how fast she dropped, one of the things she was going to need was sugar. Going back to the door connecting his office to the club, he poked his head out. Lisa was still leaning against the wall next to the women's locker room. Close enough to hear him.
"Here, make sure she gets this," he growled, tossing the chocolate to her.
Nodding, Lisa turned and pushed open the door to the locker room. Try as he might, Patrick couldn't see more than the first few feet into the door from his angle.
Having done the only thing he possibly could do for Lexie, he went and picked up his chair and set it up behind his desk so that he could plop down into it. Pressing his head into his hands, he closed his eyes and tried to calm the headache that was starting to grow in his temples.
"Fuck this," he muttered, sitting back upright and turning towards his computer. He shot off a quick email to Jake, requesting Skype contact as soon as Jake could manage it.
Yeah, he'd meant to wait till Jake came home, but that was only a few weeks away anyway. He needed to talk to his best friend, because he didn't want to go through anything like tonight again. Once Lexie calmed down and her mood equalized, he was sure she'd listen to reason, but he didn't want to keep holding back in the scenes.
It was pretty obvious that they worked well together, and he couldn't really test that any further without actually trying to date. Hopefully her parents would take it well, although he was less worried about them than Jake. They knew what kind of club he ran, but they didn't know how involved in the scene he was, whereas Jake knew exactly what Patrick would want from his baby sister. Hopefully, Patrick wasn't just setting himself up for a beat down when Jake got home.
******
Sitting on the bench, tucked in between Maria and Jessica, Lexie managed to get out most of what had happened downstairs between her and Patrick. Standing across from them, Olivia leaned against the lockers, listening quietly. None of them interrupted her or tried to hurry her, which she was grateful for. She pulled at the edges of the blanket which Maria had wrapped around her, occasionally shivering despite the warmth. Maria had gotten it for her while she’d been in the bathroom stall pulling out the butt plug, which she’d cleaned off with shaking hands.
Olivia had brought a water bottle, which Lexie now had clutched in one hand. It was already halfway empty. Between the scene and then her emotional upset, she was parched. It felt like she'd already cried a gallon of tears. Fortunately, Jessica had had the foresight to grab a roll of toilet paper and had been tearing off pieces for Lexie to use. There was a gross little mountain piling up in front of her, which, if she hadn't felt so devastated, would be kind of funny.
"I'm just so pissed," she said, sniffling and knowing that she didn't sound the least bit pissed. She sounded miserable. Throwing her current tissue down onto the mountain with force, it was almost frustrating that it just floated down
to land softly. "It was our first kiss and he ruined it. I know he wants me. He knows he wants me. But apparently he has to ask Jake permission first. Like I'm some dumb little girl who can't make her own goddamn decisions!"
Both Jessica and Maria leaned in, rubbing her back and making soothing, supportive noises.
"He'll come around," Maria said. "I'm guessing it's hard going from seeing you as a little girl to a grown woman that he's interested in. He's known you for a lot longer as a little girl."
Lexie made a face. "Yeah, well I'm pretty sure I've done a good job of proving that I'm not that little anymore." Underneath the blanket, she rubbed her nipples over the fabric of her dress; they were still sore and tingling. Touching them reminded her of how hot the scene had been before he'd ruined it.
The door to the locker room opened, and Mistress Lisa walked in. Since Lexie had planted herself on the farthest bench from the door, so that no one could just look in and see her, Mistress Lisa had to cross the entire locker room.
"Here sweetie," she said, when she was close enough, tossing a shiny, bronze object at her. Lexie instinctively reached out to catch it, dropping her blanket in the process.
Always on top of mothering, Maria pulled the blanket right back up and tucked it securely around Lexie's shoulders so that it wouldn't fall as easily.
"Patrick thought you might need that," Mistress Lisa said as Lexie looked at the giant Twix bar in astonishment. He kept Twix bars in his office for her? For one joyous moment, her heart leaped up, right before plummeting right back down again.
"I don't have fucking sub-drop!" she said savagely as she passed her water bottle to Jessica so that she could rip open the Twix.
"Yes, you do, honey," Olivia said. It was actually the first thing that she'd said since coming into the room, Lexie realized. Uncharacteristically, she'd just been standing and listening without saying a single word. Not even the murmured encouragement that Maria and Jessica had been surrounding her with. Mistress Lisa just shook her head and headed back out of the locker room. Olivia studied Lexie, not even noticing that the other Domme had left. "Eat your chocolate."