by Golden Angel
Jessica rubbed Lexie's back, regarding her sympathetically. "Sub-drop's a bitch, the chocolate will help."
"Angel says they're like dementor attacks," Maria said, grinning as she nudged Lexie with her shoulder.
"Angel is a nerd."
"She's also right," Olivia said, sounding amused. Her expression softened a bit as she looked at Lexie. "It's the same idea. Once you feel better, you'll realize that you've had a major drop."
"Yeah, because Patrick was a jerk."
"It was also the timing, sweetie. Eat. You’ll feel better.”
Obediently, Lexie took a bite of her candy bar. The chocolate and caramel seemed to explode on her tongue, more intense than she remembered. Mmm, creamy. And crunchy. The balance of texture was exactly what she needed, and she quickly took another two bites without any prompting. It was like her body had just woken up and realized what it was craving.
"Don't forget to drink," Jessica said, handing back the water bottle. "You need the water too."
"Thanks moms," Lexie joked. Pretending to feel more normal. But it still felt like her emotions were ripping apart her insides. She was having trouble feeling just one thing. They ricocheted around inside of her, like spiked pinballs, sending her up and down so fast that she could barely keep track of where her head was at. Tears sparked in her eyes again.
"Shh, it's okay, just eat and drink," Maria said, comforting her again. Probably thinking that she was a huge crybaby.
"Make sure she eats the whole bar," Olivia said, looking at the two women beside her. For just a moment, Lexie felt a small flare of resentment and anger. Obviously Olivia didn't trust her to take care of herself either, but then again, Olivia thought she was suffering sub-drop. Which, to Lexie, sounded like another way of saying she was being irrational and dismissing her feelings. But she took another big bite of her candy bar anyway, under Olivia's watchful eye. "I'm gonna go check on Patrick."
As the redheaded Domme turned, Lexie had the sudden urge to go with her and find out how he was doing too. She squashed it down immediately, knowing that part of the reason was that she wanted proof he was just as upset as she was right now. An uncomfortable silence fell while she was chewing.
"So how are you and Rick doing?" she asked Maria, trying to keep her voice normal, despite the envy that welled up inside of her. Why did everyone get the guy that they wanted except for her?
Maria's cheeks turned pink, which looked particularly pretty with her mane of wild, dark curls framing her face. The older woman had the kind of voluptuous curves that Lexie sometimes dreamed about, which also made her particularly nice to snuggle up to. She was definitely the mothering sort.
"We're good. I think I'm ready to start coming to the club on a more regular basis now, although we'll probably stick to the private rooms."
"That's what Hilary and Liam do, too," Jessica said encouragingly. "It'd be great to see more of you guys. I swear, I feel like half of our social life revolves around this club."
Probably because it did, Lexie thought, a little cynically. That was another problem. Stronghold was where all of her friends gathered on the weekends. Not just to play, but also just to see each other before and after scening. Lexie wanted to be a part of that, but without the babysitter watching over her at the bar while everyone else went off to play. That wasn't fair to her or whichever one of her Sentinels got stuck with babysitting duty.
Maria and Jessica's chatter wove around her, kind of soothing in its normalcy, as she finished the rest of her candy bar and water. The conversation moved to Hilary's wedding and, like Lexie had thought, Maria seemed totally fine with the fact that she wasn't a bridesmaid. She and Jessica started bouncing ideas for the bachelorette party, from the low-key (a night in with lots of booze and movies) to the outrageous (Vegas). Lexie tried to pay attention, to keep from focusing on her own dark thoughts.
She was finally starting to calm down, but she was still pissed. She also didn't want to be in the club anymore. This was Patrick's turf, and she was feeling too vulnerable, too raw, to deal with him again tonight.
"Can one of you see if Patrick's standing outside the door?" she asked, interrupting their conversation. She felt a little bad, but she also knew neither of them minded. Jessica immediately hopped up.
"Sure, sweetie." The curvy brunette swayed on her high heels through the locker room before peeking out the door. She turned back, shaking her head. "I don't see him."
Lexie yanked on her shoes and lurched to her feet, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, like the club was a tiny box that she needed to escape from. Adrenaline pounded through her, not out of anger this time, but out of the desire to flee. The fight response had worn off and now she was ready for flight. She needed to get home and regroup before she could face him again. Otherwise, she might just burst into tears. She was not going to be another Marissa, pushing a guy into a relationship with her because of tears and a tantrum. The idea that her crying might be more important to Patrick than Jake's permission was tempting, in a crazy-bitch, manipulative kind of way. She was feeling a little crazy right now, but not that crazy. Which meant she needed to get out of here while the getting was good, until she felt like she could face him again without turning into a mess.
Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she groaned and quickly went over to the sink to scrub off the streaks of mascara and eyeliner on her cheeks. Maria helped, efficiently managing to remove twice of what Lexie did on her own, while Jessica kept peeking out of the door.
"How are you so good at this?" Lexie muttered, as Maria wiped away the last of her runny make-up.
Smiling, Maria winked at her. "Oldest of three sisters, remember? I've had practice." And now she was looking after Lexie.
The Stronghold women really were like her older sisters, the ones she always wished for. Plus, unlike the guys, they didn't act like she was a little idiot who couldn't think for herself or make her own choices.
"Still clear?" she asked Jessica.
"Yup. I don't see Olivia either, I bet they're in his office."
Good, maybe Olivia could talk some sense into him. Lexie hurried out the door. Across the club, at the bar, Rick and Justin both stood up. Obviously they'd been sitting and waiting, watching the door to the locker room. Moving towards the women, Rick reached out his hand, and Maria immediately veered towards him, which made Lexie's heart ache again, in envy this time. That was what she wanted. Neither of them even seemed to stop and think about their responses to each other, they just did it.
As soon as the guys reached them, Lexie had that familiar feeling of being the fifth wheel. Rick slid his hands around Maria's waist, while Justin reached out to hold Jessica's hand.
"Patrick wants to see you, before you leave." Those were Rick's first words to her.
"Hi Rick, nice to see you too," she said coolly, and he at least had the grace to look abashed for a moment. "Tell Patrick I quit, and he can go fuck himself. Good night."
Spinning on her heel, she ignored both Justin and Rick as they called her name. A quick glance over her shoulder showed that they were both being hindered by their submissives. Which immediately made her tear up again, to see how her friends were doing what they could for her - even to the detriment of themselves. Another instance in which they were probably going to end up being punished, because they were helping her instead of listening to their Doms, inside Stronghold.
When she burst through the door into the Lobby, Jared frowned at her.
"Lex-"
"No," she said, fiercely, dashing the tears from her eyes and pointing at him, as if ordering him to stay in place. It felt like her emotions were starting to go a little haywire again, even though she was doing her best to suppress them. She just needed to get out of here. "I'm leaving. Don't try to stop me, or I swear to god, I'll start walking home if I have to." She looked over her shoulder at Freddy, who was manning the desk, hand hovering over the phone and looking torn. "Don't you dare, Freddy. Just get me my purse, and then you
can call him, if Rick or Justin haven't already."
Behind her, she heard Jared sigh, but she knew he wouldn't stop her. Out of all the Sentinels, he was the soft touch. Seeing that she was upset and wanted to get out, he wouldn't stop her as long as she maintained enough control over her emotions to keep from actually crying. If he thought she was too emotional to drive, he'd never let her leave. Freddy looked relieved that Justin and Rick were both also on the hook for letting Patrick know she was escaping - and that's exactly what it felt like - so instead of picking up the phone, he turned and grabbed her purse from the cubbies behind his chair.
"You shouldn't leave without talking to him," Jared said softly.
Her chin tilted up stubbornly. "I need to go. He needs to know that he can't keep doing this to me. I'm not going to let him take me for granted while I keep coming back for more and twist me around on strings just because I love him." Lessons learned from watching both Leigh and Jared's relationships, not that she was going to rub it in Jared's face. As long as he didn't try to keep her there.
"Here Lex," Freddy said, tossing her larger bag to her. She stuffed the smaller one, with her plug, inside of it and practically ran for the door.
Bursting through the door, she bolted for her car. It was amazing how fast she could move in very high heels when she put her mind to it. Maybe because her body realized it was really important this time, and not just because she might break her ankle.
Slamming the car door shut, she could see the door to the club flying open as Patrick came through. Fuck! The fury on his face was enough to make her pulse stutter. She slammed on the gas pedal, putting her car in reverse and then shooting forward. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him getting into his own car. He wasn't seriously going to follow her home, was he?
He did.
The entire ride, his headlights were shining into her car. Lexie gritted her teeth, shoring up the defenses around her heart as she went through everything she wanted to say to him about what a totalitarian jerk he was. How much it hurt that he wasn't fighting for her, the way she did for him. How much it hurt that he'd obviously chosen Jake over her without even knowing if a choice needed to be made in the first place. She really didn't think Jake was going to have a problem with it if she and Patrick got together, she really, really didn't. But even if he did, she and everyone else could point out that it wasn't his decision and that he was being a jerk.
The arguments piled up in her head, her knuckles turning white because she was gripping the steering wheel so hard. By the time she pulled into her complex and parked, she was more than ready to face off against Master Mold. Her emotions were rigidly suppressed, her arguments marshalled... and the fucker just kept on driving. Went right past her car, back out to the main road and left.
What the fuck? Had he just followed her home because he thought she might not get there safely? Because she was so upset from sub-drop?
Lexie let out a frustrated scream, pounding her fist against her dashboard as all of her emotions welled up again. Damn him, damn him, damn him!
******
Exhausted already, even though it was only eleven o'clock by the time he got back to the club, Patrick felt as though he was actually dragging his body around. The burden of Lexie's emotional breakdown was weighing on him. He should have kept control. He shouldn't have rejected her so quickly and harshly after she kissed him, should have been prepared for something like that. Lexie had been open and vulnerable, more than usual, after such an intense scene, and he'd fucked up.
He didn't blame her for running off the way she had - not because of his actions, but because he realized she wasn't quite in her right mind. Which is why he'd followed her home, needing to make sure that she got there safely. Olivia had told him that Maria and Jessica had been taking care of her in the locker room, so he was reassured that she'd been hydrated and fed. Once she'd started in on the candy bar, she wouldn't have stopped until it was all gone.
An intense scene like that could bring up all sorts of emotions. Follow that with a rejection, both emotional and physical, and he'd been able to see her emotions flood up and overwhelm her. Not just from the scene, but from the past years, when she'd tried to pretend that there was nothing between them but friendship. She'd been swamped with perceived rejection, and he fucking hated that he hadn't been able to catch her before she'd made it to the locker room.
If he had, he'd have been able to take her into his office, cuddle her, explain... keep her there until her endorphins had normalized. Not being able to finish aftercare was detrimental to a submissive, and even though he knew Maria and Jessica would have done some of it, his fingers itched at being so out of control. Especially since she obviously still hadn't been alright when she'd left the club. Rick had told him that she'd quit, before she'd left. Hopefully she'd change her mind about that, once she calmed down.
Walking into the lobby, Jared gave him a sympathetic look, and Freddy cowered behind the desk. Patrick sighed, knowing that Freddy had given Lexie her purse first, rather than alerting Patrick to her departure. He didn't really have the energy to deal with it, but he needed to maintain discipline.
"Freddy, report to Mistress Erin tomorrow for a punishment scene," he said, passing by the desk. He sounded more tired than stern, but the submissive still hung his head in guilty misery.
"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir."
Olivia was still sitting in his office, holding down the fort. The Domme looked up from his computer, giving him a half-hearted smile.
"How'd it go?"
"I didn't talk to her," he said, ambling over to one of the chairs sitting in front of his desk. He waved his hand at Olivia as she started to stand. "You're fine where you are, stay." She lowered herself back into the seat, raising one eyebrow in surprise as she did so. For once, he didn't feel the need to establish his position by reclaiming his chair. It didn't really seem to matter where he sat. "I just followed her home to make sure she got there safely. I figured she could use more time to calm down."
"Good. Running away from you shouldn't be rewarded with attention," Olivia said. Her voice wasn't exactly condemning towards Lexie, but she didn't sound pleased either. That kind of topping from the bottom was something Olivia would never tolerate. It was one thing for Lexie to need some time to put herself back together in the locker room, another for her to split while she was obviously still in the middle of sub-drop.
But then again, he and Olivia had both realized that Lexie didn't know, or didn't want to acknowledge, that was part of what had been driving her emotions tonight. Olivia said she'd still been denying it in the locker room, although she hadn't been willing to relay anything else that Lexie had been saying. She'd just let Patrick vent out his own side, for once without pithy comments.
"I'm not sure," Patrick said, rubbing his hand over his face as he slumped back against the chair he was sitting in. Reaching out with his foot, he hooked it around a leg of the other chair and pulled it into position so that he could stretch out his legs and rest his feet on it. "I fucked up, severing the connection between us so quickly and completely. I should have been gentler about it, more supportive. I just reacted without thinking."
Olivia threw a rubber eraser at him, the big one that he used when he was doing the accounting. Scowling, he snatched it out of the air before it hit him in the head. "You're not perfect, Patrick, and it's time she realized that. Yes, you made a mistake tonight, but Lexie has a tendency to put you up on a pedestal. She's been fantasizing about this for so long that she expects everything to go off without a problem, and now she's throwing a tantrum because something didn't turn out the way she wanted it to. Granted, she was experiencing sub-drop, but her reaction was still extreme even taking that into consideration. She has all these expectations in her head, and you're doing your best to meet them, but you can't beat yourself up because you were taken by surprise tonight and are kicking yourself in hindsight."
Her reassurance only made him feel the tiniest bit
better.
"I'm still the more experienced one, and the dominant. I should have been more prepared."
"You can't prepare for everything."
He didn't really have anything to say to that, so he fell silent. Surprisingly, so did Olivia. She rocked gently back and forth in his chair, watching him. The quiet stretched, only broken by the muted noises from the club.
Finally, he looked at her again, questioningly. "So what do you think I should do? I have to admit, I expected a lecture and some sharply spoken advice once I got back here."
The Domme, who had bullied and prodded every single one of their friends during their relationship trials, just grinned at him. "Sorry to disappoint, but I think you're already handling it the way you should have. You gave her the space she needed in the locker room, tried to ensure that she'd talk to you before she left, followed her home when she didn't, and didn't indulge her with extra attention for disobeying. Honestly, right now she probably just needs more time to calm down and to remember that you're only human."
Patrick stared at her, completely flummoxed.
"Hold on... I did it right? Really?" He couldn't help but laugh. "I should make an announcement... declare a national holiday. Olivia, the Queen of Correction, thinks I did everything right!"
"Not everything," Olivia said, teasing him. "Just everything after you fucked up. Which, I don't blame you for. Unlike you, I am perfectly aware that you aren't infallible and sometimes make mistakes."
"Yes, well, thank you for that," he said dryly.
"Just remember, she's young," Olivia said, standing up and stretching, obviously ready to go. "That doesn't mean she can't make her own decisions, but she hasn't had a really serious relationship before, because, consciously or unconsciously, she's been waiting on you. She's pretty grounded, but she also has this idea of how she thinks things should go between you two. Don't let her push you around just because you love her, neither of you will be happy with that in the end." Walking around his desk, Olivia dropped a kiss on top of his head and left him there to ponder her advice and think about what he was going to do next.