Sexy Mother Faker (Hot Maine Men Book 2)

by Remy Rose

  Christ. Listen to me. Damon Cavanaugh, zen master. No clue where this awakening is coming from, because I never used to view sex that way. But it’s different with Delaney.

  Before she leaves, I hug her, liking how her body molds itself to mine. I hear her sigh as I draw her in—a sound that’s both wistful and content. I put my lips on her hair, and she steps away after a few seconds, thanking me for lunch. Tucker and I stand on the deck watching her go down the long driveway. There’s a grabbing sensation in my gut, because each time I see her go, I wonder if it’s going to be the final time.

  Tucker and I spend a couple hours helping out at the Humane Society. Poor guy puts the brakes on when I open the door and all the smells hit him. I feel badly that he thinks he’s going back to stay. I rub his ears and tell him it’s just a visit, and he seems to believe me. The people there make a huge fuss over him, and he totally basks in it, lounging on the big dog bed near the receptionist while I walk a couple dogs and clean some cat boxes before we head back home.

  I’m back home, taking a beer out of my fridge when my phone rings. Hopeful that it’s her, I feel a twinge of disappointment when I see Tommy’s name on the screen.

  “So you are still alive,” he says, when I answer. “I was beginning to wonder.”

  “Sorry, bud. Busy with work.”

  “Yeah, you and I both know it’s more than that, but it’s all good.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Calling to see if you wanted to grab a few brews tonight. Steve’s around, so he might join us. Where it’s a holiday tomorrow, I figured you’d be up for it.”

  A night with the guys would probably help snap me out of this funk I feel I’m sliding into.

  “Sounds good,” I tell him. “Where are you thinking?”

  “Louie’s. That is, if it’s not too beneath your rich ass.”

  “Fuck you. I’m still the same guy.”

  “Sure, sure. The same guy, except sleeping in silk sheets and shitting on solid gold toilets.” He chuckles. “Meet you there around 8:00.”

  Prick. I’m grinning as I end the call. It’ll be good to see him.

  Louie’s isn’t as busy as I thought, but people are probably camping this weekend. I see Tom and Steve lifting their beer mugs at me from a trestle table along the windows and walk over.

  “Hey, Cav. Glad you could make it.” Steve slides over for me to sit down.

  “Likewise. How’s married life?”

  “Awesome.”

  Tommy snorts and rolls his eyes in mock exasperation. “Christ, here we go.”

  “Seriously, it is. I highly recommend it.”

  Shaking his head, Tommy grabs a handful of popcorn and chews noisily. “One pussy for the rest of your life? I don’t think so.”

  “If you’re in love with the woman, every time feels new. I hope it happens someday for you, dude.”

  Tommy lifts up the popcorn basket, the menu holder, his placemat, his napkin, looking under each.

  Steve looks confused. “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Seeing if I can find your balls, because you obviously don’t fucking have them anymore.”

  “Kiss my big hairy hiney, Tom.”

  We’re all laughing. I order a beer when the waitress stops by, and then Tom turns his attention to me.

  “So, Cavanaugh...how are your nuts? Still got ’em?”

  “Still intact, yes.”

  “You still seeing Blondie?”

  “Yes.”

  “Whoa—that’s been a while, Cav. This is big for you.”

  “Anything over a week is big for me, Tom.”

  “Ha! Truth. But seriously, good for you. She’s a lucky girl.”

  We talk about business: what’s been selling at Tommy’s car dealership, Steve taking the reins at his accounting firm, the command and control system we’re installing in our newest yachts, and pleasure: my place in Hancock (with an open invitation to visit), Steve and Christie’s upcoming trip to Europe, and where Tommy plans to play golf this summer.

  Just as the waitress comes over to see if we’d like another round, my phone vibrates from my shirt pocket. Delaney is texting me.

  So I’m back at my place, and God damn it to hell, I miss you.

  I feel the smile take hold as I text back.

  Finishing up with the guys, and I’ll be right there.

  I tell Tom and Steve I’ll pass on another round and take out my wallet to pay the tab. Tommy raises his eyebrow and laughs, shaking his head. “Not too difficult to guess where you’re going.”

  “I’ve got to, buddy,” I grin. “She has my balls.”

  And all the rest of me.

  chapter 28 / Delaney

  I adopted a cat. And I’m so excited.

  It’s been a couple weeks since opening Memory Lane, and I didn’t want to wait any longer...I went to the Humane Society yesterday afternoon. They had lots of cats to pick from (sadly), but once I saw this little calico pressing her face against the bars of her cage, sticking out her front paws to try and reach me, and heard the loud rumbling of her purring, it was all over. Her coloring is as lively as her personality: splotches of tiger-striped orange, black, white and buff, with the most adorable little milk mustache.

  Once I decided she was the one, I had Damon meet me and bring Tucker just so we could see if the two would get along. This seemed to please him because it could be construed to mean that I’m thinking future, but since I’m trying like hell to stay in the present, I quickly explained to him that it makes sense for the time we’re together to ensure that the two pets get along well.

  I don’t think he believed me.

  Tucker was as smitten with the cat as I was. Damon thinks he must have lived with them before. The cat took to Tucker, too, weaving in and out of his long legs and even rubbing her face against his curious nose, with no apprehension whatsoever about his size.

  So it was decided. She was already spayed which meant I could take her home that day. Damon was grinning ear to ear, watching me put her carrier in my car. I got flustered and asked him just what was so fascinating. He said I reminded him of a little girl on Christmas morning. I said it feels kind of like that, and smiled all the way home.

  I decided to name her Lucy after a favorite aunt. I set up her litter box in the hallway closet, got out the cat toys I’d been saving and sat on the floor while Lucy scoped out her new home, sniffing with her tiny pink nose and purring.

  I love my new roommate. And maybe my new roommate will help distract me from my 24/7 thoughts of my sleepover buddy.

  I can hope, right?

  I’m making tunafish and saving the juice for Lucy when my mother calls.

  “Sweetie, hi—did you see the latest review on Yelp?”

  She knows Yelp? My mother never ceases to surprise me. “No...I didn’t. Was it good?”

  I can practically feel her beaming through the phone. “Better than good. It was fantastic. Let me read it to you: Memory Lane Café is a fabulous little nook in downtown Ellsworth. The Edison style lights, hardwood floors, nostalgic ambiance, and jazz softly playing in the background make this the perfect place to begin your day. The coffee is excellent, and the morning glory muffins are a personal favorite. Five stars!”

  “Oh, that’s great, Mom. Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Of course! I just read it and had to call—I didn’t want you to miss it. How’s little Lucy?”

  “Doing great. Seems to be very comfortable here already.”

  “I love the pictures you texted me. She looks adorable. I’m sure she was so glad to get out of that shelter. How’s Damon?”

  My stomach tightens up. Mom sounds so eager to hear about him. “He’s good, thanks.”

  “I really liked him, Lane. I know I’ve only met him once, but I had a good feeling about him, and I usually have good intuition about people. And speaking of intuition...I have a good feeling about the man in my life.” Her tone is fringed with elation.

  I don
’t know quite what to feel, or say. I knew that this was coming someday, and I know I’m twenty-seven years old, but thinking about my parents being divorced makes me feel about ten.

  She continues, undeterred by my silence. “Remember that meditation retreat I went on?”

  Ughh, does this mean she met some crunchy, hippie-type in Colorado? “Yes.”

  “He texted me a lot during that. We weren’t allowed to use our phones until the evenings, but when I’d check, I’d have about fifteen messages from him.” She laughs softly. “The texting turned into...what do they call it? Sexy texting?”

  OMG. Am I really having this conversation with my mother? “It’s called sexting. And Mom, you don’t need to share—”

  “Sexting! That’s it. Well, we did that. A lot of it. I had no idea that it could be so erotic.”

  “Mom. Please. Just don’t.”

  “When I got back from the retreat, the sexting progressed to actual sex, so I thought we’d become beneficial friends.”

  Jesus H. Christ, she’s still going. “It’s called friends with benefits. I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Seriously, Mom...you’ve got to be careful with people nowadays. And I don’t need to hear—”

  “But the friends with benefits didn’t feel like enough for me. What I’m trying to say is, I’m in a real relationship with someone.”

  Oh God. I so don’t want to deal with this. I want my mother to be happy, but I don’t want to know how happy, because ewww.

  “That’s good, Mom,” I manage to force out. “I’m glad for you.”

  “Don’t you want to know who it is?”

  No. No, I don’t. “I guess I should know, since I’ll probably meet him sometime.”

  She laughs. “You’ve already met him.” She pauses, and her voice turns softer. “It’s your father.”

  Wait. WHAT. WHAAAT? Could this be? “Are you...serious?”

  “Of course I’m serious, honey. I would never joke about something like that. I realized that I never stopped loving your father. He is such a wonderful man, and he was so unselfish to give me the space I asked for. But in that space, I learned that I didn’t want it. I wanted him. He is all I want. That’s the simple truth, and my reality.”

  Lucy pads silently into the kitchen with her tail up, and I sink into a chair with tears coming out of nowhere, dripping onto the table. I don’t want my mother to know I’m crying, but mothers know everything.

  “I hope those are happy tears, sweetheart.”

  “They are, Mom,” I say, sniffing them up. I feel like I’ve been given the most amazing gift.

  We chat for a little while longer. She tells me they’re planning on remarrying, probably in the fall, and that Dad still needs to get ahold of Wilder to share the news, so to please not say anything yet. We exchange I love you’s, and I end the call feeling a palette of emotions: joy, disbelief, love, gratitude, peace.

  And I thought getting a cat was the big news of the day.

  * * * *

  I’m not seeing Damon tonight since I’m going to Maddie for a girls’ night. I’ve been looking forward to it, but there’s an achy part of me that wishes I was seeing the Payor. Haven’t associated him with that nickname in a while. As weird as it sounds, I wish I could share the happiness I feel about my parents getting back together with him.

  Amanda, Jordan (Maddie’s work friend) and I arrive at the same time. Maddie calls to us from the deck, and we head around the back. She’s at the grill wearing oven mitts and an apron, turning over chicken breasts with tongs. There are baked potatoes wrapped in foil on the grill, a colorful salad and rolls on the table. Everything smells so good, mingling with the salty ocean air. I feel guilty for not bringing anything this time, but Mads said absolutely not because of all the baking I’ve been doing.

  Maddie piles the chicken and bakers on two plates, and we all sit down at the table. Jordan mixes up a Shandy for each of us—equal parts lemonade and beer. It is a perfect June night with fortunately very few black flies. Maddie realizes she forgot the butter for the potatoes and goes into the house to get it, coming out still wearing her oven mitts.

  And then, I know.

  “Gonna take those mitts off, girlfriend?” Amanda is grinning in puzzled amusement.

  “Why yes, I am.” Maddie smiles back, removing them, and we all go crazy...because there is the most beautiful ring on her finger—a big, round diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds in an elegant, antique-looking setting.

  “Oh my gawwwd, Madeline!” Jordan is squealing.

  Amanda’s brown eyes are huge. “Holy shit...that sparkler is fucking gorgeous, sweets. I really want to hate you right now because it’s so huge and beautiful, but I just can’t bring myself to do it because you’re so goddamned happy. And actually I am, too.”

  Madeline is laughing and glowing as she puts up with us grabbing her hand and getting a closer look at the ring. I feel like my heart is going to explode. She looks so blissful, so beautiful, so right...knowing that my best friend is getting the happy ending she deserves with her absolutely perfect match brings grateful tears to my eyes for the second time today.

  We take turns giving her hugs, and then second hugs.

  “Jack did a great job,” I tell her. “That ring is seriously amazing. And where is your fiancé, anyway?”

  Maddie blushes at the label. “My fiancé is in Portland having dinner with his father. He was going to tell him about our engagement tonight.”

  “I can’t wait to congratulate him. How did he propose?”

  “Yes, tell us the whole story,” Jordan says, clasping her hands to her chest. “I love hearing engagement stories.”

  Madeline sighs, her eyes dewy and sparkling. “Ohh, it was romantic. And honestly, perfect. Let’s sit down and eat, and I’ll tell you about it.”

  We peel the foil from our baked potatoes and cut them open to cool a bit, looking at Maddie with rapt attention.

  “A few nights ago on my birthday, Jack set up a little scavenger hunt for me outside, with the clues on index cards tucked under rocks. We were down by the water, and the last thing I come to is a cairn. Cairns are our thing—I think I told you guys that he had made a bunch of them for me the night he told me he loved me.”

  “We’re not even to the end, and already I love this,” Jordan sighs.

  “There’s a note on top of the cairn, and I open it up, and it says, Cairns represent connections—and I want to connect with you officially. I turn around, and there’s Jack on his knee in the sand, holding out a ring box.” Beaming, she holds up her left hand and wiggles her fingers. “So we’re officially connected.”

  “Ohh, Mads! What a sweet proposal. Couldn’t love it more.” I get up from the table to put my arms around her again. “Have you two picked a date yet?”

  She squeezes my arm. “We’re talking about that.”

  We eat, and Maddie’s next door neighbor Kelly comes over, squealing when she hears the big news.

  “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get here earlier,” she says, sighing. “Mia’s been going through separation anxiety from Mommy, so I waited till she was asleep to leave.” Her gaze falls on Amanda. “Hey. You look different. Good different,” she adds hastily. “Have you lost weight?”

  Amanda drains the rest of her lemonade beer. “Are you saying I was fat before?”

  “You know you weren’t, you beeyotch! I’m just saying you look like you’ve been working out.”

  “I have, actually,” Amanda says, looking sheepishly proud. “Thanks for noticing.”

  “Kelly’s right,” Jordan says, leaning across the table and narrowing her eyes. “You do look different. You said earlier you were happy. You haven’t been as bitchy tonight, and that’s so unlike you. No offense.”

  “None taken. And I guess, thanks.”

  “Oh my God.” I point my finger at her. “You met someone, didn’t you?”

  She shrugs, but she won’t look at me, and her neck’s starting to turn red. “Mayb
e.”

  “Ooooh, there are feelings involved!” Kelly scoots her chair closer to Amanda. “That’s why you weren’t telling us right away! This is so exciting.”

  Amanda is trying to maintain her stony expression, but her lips have other ideas. “I don’t know what you bitches are getting all excited about. Can’t a girl be with another girl in this day and age without everyone losing their shit over it?”

  “Nice try,” I chide her. “This is major news only because this is the first time you’ve acted like you’ve found someone special.”

  Amanda smoothly diverts attention from herself. “Speaking of someone special, Lane—how’s your guy?”

  “I see what you just did there.” Making a face at her, I give the same response I gave my mother on the phone, with the same twisty-stomach feeling when I say it. “He’s good.” Then I change topics as deftly as I can by telling them about my parents getting back together, and after sharing that, all of us are basking and believing in the possibility of true love. Including me.

  I tell them about my getting Lucy, and afterwards, Amanda stands up with her plate. “As much as I’d love to hear more about your pussy, Laney, I’ve got to go.”

  “Meeting someone?” I can’t resist teasing her.

  “If you must know...maybe.” She grins.

  Maddie chimes in. “When do we get to meet her, Manda?”

  “Not sure. We’ve kind of been keeping it under wraps, just while we’re getting to know each other.” Her smile widens. “But hopefully you’ll meet her soon.”

  We finish up with cheesecake, and I’m getting ready to leave along with Kelly and Jordan when Maddie whispers in my ear. “Can you stay for a bit? I want to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure.” She’s got me curious. After the other two leave, she makes a pot of decaf, and we sit down at her kitchen table. Murphy is brushing against my legs, sniffing—probably smelling Lucy.