Jolt

by Kris Bryant

  “It’ll be hard to say good-bye tomorrow,” Ali says. I hear the sadness in her voice. “Too bad I’m right in the middle of my tour. You know something? The gods must have known we’d get together because of this nice four-day break. Remind me to send Maureen something nice.”

  “Remind me to send her something nice, too,” I say. I’m trying to get Ali to smile. “Come on, let’s go to bed and make the best of this night.” I move my legs off her lap and hold my hand out to her. This is going to be a monster of an emotional night, and I hope I have the strength to get through it without breaking down. She pulls me close as we crawl into bed, beginning a slow seduction. She’s being very sweet, but I want to grab her and tell her that by now she should realize I’m a sure thing and she doesn’t have to be so gentle. I can tell tonight is different. She’s touching me longer, almost trying to memorize me. I miss the confident Ali, but tender Ali is also nice.

  Chapter Twenty

  The alarm jerks us out of bed. We have about an hour to get ready and another four to drive up to the Kansas City International Airport. After a good-morning kiss that threatens to lead to other things, I reluctantly unwrap myself from Ali’s embrace and hop into the shower. This weekend has been life-changing for me. Even if this relationship doesn’t work out, I’m happy that I’ve had a breakthrough and have moved past Crystal. I’m trying to be realistic because I know Ali and I have more things against us than for us. We want the same things, but we’re still trying each other out and everything is still so new. Hell, I don’t even know Ali’s favorite color. I hear the door to the shower open and I smile. Ali slides into my arms. After a heated kiss, I separate myself from her, giving her space to get wet.

  “Your favorite color is green,” I say. Ali massages shampoo into her long hair. I sigh. I can watch her do the most mundane tasks and still find her sexy.

  “It’s actually purple. I don’t wear the color, but I love it,” she says. “Why?”

  “I wanted to know something simple about you. Part of the whole getting-to-know-you-thing,” I say. It’s hard to concentrate with Ali’s glistening body right in front of me. “I need to leave right now because if I don’t, we won’t leave in time for you to catch your flight.”

  She responds by kissing me senseless.

  “All I do around you is moan,” I say.

  “That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

  “It is when I’m trying to be responsible and get us somewhere on time,” I say. I’m trying to look stern but failing miserably. I slide my hands down Ali’s body, avoiding bruises that I’m sure are a result of our weekend. “I’m outta here. Hurry up. I’ll start breakfast.”

  I slip out before Ali can protest. I throw on shorts and a shirt and braid my hair. Breakfast will have to be quick. I’m slicing fruit and adding the pieces to vanilla yogurt when Ali enters the kitchen.

  “Are you packed?” I ask. I’m suddenly avoiding eye contact. It’s going to be hard saying good-bye.

  “Yes, I packed most of my stuff last night. Just need to do a quick walk-through and we can hit the road.”

  I pour two cups of coffee and set one in front of Ali. I divide up breakfast and slide a bowl over to her as well. I stop moving when Ali touches my hand.

  “Hey. Are you all right?” she asks.

  I look at her and nod. “Back to reality.” I sigh. I continue expelling my nervous energy by tidying up the already clean kitchen. I can feel Ali’s gaze on me. I probably look crazy right now.

  “We’ll still talk every night. You have my schedule, so anytime you can get away, visit me. When I’m done, I’ll visit you. It’s only fair since you’ve catered to my every whim so far,” she says. “Then you can show me Chicago since I’ve only been there a few times and never got a chance to do anything fun.”

  It’ll be good for both of us because I’ve lived there for three years and have never had the chance to do anything fun either.

  “I know. I just hate good-byes. I’m sorry I’m so squirrelly right now,” I say.

  She reaches out and stops my weird trek around the kitchen. “We will make this work, Bethany. I want this and you more than anything,” she says. That lifts me up. “The time apart will go fast and then we can be together again. I promise.” She kisses me tenderly.

  I lick my lips when she pulls away, keeping the taste of her in my mouth a little bit longer. I nod in agreement, not trusting my voice. We eat breakfast in silence. Even though it’s coming to an end, this weekend was the best I’ve ever had.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  It’s late on Thursday and I think about how just three days ago, I woke up snuggled in Ali’s arms. It seems like a lifetime ago. Camp has been uneventful and I’m back on laundry duty since I missed Monday. I don’t mind though. It allows me private time to be alone with my thoughts and whomever I choose to talk to at the moment. Right now, I’m folding clothes and it’s just me and Shakespeare discussing love sonnets and how his perspective is so much more eloquent than mine. The language five hundred years ago was powerful and expressive. It has since been slaughtered and abbreviated, and now we barely communicate as a society unless we use acronyms.

  My phone rings and I realize it’s Ali on FaceTime. “Hi,” she says. Her smile fills up the screen. God, I love her mouth.

  “Hi,” I say. “How was the concert?”

  “It was good. I didn’t even screw up once.” I laugh because for the last two shows, Ali has slipped up on her guitar, and she blames me for her lack of attention. “What are you doing right now?”

  “I’m next door, finishing up the laundry. I’m basically done.” I scramble around and shut off the lights. I want to get back to the privacy of my own cabin. Not that anybody can hear our conversation, but I just want to be alone with her.

  “Are you back in your cabin yet?” she asks. I nod as I shut the door. “I have an idea,” she says, her voice still low and her words slow.

  “Okay…” I have no idea what she’s thinking, but based on the look she’s giving me, it’s going to be intense.

  “Slip into bed,” she says. I give her a confused look and she elaborates. “Get comfortable. I want to tell you a story.”

  I haven’t said no to her yet and I doubt I will. I smile and do what she asks, eager to hear what she’s going to tell me. A part of me thinks it will be sexual. Even during sex, her whispers were low. Incomplete thoughts, really. Hot, from what I can remember, but just words. I try to be calm, but I’m nervous in a good way. I slip under the covers.

  “Once upon a time,” she says, and I laugh until I see her face and realize she’s serious. I stop smiling immediately and listen. She starts again. “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman named Beth.”

  I refrain from snorting.

  “She worked at a camp during the summers, and one day she fell on her back in front of a visitor named Ali.”

  Again, I refrain from snorting.

  “Ali thought she was the prettiest woman she’d ever seen and made it her mission to get to know her better, but Beth avoided her the entire time,” she says. I give her a sad smile and she stops her story. “I’m glad we did get to know each other.” She’s serious again and I gulp. She can go from fun to intense in the blink of an eye. “The minute I touched you, I knew I wanted more. Our first kiss I wanted to devour you right there in the water.”

  “I’m just glad you made the first move. I’m so bad at that,” I say.

  “You’ve been so open with me, especially since we made love,” she says. “I can’t tell you how wonderful your honesty is.” I’m focusing on the words “making love,” because most of the time the sex was so intense and powerfully raw. I’ve been avoiding the word “love” because we’re so new and I’m trying to not make Ali my rebound girl. Not that I think she really means the word, it’s just that I’m word-sensitive, and it’s not a word I throw around lightly. I’m arguing with myself when I should be paying attention to her.

  “Do you know wh
at my favorite part about our weekend was?” she asks.

  Yes, I want to know.

  “The way you responded to my touch.” I want to moan. She continues. “You’re so passionate and you taste incredible. My memory of you, of us, gets me through every day.”

  I’m on fire. Nobody’s ever been this candid with me. I have the urge to touch myself while she’s talking to me. Her raspy voice is driving me crazy. I miss her. I need her. I crave her. I try to secretly prop up the phone so I can free my hands, but I fail.

  “What are you doing?” Ali asks. Apparently, my frustration’s evident.

  “Um…nothing.”

  “Really?” she asks, cocking her eyebrow. She knows. “I’ll tell you what. Let me change into my pajamas and I’ll call you right back. Thirty seconds or less.”

  That’s not going to give me enough time to do what I want to do. I nod and hang up, sorry for the loss and feeling strangely empty. She calls me back within two minutes, and I wonder if two minutes would’ve been enough time. I suddenly perk up because now I don’t have to hold the phone out so we can see one another while we talk. I quietly slip out of my boxers.

  “Where were we?” she asks. “Oh, yeah. I was telling you how much I miss your taste.” I close my eyes and slowly begin to touch myself. I bite my lip to keep from making any noises that’ll give me away. “I love how wet you are when we’re together and how you give yourself to me. You’re so warm and so tight, and I just wish I was inside you right now, slowly fucking you.” My eyes fly open with that. Holy crap! She’s never said anything like that to me before. It’s so animalistic. I move my fingers faster and harder, focusing on her voice and listening even harder to her words. “I wish you were right here next to me so I could touch you and hold you and bury myself in you. I miss sucking on your neck and feeling your nails on my back and my legs as you get closer and closer to coming.”

  God, her voice is so low and sexy, and I’m going to explode. I hiss through my clenched teeth and hope I’m not so loud that she hears. She continues her verbal seduction and I come as quietly as I can. I’m pretty sure she knows what I just did because I can hear the smile in her voice as I come down from my sexual high. I’m a mixture of embarrassed and thrilled, and I want to giggle because I’ve never done this before. There’s no way I can return the favor. I would be a complete awkward mess, and I wouldn’t know what to say. I swear, when I hear my voice on a recording, I cringe because I sound like Minnie Mouse. I do not have a sexy voice. I can’t imagine it turning Ali on enough to masturbate.

  “How are you, sweets?” she asks.

  Fantastic! Wonderful! Incredible!

  My breathing is still ragged and I try to control it. “I’m very good now.” I don’t tell her what I just did because she already knows, and she’s kind enough not to tease me or talk about it.

  “I wish I was there right now,” she says. She doesn’t know how much I wish she was here, too. “You should probably get some sleep. Thank you for an incredible night.”

  I wish I could kiss her. That’s always the best way to top off a delicious orgasm.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  I want to drop to my knees to kiss the tarmac when I step off the plane, but I refrain for fear of being run over by other disgruntled and frightened passengers hot on my heels. That was the worst flight I’ve ever been on. It was a short night flight to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut, but we flew through turbulent winds almost the entire time. My fingers still ache from grabbing the seat and the guy beside me the entire trip. I kept apologizing to him, but he just laughed like it was no big deal. Of course, he drank the whole flight, and I would have, too, but I need to be sober to drive.

  I’m done with Camp Jacomo this year and on my way to surprise Ali near her hometown. She’s putting on two shows for a charity event, and even though I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it, I moved heaven and earth and here I am. I’m extremely excited to see Ali again. It’s been a month since our weekend together. Since then, my entire life has been thinking about Ali, dreaming about her, talking to her, or talking about her. She’s passionate, exhilarating, sexy, and has unleashed some pretty intense emotions in me.

  I was wary of them at first, but then I realized I deserve happiness. So does Ali. We both have been through some tough breakups. I’ve been so focused on myself that I haven’t really given her the time to heal. Her breakup was less than five months ago. I try not to think that I’m probably her rebound girl because, in my heart, I don’t believe that. I’m trying hard not to be clingy, but I’m falling short.

  My rental car is waiting for me and I drive off, anxious to get to the concert hall. The flight was delayed and I’m not happy about missing the show. It’s eleven thirty, and by the time I find the venue, it’ll probably be over. There isn’t anything I can do about my tardiness so I let it go. Instead, I focus on Ali and her reaction. She’s going to be shocked to see me. I wonder how I’ll surprise her. Will I be able to get close enough to her and maybe sneak up behind her? Or should I find Brian and ask him to let me on the bus and I surprise her that way? I scratch that idea because they’ll probably go eat somewhere and then drive off with me asleep in Ali’s bed.

  Parking is almost impossible when I get to the hall, and I don’t find a spot for three blocks. Great day to wear heels. I wonder how I’m even going to get in as I check all the doors. When I reach the back, I find a security guard smoking outside. I tell him I was at the concert and I’ve lost my car keys and I’d really appreciate it if he let me in so I can check around my seat. He lets me in, but not until after he spends about twenty seconds letting his eyes roam over my body, resting not too gentlemanly on my breasts. Ugh. I try not to look repulsed and quickly dart past him. I walk through a maze of hallways until I find what I think are dressing rooms. I knock on a door and hear a muffled welcome. I cautiously open it. Brian’s inside, sprawled out on the sofa, drinking a beer and talking on the phone.

  “Oh, hey, Beth. How are you?” he says.

  “Hi. Good to see you again. I’m looking for Ali. Is she around?”

  “She’s two doors down. Go on in. I know she’ll be excited to see you again.” I wave thanks and do everything to not run full speed to Ali’s door. I make my way down the hall and stop when I see the door to her dressing room ajar. Ali’s propped up against the vanity, her legs stretched out in front of her. What I don’t expect to see is another woman leaning against her. Ali has the back of her hand on the woman’s neck and they’re sharing a tender kiss. I turn cold immediately and my vision goes white. I see nothing but white. I know I haven’t passed out because I’ve turned and am making my way back down the hall.

  I’ve always written people seeing red in extreme fits of shock. I’m going to have to change that.

  “Is she not there?” Brian asks. I almost crash into him. I shake my head and continue down the hall, trying to get the hell out of this place. I can’t wrap my mind around what I just saw. I can’t believe it. How can she do this to me, to the fledgling us? I lock my emotions deep down somewhere. I need to get the fuck out of here.

  I hear Brian curse and then a lot of other noise and voices. I finally make my way out of that labyrinth of darkness and burst out a side door. I need air. I gulp it greedily. Ignoring all the people around me, I push my way through the crowd, eventually breaking free. I search for my car. I can’t remember what kind it is, so I hit the button until a see flashing lights and hear a honk. I lock myself inside and allow the tears to flow. I cry for so many different reasons. I cry because I trusted Ali and I cry for my breaking heart.

  I ignore the buzz of my cell phone, knowing full well it’s Ali trying to give me some explanation. Nothing she can tell me will make it acceptable for her to kiss another woman or to think that I’m okay with it. I silence my phone. I’m suddenly very tired, and I rest my forehead on the steering wheel, the tears still flowing. I haven’t reached that sobbing point, yet, but that will happen when I’m not
in public where people can see and judge me. I’ll wait to collapse at whatever hotel I pick. I need to find one soon because I’m exhausted.

  Bam! Something loud hits the side of the window. I look up in surprise.

  “Open up, Beth.” It’s Ali and she looks as bad as I do. I shake my head no, thankful that my dad always taught me to lock my door whenever I get into a car. I don’t want her near me. I don’t want her touching me, and I’m wondering how I’m going to get rid of the feel of her touch.

  “Please! You don’t understand!” she says.

  I don’t look at her. I can’t look at her. I wipe away my tears. I can’t let her see me this weak. I need to escape. I watch her check all of the doors on my car. I even double-hit the lock button, thankful she can’t get to me. I’ll do something stupid like forgive her. We’re starting to draw a crowd. She looks desperate and I’m sure I look desolate. She glances around, and I think she’s trying to find something to break my window. This is just too much for me. I start the car. She turns and puts her hands on the hood.

  “Don’t do this, Beth. We need to talk.”

  I turn up the radio so I can’t hear her. She smacks her palms on the hood, and I back up and move into traffic, not really caring if I bump into any cars. Thankfully, I don’t. I turn the wheel and keep my eyes in front of me, trying desperately to not look at Ali. Out of the corner of my eye I see her slide down the wall and put her head in her hands. I want to go to her, but I can’t. My ego won’t allow it. My heart won’t allow it either.

  I drive slowly, knowing that I’m not in any shape to be on the road. I don’t even know where I am so it really doesn’t matter. I remember the general direction of the airport so I head toward it. My hands are shaking, but I grit my teeth and push through the heartache. I need to find a room soon. I’m about to fall apart into a million pieces. I see a Hampton Inn and turn the car that way. Somehow, I make it to the parking lot and head inside. I know I look a mess. I get a room and grab my bag from the car. I barely make it before I crumple to the floor. Thank God hotel doors close automatically.