by Sarah Bailey
“It was good, I guess.”
His eyes darted between us again. I was feeling unnerved by the twinkle in his eyes.
“Don’t you two have something to tell me?”
Kira frowned, picking up her mug and taking a sip before answering.
“About what?”
Stan smiled.
“I don’t want to embarrass you or anything, but I asked Lisa to check on you earlier to make sure you got home okay last night. She mentioned you weren’t alone.”
Stan looked between us again. The blood drained from Kira’s face. Lisa was one of Stan’s carers. If she’d checked on Kira, then she’d have known I was in Kira’s bed with her.
“I wondered if the two of you had something to tell me.”
Fuck. Well, fuck. How the hell do we explain this to him?
I didn’t want Stan to think I was using Kira for sex or anything. I would never disrespect him or his daughter like that. Kira was clearly not in a state to respond to her father about it. Reaching out, I took her hand. She turned her head towards me, her eyes wide and panicked. In my hungover state, I could only come up with one solution to the problem.
“Well, Kira and I didn’t want to tell anyone as we wanted to be sure, but we’ve been dating for a little while.”
Kira’s eyes widened almost comically at my words. She mouthed the words “what the fuck” at me a moment later.
“Is this true, darling?”
Stan was looking at Kira, who was still staring at me. I pulled her into my lap, which made her let out a yelp. My hand went to her face, turning it towards her father as I leant my head on her shoulder so my mouth was close to her ear.
“Just go with it,” I hissed.
I dropped my hand from her face and wrapped it around her waist instead.
“Um, yeah… it… is,” she choked out, stumbling on her words.
“This is wonderful news,” Stan said, his smile almost splitting his face in half, “I always knew the two of you would end up together.”
That made me swallow. Kira let out a nervous laugh.
“You did?”
Stan nodded profusely, reaching out a shaky hand.
“Of course, anyone can see what a perfect match you are. I’ve always secretly hoped you two would see it too, and now you have.”
Stan had joked about it in the past, as had my own parents, but Kira and I had always laughed it off. Now, I realised this was something Stan had actively wanted for us.
Why the fuck did you tell him you’re dating?
It had seemed like my only option a few minutes ago, and now I was regretting it. Kira and I were not dating. I wasn’t in a place to have a girlfriend, let alone jeopardise fourteen years of friendship with her.
The two of us sat there whilst Stan went on about how happy he was we’d finally taken that leap. How he no longer had to worry about Kira not finding the right person. How he knew we’d last as a couple because we were so close. The whole thing left me with the impression I’d royally fucked up beyond belief. Stan had been holding a candle for the two of us for years. Kira had never once mentioned this to me. Did she know?
She’d sat in my lap during his entire speech, her whole body stiff and her demeanour completely off. No doubt I was in for an earful when we finally escaped her father’s room.
“I’m glad you’re happy for us, Dad,” Kira said when Stan finally fell silent, “Um, so Duke and I need to have breakfast. We’re still feeling a little delicate.”
“Of course, of course,” Stan replied, waving his shaky hand before setting it back in his lap, “I’m just so pleased for the two of you.”
Kira jumped out of my lap and went over to him, giving him another kiss and squeezing his shoulder.
“Duke and I are happy too.”
I got up and shook Stan’s hand, finding myself plastering a fake smile on my face. When Kira and I left, taking our mugs with us, I slipped my hand into hers to keep the ruse up. The moment we were out of the room, she ripped her hand away and stormed off downstairs. I trudged after her. This was the worst possible timing. We were both hungover. There was no way in hell this wouldn’t dissolve into an argument.
When we got into the kitchen, I set my mug down on the counter and watched her shut the door. She turned to me, her copper eyes blazing with anger. She slammed her mug down and pointed at me.
“What the fuck was that, Duke? Like, what the actual fuck was that!”
Chapter Twenty One
I could not believe Duke telling my dad we were dating. It’d been bad enough Lisa had found Duke in my bed, but this was a whole other level of fucked up. Duke had no idea my father had been harbouring a desire for the two of us to get together. I’d been reluctant to tell him. Now, Dad had gone full-blown psycho over the whole thing, acting like this was the second coming of Christ. What the hell was I going to do?
I stood there, glaring at Duke because he’d really fucked us over by telling my dad we were dating.
“I didn’t want Stan thinking I was messing around with you. Can you imagine what he’d have said if I told him we were drunk and I’d slept with you but had no plans on making you my girlfriend? He’d be so disappointed and I’d be the bad guy in this situation. This is on both of us, but he wouldn’t see it that way,” Duke said, his voice all defensive.
“So you decide to tell him we’re dating? Are you insane? Now, Dad is ecstatic about it. Do you have any idea what you’ve done? How am I supposed to tell him it’s not true? It’ll break his heart.” I buried my face in my hands, realising just how much shit I was going to have to unpack because of Duke. “Oh my god, this is a fucking nightmare. Please tell me I’m dreaming.”
I heard his footsteps, but I didn’t drop my hands from my face.
“Kira…”
I didn’t know what to say. It’d been bad enough Dad found out Duke and I had spent the night together, but now this shit? My head hurt and my feelings were a tangled mess. I mean, shit, Duke and I should not have had sex last night. Granted, it had been pretty amazing, but that was beside the point. It had only blurred the lines of our friendship further. We’d barely got past it the last time it happened.
My chest burnt with the knowledge this was one gigantic mistake. I loved Duke with every inch of my being, but I knew he was in no way shape or form ready or prepared to be in a relationship again. Not to mention we’d been friends for fourteen years and the thought of uprooting all of that to have a romantic relationship with him scared the shit out of me. I could lose him. My fear made me stay silent about my feelings. About my undying and all-consuming love for him. For the boy who had been my world for most of my life.
Duke wrapped his arms around me, a gesture I both loved and hated at the same time.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair.
“Sorry won’t fix this,” I mumbled.
I wanted to hammer my fists down on his chest. Instead, I dropped my hands from my face and clutched his t-shirt.
“We don’t have to tell him it’s not true.”
I almost wanted to laugh, but the whole thing was too fucked up to find remotely amusing.
“Of course we do. It’s not fair to let him believe we’re something we’re not.”
He pulled back only to take my face in his hands. My breath stuttered at the contact.
“Why not? No one else has to know.”
I stared at him, unable to believe what he’d just said. We definitely had to tell my dad the truth, didn’t we? He’d be disappointed, but it was better than lying and pretending. I don’t think I could stand it, acting like a couple in front of my father when we were far from being one.
“We haven’t even talked about what happened last night and now you’re asking me to lie to my father about you being my boyfriend?”
He sighed and rubbed my cheek with his thumb.
“What do you want me to say about last night, huh? Nothing has ch
anged. We’re friends.”
“Friends who apparently can’t be drunk around each other.”
He gave me a rueful smile.
“It’s only happened twice.”
“That’s not the point.”
He dropped his hands from my face.
“Kira, I’m not trying to make your life more difficult.”
I looked down and fiddled with the bottom of my t-shirt.
“Tell me why you don’t want to tell him the truth.”
Duke didn’t speak for a long moment. He leant up against the counter next to us and drummed his fingers on it.
“Stan looked so happy… your dad doesn’t have much joy in his life any longer since he had to stop working. Besides, I don’t want him to look at us differently and you know he will if he discovers the truth.”
He was right. Dad wouldn’t be very impressed with us for being reckless. He didn’t even know about our stupid dares.
“That’s not a reason to lie to him.”
His eyebrow raised.
“Do you really want to tell him we weren’t being serious?”
“No, why would I? I can only imagine his face and what he’d have to say to us.”
Even so, we couldn’t pretend we were together for my dad. It was wrong.
“Then just go with this for a while, Kira. It doesn’t have to be forever. We can just tell him at the end of the summer that we’re better as friends.”
I didn’t know whether or not to agree to it. It didn’t sit well with me. Especially not when I was keeping my own feelings for Duke a secret. Wouldn’t it make it that much harder on me if we had to pretend to be in a relationship for my dad’s sake?
Duke tucked his fingers under my chin and forced me to look at him.
“I dare you to pretend to be my girlfriend for the rest of the summer.”
“Duke! You cannot dare me to do that.”
His expression softened. I don’t know why, but he had the fucking power to melt me with those bloody eyes of his.
“I just did. It only has to be for Stan. Not like we’d tell my family or anyone else.”
“You’re crazy.”
He smiled, dropping his fingers from my chin and tugging me against him.
“You love that about me.”
I shook my head, but I couldn’t help smiling.
“Fuck you for being right.”
“Now I’m in for it, you’re swearing at me.”
I shoved at him, but he didn’t let me go.
“Shut up.”
He held me tighter and rocked me from side to side. Duke’s idea was crazy, but when had we ever not done crazy? We weren’t known for sticking to the straight and narrow. It drove Duke’s siblings mad since we constantly dared each other to play pranks on them, particularly Raphi. He definitely suspected us. Duke was close to his brother. They told each other everything, but somehow I knew Duke had never told Raphi about our secret. The fact we’d slept together.
“Okay,” I whispered into his chest. “I’ll accept your dare, but we are not kissing in front of him.”
I couldn’t deal with kissing Duke. It would hurt too much. At least when I’d been drunk, I’d not given a shit about the damage it did to my heart. Being sober wouldn’t do me any favours.
“Deal.”
“And you cannot tell Raphi.”
Duke pulled away slightly to look at my face. His eyes were twinkling.
“I can keep secrets from my brother. He wouldn’t tell anyone, you know.”
“Doesn’t matter. If any of your family finds out, it’ll be worse for us. I, for one, do not want to pretend we’re a couple to them. Doing it for Dad is bad enough.”
Duke shuddered. I bet he was imagining Ash’s reaction. She’d be over the moon, no doubt. They all would. His parents treated me like one of the family. We were super close. I didn’t want to lie to Duke’s dad. Xav had done so much for me over the years. He’d given me the tools I needed to get into university. Having an unconditional offer was like a dream come true for me. I didn’t have to worry about my exam results too much.
“No, that would be hell on earth. We’d get relentlessly teased by my dad.”
I laughed. No doubt Xav would take every opportunity to make a joke about it and embarrass us. He used any opportunity to wind his family up. I swear sometimes I did not know how Ash dealt with him or the rest of Duke’s dads. Duke’s mum was quite the woman. I admired her tenacity and the way she doted on her kids. It did Duke’s head in as she was protective over him. I couldn’t exactly blame Ash given the whole Andie thing and the way Duke reacted to it. He withdrew into himself for a long time, only opening up to me and Raphi. It’s like he was a different person to everyone else. One who didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone. I suppose it’s why he had so many casual flings.
Duke and I had never properly discussed that aspect of his life. I didn’t want to hear about his sexcapades with girls at school and outside of it. Knowing it happened differed completely from being given explicit details. I wouldn’t say it was fun watching the boy I loved plough his way through half our class, but I tried not to think too hard about it. They meant nothing to him. It kind of made it worse, in all honesty. Knowing he did it as a way of dealing with his guilt and regrets over Andie. He’d never told me that, but I knew Duke well enough to know exactly what he was thinking and feeling.
“I have to ask you something.”
His eyes roamed across my face.
“Go ahead.”
“You going to see other girls whilst fake dating me for my dad’s sake?”
He didn’t answer me for a long moment. I don’t know why I needed to know that, but I did.
“I hadn’t thought about it.”
“It’s okay if you do.”
It’s not, but I’m going to say it anyway because it’s what I have to say. We’re friends. I can’t be jealous or insecure about the whole thing. I don’t get to be.
His eyes searched my face again. I couldn’t read his expression. Duke was usually an open book to me, but right now, he was guarded. It made me wonder why.
“I won’t.”
“No?”
He shook his head, his arms tightening around me.
“It doesn’t help me, you know. Like I forget for a while, but it’s not fixing anything. It doesn’t make it better.”
The agony appearing in his eyes at his words made my chest cave in. I’d always wanted to take Duke’s pain away, but I couldn’t. He lived with demons he couldn’t shake.
“I know.”
“Maybe this will be good for me. A new start, you know. Like, shit, we’re going off to uni. I need to move on with my life.” He gave me a shrug as he let go of me and turned away, opening the fridge to look inside. “How about I make us a full English? Think we deserve it after last night.”
Duke would often help his dad, Eric in the kitchen. His parents had tried to teach all their kids to cook. Aurora had never taken to it, but Duke and Raphi were the most interested. Cole… well, he avoided the kitchen like the plague, a bit like his own dad, Rory, who never did dinners. Ever.
“Yes, please.”
He waved at the kettle.
“Make us another tea and I’ll get it going.”
I smiled, walking over to the kettle and filling it up. Duke didn’t want to talk about his wayward behaviour any longer and I didn’t blame him. Who knew if he’d actually stop sleeping around. I wasn’t expecting it, but maybe he was right. Maybe he needed this.
Perhaps this whole fake dating thing would be a blessing in disguise for him. It certainly wasn’t for me. I wasn’t going to enjoy pretending to my dad. It would destroy me. However, I wanted to give my father happiness. He had so little of it in his life now. Who knew how long he had left? Maybe if he had a reason to keep fighting, he’d stick around for longer. Would it be that bad to give him hope? He’d told me many times he wanted
to live to see me happy and settled with someone I loved. If he saw me happy with Duke for a while, it wouldn’t be so bad. I could give him something to hang on for.
It was what made up my mind for me. I’d already accepted Duke’s dare, but this gave me an incentive to make it count. My dad’s happiness was more important to me than my own feelings for Duke. The way it would cut me. Because the truth was… I wouldn’t be faking it with Duke at all. How could I? I was in love with him. And I would just have to suffer living in the fantasy we were more than we could ever be.
Chapter Twenty Two
I wandered into my dad’s bedroom without knocking. He was sat at his desk, his head buried in his laptop. I don’t think he heard me walking in.
“Dad.”
He put a finger up, asking me to wait a moment. I sat down on the blanket at the bottom of his bed and ran my fingers over it.
“What’s up, Dukey?” he asked after a minute without turning to look at me.
“I wanted to ask your opinion on something.”
It’d been a couple of days since the whole drunken sex incident with Kira. The whole thing the next day with Stan was entirely my fault. Now I’d put us both in a shitty situation. Not least because faking it with Kira was a fucking problem. My feelings weren’t fake at all. When we’d spent time with Stan that afternoon, I’d got to hold her hand and touch her like she was my girlfriend. It’d made me feel far too much shit I shouldn’t.
I hated myself for putting Kira in this position, but she’d been completely committed to it for her father’s sake. The way his eyes had lit up seeing us together made her smile wider. It’d been so long since he’d been happy. I couldn’t ruin it for him.
“Oh yeah?”
“I wanted to do something nice for Kira.”
Dad turned in his chair, glancing at me with a glint in his eyes.
“For Kira, eh?”
I gave him a look.
“Don’t get any weird ideas, Dad. I meant as a friend.”
He put his hands up.
“I wasn’t, I swear.”
I rolled my eyes. Dad had a gutter mind. No doubt it had gone to the worst possible place.