by Sarah Bailey
“Don’t stop, oh god, please.”
I bit down on her nipple, which only made her cry out. Rolling her onto her back, I shoved my other hand over her mouth to stop her from being so loud. My bedroom was next to my brother’s and the walls were not completely soundproof.
“You need to be quiet or Raphi will hear us,” I murmured before I sucked away the sting of my bite.
I shouldn’t care if he did. It’s not like I kept the other girls I brought home quiet. Only he would know it was Kira I was doing this shit to. Maybe I should tell him. Fuck knows he’d be the only one able to keep it a secret. I needed someone to help me work out what the hell to do about all of this.
Kira’s moans as I continued to pleasure her with my tongue and fingers were muffled by my hand on her mouth. Despite me telling her to be quiet, she clearly wasn’t able to. I plunged my fingers into her pussy and thumbed her clit. She bucked and whined against me.
“Duke, please,” came her muffled cries, “Fuck, please, give it to me.”
“Are you asking me to fuck you, Kira? Do you want my cock?”
I kept my voice low as I kissed her breasts.
“Yes.”
“Then say the words.”
I don’t know why I wanted to hear it from her mouth. Kira didn’t have much of a potty mouth like I did. My whole family used the word fuck liberally. I lifted my hand from her mouth, allowing her to speak without the sound being hampered.
“Fuck me,” she whimpered, “Give me your cock.”
The words falling out of her mouth made my dick throb. I wanted her to come first. To coat my fingers in her release.
“Where do you want it?”
I thrust my fingers harder, rubbing against the spot I knew would drive her crazy. She panted, her back bowing. Her fingers scrabbled at the sheets, signalling her impending climax. I wasn’t sure I was going to get an answer from her when she was struggling to hold on.
“In… in… I want it in…” Her hand clutched the covers. “Don’t make me say it.”
“Oh? You embarrassed to ask for what you want? Could it be because you don’t want it in your pussy?”
I had no idea why I was taunting her, only it turned me on to see her losing her mind in this way.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Raising my head, I stared down at her. We’d only done anal once. She’d been into it, but I hadn’t wanted to press her for more. I shifted higher so my face was almost pressed against hers. Those copper eyes were wide as they stared back at me.
“Say it. Tell me what you want. I dare you.”
“Duke.”
“Say the words.”
“I can’t.”
I kissed her cheek.
“You can. Say, ‘Duke, I want your cock in my arse. I want you to fuck me so hard, I scream and you’ll have to cover my mouth to muffle the sound.’ I want to hear those words from your fucking mouth.”
She bucked, pressing herself into my body. Her mouth parted. I rubbed her clit harder, knowing it would send her flying off the edge.
“Oh god,” she gasped as her climax hit, “Fuck. Fuck me in the arse, Duke, please. I want it so bad.”
I couldn’t help smiling. It was good enough for me to hear her admit it out loud. She trembled, her pussy clenching around my fingers whilst she came violently. I kissed down her jaw to her ear.
“I’m going to hold you down whilst I give it to you. You won’t be able to escape and you’ll feel it tomorrow. You’ll remember the way I fucked you every time you sit down.”
Her whimpered response was all I needed. I pulled my fingers from her pussy and flipped her over onto her stomach. Her shorts and underwear were soon discarded along with my own, and I grabbed the lube out of my bedside drawer. I coated my fingers before sliding them between her cheeks. My other hand landed on the centre of her back, holding her down on the bed.
I groaned when I slipped a finger inside her. She was so fucking hot back there. Kira ground against my finger. I gave her more, taking my time to open her up to me. No matter how much I wanted to be in her, I would never skimp on prep. Hurting the person I was with was the very last thing I wanted.
Kira buried her face in the pillow, muffling her moans and pants. Her fingers were curled around it as if she was holding on for dear life. She better keep a hold of it with the way I was about to fuck her. I fished out a condom from the drawer and rolled it on before liberally coating my cock with lube.
My hand remained on her back, keeping her pinned to the bed as I slid inside her. She moaned into the pillow. I didn’t go fast, allowing her to adjust and open up to me. After a few minutes, I was met with less resistance, so I moved faster. I leant over her, covering her body with mine.
“Is this what you wanted?” I murmured in her ear, “Did you need me to fuck this tight little hole until you’re crying from the pleasure?”
I dug my hand between her and the bed, sliding it down to her pussy. My fingers delved into her pussy whilst my thumb landed back on her clit. I earnt a cry from her lips.
She couldn’t move as I continued to thrust inside her with my cock and fingers. The only thing she could do was give into the delirious ecstasy. Her moans and cries fuelled me, made me fuck her harder and push her towards the edge. I let go of my misgivings about being rough with her. She didn’t ask me to stop. If anything, she was encouraging me.
Maybe it’s what she needed to stop feeling so much misery. Didn’t we all need an outlet when times were difficult? Things were bad now, but if the worst happened, I worried about her ability to cope. Kira had always been under a shit ton of stress when it came to her father and his health ever since he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I hoped this wouldn’t break her.
“You going to come for me again?” I hissed in her ear, “Come all over my cock?”
It was lucky my bed was built solid or the headboard would be banging against the wall with the force of my thrusts. Then there would be absolutely no mistaking what I was doing to Kira.
“Oh god,” she cried into the pillow.
Then she came, clenching around me and making me grunt with the effort of holding back. I rode it out until I couldn’t take it any longer. The heat and tightness of her was all too much. I groaned with my climax. The intensity almost blinded me. Spots formed in my vision and the world narrowed to me and her. There was nothing else more important in those moments.
I stayed wrapped around her back for a long time, the both of us panting from exertion. When I caught my breath, I got off her and cleaned up, helping Kira do so as well. I tugged her underwear back up her legs and replaced my own before tucking the covers around us. Kira was out like a light within a few minutes. I breathed a sigh of relief. She needed the sleep.
I kissed her hair and held her against me.
“You’re okay,” I whispered, “I’ve got you. Just sleep, my love. I’ll keep you safe.”
And I meant it.
Chapter Thirty Two
Asking Duke to comfort me with sex was incredibly fucked up, but my rationality had fled the building the moment I discovered my father might die. I needed something to take the edge off. My emotions were running riot, threatening to destroy me. I had to stay strong for Dad. I needed sleep and food to keep my strength up.
Duke took me to the hospital in the morning when visiting hours started. When we got there, we found a flurry of activity around my dad in the ward. We’d stood back whilst the doctors spoke to the nurses and then Dad was being moved. A different doctor from the day before approached us to let us know he was being moved to intensive care as his condition had worsened overnight. I barely knew what to do with myself.
Duke took me into the waiting room and held me against his chest. A nurse said she’d let us know when we could go see my dad. I didn’t speak. What could I even say? They were doing their best to take care of my father. It’s not like I could blame anyone for this happening. All I coul
d do was hope.
“It’s going to be okay,” Duke murmured into my hair.
He led me over to the chairs and got me sat down. I leant against his shoulder, scared I would fall apart if he wasn’t holding me up. He dug his phone out of his pocket and dialled a number.
“Hey, Dad … no, it’s not good news, he’s been taken to the ICU … I’m not sure, they haven’t told us much … she’s in shock, to be honest … thank you, that would be good … okay, yeah, right … okay, I’ll see you soon.”
He hung up and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. I curled my arm around his waist, numbness settling over me.
“Dad’s going to come to the hospital soon, okay? He wants to be here for you, said he might bring Mum too.”
“Okay,” I whispered into Duke’s chest.
Knowing Duke’s family wanted to take care of me had tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I couldn’t break down. Couldn’t fall apart. I had to stay strong. Dad needed me to. He needed me to put on a brave face and pray he’d get better. In my heart, my hope was dying. It was fading away, along with the chance my father would fight for his life. He was tired. He’d told me yesterday when he’d woken up in the afternoon whilst Duke had gone to the loo. Said he was exhausted and perhaps it was his time. It made me realise maybe Dad didn’t want to fight any longer. He was ready to go. And it hurt more than anything.
It’s why I’d needed Duke to make it go away last night. Why I’d asked him to fuck me. I could still feel the phantom of him at my back, pounding into me with everything he had. He’d worn me out so much, I’d fallen asleep straight after.
You could say I’d done nothing wrong in asking him. He was my husband, but it was in name only. Every time we slept together, it only made it feel real. Like we were a couple when we weren’t. Duke had been right yesterday when he told me we needed to wait to discuss what we were. My judgement and emotions were clouded. I was all over the fucking shop. There was no rhyme nor reason to my choices other than I was trying to cope with everything going on as best I could.
I don’t know how much time passed as Duke and I sat in silence together. It felt like no time at all when Xav and Ash entered the room. She came straight over, sat down and took me in her arms. I almost broke down into a sob.
“I’m so sorry, Kira,” she murmured against my hair, “It doesn’t make it any better, but we’re all here for you, whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, clutching her like my life depended on it.
Was it crazy to be extra grateful towards two people who had given life to a person you couldn’t live without? I felt that way about Xav and Ash. They’d brought Duke into the world. Without them, I wouldn’t have the person who would do anything for me. We’d been together through thick and thin. I could survive this with Duke… I hoped.
When Ash let me go, I was gathered up in one of Xav’s bear hugs. His comforting presence gave me a moment’s peace from the shit I was going through.
Then the nurse came into the waiting room to let me know I could see my father. She asked if I wanted to bring someone with me and whilst I would have normally said yes, I needed to do this alone. Duke squeezed my hand before I left with the nurse, giving me reassurance he’d be here when I was ready.
I followed the nurse down the hallway and into the ICU. When we arrived by my father’s bedside, my throat constricted. He looked so small amongst all the machines beeping next to him.
“He’s been put on a ventilator to help him breathe. The doctor will be along to discuss his condition further. He can’t talk, but he is responsive,” she told me.
“Can I sit with him?”
“Of course.”
She indicated the chair near his bed. I walked over to it, pulled it closer to my dad’s bed and took his hand. He turned his head to look at me. I could see him smile behind the tightly fitted mask. He didn’t have a breathing tube, but the mask was helping him.
Dad squeezed my hand before closing his eyes. He’d stayed awake until I was here with him. My heart hurt. My soul burnt. Deep down, I knew Dad didn’t want to fight this any longer. He wanted to go peacefully.
I looked back at the nurse, who gave me a smile and a nod before she disappeared. For a long moment, I stared at the space she’d been in, then I laid my head down on the bed next to my dad’s hand. The tears came, flooding my vision and leaving me desolate. My dad was going to die. The feeling cemented deep in my bones. I hiccupped on a sob. I didn’t want to make any noise, but this was too much. I buried my face in the blankets surrounding my dad and cried my heart out, muffling the noise of my sobs with the covers.
The nurse must have come back and seen me like that because a few minutes later, someone squatted down by my chair and took my other hand.
“Kira,” came Duke’s voice.
I turned my head, finding his face full of concern. He let go of my hand, picked me up off the chair and sat down with me in his arms. I buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent. The familiarness of his body soothed me a fraction.
“He’s going to die,” I whispered.
“You don’t know that.”
“He told me yesterday he’s tired. I don’t think he wants to fight any longer, Duke. He’s ready to go.”
Duke held me tighter. I wouldn’t lie to him about this.
“You’re not ready to let him go yet.”
I shook my head. It was all I could do to come to terms with it. The problem was, I didn’t know how. It’s not something I’d ever thought I would have to do. Accept my dad was going to die no matter how much I prayed he wouldn’t.
Dad had a long conversation with me when I turned eighteen about the future and what would happen when he died. It’s when he made me executor of his will. I was the sole beneficiary, anyway. I also had Power of Attorney to make decisions on his behalf if he was incapable of doing so. He had a living will, which I’d been witness to. Lisa would have handed it over to the doctors when my father was brought in. In it, he’d specifically stated he did not want CPR. I understood his decision. He’d told me on numerous occasions if it was his time, he would embrace it willingly.
“He has a do not resuscitate order,” I whispered, “He agreed to ventilation, but if his heart stops, they can’t intervene.”
It wasn’t something I’d ever told Duke about before. It was hard enough for me to accept my father’s decision in the first place, let alone tell another soul. Now reality was forcing all of this shit I’d held inside out into the open. I’d already started the grieving process long ago, but now I couldn’t cope with it. I suppose theoretical outcomes weren’t as soul-destroying as actual ones.
“Are you okay with that?”
“No, but I can’t change his decision. I have to respect his wishes.”
“Does he know how you feel?”
I nodded. It’s not as if I hadn’t had the conversation with my father about all of this. He respected my position as I did his. Didn’t mean I had to like any of it. Didn’t mean I had to be okay with it.
Duke pulled my face from his shoulder and wiped it with the sleeve of his jumper.
“As hard as this is going to be, Kira, you still have the opportunity to say goodbye. So many people don’t get that.”
I knew he was referring to how he never got to have a conversation with Andie. And he was right. At least I was here at the end. I could be with my father in his final hours.
I pulled away from Duke when I heard someone clearing their throat behind us. It was one of the doctors. I hauled myself from Duke’s lap, giving the lady a smile. She approached us, introducing herself as Doctor Maxim. She went over my dad’s condition with me, making sure I was aware of their concerns about him developing sepsis. I was in no doubt my father wouldn’t survive that kind of life-threatening illness. As painful as the conversation was, the fact she was real with me helped. It prepared me for what might happen over the next few days.
She left us alone with Dad when she was done, and I had no more questions. Duke and I sat with Dad, but he didn’t wake up. I held his hand and stroked my fingers across his forearm.
“This might be my only chance to tell you how much I love you. You have been the most wonderful father to me, Dad. I need you to know that. You mean everything to me, but I understand if it’s your time to go. You’ve lived with so much pain for years, and it’s okay if you can’t do it any longer. It’s okay to let go.”
Duke wrapped an arm around me and placed his other hand on mine where it was clutching my dad’s fingers.
“I love you, Daddy.”
A tear slipped down my cheek, but I ignored it. These words had to come out. I couldn’t hold them inside.
“I’m going to be here until the end, okay? I’ll be right by your side, no matter how long it takes. I just want you to be at peace.”
“And me, Stan,” Duke echoed next to me, “I’ll take care of her for you.”
My heart bled out from my words and Duke’s. I wasn’t sure if I could stem it or whether I even wanted to. The pain reminded me I was alive. It reminded me we were meant to feel grief and sadness when someone we loved was dying. I allowed myself to feel those things instead of locking my emotions away. No matter how much it hurt, I had to endure it for my dad. He needed me to be here for him until the end.
Chapter Thirty Three
It only took two days before it happened. I held onto each moment even though Dad was in and out of consciousness the whole time. I managed to say goodbye in his last moments of lucidity before he passed peacefully in his sleep. Getting the chance to say it was a blessing and a curse. Watching my father die was the worst moment of my life. Duke had been with me. His presence gave me the strength to face it as I wasn’t doing it alone.
There would be a lot for me to do now my father was gone, but I couldn’t do it right then. Not funeral arrangements. Not wills and fucking probates. Nothing. I wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. The past few days since we’d returned from New York had been the most taxing ones of my life. I could no longer count the number of times I’d cried. My heart was utterly broken.