by Sarah Bailey
“Her dad just died, Raphi, she’s feeling vulnerable.”
He took a sip of his juice.
“Did you forget my room is next to yours?”
I looked away. The first night we’d got back from New York wasn’t the only time Kira and I had been intimate. In the middle of the night the day Stan passed away, she woke me up in tears. One thing had led to another. It was as if sex with me was the only thing that provided her with comfort.
“No.”
“You going to tell me how long this has been going on?”
I rubbed the back of my neck.
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Are you two together now?”
“No.”
I glanced at Raphi again. His green eyes were wide behind his glasses.
“So what? You two are just fucking now?”
“Shut up,” I hissed, “Don’t say that so loud.”
He shrugged.
“No one is listening to us.”
I almost smacked my hand on my head.
“Look, what me and Kira are doing is no one else’s business but our own. We’re not together, though. If you must know, it’s been a thing since New York, but it didn’t start then.”
He leant closer.
“When did it start?”
Explaining this to my brother at a wake wasn’t the best time, but fuck, I knew I should have confided in him way earlier than this.
“The week after Andie died.”
“Are you serious!”
“Keep your fucking voice down.”
I gave him a sharp look. His expression immediately turned apologetic.
“Look, we lost our virginity to each other, okay? It just happened, then we agreed it wouldn’t affect our friendship. Nothing else happened until the last day of school. We were both drunk and we slept together again. Then we went to New York and Stan died. It’s not like I initiated it or anything. Kira’s going through a lot, so what if she wants a little bit of human contact to help her deal with her grief?”
Raphi snorted.
“A little more than just human contact, don’t you think?”
“I’m giving her what she needs. You going to judge her for that?”
“What? No, I’m not judging either of you. It’s only you must know this is going to get messy, right?”
I sighed. The longer we went without addressing what was happening between us, the worse it would get.
“Yes. I don’t know what else to do though. Like, I love Kira, you know. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Love her how exactly?”
I looked down at my feet.
“I’m in love with her… I always have been, it’s just we’re friends and I don’t want to fuck that up.”
“I hate to break it to you, Duke, but you have already fucked things up.”
Again, Raphi was right. Things between Kira and me were fucked up. We were married. Something only Stan and his carer knew about. The certificate sat in the drawer of my bedside table. I’d got confirmation our marriage had been legally recognised here.
“Tell me about it.”
“Have you told her how you feel?”
“No. Her dad just died. I can’t really go around announcing I’m in love with her and I want a real relationship with her when she’s grieving. How can she make a rational decision about us when she’s got that going on?”
Raphi nudged my arm.
“I think you’re making excuses not to tell her how you feel.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you hate that I’m right.”
I gave him the finger which only made him chuckle.
“Kira loves you. Probably the only girl who ever has, so, you know, quit being a coward and get your girl.”
A part of me wanted to dispute what he’d said, but deep down, I knew it was true. Kira did love me. There was no way in hell she would have agreed to go along with any of the shit we’d done if she didn’t. Kira wasn’t that type of person. Sure, we’d dared each other to do stupid shit countless times, but the day I’d basically dared her to marry me was different. It was the biggest line either of us had crossed. A line we couldn’t see any longer. And a decision neither of us could come back from.
“At her father’s wake?”
Raphi rolled his eyes.
“No, not today, but don’t leave it too long.”
I looked over to where Kira was standing with a few people. Her eyes told me she wanted to escape them.
“Yeah, okay, I’ll think about it.” I shrugged. “I’m going to go rescue her in the meantime.”
Raphi gave me a wink before I left his side. The little shit. Whilst I felt better for admitting some of the truth to him, there was still the matter of my marriage to Kira. What the fuck would he say when I told him about that?
I would have to get my act together and deal with the situation. Kira and I needed a talk about what we were. And we needed to do it before either of us went off to university. Leaving it hanging around any longer would only land us in more hot water.
As if we weren’t in enough already.
Chapter Thirty Five
The moment we got through my bedroom door after we got home from the wake, Kira shut it and pressed me against it. I barely had a chance to get my head on straight when her mouth landed on mine. My hands went to her waist on instinct, pulling her closer. I should have stopped her, but I didn’t want to. My body responded to hers, wanting to be as close as possible. Wanting to be inside her.
I reversed our position and pinned her hands to the door, shoving my leg between hers. Her copper eyes were wide as I stared down at her.
“Are you sure you want this right now?” I murmured as I closed the distance between our lips so they were brushing against each other.
“Make my sadness disappear… please.”
The desperate note in her voice had me kissing her. I devoured her mouth, my tongue dancing with hers. She ground herself against my leg. Kira didn’t want to wait. She wanted it now. I picked her up, making her wrap her legs around my waist before grinding against her. She moaned in my mouth, wrapping her arms around my neck.
Raphi’s words from earlier played on my mind. The ones about how messy this would get. It already was. Kira and I were tangled up in each other. I didn’t want to escape the web. Kira was my wife. We might have got married under the guise of it being her father’s last wish, but it didn’t change facts.
I love you, Kira. I love you so fucking much.
Instead of telling her, I merely kissed her harder, my hands gripping her thighs tighter as if my need could no longer be contained. It echoed inside me, giving way to urgent and unyielding desire. At least, that was until I felt wetness slip between our lips which wasn’t saliva. I opened my eyes, finding her face wet with tears.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered, pulling back slightly.
“I miss him,” she choked out.
Tugging her away from the door, I moved over to my bed and sat down with her straddling my lap. I wiped her tears with my thumbs, framing her face.
“Shh, it’s okay. You’re allowed to miss him.”
She stared at me with such a profound sense of sorrow, it permeated my bones.
“Duke… I don’t know what we’re doing with each other. I don’t know how we got here or why, but… but I need… I need it to be real for this one night. Please, I need you to love me like you mean it.”
A fresh set of tears trailed down her cheeks, making my chest burn and my heart hurt. I leant closer until our foreheads touched. If this was what she needed, I’d give it to her.
“I love you, Kira,” I whispered. “I fucking love you.”
My throat ached with each word. I meant them. Every single one. I doubted Kira could fathom the depth of my emotions and feelings towards her. Her fucking soul was intrinsically bound to mine. I could remember every moment of our lives t
ogether. She shone like the fucking sun, brightening up my world and setting me free from the burden of coming from the family I’d been born into. The legacy of my family was dark, but Kira was the light. My fucking light.
“Duke…”
“Do you love me too?”
She nodded against my forehead.
“Say it.”
“I love you, Duke Scott.”
The way her voice shook on the words gave me hope… fucking hope she felt the same deep sense of belonging and need when she was with me. The contentment. I hoped I was her home just as she was mine.
Even though she was still crying, I kissed her. The urgency between us grew with each swipe of our mouths against the other. Her fingers dug beneath my blazer, shoving it off me. My hands dropped from her face and went to her thighs, shoving up her dress and diving into her knickers. She shifted off me to allow me to pull them down her legs, then she was back in my lap, kissing me all over again.
My hand was between her legs, stroking her whilst hers were tugging at my belt. She unbuckled it and undid my fly. I groaned in her mouth as she freed me, running her hand down my length. For a few minutes, we just touched each other without going any further. The pulsing need remained, but there was also a desire to drag this out. To make sure we enjoyed the time we had together tonight.
Kira reached over to my bedside drawer, ripping it open and fishing out a condom. She tore open the packet before rolling it down over my cock. Then she shifted over me properly. I held onto the base of my dick, allowing her to impale herself on me. She gripped my shoulders, her eyes intent on mine as she took each inch. Her lips were parted and her breathing grew laboured.
When I was firmly inside her, my hands went to her hips, gripping them to anchor her to me. She leant closer, brushing her mouth against mine.
“Do you remember the first time we told each other we’d be friends forever?”
“How could I forget?”
She smiled through her tears, clearly caught up in the memory of that day. We’d been six years old, playing in my garden. Mum had come out and almost lost her mind when she saw how muddy we’d both got from digging in the flowerbeds and ripping up some of the plants. If we’d messed with the memorial roses for Dad’s mother and sister, I think we would have got in way more trouble. I knew better than to touch those. Mum had gone back inside to get Dad, ranting about how she was going to have to wash us both and our clothes. Kira and I stood there giggling at how angry my mummy was. Mum had returned with Dad and Eric, who laughed at our appearance. Dad picked me up. I’d tried to escape him, reaching for Kira. I didn’t want to leave her behind. Eric picked up Kira and brought her up to my level. We’d held hands before making a pinkie promise to each other we’d be friends forever. I’d noticed the look passing between my dad and Eric at the time, but it was only now I understood the meaning behind it. We reminded them of their friendship which had blossomed into love and they were wondering if history would repeat itself.
Maybe it had. Maybe Kira and I were meant to be. Maybe it’d been written in the stars. Maybe we’d been on a collision course from the day we’d met.
“We really drove Ash crazy.”
“She went on about how troublesome we were for days.”
To be honest, it wasn’t just me and Kira. It was the antics of all her children which drove my mother insane. I didn’t blame her for getting cross with us. Not when we got in trouble at school, or when we didn’t listen to her.
“She swore it was you who led us astray, but it was me who wanted to play in the flowerbed.”
I always took the fall when it came to my parents. Kira cried when someone told her off. I hated seeing her tears. I took it upon myself to do everything in my power to prevent them.
“We were always destined to be troublemakers.”
Kira laughed before she clutched me tighter, her face turning serious.
“I only ever wanted to be one with you.”
I couldn’t respond because she kissed me and rocked her hips against mine. My hands on them encouraged her, wanting to do as she asked me. Wanting to make this real for her because it was real for me. There were so many things I wanted to tell her. Words we’d always left unsaid for fear of ruining our friendship. For fear of destroying everything between us. Things I was too scared to express because if I told Kira the true depth of my love and we fell apart, it would ruin me.
“Never leave me,” she whispered against my lips.
“Never.”
She rose and fell on my cock, driving us both higher. The sensation was unlike anything else. It meant more. We weren’t just fucking each other. This was what making love felt like. No one could fucking well tell me otherwise.
Kira buried her face in my neck. I could feel her panting and gasping against my skin. Her moans only drove me higher. Her pleasure tangled up with mine. It increased it tenfold. Through her, I experienced all the things my parents told me when I was young after I’d asked them what love felt like. My curiosity about how five people could have a relationship with each other in the way they did had me questioning them about everything. Only now did I finally understand what they’d been trying to explain to me. Only now did I see what they meant.
Love wasn’t something you could quantify or explain. It just was. And when you loved someone so deeply they embedded themselves inside you, there was no turning back. They would remain bonded to you. I wasn’t sure I could ever let go of Kira. Even if everything went to shit, she would stay in my heart forever.
“I love you,” I murmured, encouraging her to rise and fall faster, “Never forget that.”
She lifted her face from my shoulder, capturing my mouth in hers. Her fingers tangled in my hair, nails scraping across skin. I could feel the pressure building inside me. I wanted to fall apart. Fall into her abyss and never dig myself out.
“Kira. Fuck, I’m close.”
Her hips rocked faster, the friction making her shudder. We were so tightly pressed together. I was sure she was close too. I held on as long as I could, wanting her to fall with me. And when she did, it was utter bliss between us. Bliss laced with pain because today had been taxing for Kira and me. Saying goodbye to her father had been tough.
The two of us stopped shaking after a while, but we held onto each other. Neither of us wanted to let go.
“I love you.”
Her voice sounded broken, but I didn’t comment on it. Instead, I kissed her hair and stroked her back. What else could I do but comfort her and keep her safe?
She finally pulled away and the two of us cleaned up. She allowed me to pull the rest of her clothes off and tuck her up in bed with me. I held her close, running my hands up along her bare skin. When she was ready, I’d make love to her again. I’d do whatever she wanted tonight. If she needed to cut me so I bled, I would let her. This was my way of being there for her. Showing her how much I cared. I would eventually have to tell her how much I wanted it to be real between us forever, but for now, I had to be content with this one night.
Little did I realise, this one night would be the last one I had with her.
Life had already fucked us over this summer, but it wasn’t done with us yet.
Not by a long shot.
Not at all.
Chapter Thirty Six
I had intended to go with Kira to her house today so she could start organising everything. My parents pulled me aside and told me they had something they needed to talk to me about. Kira had to go alone, but she told me it was fine. It’d been three days since the funeral. She was ready to move forward. We hadn’t yet talked about us after the night of the funeral. I didn’t want to push it when she wasn’t feeling up to it.
My parents sat me down in the living room, shutting the door so no one else would disturb us. Dad and Eric sat next to me. Rory sat with Mum in one of the armchairs and Quinn took a seat on the coffee table directly in front of me. In his hand, he held a recording
device. I had no clue what they wanted, but something about the way they all looked at me had my stomach in knots. A sense of dread overcame me. I dug my blunt nails into my palms to stop myself from asking what the hell was going on.
Quinn looked at my dad for a long moment before levelling his gaze back on me. The seriousness of his expression only made things worse.
“We’re not sure how to tell you this,” he started.
“Tell me what?”
Quinn glanced at my dad again.
“Dukey, you know how you told me you wanted closure from Andie’s death,” Dad said, giving me a sympathetic look. “Well, we found Wyatt.”
My whole body went tense at hearing his name. Andie’s brother. The man the police couldn’t track down because he’d disappeared without a trace. My parents had found him.
“What?” I choked out.
“We found Andie’s brother,” Quinn said. “And we know what happened.”
I swallowed hard, unsure of what to say or do. Did I even want to know? Judging by their faces, the truth was worse than I could imagine.
“What did you do to him?”
Quinn’s expression darkened.
“What we had to.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Dad put a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
“We didn’t hurt him. I don’t know how you’re going to feel about that when you’ve heard what he had to say.”
I had no clue what the fuck that even meant. This was the very last thing I expected them to tell me. Sure, Dad said to leave it to them when I’d told him about my suspicions, but I hadn’t thought any more about it. What with Stan, New York and marriage to Kira, the whole conversation between my dad and me had slipped my mind.
“Look, Duke, there is no easy way to do this. I think it’s best you listen to what we recorded,” Quinn said, setting the recording device on the coffee table and pressing play.
For a moment, there was no sound, then a voice that sent a chill down my spine began speaking.
“You just want to know what I did?” came the man’s voice.