by Sarah Bailey
There must have been a response, but it wasn’t picked up by the device. I stared at it. There were already questions running through my mind. How had they tracked him down? What had they done with him afterwards?
“Okay. Well, I’ve always had… thoughts about my sister, but I never acted on them. At least, not until I got back from my last tour of duty.”
I swallowed hard. A part of me didn’t want to hear this, but the other part knew I had to listen. I had to know the truth.
“That’s when I found out she had a boyfriend. I wasn’t happy about it. If I’m being completely honest, it enraged me. I found myself having… violent thoughts about hurting him, but it wasn’t his fault. It was Andie’s. She knew better. She knew I didn’t want her to have a relationship.”
He already sounded like an absolute psycho.
“Well, I let her think it was okay for a time, but then… then she told me she was going to sleep with him.”
His voice got louder on the last part as if the thought of Andie having sex with me enraged him. Without listening to the rest, I knew what he’d done. I knew it deep in my fucking bones.
“I lost it with her. The little bitch locked herself in the bathroom after I told her she was never going to see her boyfriend again. She wouldn’t open the door until I calmed down… so, I fooled her into thinking she would be fine if she came out, but I was lying.”
Dad’s hand was still on my shoulder. His fingers tightened. I had no idea if all of my parents had been there during this… confession.
“When she unlocked the door, I ripped her out of the room, shoved her on the ground and pinned her there. She cried and begged me to stop, but I couldn’t. I needed to show her who she belonged to.”
I looked over at Mum and Rory. She was staring at Quinn with horror in her eyes. Rory was silently watching her. Their hands were entwined on the arm of the chair. Mum couldn’t have been there when they questioned Wyatt.
“She didn’t struggle when I took her clothes off. All she did was cry like she was resigned to her fate. She knew I wouldn’t let her go.” He paused for a long moment. “Do you want me to tell you in detail what I did to her?”
The long pause meant someone was responding to his question, but there was no sound. Clearly, my parents had taken precautions.
“Fine. I didn’t get completely undressed, merely took my dick out. She cried harder when she saw it. I flipped her over on her hands and knees. She begged me not to one last time, then I shoved my dick into her. Oh, how she fucking screamed. It was music, but I couldn’t let anyone else hear her. I took her knickers and stuffed them in her mouth. I couldn’t tell you how long it lasted, only it felt good. So. Fucking. Good.”
Bile rose in the back of my throat. I put my hand to my mouth, hating everything I was hearing. Hating my parents were subjecting me to this, but also understanding why at the same time. I’d asked for this. I wanted the truth. Only the truth was more horrifying than I could have ever imagined.
“When I was done, she curled up in a ball on the floor, shaking like a leaf. I picked her up and put her in the bathtub before cleaning her up. Then I took her to her room and dressed her. She curled up in a ball on her bed and said nothing. I left her for a few minutes. When I came back, I found she’d send messages to her boyfriend… it sent me into such a fit of rage and we argued. She told me she hated me and she would never forgive me for what I’d done. She said she’d go to the police and I couldn’t have that at all.”
Whilst I’d had an idea it was her brother who’d taken her virginity, this was the part I had not been anticipating.
“I told her if I couldn’t have her, no one could. I went to the bathroom where my pills were. You see, the army was going to medically discharge me. Fuckers thought I was crazy. Guess I am… anyway, I gave Andie the pills and told her to swallow them. At first, she refused, but soon she realised I wasn’t going to let her go.”
No one had ever told me exactly how Andie had committed suicide. Now, it was clear Wyatt had forced her. It wasn’t a suicide. It was murder.
“She took them. All of them. Almost a whole bottle. She overdosed. I watched her die. Then I deleted the messages she’d sent her boyfriend and cleaned up any evidence linking me to what happened. I packed my bags and left. I ran before anyone could find out what I’d done.”
There was another long pause.
“I already told you, I left the country. I only came back last year… I’d been staying exactly where you found me all this time.”
Quinn stopped the device. My hand was still over my mouth. I still felt sick. Before anyone could say a word, I was up and running to the kitchen. I bent over the sink and promptly threw up everything I’d eaten for breakfast. The whole horrifying ordeal Andie had gone through only made me want to punch Wyatt’s lights out. I wasn’t a violent person, but fuck, the sicko had raped his sister and forced her to kill herself.
“Duke,” came Dad’s voice from behind me.
I didn’t turn around or raise my head despite the fact I was only dry heaving now.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head. My hands were planted on either side of the sink. They were the only things holding me up. If I let go, I’d fucking well collapse on the floor.
“What… what did you do with him?” I asked after a moment.
I felt Dad’s presence next to me.
“We made several copies of the recording before we told him he had two choices, turn himself in and confess what he’d done or we would end his life. He chose the former. We gave him a copy of the recording and dropped him off at the nearest police station. He has no idea who we are. Quinn, E, Rory and I wore masks and hid our voices. There’s no way he could link it back to us.”
“How did you find him?”
Dad didn’t try to touch me. I wasn’t sure I could take anyone doing so right that second, anyway.
“We used our contacts to track him down. When they found him, they brought him to us. He’d been staying in a little town in Cornwall for the past six months. Fuck knows why the psycho returned. He wouldn’t tell us.”
The whole thing shook me to my very core. It brought back all my guilt over Andie’s death. It made me feel like I’d let her down. This wasn’t closure. This was a nightmare. A worse nightmare than before. I didn’t know what the hell to even do with the knowledge.
“When did this happen?”
“Yesterday. Not sure what the police are doing, but I’d be very surprised if they don’t charge him with murder.”
I nodded slowly and lifted my head finally. Dad pulled me away from the sink and made me sit at the kitchen island. He rinsed the sink out and poured me a glass of water. I sipped at it, worried it would only make me want to be sick again. It merely soothed my throat, which was sore from how violently sick I’d been.
“Dad.”
He took a seat next to me.
“Yeah?”
“All this time… all this time we thought she’d killed herself and it didn’t make any sense because she had no reason to. She didn’t leave a note… nothing.”
I shook my head. The whole thing was fucking insane.
“I know.”
“How could someone do that to their own sister?”
“People do fucked up things when they’re not right in the head.”
Clearly, Wyatt hadn’t been, judging by what he’d said about the army wanting to medically discharge him.
“Like Julian.”
Dad looked like he was gritting his teeth. We rarely talked about his father… my grandfather. Dad had made peace with the whole thing, but it didn’t mean he enjoyed talking about it.
“Yeah, like Julian. Psychos like him don’t feel remorse for the shit they do. They live for violence and death. The only thing those fuckers deserve is to spend their lives rotting away in prison.”
“What if the police don’t charge him?”
Dad l
ooked grim.
“Then we will take matters into our own hands.”
I shuddered. It’s not as if I didn’t know my parents were killers, but it had been long before I was born. They wouldn’t think twice about taking out Wyatt after what he did if the full force of the law wouldn’t punish him.
“Look, Dukey, I know it’s a shock and it really fucking sucks, but the truth has a way of setting us free, you know. It might not feel that way right now, though. It won’t for a while, but eventually, you’ll get there.”
I looked down at the glass clasped between my hands.
“Thank you for finding him.”
It was the only thing I could say. No other words could really express my gratitude for what they’d done, even if it fucked with my head further.
“You’re welcome.”
He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me against his chest. I stayed there for a long time, appreciating his comfort. I didn’t know how long it would take for me to process what I’d learnt or even come to terms with it. The only thing I knew was I’d promised Kira I would help her today. I wasn’t sure I could after what I’d just learnt. I wasn’t sure I could do anything.
The whole thing only brought me more guilt. I hadn’t been able to save Andie. I’d kept my feelings about Kira a secret. Instead of telling her the truth, I’d slept with her over and over again this summer. It was fucked up. I was fucked up. Everything was fucked up.
How could I ever have thought I was good enough for Kira? I’d not treated her with the respect she deserved. And now, right when I had been on the cusp of telling her how I really felt, how I really wanted a relationship with her, I wasn’t sure I could any longer. I wasn’t sure I was in the right headspace to have a relationship with anyone.
Discovering Wyatt had raped and murdered his own sister had done a number on me. It put me back at square one. I didn’t know what was up or fucking down. And I needed time. Time to process. Time to work through my feelings. I really just needed time.
“Can you call Kira and tell her I can’t help her today?”
“Eric and I can go help her instead if you think she’d want that.”
I nodded against Dad’s chest.
“Should I get Mum, Quinn or Rory to come sit with you?”
I nodded again.
“All of them?”
“Only if they’re not busy.”
“Dukey, you’re our son. We will always be here for you when you need us.”
Dad helped me off the stool and took me back into the living room. The rest of my parents were still there. Mum came and sat with me on the sofa whilst Dad spoke to Eric. She held me in her arms and stroked my hair, murmuring it was okay. I felt like I was letting Kira down, but I knew I wasn’t in a fit state to be around her right now.
Maybe tomorrow things would be better.
I didn’t hold out any hope, though.
All I felt… was dread.
Chapter Thirty Seven
I’d been confused when Eric and Xav turned up on my doorstep to help me as opposed to Duke. When they’d explained to me what happened, I understood all too well why Duke had stayed at home. Whilst they hadn’t gone into detail, the gist of what Andie’s brother had done sickened me to my very core.
Xav and Eric helped me box up a lot of stuff in the house. It would take time to sort out my inheritance, but the house was essentially mine to do what I wanted with. The stuff I boxed up were my dad’s things. Having reminders of it only hurt. If I was going to live here, I needed to make sure I was comfortable, no matter how hard it was to put my dad’s things away in the attic. We’d packed stuff all afternoon. I asked them if they had work, but they’d brushed it off like it didn’t matter. Duke’s family were the type to drop everything to help those they loved.
It took two further days before Duke turned up on my doorstep. It’d been weird not having him around. We’d seen each other almost every day all summer. With the start of university looming, I knew we had to have a conversation about what the hell was going on between us.
“Hey,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.
I stepped back, allowing him to walk in. There was stuff everywhere in the hallway, but I’d slowly been organising the house and Dad’s things. I wanted to have the majority of it done before I started university, then I wouldn’t be worrying about it.
“You okay?” I asked, following Duke into the living room after shutting the front door.
“Not really.”
His demeanour was off and he wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Want to talk about it?”
He shook his head.
“No, I just want to help you like I said I would.”
The gruffness of his voice had me taking a step towards him and putting my hand on his arm. He flinched at the contact, but I didn’t remove my fingers.
“Dukey…”
“Don’t.”
My eyes narrowed as I took in his expression and the angry note of his voice. He wasn’t annoyed at me specifically, but at the shit he’d discovered about Andie.
“Xav and E told me about Wyatt.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Kira.” He shoved my hand off his arm and paced away, digging his fingers through his hair. “It’s too fucked up.”
Usually, I was the first person Duke would come to when he was dealing with emotional turmoil. Whilst I hadn’t offered my help to him, his attitude still came across as a rejection. Like he’d erected a wall between the time I’d left his house and now.
“Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“What does it even fucking matter?”
“You’re bottling up your feelings and if you think I don’t see that, then you really have no idea how well I know you.”
He turned on me, his blue eyes full of emotions which almost knocked me off my feet. There was a certain pain in his eyes I’d never seen before.
“Like I’m the only one here doing that.”
I took a step back, half shocked by the acidity of his tone.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not stupid either, Kira. How long have you been in love with me?”
I swallowed. The day of my father’s funeral, I’d asked Duke to spend the night with me, acting as though we were a real couple. And he had. He’d told me he loved me and I’d said it back. He’d made love to me and I’d made love to him. It was the most beautiful, but agonising night of my life. It wasn’t real. It was a fantasy. And I hated I’d even asked for it in a moment of weakness when I’d been crying over Dad’s death.
“A while.”
I didn’t want to lie to him. Not when he’d asked me directly. I couldn’t keep the truth from him any longer.
“How long is a while?”
“Years.”
He took a step towards me, but his expression didn’t soften.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I was scared. We’ve been friends for so long. I didn’t want to ruin us by telling you the truth.”
“You don’t think I was scared too?”
I searched his face for what he was alluding to. Did he mean he’d been in love with me too? Was that why he was scared?
“You never said anything to me either. How was I meant to know?”
He closed the distance between us, his hands coming up and cupping my face.
“Because it’s us, Kira, it’s fucking us.”
Why was his expression so serious and full of unrepressed anger? Who was he directing it at? Me? Him? The situation? I had no idea. Only his touch made my body shake. I gripped the bottom of my t-shirt to stop myself from reaching out to him.
“Us? What ‘us’ is there?”
He didn’t respond. Maybe he didn’t have an answer. This clearly wasn’t how he wanted this conversation to go.
“You’re my best friend. That’s it. That’s how it’s always been. There has never been an
‘us’ because you and I have never told each other how we really feel. We’ve been skirting around this fucking issue for years. I can’t do that any longer. I just can’t.”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
The emotion vibrating in his words had my heart tightening in my chest.
“What makes you think I’m going anywhere?” I shoved him away from me because I couldn’t take his touch on my skin any longer. It hurt too much. “What makes you think I’d leave you? Fuck, Duke, I love you. I’m in fucking love with you.” I waved an arm around. “I hated myself when I dared you to kiss Andie. I hated myself so much because it’s not what I wanted. I wanted you. I wanted you to see me.” I pressed a hand to my chest. “Me.”
A tear slid down my cheek. The waves of pain crashed into me, reminding me of how the years of watching him with other people had been hell on earth for me.
“I wanted you to love me,” I choked out. “Not all of those other girls. Just me. Only me.”
Duke’s arms hung limply at his sides, his eyes intent on me and the whirlwind of previously unsaid words erupting from my lips.
“Do you want this? Do you want a real relationship with me? Because I want you, Duke. Only you. I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love you. You are my entire world. I can’t live without you. Fuck. I want this to be real. I want you to be my husband for real.”
The words were out. I couldn’t keep them inside. Whether or not the truth would set us free, I had no idea, but there could be no misunderstandings any longer. The two of us had to have this out.
“I don’t deserve you.”
His words cut into me. How could he think that? This had never been about deserving. It had always been about love. The love we shared with each other. The love neither of us had been able to admit until now.
“I don’t need you to deserve me. I need you to want to be with me.”
“You don’t get it, Kira. I’ve always wanted you. There has never been a time when I didn’t. That’s the fucking problem. I wanted you when I shouldn’t have. All I could think about was you. All. The. Fucking. Time. You make me feel.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I fucking bleed for you every day. Every single day. It hurts to want you the way I do.”