Case of the Highland House Haunting

by Jeffrey M. Poole

  “Far be it for me to rain on your parade,” I hesitantly began, “but doesn’t Curtis know all the secrets about this house? Wouldn’t he know what to be looking for?”

  “Possibly,” Vance admitted, “but that’s why we have to sweeten the pot. We have to make it look as though we’ve discovered where Dame Edna…”

  “Hilda,” Jillian corrected.

  “…Hilda has hidden her stash. If that one necklace you found has a price tag over sixty thousand dollars, can you imagine what the rest of the collection must be worth today?”

  “When do you plan on setting this up?” I curiously asked. “Not tonight, I hope.”

  Vance shook his head, “No, not today, but later tonight. We have a team who is planning on sneaking in here sometime after 2am to set everything up. As for when we’ll spring the trap, that’ll be tomorrow, late morning. It’ll give us time to make sure we have all our bases covered.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe I might be able to have a stress-free night after all. And, thanks to Vance and his suggestion of pizza, I was in the mood for a hot slice or two. Lost in my own thoughts as I busily assembled my future Italian delight, I didn’t hear what Jillian said to Vance. But, his outburst, on the other hand, had me looking up.

  “In the what?” I heard Vance exclaim. “Are you serious?”

  “I am.”

  “Wait, what?” I asked, confused. “Who’s serious about what?”

  “I just told Vance where I found the necklace,” Jillian explained.

  “Have you two ever stopped to consider,” Vance slowly began, “that more of the jewelry might be found hidden in other pieces of furniture?”

  I smacked my head, just like the old V8 commercials.

  “That’s what we forgot to do. Of course! Thanks, pal. I knew I could count on you to point out the obvious.”

  Vance sighed heavily and turned to face me.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I should’ve known the two of you would have already thought of that. What I’m trying to say is, since that necklace you found was hidden inside a piece of furniture, then obviously the furniture hasn’t been that thoroughly checked. By Curtis, I mean.”

  “Okay, I can buy that,” I decided.

  “I mean, what if there was something hidden in this chair?” Vance wanted to know, referring to the arm chair he was sitting on.

  I shrugged, “We still need to go through everything, obviously. As for that chair, well, I looked under the tarp earlier. It’s nothing but a basic-looking wooden chair you’d expect to find at a dinner table. Where would someone hide something on that?”

  Vance wasn’t to be deterred.

  “Well, what about that couch?”

  “What about it?” I asked.

  “Could there be something hidden in that?”

  “Again, it’s possible, but I doubt it.”

  “Even though the dogs are staring at it as though there is,” Vance continued.

  I glanced down at the dogs. Sure enough, Sherlock and Watson were staring underneath it, as though they expected a mouse to come flying out at them. I fidgeted uncomfortably.

  “That’s where they found the clump of dirt,” Jillian recalled. “There’s probably a little bit left of it in the carpet. That must be what they smell.”

  Intrigued, I stared at the dogs. Watson looked up at me and whined. Then, Sherlock pawed at the couch. I let out a groan and slid off the couch, onto the ground, while Vance leaned back in his chair and flashed me a grin.

  “Don’t get your hopes up, pal,” I warned him. “This is gonna turn out to be nothing. Ack! Guys, come on. Must you clean out my ears while I check out what’s underneath here?”

  Sherlock darted in and shoved his head under the couch, right next to mine. Watson wiggled her way into my embrace as I futilely tried to see if there was anything notable under the couch. I even pulled out my cell and activated the flashlight app.

  “Anything?” Jillian asked.

  “Nothing,” I reported.

  I sat back on my haunches and was ready to rejoin Jillian on the couch when Watson whined again. Both of the corgis hadn’t budged, and Sherlock kept thrusting his nose under the couch every few seconds. Something was down there, but the question was, what?

  I flashed back to the discovery of the tiny cube speaker we found up in the master bedroom. Could there be something attached under the couch? Maybe another speaker?

  I handed the leashes to Jillian, who correctly guessed I was about to flip the couch over. She quickly rose to her feet.

  “Vance, want to give me a hand here?”

  “Sure.”

  Together, the two of us carefully rolled the couch onto its front, allowing us to study the undersides. The two of us inspected the couch itself while Jillian and the dogs headed to the space where the couch had been, just to see if there was anything concealed in the carpet. Both dogs, however, only had eyes for the couch.

  “Zachary? Do you see this? The dogs are still staring at the couch.”

  “That cements it,” Vance observed. “There’s something up with this thing, but the question is, what?”

  I poked a finger at the thin fabric backing of the couch. I could see that it had been attached using staples. I applied a little more pressure, causing the fabric to bow inward, but I still couldn’t touch the couch’s framework. That was odd, wasn’t it?

  I pulled my multi-tool from my belt. Being careful not to rip any of the fabric, I pulled nearly a dozen of the staples out, allowing us to peel back the black fabric. Still not able to see anything worth mentioning, I looked over at Watson, who was wiggling with anticipation. Inspiration struck.

  “Hand me Watson’s leash, would you?”

  “Sure.”

  Jillian handed me the leash just as I bent down to pick the small red and white corgi up. Cradling her securely in my arms, I held Watson over several areas of the couch. Vance snorted with laughter.

  “You’re holding her like you would a metal detector,” Vance observed. “Do you really think that’s going to work? Oh, hang on. I think I want to film this. It’s time I made you into a viral sensation on the Internet. I can just see the headlines now. Author uses dog to find missing jewelry! What a hoot that will…”

  Vance trailed off as Watson let out a soft whine. We were directly over the far left side of the couch. I held her over the center, nothing. Moving to the right, the small corgi was still silent. But, moving her back to the left? Watson whined again.

  Setting the dog back on the ground, I removed another dozen or so staples. Peeling back the fabric from that corner of the couch, Vance suddenly whistled with surprise. Fastened to one of the wooden support beams of the couch, with thin metal bands, was a small tin canister, like something you’d find when purchasing a dozen cookies at Christmas.

  Folding the blade back into my tool, and then pulling out the Philips head, I removed the brackets and caught the tin box as it fell loose. Rotating the tin container, I could see that it was advertising for some type of biscuit. Also, as I rotated the tin, I could hear something thumping around inside.

  “Oooo, Zachary, there’s something in it!” Jillian exclaimed.

  I passed the box over to her.

  “This is your house, so you get to open it up.”

  My girlfriend took the box, pried the lid off, and gently retrieved a felt-covered object. She moved to the nearest counter and slowly peeled away the coverings. She gasped out loud. Turning, she held up pair of glittering green earrings.

  “Emerald earrings! Heavens above!”

  “And that is why this trap is going to work,” Vance crowed.

  I looked up at my friend.

  “And why’s that?”

  Vance pointed at the newly discovered earrings.

  “Don’t you get it? The missing jewelry? It’s here, in the house! That crafty old dame hid it in plain sight. Damn, that’s clever.”

  Jillian handed the jewelry over to Vance.

  “Wou
ld you keep a hold of this for me? The bank has already closed, and I’d just as soon not take that back to my house.”

  “Seconded,” I agreed.

  Vance nodded, “Will do. Wrap that thing back up, would you? Thanks. I’ll put it in my own safe tonight. I’m surprised, Jillian. I thought for certain you’d have a safe at your house.”

  “I have three, detective, but zero guns.”

  Vance thoughtfully nodded, “Gotcha.”

  “Would you explain to us how you are going to trap him?” Jillian wanted to know. “Are you at liberty to tell us?”

  “Since I know the two of you won’t be tattling to our perp anytime soon,” Vance chortled, as he slid the earrings into an inside jacket pocket, “I feel it’s safe to tell you. Okay, tomorrow morning, you, namely Jillian, are going to make a huge announcement. You’re going to call the precinct and ask for armed protection, seeing how you just located a huge assortment of valuable jewelry.”

  “That’s not too far off from the truth,” I remarked. “Do you think Curtis has a police scanner?”

  Vance shrugged, “I wouldn’t put it past him. If I was him, I’d want to keep tabs on the local police department at all times.”

  “So, I pretend to find a huge cache of Dame Highland’s jewelry,” Jillian continued. “I then freak out, because I’m uncomfortable being around that much money, and call for police assistance? I shouldn’t have any problems playing that part.”

  Vance nodded, “Exactly.”

  “When is this going to happen?” I asked.

  “Let me confirm it with the captain. Just a moment.”

  “I can’t wait for my turn,” I softly muttered, as I watched Vance head towards the foyer and the front doors.

  “Why?” Jillian asked.

  “Because there are a few things he needs to clarify,” I answered. “Namely, what to do if something goes wrong. Since I’m involved here, and I’m pretty sure Murphy’s Law was written especially for me, I need to know what to do in case something doesn’t go our way.”

  “It will go our way,” Vance insisted, as he reappeared. He looked at Jillian and nodded encouragingly. “10am. The fun happens at 10. Does that work for you?”

  “Of course. Vance, I do believe Zachary has a few questions for you.”

  Shrugging, Vance turned to me, “Yes?”

  “Since we’re the bait,” I began, trying my best to keep the frown from appearing on my face, “let’s go over what we’re going to do if and when something goes wrong.”

  “Like what?” Vance cheerfully asked.

  Both Sherlock and Watson growled just then. Smiling encouragingly down at the dogs, I turned back to my friend and continued on.

  “Oh, don’t play innocent with me, pal. I know you’ve already thought this through. Help us, er, help me feel better. What’s your contingency plan?”

  “Okay, look, Zack,” Vance said, as he lowered his voice, “you’re right. I’ve thought through some scenarios that might happen. Bear in mind, I don’t think they will, but Captain Nelson specifically asked about the same thing. He doesn’t want to put civilians in harm’s way.”

  “Well, someone is gonna get a Christmas gift from Lentari Cellars this year,” I remarked. Jillian took my hand and squeezed it encouragingly.

  Vance held out his hand and began ticking points off on his fingers.

  “First, let’s say Curtis Stiller somehow manages to get the drop on you. Think about it. He’s there for one thing only: the jewelry. Give it to him. Trust me, he’ll take it and run.”

  “And if he doesn’t?” I countered. “What if he knows it’s a fake and that he’s been set up?”

  “We’ve thought of that, too,” Vance admitted. “Curtis has no idea if Hilda Highland’s jewelry collection is 100% real. You could simply say that you thought the jewelry was real, too.”

  I grumbled, but I didn’t say anything else.

  “Okay, I have something that’ll make you feel better,” Vance said. He reached into a pocket and retrieved a small gray plastic device that was no bigger than a matchbook. To me, it resembled one of those clickers you’d use to train a dog. “Do you see this? It’s a panic button. Press this, and a whole lot of boys in blue are going to appear, with guns drawn.”

  “Where will that be at?” I wanted to know.

  Vance shook his head, “There will be no fewer than six of these things hidden around the house. Living room, kitchen, den, master bedroom, and a few bedrooms upstairs.”

  I had to admit, I liked that idea. And, I’m sure it showed on my face. Vance was smiling.

  “Now, let’s say Curtis appears and demands the real deal? That’s assuming he’s looked at the costume jewelry and knows its fake right from the start.”

  At that exact moment, the doorbell rang. Both dogs lost their minds as they sprinted for the door, barking hysterically.

  “No, I’ve got Watson,” I said. “Vance, get Sherlock.”

  For the next thirty seconds, Jillian and I watched with amusement as Vance tried to snatch Sherlock’s leash from the ground. Now, bear in mind, the leash was at least five feet long, so one would think that if you were unable to get your fingers hooked in the dog’s collar, at the very least, you’d be able to grab the leash. Not in this case. Sherlock was literally that fast. Vance would stoop to snatch the leash, and Sherlock would dart away at Mach 3. Vance even resorted to trying to stamp his foot down on the leash, but Sherlock was still faster. So, there he was, PVPD’s finest detective, doing what looked like an angry tap dance.

  You better believe I was recording it. I also managed to slip my phone back into my pocket by the time Jillian came to his rescue and, together, they caught the furry tri-colored missile. Grunting irritably, Vance handed Sherlock, who had been squirming in his grasp, over to Jillian. And, I’m proud to say that Sherlock stopped his antics the moment Jillian was holding him.

  “Dogs,” Vance grumbled, as he yanked open the door. “Hey, Jones. You’re looking good, pal.”

  “Kiss ass, Samuelson,” the cop irritably grumped, as the pizza boxes were thrust into Vance’s hands. “Do you have any idea how itchy this outfit is?”

  I had to look away to keep from laughing out loud. Officer Jones was wearing blue corduroy pants, a pastel orange polyester polo shirt, and a bright blue and orange paper hat. Vance, holding the pizza boxes in his left hand, reached into his pocket with his right.

  “What are you doing?” Jones snapped.

  “Don’t you want a tip?” Vance managed to ask, between chuckles.

  “Oh, shove it. I don’t need… hey, not cool, bro! Put away the phone!”

  Vance snapped a couple of pics and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

  “This is going up on the precinct’s Facebook page, buddy.”

  Jones angrily stomped away. Vance stepped back into the foyer, closed the door, and passed two of the pizza boxes over to me. A quick glance inside confirmed that they were filled with costume jewelry. Now, I have to say here that, if I hadn’t been told it was fake, it would have made me look twice. I mean, I always thought costume jewelry looked the part, meaning it’d look fake as hell. This stuff? Wow. It looked real to me. I had to hand it to whoever made these things. They were getting damn good.

  But, it was still glass. My stomach didn’t give a flying fig about glass. I wanted the box that Vance was holding.

  “Cough it up, pal.”

  Vance grinned and handed the box over.

  “Enjoy it, compliments of the PVPD. How much longer will you guys be here?”

  “Not too much longer,” Jillian assured him. “Once we finish up here, we’ll straighten up, make sure everything is locked, and then head home.”

  “Sherlock and Watson haven’t had their kibble yet,” I added.

  On cue, the dogs growled.

  “Man, they’re getting cranky,” I said, as I eyed the dogs.

  “You’re going home together?” Vance wryly asked.

  I sighed, “We dr
ove here together, yes, but I’ll be dropping her off at her place, you doof. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

  Vance laughed and headed out the door.

  “Are you comfortable having dinner here or would you like to head to my place?” I asked, as I looked over at my girlfriend.

  Jillian had already taken a slice of pizza out of the box and was in the process of taking her first bite when she paused. I grinned at her and then selected my own slice. Reaching into the accompanying bag of utensils, I pulled out two napkins and handed her one.

  “It’s not bad,” I admitted, as I wiped the grease off my face. “I haven’t had a pepperoni pizza in a while.”

  “Me, either,” Jillian admitted. “Whatever happened to a normal, regular pepperoni pizza? Why do they have to make everything so spicy?”

  I shrugged. Spicy or bland, at this point, I was so hungry that they could have made this an ‘everything’ pizza, and I would have eaten it, no questions asked. Also, I’d like to point out, for the record, that Jillian had also consumed several slices in silence. That tells me she was just as hungry as I was.

  Both dogs shook their collars right then. A wave of guilt instantly washed over me. Here we were, feeding our faces, when the poor dogs were probably just as hungry as we are. Uh, were.

  Before I could say, or do, anything, Jillian wiped her hands with her napkin and rose to her feet.

  “We should probably get going. I have never liked eating in front of a hungry animal.”

  “You’re referring to me or the dogs?” I chuckled.

  Jillian swatted my arm, “You know what I mean.”

  I pointed at the two pizza boxes with the surprisingly realistic costume jewelry.

  “What should we do with that? We probably need to hide it. I mean, what happens if Curtis manages to sneak by the police and get in here? If they see that, then Vance’s trap is going to fall flat on its face tomorrow.”

  “We need to hide it,” Jillian decided.

  “Couldn’t agree more, but where?”

  “Would you put it back in the master bedroom closet?”

  I rose to my feet and collected the boxes, “Sure. Umm, want me to put it in the hidden section? I mean, chances are, Curtis won’t look there again. He’s probably searched that closet from top to bottom several times by now.”