Blue Moon

by Julia Green

‘Less of the Mr Kitson, Rebecca. Why don’t you call me David?’

  Mia groaned out loud. ‘Dad! Can’t you just go?’

  Becky clambered out of the back seat; Mia slammed the door and stalked towards the ticket office.

  Dad leaned out of the window and gave a mock salute. ‘It’s been a pleasure, madam. So glad to have been of service. Any time.’

  Becky grinned. ‘Thanks a lot for the lift. Bye.’

  Mia was determined not to turn round. Thank heavens Ali wasn’t around to witness his performance. Or Will. She’d die of shame. Dad thought he was witty and amusing. He probably told jokes in class and thought the students saw him as one of them. Thank God he didn’t work at their school.

  Becky joined her in the queue. ‘You shouldn’t mind so much about your dad. He’s sweet really.’

  ‘He’s just so – embarrassing. Your parents don’t behave like him.’

  Becky shrugged. ‘Let’s go and find the others. Forget about your dad.’

  They went through the turnstile and walked on to the platform for the little train that took them into the park.

  ‘How’s things with you and Will?’

  Mia shrugged. ‘I don’t know really. I’ve hardly seen him this last week.’

  ‘Well, you’re the one who’s skiving, aren’t you?’

  ‘Ill, actually.’

  ‘Oh yeah? Come off it, Mia.’

  ‘Really.’

  They’d reached the first rides. They stopped to watch three girls being buckled into harnesses for the SkyDive Experience. It cost extra, and they gave you a video of yourself afterwards. It looked fantastic, Mia thought. The nearest thing you could get to flying. You were winched up in your harness, way up in the sky, and then dropped so you free-fell through the air until the cable tightened, caught you, swung you up in huge, arching parabolas. The whole crowd held their breath as the girls waited, suspended high in the air. They held hands. Then they screamed, fell, seemed to hurtle towards the earth as if they’d smash into it and then, at the last moment, they were whisked back up and the smooth, high, swinging motion began. The screams changed note. Now the girls held their arms out and squealed with joy.

  ‘We should do that. Only I don’t have enough money,’ Mia said.

  Becky squeezed her arm. ‘Never mind. We can do it another time. We’ll get the money and come again. You, me and Ali.’

  They found Will queuing with Liam and Matt and Ali for the WaterSlide. Mia’s heart gave a little lurch. He didn’t notice them at first; he was talking to Liam and they both laughed. Then Liam must’ve said something because Will turned round and smiled at her and Becky. Mia wished he’d hug her or something, but she knew he wouldn’t, not here, not in front of his mates. Not cool. Well, she could be cool too, if that was what he wanted. They stood awkwardly in the queue.

  Mia pulled a face at Becky. ‘Shall we go on the slide together? Two in the same boat.’

  Ali looked at Will. ‘Good idea. Want to go with me?’

  ‘OK.’

  Liam nudged Matt and they both laughed.

  Mia watched Will and Ali get in the rubber boat together in front of her and Becky. Will had to put his arms round Ali’s waist in order to hold on. She felt tears pricking her eyelids.

  ‘It doesn’t mean anything,’ Becky whispered. Then it was their turn. Mia climbed in the round boat, Becky squeezed in behind, arms tight round her. They launched off.

  The first part of the slide was a sheer drop. Mia’s stomach lurched. She screamed; Becky squealed; then they were laughing, uncontrollably. They were skimming through the water, the boat spinning them round, and then it was over. Becky climbed out, still laughing.

  ‘I’m completely soaked!’

  Mia sat hunched in the boat.

  ‘Mia?’

  ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’

  Mia staggered towards the toilet block, Becky tagging behind her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ali and Will climbing the steps for another ride on the WaterSlide.

  They sat together at a bench opposite the House of Horror. Becky ate another doughnut.

  ‘It wasn’t that scary. Not enough to make you sick.’

  ‘I wasn’t frightened. Well, only a tiny bit at the start, you know, when it just drops away. I just threw up. That’s all. No big deal.’

  ‘Let’s join the others then. Megaphobia next. Or that pirate ship?’

  ‘Where’s Will gone?’

  ‘I’m not sure. They all went together, I think.’

  ‘How could she?’

  ‘Ali?’

  Mia nodded.

  ‘Typical really. She’s like that. Don’t take any notice. She’s just jealous of you and Will. But he doesn’t fancy her or anything. You can tell.’

  They wandered over towards the biggest rollercoaster ride. A woman was standing her small children against the sign, measuring their height. ‘See? I’m sorry. You’re just not big enough, Mandy.’

  The little girl began to cry.

  Mia read the notice on the wooden post. ‘Nobody smaller than this line may take this ride… No one with back problems… No one with heart problems… No pregnant women…’

  The words hit her like a fist.

  No pregnant women.

  Becky was saying something, but it was as if she were a long way off. Mia put out her hand to steady herself and caught Becky’s arm.

  ‘Mia? Are you all right? Are you sick again?’

  Mia shook her head. She mustn’t let Becky guess. No one must know.

  ‘I don’t think I’ll go on this one. I’m starving. I’m going to get something to eat. I’ll meet you later. I’ll wait for you at the place where you can get your photo. OK?’

  ‘All right. If you’re sure. You should have had a doughnut with me earlier.’ Becky ran off after the others.

  Mia found herself a bench under a tree. Her heart was still thudding.

  No pregnant women. That meant her. She mustn’t ride on the rollercoaster. Presumably because it could harm a developing baby. Cause a miscarriage or something. The speed or the shock, or the rattling around and vibration in the cars. Made your blood pressure go too high or something. You might lose the baby.

  She sat on the bench for ages, half watching the families milling around, trailing from one ride to another, queuing for chips or drinks or doughnuts, arguing, laughing, looking bored, while in her head the thought looped and circled like the rollercoaster itself. What if –? This was her answer, wasn’t it? Why not? It was worth a try, surely?

  She waited until she was sure Becky and Will and the others had gone far enough ahead in the queue for Megaphobia. She had to be on her own for this. What would happen? Would she feel anything? The rattling and shaking, the building pressure in her ears and belly and then – what? A sort of pop? A sense of things shifting, dislodging. That moment when it’s all in the balance, teetering on the edge, and then the long slide down the other side.

  Nothing would happen straight away. A day, perhaps, and then the bleeding would start, and everything would be all right. She could start all over again. She hoped it wouldn’t hurt.

  She walked past the sign and joined the queue. Above her, the rollercoaster looped and snaked its way through and above the trees. The screams of the passengers came in long waves, flooding out thought as she got closer to the front of the queue. Now it was her turn. Her face and knuckles were white, but there was no one watching. No one to witness her shaky descent at the other end, or to see the stooped figure retching into the toilet, over and over. By the time Becky and the others found her, she was sitting on a bench under the trees, composed again. Later, they all watched the firework display, and Will held her hand in the dark.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  September 28th

  ‘You may be feeling sick first thing in the morning… Your uterus is now the size of a satsuma. The baby has a head and trunk, and a rudimentary brain has formed. Tiny limb buds are beginning to appear. By the end of this week i
ts circulation is beginning to function. The jaw and mouth are developing and ten dental buds are growing in each jaw.’

  Mia lay on the carpet in Dad’s room, the book open on the floor. It was Mum’s book. She’d left it behind in the bookcase, along with all the things she wouldn’t be needing any more. Not in her new life, where being a mother didn’t count. The book was called Pregnancy and Childbirth and Mia remembered looking at it before, as a little girl. She’d liked the pictures in it. The spine was creased and torn, as if her mother had read it over and over. A long time ago.

  The baby. She hadn’t thought of it as that, not really, not yet. She’d only thought about herself, and about telling Dad, and then, since the rollercoaster ride, she’d just been waiting, and hoping. But nothing had happened. It was still there, inside her, growing bit by bit.

  Mia looked up. The cat was scratching at the door to be let out. She picked him up and nuzzled her face in his fur. He struggled to get out of her arms and scratched her in his scrabble to be free. Horrid cat. As a kitten he’d been the sweetest thing.

  Four o’clock. Becky would be home by now. She dialled the number from the phone by Dad’s bed.

  ‘Becka? It’s me!’

  ‘You been skiving again?’

  ‘Not really. I felt bad this morning – but I’m OK now. Do you want to come over?’

  ‘I’ve got too much to do. We’ve got coursework essays for English and History. Honestly, Mia, you’re going to have to catch up masses of stuff.’

  ‘Don’t you start. You sound like Dad.’

  ‘Sorry. I missed you. No one to hang out with at break except Ali and she spends all her time chatting up Liam and co.’

  ‘And Will?’

  ‘Well, yes. If you really want to know.’

  Mia felt tears welling up again.

  ‘Are you still there? Mia?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What’s wrong with you then?’

  ‘I dunno. I was really tired.’

  ‘You’re always saying that these days. Perhaps you’ve got glandular fever or something. Have you seen the doctor?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Is your dad home yet?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Do you want to come over? You could have supper with us. My mum won’t mind.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Good. See you in a minute then.’

  ‘What about your homework? You said you had to do it.’

  ‘Stuff that. I’ll do it later. Maybe.’

  Mia chose a pair of black trousers from Kate’s wardrobe. She combed her hair and then went through Kate’s old make-up bag left lying on her dressing-table. Next to the mascara and lipstick was a small packet of condoms. Mia shoved it back in the bag. Sensible Kate. Kate never talked about boyfriends or sex, or anything like that. Imagine telling Kate she was pregnant! Or Laura. Or Dad. Or anyone.

  *

  Mia got her old bike out of the shed. Perhaps if she did lots of vigorous exercise? There was mildew on the saddle she had to wipe off with her sleeve and it left pale stains on her black T-shirt. It was uphill all the way to Becky’s house. Just before she got to the white house on the bend she had to get off and push. The nosy old woman who lived there was in her garden, dead-heading roses and keeping an eye on the lane at the same time. She’d be pleased to have some more gossip about Mia to spread around the village. Mia kept her head down as she passed.

  The door was open at Becky’s. Mia left her bike propped against the garage and went in. Becky’s mum was in the kitchen. She came to the doorway. ‘Hi, Mia! OK?’

  ‘Where’s Becky?’

  ‘Upstairs I think. You all right? Becks said you weren’t in school.’

  ‘I’m OK now.’

  ‘Good. Lasagne for supper?’

  Mia nodded.

  ‘Expect you and your dad are missing Kate’s cooking. Have you heard from her yet?’

  ‘Just a postcard. From the south of France.’

  Becky’s mum sighed. ‘Lucky her. While the rest of us –’

  ‘I’ll go on up then.’ Mia escaped from the hallway. It was too hard, having Becky’s mum all concerned and motherly about her. A bit of her longed to stay and linger in the warm kitchen, and be fussed over and taken care of. She felt her eyes brim. It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t she have a mother like that? But there was no point thinking like that, was there? She thumped upstairs to find Becky.

  Mia and Becky sat on the bed together, backs against the wall. Becky had done up her room like a shrine: candles everywhere, and mirrors on every wall, draped with silk scarves and bits of material Becky had picked up cheaply. Glittery stuff – pink and purple and gold – to make saris and stuff like that. Becky wanted to do Textile and Fashion next year, and then Costume Design.

  ‘What’ve you been doing today then?’ Becky asked.

  ‘Nothing. Really boring. Tell me what I missed.’

  ‘Well, the usual. Ali’s been hanging around Liam and Will again.’

  ‘What did Will do?’

  Becky looked at Mia. ‘He’s too nice to everyone, Mia. He shouldn’t encourage her. You know what she’s like. You should tell her to keep her hands off him.’

  ‘That’s stupid. I don’t own him or anything.’

  Becky shrugged. ‘No, but –’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing. It’s your business.’

  ‘What? Say it. What you think.’

  ‘Well, you’re so laid back about it, it looks like you don’t care. Get a grip, Mia. You just mooch about saying you’re tired and kind of drifting.’ She stopped abruptly, seeing tears rolling down Mia’s face. ‘Mia? I’m sorry.’ Becky put her arm round Mia. ‘Sorry, sorry.’

  ‘It’s not you, Becka.’

  ‘Is it Will and you?’

  ‘No – yes – sort of.’

  ‘What then?’

  ‘I think I’m pregnant.’

  ‘Oh no! You can’t be – you’re not. You mean you and Will – you’ve been sleeping together? And you didn’t tell me? Mia!’

  She sounded impressed, as well as shocked.

  ‘Becky, it’s serious. My period’s really late.’

  ‘How late?’

  ‘Three weeks – more.’

  ‘What? Mia! But it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. You can be late for lots of reasons – stress and stuff.’ Becky was silent for a moment. ‘Don’t worry. I know what. We’ll do you a test. Just to set your mind at rest. You know, one of those kits.’ Becky began to smile. She looked quite excited. ‘I’ll help you. We’ll get one from the chemist’s and – I’ll be there when you do it – and then we’ll work out what to do next.’ She paused. ‘Blimey, Mia. Why didn’t you tell me that you and Will were doing it? What’s it like? And where? Not at your house?’

  Mia started to giggle. She couldn’t help it. ‘It just sort of happened. In that field, near the beach, and it was lovely, Becks. Really amazing. I know it was stupid, you know, not using anything that first time. I just had this feeling it would be all right.’

  ‘You didn’t? How could you be so stupid, Mia!’

  ‘Don’t be cross, Becky. It’s too awful. No one knows. You mustn’t tell anyone. Please.’

  ‘Well –’

  ‘Please. I couldn’t bear it.’

  ‘But you need help, Mia. You know, proper help. This could be really serious. Like doctors and stuff.’

  ‘Not yet. Promise me you won’t say.’

  ‘Well. For now. OK. But you’ll have to tell your dad sometime, won’t you? My mum would help.’

  ‘No. No one. I shouldn’t have told you, but I couldn’t not.’ Mia started to cry. ‘I’m so frightened.’

  Becky hugged her tight. ‘It’ll be all right. You see. You’re probably not pregnant at all.’

  But she wasn’t convincing.

  CHAPTER SIX

  September 29th

  ‘Mia?’

  She stopped pretending to read and looked up.

  ‘Ca
n I have a word?’

  Mia scraped her chair back noisily and put the book face down on the table, squashing the spine the way she knew would most irritate her English teacher. She slouched up to the desk by the window.

  Miss Blackman lowered her voice. ‘Mia, I feel we should have a little talk. After school, today, in the English office. OK?’

  ‘I’ll miss my bus,’ Mia mumbled through her hair. She wasn’t going to look at her, with her sickly smile and her hair just so and that silly jacket and short skirt. When she sat on the desk to read to the class the boys said you could see right up it. She’d tried telling Dad about it, ages ago, and he’d got that funny look and said he always found Miss Blackman extremely pleasant and she was a very good teacher and that was what mattered, not what clothes she wore. But then he would, wouldn’t he?

  ‘Well, how about lunchtime then? Twelve thirty? It won’t take long.’

  Miss Blackman smoothed her hair behind one ear. New earrings, Mia noticed. Little gold stars with silver centres. On anyone else they’d look nice.

  ‘OK. Can I sit down now?’

  ‘Yes, Mia. But try and actually do some work. You’re in a complete dream. And take that sulky look off your face please.’

  Mia shrugged her shoulders. She’d like to hit her, her smug made-up face, and mess up her perfect hair, and shake her till the real person came out.

  ‘What was that about?’ Becky whispered.

  ‘Stupid woman. I’ve got to see her at lunchtime.’

  ‘What about?’

  ‘Dunno. My attitude I expect.’

  ‘I’ll come with you.’

  ‘Enough chat, Becky.’ Miss Blackman was settling herself on the table ready to take them through the next chapter. She had her legs crossed. One pointed shoe dangled. The boys behind Mia were starting to fidget. Someone muttered an obscenity under his breath, but Mia heard. They shouldn’t say stuff like that about women. She couldn’t stand Miss Blackman, but even so!

  At lunchtime, Becky and Mia waited at the doorway to the English office.

  Miss Blackman hurried along the corridor, waving a pile of paper. ‘Sorry, Mia. I can’t see you now. It’ll have to be after school instead. Three thirty.’

  ‘She’ll miss the bus!’ Becky spoke up defiantly.