The Stone Wall
Page 25
“Jah, folk can tend to get hung up on one thing or another.”
Anna nodded as she mixed the eggs with a hand beater. “I’ve begun to realize, just since coming to Strasburg, that there are more similarities between the Anabaptist churches than I ever expected.”
“And when all’s said and done,” Sadie replied, “does it matter how long the Preachin’ service lasts, or if the People sit on comfortable pews or hard, backless benches, or even some doctrinal differences? I daresay things like that don’t matter to our heavenly Father.”
But they matter to my parents, Anna thought.
All the same, she understood what Sadie was saying. “Yet what about the churches that put such an emphasis on works and good deeds, and not as much on grace? All my life, I’ve heard that Old Order Amish set their church ordinance high, but after visiting your church, I see that not every district is alike.” Anna realized that by asking this she might be signaling an interest in their church.
“Well, we’re blessed with a devout bishop who reads and studies the Bible, including the book of Romans. He says that works should be a sign of what’s inside one’s heart. After all, without God’s grace, where would we be?” Sadie said, pouring coffee.
Anna listened, shocked that Sadie was stating exactly what she had been raised to believe.
“So, jah, I can tell you that we’re saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ,” Sadie stated without blinking an eye, “but I don’t make a point of boasting ’bout it. I want to continue bein’ Amish, as well as a witness of grace amongst the People. There’ve been a few who’ve wanted to discuss this with me, and some have received the gift of salvation as a result.”
Anna sat quietly, soaking in every word.
Later that morning, Anna made sugar cookies with little Emmie while Gabe worked at installing a tree house for a neighbor. Just as Anna was taking the second batch out of the oven, Barbara and her older sister Leona dropped by, and the four of them sat and ate the soft, warm cookies together.
Anna had the slightly unsettling sense that Barbara had brought Leona along to get acquainted with her and possibly evaluate if she was up to their expectations for their former brother-in-law. Judging from the woman’s enjoyment of her cookies and their time together, Leona seemed inclined to like her.
A few minutes before Anna was scheduled to leave, Gabe returned and asked her to walk to his workshop with him while Emmie and her aunts remained in the house. “I’m curious to know what you thought about last Sunday’s Preaching,” he said.
“Honestly, I was a little surprised how much I enjoyed it, especially the old German hymns and the second sermon.”
Gabe smiled as they walked across the backyard toward his large woodworking shop. He opened the door and waited till she stepped inside.
“Oh . . . I’ve always liked the smell of sawdust,” she said, wondering what he wanted to tell her.
“That’s another gut sign,” he said, looking more serious now.
He’s looking for a sign?
Pulling up a chair for her, Gabe then sat near his desk, surrounded by sawhorses, a lathe that ran on an air compressor, and other types of woodworking equipment. “This might come as a surprise,” he began, “but you’ve been on my mind all week, Anna. And I felt bad that I couldn’t talk with ya before you left Sunday after the common meal, but that’s our way—men with men, women with women and children.”
She listened attentively, discerning from his expression that he was about to say something significant.
He leaned back in the chair, eyes searching hers. “Anna, spendin’ time with you has changed my outlook on many things.” He drew a deep breath. “I’ve been praying, too, about our friendship . . . lookin’ forward to learning more about you, your interests . . . your family. Everything.”
Anna was touched by his words and his kindness.
“This must seem sudden,” he said softly. “And for that I apologize, but I mean all I’ve said. You see, I’d like to get to know you better, Anna. I’ve been drawn to ya since the first day we met,” he admitted.
She recalled that particular day, surprised that it had also remained significant in her memory. “I experienced a heartbreak once,” Anna told him. “I’ve been putting up walls ever since.”
His eyes were soft. “I can promise you that I would never hurt ya that way,” he said. “And our Lord and Savior would be at the center of our relationship, wherever it may lead.” He paused. “Wherever He may lead.”
She told him how much she appreciated his kindness and consideration, but still she held back.
He smiled thoughtfully. “I’ll wait for your answer and not bring it up again.”
She was touched deeply by his considerate way with her. Gabe wants to court me, she thought.
“I’ll walk ya to your car,” he said, going to open the door to his shop.
Across the yard, Emmie was sitting where she always sat on Friday mornings when Anna arrived, on the back steps with her tomcat, Bootsie. Emmie waved, then returned to playing with her cat.
Anna wondered if Emmie could sense something between them. Likely not, she’s so young . . .
Gabe opened the car door and waited till Anna was inside, then closed it, standing near with a look of expectation on his handsome face.
“So long,” she mouthed.
And while driving back to Flauds’, tears of happiness—and confusion—welled up.
That evening, after supper with Glen and Sadie, Anna went to her room and spent time reading her Bible, searching the Scriptures and her own heart, too. “Not my will, but Thine be done,” she prayed, her heart ever so tender toward God.
Upon pulling in to the information center’s parking lot after her last tour Wednesday afternoon, Anna listened to a voice message on her phone from Wanita, left at two o’clock. Three hours ago, she thought, sitting in her car in the parking lot.
She called her back, they exchanged greetings, and Wanita jumped right in, saying, “I didn’t want to leave a sad message on your phone.”
Anna braced herself. “I hope it’s not any worse than just sad news.”
There was a pause, and her sister said, “I hate to be the one to tell ya, but Mamm said it should be me.” Wanita sighed into the phone. “Mammi Eliza passed away during her nap this morning.”
“Ooh . . .” Anna hadn’t expected this, not yet.
“The funeral will be this Saturday morning.”
“I’ll leave for home tomorrow evening after work,” Anna said, suddenly not feeling up to talking any longer. “Thank you for caring for her so well, Wanita. . . . I love you. See you soon.”
“I’m very sorry, Anna,” Wanita said. “She loved ya so.”
They said a tearful good-bye, and Anna put away her phone.
“Dear Lord Jesus, be ever near my family,” Anna whispered before starting the car and leaving the parking lot. It wouldn’t be easy to go to work tomorrow, but she would be home again soon. Saying my last farewells to dearest Mammi.
Later, while turning in to the Flauds’ treed lane, Anna noticed how pretty the leaves looked with the afternoon sun low in the sky, casting a certain special glow.
Like Mammi’s own beautiful spirit, she thought.
Anna had a few minutes the next morning to tell Mart that she was heading to Mifflinburg for Mammi Eliza’s viewing and funeral this weekend. He was very kind and asked if there was anything he could do. Other co-workers also offered their condolences, as did Evelyn.
Getting in her car, Anna called and left a message for Gabe at the phone shanty, telling him the news and that she’d be unable to spend time with Emmie tomorrow. The drive home gave Anna a time for reflection on her years with Mammi Eliza. I have so few regrets, she thought, recalling what her Mammi had often said, that regrets were a waste of time. And to think how happy and content Mammi was in her marriage all those years to Dawdi John, she thought, believing that her grandmother had followed God’s plan for her life.
The family dinner had been prepared by the womenfolk of the church and was held in the basement of the meetinghouse. And while it was a sad time, Anna was thankful for this opportunity to have fellowship with her married brothers and their families, and Wanita and Conrad and children, all of them in the same place at the same time. Funerals are like that, she thought, bringing families together to lovingly reminisce . . . and to rejoice in the life of a dear one.
Anna decided to stay overnight for Sunday worship with Dat and Mamm and her siblings. And even though Mammi Eliza hadn’t been able to attend church herself in the past year or so, Anna was still very aware of her absence. Her passing left an enormous hole, yet somehow, heaven seemed all the more near on this day.
Chapter 48
Sunday afternoon, Anna drove back to Strasburg following the fellowship meal, grateful for Mammi Eliza’s life and that she had been such a godly influence on all who knew her. After quickly unpacking her few things, Anna told Sadie that she was going out for a while.
“I know you’re feelin’ awful sad,” Sadie said, a look of loving concern on her face.
Anna nodded. “The realization Mammi’s gone hasn’t hit me fully, but she’s very much on my heart.”
“Well, of course she is.” Sadie went on to say that she was keeping Anna in her prayers.
“There are other things on my mind, too, as you know,” Anna admitted. “I’m in a deep quandary.” She paused and swallowed hard. “For one thing, Mamm wasn’t too pleased with me after I told her more about Gabe while I was home. And she wasn’t all that interested in my friendship with Emmie, either. She kept asking about Mart, wondering if we were regularly dating yet, and given the circumstance of Mammi Eliza’s passing, I didn’t know how to tell her what I was feeling for Gabe.”
Sadie was quick to nod her head, although her expression was filled with questions.
“Like Mammi, I don’t want to have any regrets at the end of my life,” Anna said, thinking again that, from a practical standpoint, Mart was the only real choice. Yet when she was honest with herself, she felt only a friendship and an admiration toward him—a far cry from what she felt for Gabe.
“Regrets can’t change the past, and worry can’t alter the future,” Sadie said as they walked out to the little porch, where she stood till Anna pulled out of the driveway.
I don’t want my parents to regret giving their blessing for me to come here, either, Anna thought while driving the now-familiar backroads of Strasburg.
She soaked up the autumn landscape, her prayers less pleadings for wisdom and more about gratitude for Mammi’s long and happy life of service to God and others, and for the daily blessings Anna enjoyed from the Lord’s hand. Blessings of salvation and mercy, health and employment, family and friends, too. And she was thankful for both Mart’s and Gabe’s kindnesses toward her . . . and for each man’s devotion to Christ.
As she drove, she came upon a wide shoulder on the road and parked her car. Getting out to walk, she decided to offer only thankful prayers as she went. Large flocks of birds circled high above her, then rushed en masse toward the west, where wispy white clouds moved slowly this way. Anna noticed a hawk preening atop a tall martin birdhouse in someone’s yard, and a wild turkey dashed across a meadow toward a large pond on this side of the road. An old stone wall was set apart from the farmhouses surrounding it, and Anna suddenly realized she had been walking near a long, dense row of black walnut trees. Glancing between their furrowed dark trunks, she realized that she had driven past this stone wall quite some time ago.
Moving closer to the trees, she clung to happy thoughts of Mammi Eliza, embracing Mammi’s rambling thoughts about Strasburg, stone walls, and a beau. The setting suddenly seemed more meaningful with Mammi having passed on, and in that moment, Anna wondered if she would ever know more about her grandmother’s Strasburg love story.
She sank down in the cool grass, enjoying the unusually mild temperature and the occasional breeze as she wrestled with her keen interest in Gabe. It would mean changing her lifestyle if she were to agree to let him court her . . . and if their relationship were to eventually lead to marriage.
She closed her eyes, pondering the kind of life she would live as Gabe’s wife. “Very much like the one I’m living with Glen and Sadie,” she murmured, wondering if that relationship and her willingness to live in an Old Order home was partly why Gabe had been drawn to her.
“Lord, I’ve prayed so often about this,” she whispered. “Disappointing Mamm and Dat is out of the question.” She sighed, remembering her mother’s frown when they’d talked earlier that day. “Please make the way clear to me,” Anna prayed.
That night, when she dreamed, it was of Gabe, and when she awakened, she brushed the dream aside. He’s always in my thoughts, Lord. What am I to do?
Monday morning, once the washing was pinned to the line and Anna had left for work, Sadie felt compelled to discuss something with Glen. She’d waited till he came in for his midmorning coffee, and by then she knew exactly what she wanted to say.
“What would ya think if I gave Rachel Beachy a call?” she asked while pouring his coffee.
Glen’s eyebrows rose as he sat at the table. “Funny thing, I was thinkin’ of suggesting it.”
“Really, now?”
He nodded. “Gabe’s qualities are second to none, and if he’s as interested in Anna as you seem to think, there should be nothin’ holding him back from pursuing her.”
“Well, Anna’s parents might disagree.” Sadie sighed. “But I’m hoping Rachel might listen to me. We’ve been friends as well as cousins all these many years.”
“That’s a good place to start,” Glen said.
“So do I have your blessing?” she asked, bringing his coffee mug over and setting it down before him.
Glen nodded as he reached for his coffee. “It can’t hurt . . . and it might help.”
“I chust don’t want to stick my nose in.”
Glen smiled wryly. “Oh, I think ya do, dear. And to tell the truth, I’m all for it.”
She grinned, and when Glen headed back out to the turkey barn, Sadie made her way to the phone shanty, praying silently for the right words.
The next four days, Anna pondered Gabe’s invitation while trying to keep her attention on her work. It was all she could do during her tours not to take note of one Old Order Amish farm after another, one mule team out harvesting, one horse and buggy, and more. In fact, everywhere she turned, there seemed to be Old Order folk working and living their beautiful, simple lives. And even though this was nothing new, it somehow seemed that their way of life was calling to her. Do I crave a more humble life? she wondered. Is that the draw for me?
Anna realized she was also either thinking about Gabe or praying for him several times a day now. Well, not for him, but rather how she could justify continuing her time with little Emmie on Fridays while aware of her strong feelings for Gabe . . . and his for her. Was it right when their relationship seemed like a dead-end street, especially where her parents were concerned?
Thursday after work, Anna stopped at the Strasburg Market Place for Sadie, as she sometimes did, and saw Gabe rushing across the parking lot to assist an elderly man who’d dropped his bag of groceries. Cans were rolling everywhere, and the man had dropped his cane.
Immediately, Gabe took the man’s arm, led him to his car, and helped him inside. Then, Gabe ran back to gather up the scattered grocery items and the cane and brought them to the man. Gabe crouched at the car window and talked with the now-smiling man for a few moments, undoubtedly to see that he was al
l right.
Anna brushed tears from her face, her heart beating for Gabe—a wonderful man, and she realized how terribly sad she would feel to walk away from him. I’d always regret not accepting his offer to court—to see where things might lead, she thought, reaching for her purse and grocery list. Unfortunately, however, she still had no idea how to get her parents to understand her romantic interest in an Old Order Amishman.
The very thing they feared . . .
The next afternoon was cold—the wind shrieked down the chimney—and thus an ideal day to stay indoors and sew with Sadie once Anna returned from spending time with Emmie. Anna stood very still on a stool as Sadie marked the hem of her new plum-colored dress, one she’d needed for a while now.
“I’m praying about possibly accepting Gabe’s offer to explore a relationship,” Anna confided. “But first I should try to resolve my parents’ concerns about his church—well, your church.”
“Truth be told, I’m glad we’re talking ’bout this. You see, I went out on a limb,” Sadie said, asking her to turn slowly. “I called your Mamm.”
Anna was surprised. “You did?”
Nodding, Sadie admitted, “I talked with her for quite a while about many things, including our church district.”
Anna listened, relieved. “I hope it helped.”
“I believe it did,” Sadie replied. “She said she was surprised at how much grace and mercy there seems to be here.”
Anna smiled. “I noticed it right away with you and Glen.”
“Turn again,” Sadie said, double-checking the hem. “I also happened to put in a few words about what an exceptionally fine man Gabe is.” She glanced up at Anna’s face and gave her a wink.
“He certainly is,” Anna agreed.
“Your Mamm indicated that you have the right to choose who you want to date.”