“Here, Luke, lay your head in my lap. It’ll be OK. They have to do it,” she says. “Remember when I fell off my bike and had to get them? It doesn’t hurt that bad.” She’s wying cause she wooks wike she might cry.
I cross my arms. “I don’t need to way my head in your wap. I’m oder and tougher.”
My sister rolls her eyes. “By–how many minutes was it, mommy?” she asks.
“Five. Luke, lay your head on your sister’s lap, and let’s get this over with,” mommy says.
I make a mean face, and my sister’s eyes get tears in them. “Please, Luke, it will help.”
I hate when she cries. It’s wike when Kenzie cries. I hate it, so just for her, I way my head on her wap and cose my eyes tight. She pats my hair when the mean doctor sticks that sharp thing in my weg.
***
“Luke, are you going to be OK?” Liv asks.
I don’t know how long we’ve been in my room. I’m still in shock. “Yeah. I have to be strong for Kenzie.” I sit up and look at my sister.
“I don’t have to tell you that Mom and Dad are going to totally freak, but I’ll be right there to support you.”
“Thanks, sis. Kenzie did nothing wrong, so please don’t be mad at her. We were careful but obviously not enough.”
“I’m not mad at her. I feel terrible for the both of you. I should go check on her.”
“She was pretty upset, so that would be good. Please don’t tell her what a mess I am, and watch for Dad. He thinks she’s contagious and won’t let you go if he sees you.”
“I hope it’s not contagious,” she says with a smile.
I actually chuckle, and there is nothing funny about this, but I have to do something to keep my sanity.
“Thanks, Liv, you know, for this.”
“You would do the same for me. I’m sorry I’ve been difficult about you and Kenzie.”
My sister leaves, and I attempt to do homework. I don’t know how I’ll ever concentrate on school.
After about an hour of studying, I hear Liv shut her door, so I text Kenzie.
Me: How are you feeling?
Kenz: Physically, I’m good. I see there’s a definitive reason why it’s called morning sickness. I’m going to the treehouse to think. I love you.
Me: Love you, too.
I walk over to the window and wait for Kenzie. I can’t see her, but I see the flashlight aimed toward the treehouse.
After telling my Dad goodnight, I grab a blanket from my closet and put on warm clothing. Quietly, I open a window and throw the blanket to the ground before climbing onto the tree that’s right by my room.
McKenzie
Taking a blanket and pillow, I walk out to the treehouse. It’s the place I always go when I feel life is kicking my ass. When I was young, it was a place to pretend I was someone else, but since becoming a teenager, it’s a hideaway to figure out who I truly am.
I’m lying on my side, curled up under the blanket, when I hear footsteps. I smile, knowing it’s Luke.
“Hi, do you want to be alone?” he asks.
“Not when I can be with you.”
Once he sits down, I can see his face and shimmering eyes, from where the moon is casting light through the small window. After slipping off his shoes, he gets under the blanket with me before pulling another one over top of us.
I snuggle up to him, my refuge encircling me with his arms before he kisses my forehead. The cool, fall air mingling with his warm breath hits my face.
“How was your talk with Liv?” he asks.
“Good. She was supportive. I’m not going to lie; I was surprised.”
“I’m glad she’s getting back to her old self,” he says.
“When I told my dad goodnight, he said my mom is coming home in a couple of days.”
“That’s good. I’m sure you miss her.”
“My grandparents are doing better, so she’s going to come home and then visit them on the weekends. I think we should tell my parents once she’s here.”
“Oh, Luke, it’s going to be awful.”
“We’ll get through it.”
“I know you’re trying to be strong for me.”
“Why is that a bad thing? You’re the one having to feel sick every day.”
“I’m leaning toward adoption, Luke. You know it’s what has to happen for you to follow in your dad’s footsteps.” I lay my cheek to his chest. “But then I think about how difficult it will be to give up our baby, and I have doubts.”
“I was thinking the same thing. I feel like we should give him or her to a couple that have good jobs already and who are unable to have a family of their own, but I don’t know if I can do it, either. The thought of giving away a part of you hurts my heart, Kenzie.”
I lift my head, and when my face brushes against his, I feel a tear on his cheek. Luke’s heart can hurt deeply due to the capacity it loves. Pressing my lips to his, I kiss him softly as I push against him.
“I can’t believe you’ll still let me touch you, Kenzie.”
“Why wouldn’t I? You said yourself it was an accident. We were in love when it happened. I still love you, and I’m still going to want to have sex with you.” I throw my hand over my mouth. “Ugh, I’m going to get fat.” Luke moves it from my face.
“You’re not going to get fat, and you’ll always be beautiful.”
“You’ve had stress your whole life because of me,” I say. “First, it was my dad all those years and now this.”
“Stop it. We’re in this together, so don’t start feeling sorry for me or guilty.” Luke interlaces our hands. “Over the years, you’ve been there for me more times than I could count. I’ll never forget that time in my car when you were soaked from the rain.
“I loved you then, Kenzie, and I should’ve told you. Now, stop being stubborn and let me hold you tonight, so I know you and our baby are OK.”
***
Age 16:
I’m running over to Liv’s to see if she wants to hang out. When I reach the door, I almost collide with Luke. He looks furious.
“Luke, hi.”
“Hi, I need through, Kenzie,” he says angrily.
I step aside. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing you need to worry about.”
“If it has you upset, then yeah, I am going to worry.” I run behind him, in the pouring rain, to his car.
“Kenz, you’re getting soaked. Go inside.” Luke slings the door open.
“No, and where are you going?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t care. Hell, I don’t care if I see another fucking day.” He slams the door shut, so I run around to the passenger side and yank on the handle.
“Unlock this door, Luke!” I bang hard on the window with my palm. He starts it up, and I see his hand clenching the steering wheel.
“I mean it, Luke. You don’t get to say shit like that, and you shouldn’t be out driving in the rain when you’re pissed off!”
He finally looks over and unlocks it, so I jump in. It’s springtime, and I’m in denim shorts and a thin t-shirt. My clothes are soaked and stuck to me. The windows are fogged up, and now that I’m in the car, I don’t know what to say.
Luke reaches over and moves hair out of my face.
“You’re stubborn, Kenzie. I want to be alone.”
“Bullshit, and fat chance of that happenin’.”
Shaking his head, he backs out of the driveway. He seems to calm some as he drives, and it’s what I was hoping for. We’re silent until he pulls up at the park.
It’s quiet for a few more minutes before I reach over and peel his fingers off the steering wheel. I lace ours together and set them between us.
“What could be so awful that you’d consider not seeing me another day?” I ask, smiling at him. I’m worried but trying to lighten his mood. He shifts his body to face me.
“I’m sorry, Kenzie. I didn’t mean that. I just–I can’t take all the pressure from my dad. He’s on my ass about studyin
g for finals and college prep exams, getting enough rest for track, and performing perfectly at the meets.
“He never shuts up, and I can’t take it anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Luke.”
“Sometimes I think he’s not much different than your dad was. He makes me feel like I’m never good enough and always falling short, disappointing him daily.”
“I do think he puts too much pressure on you, but I know he loves you.” I shiver as I wipe away water that has dripped onto my face. Luke starts the car and turns on the heat. “Maybe you need to tell him how you feel when the both of you are calm.”
“I guess so.” Leaning his head back against the seat, I watch his Adam’s apple move as he swallows. Luke’s body has changed a lot this year. He’s looking like a man, and it’s ... hot.
“You’re going to excel at Dartmouth and end up with an amazing career. You have no reason to worry.”
Turning his head, he looks at me with frustration.
“Why, Kenzie? Why shouldn’t I feel this immense pressure?”
“All of that success will happen because you’re already amazing, Luke. It’s not a point you’ll arrive at. It will be the result of how incredible you already are.”
He squeezes my hand that’s intertwined with his and reaches his other out toward me. Fingers graze down my cheek while his bluish-green eyes pierce mine. They’re intense ... sexy, and I feel excited and nervous.
This has happened many times over the years, and I never know what to make of it. Luke’s truly my best friend, and we can’t let anything ruin that, but I find myself liking him more every day in a romantic way.
His hand slides to the nape of my neck, and he pulls me to him as he leans in. Lips land on mine and stay there like they’ve done before. The heat is swooshing through the vents, the windows are foggy, and so is my brain.
He lets my mouth go and presses his forehead to mine as his fingers rub the sensitive space behind my ear. From our harsh breathing and hearts thundering, the reflection of sounds reverberate into a chaos of bliss.
We’re in a time capsule that I fear will be buried right here after we share this perfect span and space of time.
“There are moments, Kenz, when I wish we weren’t friends yet. Then, I could kiss you the way I’ve dreamed about without complications.
“But the reason I want to kiss you so badly is because I’ve had years to witness how sweet your heart is and countless days to memorize every inch of this beautiful face.”
“Luke,” I whisper.
“I wouldn’t trade our friendship or risk damaging it for anything, Kenzie ... not even for the one kiss I would remember the rest of my life.”
He’s still cradling the back of my neck as he kisses my forehead. Tears trickle down my cheeks like the rain. He’s telling me it is the last time he’ll allow this to happen between us.
I squeeze his hand before he lets me go; the one I’ll find a way to hold forever. There is no doubt I’ll always have Luke’s friendship, but an emptiness fills my heart, and my chest physically hurts because I can’t have more.
Chapter Fourteen
Luke
“We have to do this,” I say as Kenzie and I walk to my house with her mom. I practically had to carry Kenz out the door to get her to come. “I believe once we tell them we’ve decided to give the baby up for adoption, they’ll calm down.”
My forehead wrinkles as a distressing pain pummels my heart from the words, Give the baby up. I’ll be surrendering a part of my soul-mate.
Sucking in a deep breath, I open the door. My parents are sitting on the sofa, watching television, and Liv is in a chair, her eyebrows raised as she chews on her fingernail. She knows what is coming and said she’d try to help lighten the blow.
“Charlotte, hi. I haven’t seen you for a while. Come on in,” my mom, Lisa, says as she stands and runs her hands down her dark hair. She looks tired today. Taking care of my grandparents wore her down, and here I have to drop this bomb on her.
“It has been a long time. I’ve been working a ton of hours for months.” Charlotte’s eyes dart around the room nervously before they settle on my dad.
“Hi, David. How are you?”
“Good. I sense something is bringing you over this evening.” My dad is now suspiciously glancing between Kenzie and me.
Charlotte usually only speaks to my parents when they see each other outside, unless she has been invited to dinner in advance. Since finding out about the baby, a few days ago, she has been supportive.
“Luke, what’s going on?” my mom asks. Her smile falters, and I think I might get sick. Kenzie tightens the hold on my hand.
“I’ll do it, Luke,” she murmurs, peering up at me.
“No, this part is my responsibility. Mom, Dad, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but McKenzie is pregnant, and the baby is mine.”
My Dad stands as my mother sits. Her hand is to her chest. My dad’s hands are on his hips.
“What the hell, Luke? How could you let this happen?” I don’t see the overwhelming disappointment that I know is coming. Right now, he’s pissed.
“Dad, we used protection. We were careful, so we don’t know what went wrong.”
Dad points his finger at me. “I should’ve known that’s what you’ve been doing all that time you’re here alone. You took advantage of your mother being gone, too.”
“I’m eighteen, and Kenzie is the only girl I’ve been with, so don’t make the fact that I had sex seem like some awful thing, and the baby was an accident. I’m sorry.”
My mom is staring at the carpet as my dad’s eyes land on Charlotte. “I hate to say it, but I imagine you agree; McKenzie needs to have an abortion. I mean, this baby will ruin any chances they have at going straight to college and focusing on their studies, and I don’t see how Luke could play hockey.”
“I’m not having an abortion, but Luke and I have decided to give the baby–the baby up for adoption.” Kenzie chokes on her words, and I hate what she has and will have to endure.
My dad paces around the room and rubs the back of his neck. My mom begins to cry, so Liv dashes over and sits with her on the sofa.
“Luke, you’re barely an adult. Your future has been planned out for years, and just like that, it could all be over,” my mother says before looking up at my father. “Will he even be offered a scholarship if they find out about the baby?”
Running my hands into my hair, I grip it tightly.
“My life shouldn’t have been planned out for me. I’m not perfect, and I’m sick and tired of trying to live up to the perfection you expect from me.”
“Listen, let’s all take a deep breath,” Charlotte says.
My dad throws his finger out at her.
“This might not have happened had you been home more.”
“I won’t apologize, David, for having to earn a living, and if a couple wants to have sex, they’ll find a time and a place to do it.”
“It’s no one’s fault,” Liv says.
My dad’s finger is now swinging to her.
“You don’t need to get involved in this, but we’re having a talk later since you’re always with that Dalton boy.”
“I am getting involved. It was an accident. They know to use protection, Dad. Yeah, obviously it wasn’t enough, but they didn’t mean for it to happen.”
Liv is being her sassy self, with her hand waving around. For once, I’m happy to hear her being mouthy.
“Alright, we can’t change it, so we have to make the best of a bad situation. Charlotte, I really think you should homeschool McKenzie for the rest of the school year,” Dad says.
“I’m not leaving school,” Kenz spouts back.
I’m glad to see some fight in her.
“David, people are going to find out she is pregnant whether she’s at school or not. Our children are well known there, and regardless, it would get around,” Charlotte says.
She appears to be losing her patience with my fa
ther. She should have to live with the demanding man.
“She’s right,” Mom says. “We have to accept this and move forward. They need our love and support now more than ever.”
Finally, one of them are making sense. Our parents spend the next few minutes discussing when McKenzie will go to the doctor to find out her due date.
She and Charlotte leave, and that’s when I get the disappointment speech. I tune out his voice the best I can. Our day for a showdown is approaching.
McKenzie
I’m nervous as Mom and I drive to the doctor. I’ve only thrown up twice this morning, which is better than usual. Luke wanted to come, but his parents pitched a fit, saying he can’t miss school. They also made a point to add that he doesn’t need to get attached to the idea of having a baby.
Thankfully, I have insurance, so after I fill out the required paperwork, I’m taken back to a room. I’m examined, and since I’m fuzzy on the exact date of my last menstrual cycle, the doctor decides to administer a blood test. I’m told I will get a call this afternoon with the results.
She estimates the due date to be around mid-June, and it feels real now that I’m here. I couldn’t ask for my mother to be any cooler about this. She even told me that she would support my decision if I decide to keep the baby.
I want to more than anything, but I can’t share those feelings with Luke. I can’t ask him to help financially. He will be busy with sports when he’s not studying at college.
It would be a weight of responsibility added to his demanding schedule. I keep telling myself that we will have another chance at being parents when we’re older.
We leave the doctor’s office with a ton of information. I read about the changes my body will go through while pregnant and it’s overwhelming.
Mom takes me to lunch, and then I insist on stopping at a store to purchase some books on pregnancy. I want to be as healthy as possible while I carry this baby.
***
I’m doing schoolwork in my room when my mom comes in. “Well, it was positive. You’re definitely pregnant. They said the level of HCG hormone they look for in your blood was very high, so there are no doubts, and they said that might be why you’ve been so ill early on.”
Hearts Attached Page 9