Emily Out of Focus

by Miriam Spitzer Franklin

  Emily (who is no longer a photojournalist)

  The morning was spent exploring the carnivores, primates, and reptiles section. Katherine must have been under strict orders to stick with her family and they walked at a brisk pace ahead of us. By lunchtime, I was beginning to lose hope. The only time Katherine even glanced at me was when I called her name to say hello. She looked better than she had the day before, her hair in one thick French braid that hung down her back, and she was back to wearing a sundress and sandals, so that was a good sign.

  If I’d gotten into trouble with my parents, I could only imagine what her consequences were. But I still didn’t understand why she wouldn’t even look at me or ask me to walk with them. It made it seem like she was actually angry at me, when it should have been the other way around. The only way she could have been angry with me was if she knew what I originally planned for the contest, but since I’d changed my mind and hadn’t told anyone except my journal, I knew she couldn’t possibly know.

  So, I made a decision not to waste another minute wondering. “Can I sit here?” I asked when I spotted an empty seat on the bench next to her at lunchtime.

  “Sure,” Katherine said so I put my tray down and squeezed in next to her.

  AWKWARD. That was the only way to describe it. I couldn’t very well ask Katherine why she had broken her promise right in front of her parents, and I couldn’t ask her anything else about it either. For the first few minutes, we sat munching away on our burgers in silence.

  “So, Emily, what do you think about the Guangzhou Zoo?” Mrs. Bresner finally asked.

  “It’s wonderful!” I gushed. “They have so many different animals here. Like the white tiger! I’ve never seen one of those before.”

  “I can’t wait to see the giant panda,” Katherine said.

  “Me too!” I said. And just like that, the awkwardness between us melted away as we chatted about the zoo, talked about the museum from the day before, and I even told her about the qipao and the three dresses we’d bought yesterday.

  After we finished lunch, we walked side by side to the next exhibit. When the Bresners didn’t stop us, we walked on ahead, far enough away that we could finally talk. That’s when I asked the question that was at the top of my mind.

  “So, I’ve been dying to know, have you heard from anyone?”

  Katherine shook her head and looked down at the ground.

  “It’s only been two days. There’s still plenty of time,” I said quickly. “I mean, your parents didn’t take your cell phone, did they?”

  “No, nothing like that.”

  “I was so worried, Katherine. I thought—I mean, I knew your parents didn’t want you to get in touch with your birthmom. So, I didn’t know what they’d do.”

  “They just said not to expect miracles,” Katherine said. “And, I’m grounded when we get home for two weeks except for gymnastics and violin lessons.”

  “Why’d you tell?” I asked her. “You made me promise not to tell, and I kept my word. Then we get the phone call from your parents—”

  Katherine put her finger to her lips then, as the rest of the group was catching up. We watched the brown bear cubs frolic in the sun for a while then raced on to the next enclosure, so we could finish the conversation.

  “Well, I sure got in a bunch of trouble,” I told her. “A lot worse than grounding. My parents took Nana’s camera and they’re not letting me enter the photojournalist contest, can you believe that?”

  “Oh no! Emily, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for anything to happen—”

  “Well it did. So, why’d you do it? I told my parents we went down to the park to take photos and they believed me until your parents phoned and said where we really were.”

  “They just kept shooting questions at me. You don’t know my parents. They knew I was hiding something and they didn’t believe the shopping story and finally, oh I don’t know, I got so mad at them for not helping me that it just came out. You have to believe me, Emily, I wasn’t trying to get you in trouble!”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “I wasn’t thinking straight,” Katherine continued. “It’s like those people who get brought in and questioned by the police all night. Eventually they crack. And that’s what happened to me.”

  I still didn’t say a word even though I probably would have done the same thing if I had parents like the Bresners. They weren’t the type to back down. But still, it didn’t make me feel any better about missing out on the contest.

  The group caught up with us again and we stopped to look at the elephants. After that, Katherine hung back and walked with her parents. As I glanced over at her, I noticed the blank expression on her face again, the mask I’d seen the night after the truth came out.

  I’d missed the chance to make things better between us. I wasn’t a true friend after all.

  Instead of thinking about Katherine and how her life must have been turned topsy-turvy, I’d only been thinking of myself.

  ***

  “Who’s up for a swim before dinner?” Dad asked when we got back to the hotel. Mei Lin had slept in the stroller for the last hour at the zoo and all the way back in the van. Now she was wide awake, making all kinds of nonsense sounds as she pulled things out of the diaper bag.

  I snapped the computer closed and ran to get in my swimsuit. Usually I was the one begging for a trip to the pool. When I came out of the bathroom, Mom had already changed Mei Lin into a pink bathing suit. A few minutes later, we headed outside.

  “Look!” Mom said as she dropped her bag by the pool chairs. “I can’t believe it! Is that actually the sun peeking out from the clouds?”

  I looked up in the sky. Sure enough, the white clouds that had hung over us ever since we arrived in Guangzhou were drifting apart, and a ray of sunshine poured through.

  “I may have to use my sunglasses for the first time since we arrived,” Mom said as she dug in her bag. “And maybe even some sunscreen!”

  “I think you’re being overly optimistic,” Dad said as he spread the towels out on the chairs. “Those clouds are moving pretty quickly.”

  I was staring up at the sky, wondering if the ray of sunshine was a sign of good luck, when it happened. A splash. And then Mom’s panicked voice. “Mei Lin!”

  I spun around and saw the blur of pink at the bottom of the pool. But instead of running over to help, I froze.

  While Mom and Dad ran and jumped in the pool, I just stood there watching, as the scene unfolded in front of me. My legs had turned to cement, and I was unable to move. Like it was some other family I was watching, instead of my own.

  In a flash, Dad dove under the water and pulled Mei Lin out. She coughed and sputtered and began to wail away. Mom and Dad huddled around her, taking turns holding her, trying to get her to calm down.

  Another family rushed over, the mom holding her new Chinese baby. The dad put a hand on Mom’s shoulder, checking to see if everything was all right.

  My breath came out in a whoosh. All of a sudden, the feeling returned to my legs and I started to move. Fast, racing toward Mei Lin. “What happened? Is she okay? Is Mei Lin going to be okay? Is she all right?”

  “She’s fine,” Dad said softly, his face pale like the cloudy sky. “She’s going to be just fine.”

  I looked down at the baby in my mom’s arms, her cheeks red from crying, her dark hair dripping wet. “Are you sure? Does she need to go to the doctor?”

  “I’m sure,” Dad said. “We looked away for a second and look what happened! We’ve been worried about her motor skills, but your sister certainly took off quickly.”

  My sister. I stared at Mei Lin, the words echoing in my heart. Whether Mei Lin came from China or from my parents, even if she had a birth family waiting to meet her one day, she was still my sister. Forever.

  Tears slipped out of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry! I should have been watching her, but I was looking up at the sky and—a
nd—” I sniffed, trying to catch my breath. “And then when she fell in I just stood there. I didn’t come to help at all!”

  “Oh honey,” Mom said. “We’re the ones who were supposed to be watching her—”

  “But I didn’t help!” I sobbed. “I’m the worst big sister in the world!”

  “Oh, Emily,” Dad said, putting his arm around me. I turned and buried my head in his chest. “You’re a wonderful big sister. This was not your fault.”

  I sniffled into Dad’s T-shirt, trying to catch my breath. Finally, I pulled away and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said again, and this time I wasn’t just talking about what had happened at the pool. I was sorry for everything: not paying enough attention to Mei Lin, lying to my parents, sneaking out in a big city, being a horrible grouch for the last couple of days.

  “I know,” Dad said. Mom handed Mei Lin over to Dad and gave me a big hug. I closed my eyes and leaned against her. Then I put my arms around Dad.

  “Family hug!” Dad said with a grin. Mom wiped her eyes and we circled our arms around each other. Mei Lin had stopped crying by then. She looked up at me, glanced over at Dad, then Mom, like she was finally putting it all together. Then she looked back at me and smiled—a real smile, the very first one I’d seen from her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Guangzhou, China, Day 11, 4/13/14

  Dear Diary,

  Something really scary happened yesterday. Mei Lin fell into the swimming pool and almost drowned. My parents got to her quickly and she’s perfectly fine now, but I just stood there watching and didn’t do a thing to help. It was like everything was happening in slow motion and fast motion all at the same time, and even though I heard the splash and saw her at the bottom of the pool, I couldn’t get my legs to move at all. I guess I was in shock and by the time I realized my sister could have drowned, Mom and Dad were already holding her and there were a bunch of other people around checking to see if she was okay.

  The whole thing really shook me up and something sort of snapped inside of me when I saw my parents hovering around Mei Lin, who was coughing and crying. I saw the worry in their eyes for the first time, that parent worry that I thought about when Mei Lin had the fever, but my parents seemed calm and collected, but this time the worry was in the tears in my mom’s eyes, and in my dad’s wrinkled forehead and curved-down eyebrows.

  Most of all, I saw something else. Something that’s been there ever since the first day we met Mei Lin, but I didn’t notice it until that moment. Love. I know it sounds funny because how can you see love? Well I could see it on my parents’ faces and in the way they were holding onto her tight like she was their baby and they would do everything in their power to keep her safe, and I could feel it in my own heart when I finally made my legs move and joined my family in a group hug.

  It’s one of those things that’s hard to explain. Like I said, something snapped inside of me after Mei Lin fell in the pool. And up until yesterday it still felt like it was my parents + me + a new baby. A family of 3 + 1, but somehow . . . now we’ve become a family of 4.

  Love,

  Emily (Mei Lin’s big sister)

  That morning we headed out to a pagoda for a special baby blessing. Katherine and I were back to “wave but don’t smile at each other” terms, but I knew it would all change as soon as I got the chance. We only had a few days left in China. Enough days for a miracle. If there was one, I wanted to celebrate with Katherine. And if it didn’t happen, it was time for me to be a true friend.

  While we stood staring up at the two-thousand-year-old nine-story pagoda with red doors and red flags all around it, all I could think about was what I needed to say to make things right between us again.

  We had to take off our shoes when we stepped inside the building. Colorful flowers stood in pots all around us on the floor among the golden statues of a man with a huge belly; Dad whispered to me that they were called Buddhas. A black cauldron burned incense, filling the room with a strong, sweet smell and I sneezed. Then a priest came out wearing pajamas and asked the parents to hold their babies for the blessing.

  The priest began chanting in a different language, maybe Mandarin, maybe something else. Soon all the babies were crying louder than the chanting and the ceremony was officially over.

  Afterward we walked around the grounds of the pagoda, following a trail around a huge lake. Then we stopped at a large burning urn. We threw in yuan, which was supposed to bring good luck. I watched the smoke rise into the air, closed my eyes, and wished for a phone call from Katherine’s birthmom.

  Back at the hotel, I asked my parents if I could go talk to Katherine while Mei Lin was napping. “Since everything has happened, we haven’t had a chance to talk,” I told them. I wasn’t sure if they’d let me go alone, but Mom didn’t hesitate.

  “We’ll give them a call and tell them you’re on your way,” Mom said.

  “Thanks,” I said, heading out the door. I’d been thinking about what to say since the night before, but when she opened the door and stepped outside in the hall next to me, all the words disappeared.

  I threw my arms around her. “I made a wish in the urn today,” I told her. “I’m hoping for a miracle.”

  “I made a wish too,” she said. “Actually more than one. It looks like one of them came true.”

  I gave her a puzzled look.

  “I thought you were mad at me!” Katherine said as we walked off down the hall together, side by side. “I felt so bad about messing everything up—”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “You couldn’t help it.”

  “It’s not okay,” Katherine said. “You could have won that contest. I bet you’re a really good photographer.”

  “About that contest . . .” I paused, as we neared the elevators, then began to loop around in the other direction. I hesitated, wondering if I should tell her the truth. I hadn’t gone through with my original plan, so why did she need to know? But from the heaviness in my chest, I knew I needed to tell her. True friends didn’t keep secrets from each other. I took a deep breath. “I didn’t just lie to my parents.”

  Katherine stopped and looked over at me. “What do you mean?”

  I didn’t know how to put a good spin on it, so I just came out and told her. “My entry was going to be about you. I even had a title, ‘The Reunion in China: Adopted Chinese Girl Finds Her Birthmom.’”

  Katherine clapped a hand to her mouth.

  “I know. When we got to the park I changed my mind and I realized it was the wrong thing to do. So, I never took any pictures. But I’ve been feeling bad about it ever since I came up with the idea. I was going to ask you after I took the photos, but before I sent them in as an entry. But you have to believe me, I would have helped you anyway. I wasn’t doing it so I could win the contest.”

  Katherine stood there in the middle of the hall, gazing out the hotel windows. I wondered if she was about to turn on her heel and disappear back into her room, never speaking to me again. In a way, I wouldn’t blame her. Now that I’d said it out loud, even though I’d changed my mind at the last minute, it seemed like I’d been using her the whole time.

  Slowly, she turned back around to face me. “And what were you going to do if my birthmom didn’t contact me?”

  “Plan B, like I told you,” I said. “The Unexpected and Expected Beauty of China.”

  Katherine burst out laughing. I felt a giggle rise up inside of me too, and soon I was laughing along with her. When we finally stopped, I said, “You mean you’re not mad at me?”

  “How could I be mad at you? You knew you were taking a risk to help me and you did it anyway. You’re a good friend, Emily.”

  And then we were hugging again and giggling as we made our way down the hallway.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Guangzhou, China, Day 12, 4/14/14

  Dear Diary,

  Well I did it! I told Katherine the truth and we’re still friends. Really good friends. Something I never expec
ted when I first met her in the airport.

  Lisa Wu says we can spend our last two days any way we want to. I want to spend them exploring Shamian Island with Katherine . . . and with our families, of course!

  Love,

  Emily

  After breakfast we gathered at the red velvet sofa on the second floor of the hotel for the famous red sofa pictures. Katherine and Madison wore matching qipaos. I’d picked out my turquoise dress and Mei Lin looked beautiful in her red quipao. As soon as we got everyone lined up on the couch, one of the babies started to cry, and by the time people started snapping photos, the whole group was crying. Mom tried to get a family photo of the four of us on the red sofa but by then Mei Lin had climbed off and was howling at the idea of being put back up there.

  “It’s okay,” Katherine said with a giggle. “I think it’s something about this sofa. I’m crying in the photo my parents took of me when I was a baby, too.”

  We spent the rest of the day visiting the shops on the island, buying more baby clothes and souvenirs. Dad bought a T-shirt that said Ba-ba in English with Chinese symbols beneath, which is the Chinese name for Da-da. We also bought nameplates for each of us, an artist carefully dipping his quill into the ink and writing the characters on the parchment. Then we went to explore the park in the center of the square.

  This time Mom didn’t have to ask me to take pictures like she had at the folk-art museum and the Guangzhou Zoo, where I’d refused because I was making a point. The point was supposed to be that I was mad at them for not letting me enter the contest, but all I did was make myself miserable and miss out on a bunch of good photos.

  “Can I use Nana’s camera?” I asked as soon as we got to the park with its canopy of trees and interesting statues.

  Mom smiled and reached into her backpack. “I was hoping you were going to ask that.”

  I took control of Mei Lin’s stroller, and Katherine and I walked ahead of our parents, Madison running on her short legs to keep up with us. An idea was forming in my head, a way to use all the photos I’d taken for the ‘Expected and Unexpected Beauty of China’ along with photos I was taking during our last days. I knew my parents had taken pictures during the trip too, and even though they wouldn’t be good enough to win a contest, they were photos I’d use for my project. Because while I’d taken a lot of pictures of the interesting and unique sights, Mom and Dad had taken pictures of us. And while I might remember the silk museum or the bonsai trees at the park, the images would fade after a while and wouldn’t matter so much.