A Chapter on Love

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A Chapter on Love Page 19

by Laney Webber


  She stood on the rise surrounded by white pines. From this height, the cabin looked like one of those country snow scene jigsaw puzzles Aunt Gunnie always had on her card table in her back sewing room. A small plume of white smoke rose from the chimney, and around the cabin were what looked like mounds of snow, but she knew they were the two woodsheds and the old outhouse. Jannika’s hands were cold and stiff. She started down the trail. She couldn’t escape it. If she hiked up the hill, she had to come down. If she stayed at the cabin, eventually she’d have to go back to Grangeton and face the store being sold. And Lee. Aunt Gunnie and Marcy had faith in her ability to make these decisions. She took a few more snowy steps on the ridge path.

  Her hand covered her heart. She thought about how free and balanced she’d felt in the woods at Watts Lake, walking side by side with Lee. She planted her poles at her sides and put her hands on her hips. Marcy called that the Wonder Woman pose. And she decided right then that she didn’t want to run away or hide away from life. She wanted to face life head-on. She knew in her heart that no matter what happened with the store, or how difficult that loss might be, Lee would stand by her side. And that was exactly where she wanted Lee to be. By her side.

  A twig cracked behind Jannika and she spun around. “Not too jumpy, am I?” she said to the forest. Her eye caught the flash of the white backside of a deer disappearing into the trees. The trail wove in and out of the pine forest and down the side of the hill. She turned, and the back of one snowshoe caught on the other. She went down on her side and untangled her feet.

  “Damn it. Really?” Her hands fumbled for her poles. “Really, Nick?” She stood up, put her poles to one side, and tried to brush snow off with snowy gloves. She laughed out loud, then snowshoed down the trail to the cabin. She was going home tomorrow morning.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Jannika woke an hour before the alarm went off. She’d cleaned the cabin and packed the night before. She ate a cup of instant oatmeal and poured the rest of her tea into her travel mug. Then she texted Lee and Sarah and Marcy to tell them she was coming home today.

  Lee sent one line back: Can we talk later?

  Jannika replied without hesitation, Yes.

  She drove directly to The Pageturner from the cabin and got to work a half hour early. She walked around the store and thought everything looked just fine. There was one odd display of fish books, but she figured Sarah must have let Marcy or Vicki be creative. She turned on the lights, made the coffee, and saw the large pile of mail on her desk. Actually, two piles of mail.

  During the two-hour drive she’d rehearsed what she wanted to say to Lee when she called her. She didn’t feel quite as brave here as she did at the cabin. Sitting in the store and looking at all she was going to say good-bye to made her stomach flutter. She moved a small stack of paperbacks and the mail pile started to slide off the desk. She saw a familiar return address on an envelope that was now on the floor. It was a letter from Edgar. Edgar never wrote her. Something must be wrong. She tore open the envelope.

  My dearest Jannika,

  I heard through the bookseller grapevine that Bosworth was looking to sell The Pageturner. I have a business proposition for you to consider. I have a buyer for the book—yes, that book. Someone has been interested in it for quite some time and told me if I ever found a reason to part with it, to please let him have first offer. I’ve always thought we made a great bookselling team, and I’m prepared to buy The Pageturner together with you (I know you have a small nest egg as well)—equal partners. You would continue to manage the store, and I’m quite sure it will continue to be successful—in bookseller measure.

  I purposefully didn’t call or visit you with this proposal because I want you to consider this carefully, and I want you to know that I’ve already sold the book and have pocketed the money. (I also knew the look and the talking-to I would get when I told you that.) I’m looking for an investment for this money, and I know of no more stable investment than you, my dear. Helen and I would be very disappointed if we weren’t able to complete this transaction. I would be a bookstore mogul of a kind. With two bookstores, one in the great state of Maine and one with you in New Hampshire, how could we not succeed?

  Felicitations,

  Edgar

  Jannika’s hands shook as she read the letter a second time. Tears filled her eyes. Oh, Edgar, no. Not the book. “He’s done it. He won’t undo it, I know him. Oh, that wonderful man.”

  Someone knocked at the door.

  Jannika wiped her eyes and saw Andy from the bakery. She signaled just-a-minute, folded the letter, and went to the door to unlock it.

  He passed her a box. “Special delivery. I was supposed to get it to you right before you opened today. I’m supposed to leave it with you, no one else.”

  “Thanks, Andy. Well, as you can see, it’s me. Let me get my bag and get you something.”

  “Oh, that’s okay, Jannika. We’re just down the street. I’ve got to get back, though.” Andy turned and left.

  “All right,” Jannika called after him. “Thanks.”

  She remembered another bakery delivery a few weeks ago and her heart picked up speed to think whatever was in the box might be from Lee. She cut the string with her scissors and opened the box. A half dozen oatmeal raisin cookies and an envelope. Today must be her day for letters. Well, it couldn’t be bad news if she sent her cookies, right? She opened the envelope, took out the letter, and unfolded it. Her face crumpled. She shook her head from side to side in disbelief. It wasn’t a letter from Lee.

  And Leslie, I know I’m younger than you, and it might seem like we’re very different, but I don’t think so, not underneath. From the first moment I saw you, I knew in my heart that you are my soul mate and that we’re supposed to be together forever. I love you with my heart, my breath, my bones, and with all my soul. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. The world looks more beautiful when I’m with you and I feel like I can do anything. If you have any feelings for me at all please let me know. Here is my—

  Jannika couldn’t see to read anymore. Tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t believe that Lee kept this letter all those years. And Jannika knew she felt the same now as she had eighteen years ago. She loved this woman with all her heart. Every bit of her believed that they were meant to be together. She knew she couldn’t predict the future. But she wanted to be with Lee, whatever that future would be. She needed to call Lee. Now. Before she had to open the store.

  She took her phone from her back pocket and called her.

  “Hey there,” Lee said.

  “I got the cookies.” Jannika’s nose was running. She sniffed. “I can’t believe you still had that letter. After all this time.”

  “I used to take that letter out every once in a while and read it. I thought you might not remember it.”

  “Of course I do. I remember everything, Lee.”

  “I do too and I’m also happy that I’m learning new things about you, like your weakness for oatmeal raisin cookies. I’m glad you’re back. It’s really good to hear your voice,” Lee said.

  “It’s good to hear yours too. But I don’t want to talk about things on the phone. I want to see you. How do you feel about coming over tonight for dinner? If you’re free, I mean. I just got some really good news. Fantastic news. I want to celebrate with you. Edgar is going to help me buy the store. Can you believe it?”

  “Oh my gosh, really? That’s incredible, so wonderful for you. When did you find out? Yes, I want to talk too and celebrate with you. Tonight?”

  “It feels not quite real. I just opened a letter he sent to the store, right before I got the cookies.” Jannika touched the letter on her desk. “I’ve got to open. Is six okay? I can’t leave early—Sarah and everyone have worked a lot of hours for me.” All of a sudden six o’clock seemed very far away. She wanted to see Lee now. She didn’t want to wait another second.

  “You go open your store. Your store, Nick! You must
be so excited. I can’t wait to hear about everything. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you later.” Jannika put her phone on her desk and walked around, opening the store. She looked at everything that made her feel such terrible impending loss just a little while ago, and now it all glowed with possibilities. She didn’t need to take time to think about it. She would love to be Edgar’s partner. The relief of not having to leave her store washed through her and was replaced by happiness. She needed to call Aunt Gunnie. And Marcy. But first she needed to call Edgar and Helen.

  She picked up her phone and a cookie, took a bite, and smiled. She leaned back in her desk chair and put her feet up on the desk, crossing them at the ankles. “My store.” Then she quickly took her feet off the desk before any customers came in.

  ***

  Lee’s hands shook a little as she placed her phone back in the case attached to the waistband of her jeans. She was happy about Jannika’s store, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to see her tonight. She’d tried to be patient like her sister suggested, but the past week had been awful. She didn’t like not knowing what was going on with Jannika. She wasn’t a worrier, but she wasn’t sure the right thing to do when she heard Jannika was coming back a couple of days early. Was that good news? Bad news? She wanted to send a message with the cookies and the letter, that their relationship didn’t just start a few weeks ago.

  She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the farmhouse table. She looked out the window at the fields. Maybe she should call Jannika back and wait a few days, until the excitement from the bookstore news had settled in. Maybe she would still need space after that. Maybe Jannika would keep needing space, the kind of space that never let a person get anywhere close to an intimate relationship.

  Lee got up and walked into the living room. She looked at her carved animals lined up on the mantel and the ones that sat on the shelves. She’d lived alone for a long time now. She had a pretty predictable pattern of work, chores, visiting her family up north, and hanging out with friends once in a while. Taking a chance hadn’t been a question she’d been face-to-face with in a number of years. She picked up a small baby owl carving.

  “Hey, baby wise one, what do you think? Should I go to dinner tonight and see what happens?” She put the owl to her ear. “Yup, I knew you were going to say that.”

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Jannika set the timer on the oven for forty-five minutes. That’s what Jeannie at Heavenly Homemade Meals told her. After she invited Lee to dinner, she remembered she didn’t have any food in the house. She could live on Heavenly’s meals if she could afford to. Every single thing she’d tried was delicious, like it was made by your favorite grandmother. She’d picked up the lasagna, a green salad, and a loaf of crusty Italian bread. She had just a few minutes to change clothes before Lee came over.

  She’d spent most of the day thinking about owning The Pageturner and the changes she would make. Auntie and Marcy and Sarah were so happy for her. She kept replaying Edgar and Helen’s conversation in her mind. Helen was on the other line mostly just listening in. They were overjoyed that Jannika accepted their offer and told her that she was family. They were so happy that all three of them would be sharing this project.

  Jannika saw headlights coming down her driveway. Her heart pounded. It was one thing to decide how you felt about a person. It was quite another to have to face that person and tell them. She was excited to see Lee. It felt like they had been apart for weeks, but it was only days. She opened the door just as Lee stepped on the front step.

  Would the sight of Lee always take her breath away? She couldn’t think of anything to say. She forgot why she was standing there. Lee broke the silence with her smile.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Lee said. “Can I come in?”

  “Yes, sorry. I’m so…”

  Lee touched the back of her elbow on her way in the cottage and Jannika felt goose bumps run up her arm and the back of her head. Butterflies flew circles in her stomach and her breath quickened. She closed the door behind Lee. Too many words tried to come out of her mouth at once.

  “Do you want to go…to do…” She shook her head and took a deep breath. “Sorry. Let me start again. Hi, Lee. I’m so glad to see you. I’ve got lasagna in the oven and salad on the table all ready for us. Are you hungry?”

  Lee stepped toward Jannika and looked into her eyes. “Everything is okay, Nick. And yes, I’m very hungry.”

  Jannika didn’t know if Lee meant that to sound so sexy, but her body took notice.

  “Okay. Let’s have salad, and I’ll tell you about the store first. Then I want to talk about us.”

  Jannika told Lee about her fears about losing the store and how after spending time at the cabin and talking with her aunt she realized that if she lost the store it would be devastating, but she would survive it, because she had a pretty good track record at not only surviving, but taking care of herself well. Then she told her about getting to the store this morning and finding the letter.

  “I’m still just a little upset that Edgar sold that book. But once I heard Edgar’s voice and Helen’s voice, I was over that. I was just happy. This is my dream, since I was a little girl—to own my own bookstore. And it’s going to happen. Thanks to Edgar. We work so well together. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

  “You want me to meet him?” Lee asked just as the timer went off for the lasagna.

  “Yes.” Jannika got up and pulled their supper out of the oven. “Big piece or small piece?” Jannika was hoping that concentrating on this task would help her figure out how to tell Lee what she wanted to tell her.

  “Small piece. Even though I’m pretty hungry, I don’t really feel like eating.”

  Jannika cut the pieces and brought them to the table.

  “I missed you,” Jannika said.

  “I missed you too.” Lee picked up her fork and poked at the lasagna. “I know you needed to be alone, and I respect that, but it was hard to be here wanting to help you or listen.”

  “I’m sorry I left your family’s Thanksgiving like that.” Jannika felt like her heart would pound out of her chest. She thought of herself on the ridge at the cabin in her Wonder Woman pose. She knew she could do this. “Your family is everything I always dreamed a family would be like. All of a sudden it was like everything I had ever wanted was right in front of me. It overwhelmed me and I got scared. Aunt Gunnie and I talked, and that helped me sort things a bit. Then I heard about the store and knew I needed time away from everyone to get clear about my feelings.”

  “Thanks for telling me that. I know you’re sorted out about the store. What about us?”

  She knew it was the right time to take that chance. She put down her fork and said, “I can’t eat anymore, what about you? I don’t want to be across a table from you right now.”

  “I can’t eat anything else, either.” Lee got up from the table and took their plates into the kitchen.

  Jannika went to Lee, took her by the hand, and led her to the couch. They sat down and turned to each other. She stroked the back of Lee’s hand with her thumb.

  Lee said, “It was important to me to share that letter with you. I wanted you to know I kept it.” Lee smoothed the palm of her other hand on her thigh.

  Jannika looked into Lee’s eyes. “About the letter.” Jannika felt like her heart would pound right out of her chest. Her hands felt sweaty and she felt a little out of breath.

  “Yes?”

  “When I read that letter again, my first reaction was embarrassment that as a kid I just laid it all out there, my heart wide open. And what did I know? I was just seventeen. I had only had one girlfriend at that point. But my second reaction was, yes. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel about Lee. I love her. I love you. You are my soul mate, and I do think we’re supposed to be together forever. I want to build a life with you by my side.” Jannika’s eyes filled with tears and she edged closer to Lee. She felt exhilarated when she saw Lee’s
cautious look slide into a smile that made all the fractured pieces of her world come together into one whole.

  “Oh, Nick.” Lee leaned toward Jannika and took her other hand. “I want to make sure you have all the facts where I’m concerned.”

  “All the facts?”

  “The facts of my heart. Fact one: I love you. I’m in love with you. Fact two: I want you in my life always, as in forever always. Starting right now. Fact three: I know, in the exact same way that I know my name, that we belong together. When I walked into the bookstore and saw that wonderful, beautiful, passionate girl grown into this incredible woman, I knew my heart would never be the same again. I love you with every bit of myself. I love you, Nick. I want to go outside and tell the stars and the trees and the fields that I love you.”

  “Let’s do it,” Jannika said pulling Lee from the couch. “Let’s go tell the world.”

  She opened the door and led Lee outside. She looked up at the sky and said, “I love Lee Thompson!”

  Lee looked at the trees surrounding Jannika’s cottage. “Hey, trees, I love Jannika Peterson!” She laughed, let go of Jannika’s hand, and put her arm around her waist.

  Jannika turned toward Lee and stepped closer. She put her arms around Lee’s neck and bent her head to kiss her. “I love you, Lee,” she whispered, her lips barely touching Lee’s.

  “I love you, Nick.” Lee’s lips moved over Jannika’s.

  They kissed slowly, exploring each other’s lips.

  The tip of Jannika’s tongue teased the inside of Lee’s lips and Lee held Jannika tighter, bringing her stomach and thighs into contact with Lee’s.

 

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