Cowboy Father

by Linda Ford

  “I believed his lies. Just like I did with Floyd.”

  “There’s a big difference between Ethan and Floyd, and I think you know it.”

  Adele sat up and faced her mother. “Maybe in some regards, but Ethan isn’t any more truthful with me than Floyd was.” She explained how she’d made it clear that she wanted Susie and Georgie to stay and be part of the Kinsley family. “Be raised with Jake. But Ethan wanted Susie and Georgie for himself. And got the sheriff’s permission to be their guardian.”

  “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding between the two of you, but it is rather noble that he wants to give two orphan children a home. It’s a big task.”

  “Exactly. How does he propose to take care of them? At least here there would be you and Pa to help raise them.”

  “We would still help him in any way we can.” Ma’s voice was gentle.

  Adele nodded, too miserable to argue.

  Ma patted Adele’s hands. “I wonder if it’s him getting custody of the children that’s bothering you.”

  “Of course it is. What else would it be?”

  “Perhaps that he didn’t tell you, and now you feel betrayed. Your trust was destroyed by Floyd. Don’t let that make you judge others harshly.” Ma left, as if she knew Adele had nothing to say to her admonition. Yes, Floyd had destroyed her ability to trust.

  And now Ethan.

  She would not trust him again.

  Her heart hard with determination, she went down and helped prepare dinner.

  She let Stella call in Ethan and the children. She sat across the table from him, never once looking at him. She didn’t know if anyone else could feel the tension, but her insides were so tight she almost choked on every mouthful.

  As soon as the meal was over, she put Jake down for his nap, then hurried out to bring in the dry items off the line. Her basket was full when she turned and almost collided with Ethan.

  “How long have you been there?” she asked.

  “Long enough to see your anger hasn’t cooled at all.”

  “You’ll grow roots and a long white beard before that will happen.”

  “Don’t I even get a chance to explain?”

  “I don’t know when you spoke to the sheriff, but he left Saturday to look for Floyd’s partner. That gives you more than a day and a half. Yet you said nothing. There was plenty of opportunity. Why, we sat by the river and you didn’t say a thing. Instead, you kissed me. Did you hope to blind me to what you did? Maybe you thought I was so affected by a little kiss that I would bat my eyes and admire everything you did.”

  “Are you that convinced that I can’t be a good parent?”

  The patience and hurt in his voice did nothing to ease her angry thoughts. “It’s not that at all. You made me trust you, then you let me down. I’m just glad—” She wouldn’t say it.

  “Glad of what?”

  Very well, she would say it. “Glad I didn’t let myself care any more about you than I did.” She hurried past him. Anger burned along her veins. But it was directed as much at herself as at him. Why had she let herself be wooed by his attention? She should have known better.

  Jake and Georgie sat by the door, and both wrinkled their faces, preparing to cry. She sucked in a calming breath and smiled at them. “It’s okay,” she said, surprised at how steady her voice was.

  Only it wasn’t okay. And maybe never would be again.

  This time she’d opened her heart far wider than she had with Floyd.

  Ethan ground his heel in the dirt. He could kick himself all the way to Main Street and back. Why hadn’t he told Adele about his talk with the sheriff? He regretted that he hadn’t, but his reasons were valid. He was hoping to persuade her to be part of his plans.

  He reviewed what she’d said. A little kiss. That hurt. His kiss had been sincere and given with a heart full of concern for her. But she was growing fond of him? Had he ruined his chances? Was it too late?

  Not so long as he had breath.

  Would he be able to learn anything different from the robber than anyone had? Of course, he would first have to find the man.

  In his mind, he pictured a home with three little ones in it, and Adele. He’d hoped that house would be on a farm with cows and horses and smaller livestock. Unless he found the money, that dream wasn’t going to be possible.

  At least the land and livestock part of it.

  But was that what was important? No. He’d gladly sacrifice them to get what truly mattered—providing a home for his family. He chuckled at how easily the word became three children and a beautiful woman.

  He was willing to do anything to make that dream come true. Stella sat outside, talking to the two girls. “I’ve got some errands to take care of. Would you mind—?”

  “I’ll watch the children.”

  He thanked her and went to the corral to saddle Bolt. A few minutes later, he rode down Main Street. He saw no signs in windows saying Help Wanted. Time to start asking around. He went to the feed store, the blacksmith shop, and then the livery barn.

  Mickey said he didn’t need anyone at the moment. “You might try at one of the big ranches.”

  “Thanks.” It wouldn’t do. He’d have to live in a bunkhouse, be away days at a time. No. He wanted a home.

  He rode up and down the streets again. Eyeballed those coming and going. Mostly farmers. Some ladies with children in tow. A fancy dude. So clean his clothes must surely be new. Something tickled at the back of Ethan’s mind but he couldn’t place it and put it down to disappointment that he hadn’t found a job.

  The sheriff rode toward him and indicated he wanted to talk. “I found the man I was looking for. Or rather, someone else did and brought him in.”

  Ethan’s mood rose. Surely he could learn something that would help him know where the money was. “Where is he? I’d like to talk to him.”

  “He’s dead. Shot in the head.”

  “What?” His hopes died and fluttered to the ground.

  “I’m on my way to inform the preacher.”

  Ethan turned his horse, and they rode to the manse. At least Adele would be free from the threat of Floyd’s partner.

  They rode into the yard and dismounted. The preacher stepped from the church to greet them. The children played in the yard with Stella sitting nearby working on mending.

  “Let’s go inside,” the preacher said.

  They stepped into the kitchen. Mrs. Kinsley sat at the table, Adele stood at the stove where she would have been able to watch then approach through the window.

  The look she gave him was wary, then she shifted her attention to the sheriff as he repeated the same words he’d spoken to Ethan.

  “Were you able to learn anything?” the preacher asked.

  “The man had nothing on him. Not even something that would indicate his name.”

  Ethan expected the relief he saw in Adele’s face. “You are free of the man.”

  “Thank God,” the preacher said.

  The sheriff departed.

  Ethan wanted to talk to Adele, let her know his plans, but she turned her back to him. Stuffing back a sigh, he left the house.

  He still had to find a job and a place to live. He swung into the saddle and rode away. This time, he would ask at nearby farms. Please, Father God, help me find what I need. And if possible, help Adele to forgive me.

  What would he do if she refused? His heart grew heavy at the thought.

  13

  Adele’s anger was eating her up, but she couldn’t shake it off. Ethan had hurt her beyond words. Far deeper than learning the truth about Floyd.

  Because, she thought with a jolt that rattled her bones, her feelings for Ethan were deeper than they’d ever been for Floyd. Certainly, she and Floyd had talked about things. But she’d always kept her deepest feelings hidden.

  She had not felt that same constraint with Ethan. Given time and opportunity she would have told him everything she’d ever thought. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened. She wa
s relieved, and at the same time, felt like someone had ripped something precious from her and left her empty and lonely.

  She must stop this introspective nonsense. Ethan had ridden away, so she could go outside without the worry of having to speak to him. The laundry had been brought in and put away except for the ironing, which she would tackle tomorrow. She needed to do something physical. She went to the garden, grabbed the hoe, and whacked at every weed she could find. Her shoulders began to ache. Blisters burned her palms. Sweat dripped from her forehead and soaked her back. Thirst parched her throat.

  She put the hoe against the fence and headed for the pump to get a drink.

  The children all sat around Donny’s farm. Somehow, someone had organized them into one activity. She suspected it was Susie’s doing. In just a few days, Adele’s love for the child and her little brother had grown enough to fill her heart. She squeezed her fists tight. How was she going to let Susie and Georgie go with Ethan? Maybe she should agree to marry him as he’d suggested. They could raise the children together. The marriage didn’t need to mean anything.

  She lifted a dipper of water to her mouth to hide the groan of pain that rushed up her throat. Why must she always want more than what was offered?

  But then, what was so wrong with wanting love and an honor-filled marriage such as her parents had?

  Could she settle for less in order to help raise the children?

  She headed for the garden, but changed her mind when she reached the gate. She needed to think. She passed the garden and went toward the river. It was a good place to seek peace and settle her many questions.

  She reached the riverbank and sat down, breathing in the scent of the nearby trees and the cool air rising from the water. She looked for calm, but it wasn’t within her. A verse came to her mind—just as Ethan had said happened to him.

  Dismissing the reminder of the very thing she wanted to forget, she concentrated on the verse from Psalm twenty-nine. The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace. Peace was what she wanted. Strength she needed to do what she must do.

  She must do.

  The words echoed through her head. There was one thing she must do in order to gain the life she wanted. She must be willing to sacrifice a dream that had been dashed with her marriage to Floyd but which had never died.

  She must give up the hope of being loved and cherished.

  Her insides were raw as if a cruel hand had scraped them with a dull knife. She bent her head against her drawn up knees and breathed slowly, willing away the pain. Seeking to replace it with resolve.

  If Ethan was serious about them sharing a home and the care of the children in a marriage based on those needs and not on love, she would agree. She would do it cheerfully, whole-heartedly, and trust God to help her. She would love, honor, and obey according to the marriage vows they would say.

  She smiled through her tears. She wouldn’t have to pretend to love Ethan. But he hadn’t suggested that as a reason for his offer of marriage, so she would do it freely, without expecting anything in return.

  A horse approached through the trees. Ethan had returned, and he’d come looking for her.

  Good. She’d tell him she was willing to marry him.

  She was on her feet facing the spot where the horse would break through the trees. Her heart slammed against her ribs when the rider emerged. It wasn’t Ethan. It was a stranger. But not totally a stranger. She recognized him as one of the men who consorted with Floyd. She never forgot a face, especially one with eyes that seemed to see everything and feel nothing. She’d always found it a little odd that this man’s hat always looked like he’d purchased it moments ago.

  He blocked the path toward home.

  How foolish of her to be here alone with no protection. But at least they were away from the house and the children. He couldn’t harm them.

  She did her best not to show any of the fear racing through her veins as she picked up her skirts and headed for the trees. She didn’t need the path to get through them.

  The rider edged his horse forward.

  “Sir, I desire to go home.”

  “You recognize me.”

  She held her chin up, facing toward the house that was so close, yet so far. “I don’t know what you mean.” She had recognized him, but she couldn’t understand why it mattered. Unless… She stilled her face to reveal nothing of what she thought. He was one of Floyd’s partners. Did he, too, think she had the money? She inched forward. He rode his horse closer.

  “You know I was one of your husband’s associates.”

  “My husband is dead.”

  “I know.” He gave a sneering laugh that made her curl her fists. “I had the privilege of shooting him.”

  She couldn’t stop the shudder that raced through her. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because I’m greedy. I wanted the money to myself.” Did he realize that he patted the saddlebags as he spoke as if to assure himself he had the money?

  “I don’t intend to give it up because someone remembers me.”

  Every word the man spoke drove a spike into Adele’s brain.

  “Had to shoot Brewster because he might have figured it out. And now there’s you knowing about me.”

  Adele’s brain kicked into a gallop. She was not going to let the man shoot her. But she was alone, unarmed. How was she to stop him? She prayed for a miracle. An angel with sword drawn. A lightning bolt from the sky. Locusts. Anything.

  Please, God. I don’t want to die. I want to live to raise my son and Susie and Georgie.

  Lord, save me.

  Ethan visited three farmers, and saw the owner of a big ranch. None of them had anything to offer that met his needs. He didn’t even come upon an abandoned homestead that he could claim. He would keep looking, but all afternoon his heart had drawn him back to Glory. He had to try again to make things right with Adele. He rode toward town and reached the yard.

  Adele wasn’t around. Stella was on the porch, helping Susie fix something on her doll. “Stella, would you ask Adele to come out, please.”

  Stella looked up. “She’s not in the house. I believe she’s in the garden.”

  But from the back of his horse, he could see the garden. “She’s not there.”

  Stella blinked. “Really? That’s where she headed a while ago. Maybe she went to the store to see her friend Lisa.”

  “I’ll go that direction.” He sauntered toward Main Street and reined in before the store. Dismounted and went inside. He glanced around. Only Norm White was there.

  “Can I help you?” Norm said.

  “Thought I might find Mrs. Roberts here.”

  “Adele? She hasn’t been in today.”

  “Thanks.” He was on his horse before the screen door slammed shut behind him. He had no reason to be worried. The man who had followed her was dead. And yet his stomach clenched. Was she going out of her way to avoid him? That didn’t seem likely. He’d expect her to face him and give him a piece of her mind rather than hide.

  He sat on his horse in the middle of the street and tried to think where she would be. A smile grew. She liked to walk by the river. Perhaps she had gone there to think. Maybe she was remembering the pleasant times they’d had there, how they’d talked about things, and she’d confessed her pain at learning who Floyd really was. Maybe even she recalled how Ethan had held her and kissed her.

  This might be a good time to tell her everything that was in his heart. The dream of a home, a family, and a loving wife.

  He loved her. The words sang through him, but then he sobered. What a fool he’d been not to tell her before now. But it wasn’t too late to do things right.

  He rode to the path through the trees, pulled up when he saw a fresh pile of horse droppings. Someone else had recently been this way.

  The deep tones of a man’s voice reached him. Then Adele’s voice. He strained, but couldn’t make out what was said. But this didn’t seem right. He
detected fear in her voice.

  Leaving the horse tied to a tree, praying the animal wouldn’t whinny, Ethan edged forward until he could see the clearing. Sunlight glistened off the water, momentarily blinding him. Then it all came into focus.

  A man on a horse. Adele poised within a few feet of the trees.

  Ethan narrowed his eyes. It was the same man he’d seen earlier riding down Main Street. Now he realized why the man had caught his attention. A swarthy man with a very clean hat. That’s how Floyd’s former boss had described one of Floyd’s partners. This had to be that man.

  Why was he here? What did he want?

  One way to find out. Ethan kept still and listened.

  “If there is no one who can connect me to Floyd, I won’t have to worry about ever being caught.”

  Adele shifted a few more inches away. “My pa says be sure your sin will find you out.”

  “I don’t need preaching. Besides, once you’re gone, there’ll be no one to know of my sin. Though I prefer to think of it as good fortune.”

  Gone? As in dead? Ethan tried to think how it could mean something other than that.

  Adele gave a gentle, chiding smile. “Someone knows. Someone you can never outrun.”

  The man glanced over his shoulder, and Ethan drew back out of sight, trying to think what to do.

  “I don’t see no one.”

  Adele pointed upward. “God sees. And God will rescue me.”

  The man jeered. “He going to send an angel?”

  “He could. Or the sheriff. Or a swarm of angry bees. God can do it anyway He chooses, but I’m trusting Him to do it.”

  The man backed his horse as if fearing Adele’s words.

  She advanced. “‘The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? If God be for me, who can stand against me?’”

  “Lady, you’re crazy.” He continued to ease his horse backwards.

  Ethan prayed that Adele would keep talking, keep the man on edge until the horse reached his hiding place.

  Adele continued, her voice growing stronger, the words falling like thunder. Her pa would be proud of her. “‘A thousand may fall at my side, a ten thousand at my right hand; but it shall not come near me. Because the Lord is my refuge. No evil shall befall me. God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.’”