Memories In The Dark

by Dawn Tamayo

  “No he didn’t give me his name, but I remember that he had a rough English accent and he wore a huge gold necklace and a very expensive watch. He looked like his clothes were expensive but he sounded rough, really rough.”

  Romero nodded thinking it didn’t give him much more to go on, but he mentally noted it all anyway.

  Helen looked at her watch again and Romero sighed not wanting to part badly with her, not after the most amazing afternoon they had had together.

  “Goodbye Helen.” He said kissing her on her cheek.

  Helen looked at Romero’s beautiful dark eyes and let her fingers slide across his cheek feeling the beginning of stubble against her skin. “Goodbye Romero.” Then she turned around and walked out the door trying not to look back.

  Helen finally arrived at the helipad half an hour late and only just made it as the pilot was about to phone Oliver. She apologised to him as she climbed into the helicopter and buckled up. She had tried not to cry when driving back from Romero’s but she’d had to stop several times through not being able to see the road clearly with her tear-filled eyes. She drove by Cathy’s and called her from the car asking her to come out and say goodbye. Helen couldn’t face going into the bar now, she didn’t want to see anyone, but she had to say goodbye to her friend.

  When Cathy saw Helen she could see she had been crying.

  “What’s happened? Are you alright?” She asked concerned for her friends.

  “I am fine. Nothing’s happened.” Helen lied knowing she was doing a bad job of it.

  “Was Romero mean to you? I’ll kick his arse if he was.” Cathy said surprised at the way things have gone.

  “No, not at all. He was lovely, really lovely. It’s not his fault, I am the bad one here.” She couldn’t lie, this stupid mess was all her fault and she didn’t want Cathy to say anything to Romero either.

  “Oh!” Cathy was beginning to get the picture; Helen had left hers at lunchtime and had only just come back now. She had a good idea what had happened between now and then, that along with Helen crying her eyes out - it all added up perfectly well.

  “Helen, why are you going back? I don’t think you want to go.” She didn’t want to put any more pressure on Helen, but she thought she wasn’t being a good friend if she didn’t say what she felt she had to.

  “I do have to go back. Oliver did nothing wrong in all of this and he had a lovely fiancée who he loved, and who loved him back. It’s not his fault I have forgotten who I am or why I loved him. He is a really good man and he doesn’t deserve me walking out on him.” She looked down at her hands and played with her diamond ring. “But he also doesn’t deserve what I have done. I am a really bad person Cathy. Really bad.” She choked out as she began to cry again.

  “No Helen, I don’t believe that for one minute.” She said as she climbed into the car next to Helen and put her arm around her friend. Her heart went out to her, she could see Helen meant every word. “I know it’s not Oliver’s fault, but if you don’t love him, then you just don’t. There is nothing you can do about that. You can’t force yourself to love someone, even him, especially if you are in love with someone else.”

  Helen’s head snapped up and looked at Cathy. What was she talking about? She wasn’t in love with anyone, not Oliver, not ……….. No! Her love for Oliver would come back with time. And Romero - her sexy, passionate rescuer – well he was just a moment of madness and he would move on with his life just like she had to now. She sniffed and pulled a tissue out of her bag.

  “You are a good friend Cathy. Promise you will come and visit me some time. I will miss you.” Helen leaned across and hugged her friend goodbye.

  Cathy nodded, wishing Helen would stay and not go back at all. “Call me soon.” She said as she stepped out of the car.

  Helen smiled and pulled away watching Cathy wave her off in her rear mirror.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  In the few days since Helen had been home after visiting Cathy she could feel the change inside herself. She didn’t think that Oliver had noticed, if he did he certainly didn’t say anything about it, and apart from making a brief comment about her being late back home he behaved as if everything was normal, nothing had changed. But to Helen everything had changed, she had changed, and she couldn’t ignore it anymore.

  By the time the helicopter had landed just outside Estepona Helen knew she didn’t want to be coming back to the place she now called home. This wasn’t her home anymore and nothing was going to change her back to who she was before - not time, and not a person. Helen decided she had given it her best shot and this wasn’t what she wanted anymore. Maybe if she was in her own apartment and started dating Oliver all over again as if they had just met, then things may be different. She decided that was what she needed to do now - she couldn’t just pick up where they left off before she lost her memory when something as big and fundamental as love was missing.

  Helen dismissed the housekeeper for the night and finished the washing up herself. Mrs Becks had protested as Helen ushered her out of the door, but she didn’t like sitting around with nothing to do and she was perfectly capable of loading a dishwasher herself. Helen took a deep breath thinking now was the time - she had to talk to Oliver and tonight was as good a time as any.

  Walking into Oliver’s office off the main sitting room Helen looked at him as he sat behind his desk checking his e-mails on his laptop.

  “Oliver, I need to talk to you.” She stood just inside the doorway waiting to see if he was too busy - she wanted his full attention, not just a few grunts across his desk.

  Oliver looked up from his laptop and closed it giving her his full attention.

  For a moment she felt small, like she was standing in front of her old headmaster not her fiancé. “I don’t think things are working out the way we wanted them to, and I think it would be best if I moved back into my apartment for a while.” Helen said as she walked into the room and stood in front of his desk. She could see his expression changing and quickly added, “I am not saying that we are over, but just that I think it would be good for us both to get to know each other again, and it would be nice to start from the beginning. We need to go on some dates, something like that.”

  “We can do that here, you don’t need to move out for that.” He said seriously, watching her closely.

  “I think I do Oliver. But as I said, I am not saying it’s the end of us, it’s just that I need to be in my own home for a while.”

  “You are in your home.” He said flatly.

  “No I am not. I’m in your home. Please understand, I just need a bit of time.”

  “Haven’t I given you enough time?” Oliver exploded getting to his feet, leaning over his desk, his hands braced in front of him.

  Helen jumped back with surprise, she knew he wasn’t going to be happy but she hadn’t expected him to be so furious. Even so, she pressed on.

  “Yes you have, but it’s not enough. I am sorry. I want to love you, but we can’t be a great couple if I am not a whole person to begin with. I need some time on my own at home, my home.”

  “That is not an option Helen.” Oliver said coming around the desk, standing tall in front of her.

  “What?” Helen almost laughed, she didn’t understand.

  “Going back to your apartment is not an option Helen. Your home is here now. It’s about time we moved all your things out of there anyway, you should have had that place rented out a long time ago. Or even better, up for sale.”

  Helen was shocked, she hadn’t seen that one coming. “Oliver, if I want to go home then I will. Don’t tell me what to do.” She was furious, how dare he tell her what her options were or were not!

  “Do you realise how ungrateful and spoilt you are being Helen?” Oliver said angrily. “I have given you everything you asked for. I have even moved out of our bedroom, which I can now see was a big mistake. I have not asked you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with and I have been patient. Boy have I
been patient!” He shook his head at her.

  “I don’t mean to seem ungrateful and I know it’s not your fault what has happened, but it is not my fault either. I am grateful to you for everything, but don’t expect me to thank you for not asking me to do anything that I don’t want to do. No one should ever ask anyone to do something they don’t want to do Oliver.” She knew he was referring to their lack of sex life, in fact Helen had not been able to bring herself to even kiss him properly never mind do anything more intimate. Oliver had of course tried to initiate things, but she had gently pulled away saying she was too tired, rather than saying she didn’t want him to touch her in that way. She just didn’t feel that way about him.

  “Then don’t ask me to let you go, because I won’t.” He said.

  “Oliver that is not the same. Please don’t make this into something it is not. I am not leaving you, I am just going to stay back at my apartment for a few nights, maybe a week or two.” She tried to edge around him, she had made up her mind and there was nothing more to discuss.

  Once again Oliver stepped in her way, “I can’t believe I am actually asking you to stay! Do you know how crazy that is? I can have my pick of woman in my bed, living under my roof. I am rich. I am a powerful man.”

  “I don’t care about that.” Helen almost spat.

  “You used to.”

  “I hope not. I would rather hope that I loved you because you were a good man.”

  Oliver laughed and she hoped she hadn’t been as shallow as he was making out. She remembered some things from her life before, but she didn’t remember what used to make her tick, what really turned her on. But still, somehow, she knew she would never have gone after a man just for his money. She had needed more than that then, just like now. “I don’t care about your money or your power. I’m not interested in that.” She said again as she went to walk away.

  “Good because I don’t want a woman like that either, but that doesn’t change anything. You’re still not leaving. As I said, it is not an option!” Oliver moved in front of her preventing her from leaving the room.

  “I will go if I want to go.” Helen said bluntly not liking his new attitude towards her. She could see him taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself, his face was red and angry. “Now move out of my way Oliver.”

  “Look Helen there’s something you don’t know and it’s better that way. You can’t stay in your apartment. For your own safety you have to stay here. Trust me, it’s for your own good.”

  Helen looked at Oliver confused. ‘For her own safety’, what on earth did he mean?

  “I mean it Helen, you have to stay here.” Finally Oliver was calming down seeing she was listening to him now.

  “Why?” was all she could say, she didn’t have a good feeling about this.

  “I told you, it’s better you don’t know. For as long as you live here I can keep you safe, but if you go back to your apartment I can’t do that.

  “That’s not an answer Oliver. I said why?” She stood firm, hands on hips - did he really think she was going to settle for that?

  Oliver ran his hands up and down her arms and then turned his back walking away to his desk. He stood with his back to her, talking quietly. “The night you vanished, I think it was a kidnapping that went wrong.”

  “Excuse me? What did you say?” Helen was shocked, she could feel a sense of panic forming in the pit of her stomach. “But why didn’t you tell the police?” Romero hadn’t mentioned anything about a kidnap attempt being reported, she was sure he wouldn’t have kept that from her.

  “I don’t have any proof, but people like us are a constant target to kidnappers and extortionists. Originally I thought you had gone off in a bad mood and were punishing me by letting me sweat it out. But when I realised you were missing, and not at your apartment, that’s when I knew that something must have been wrong and I went to the police to report you missing. The only explanation I can think of is that someone kidnapped you and it must have gone wrong. How else would you end up washed up on the beach hurt. It has to be!”

  “When you finally reported me missing did you tell them that you thought I might have been kidnapped?”

  “No. No one had contacted me with a ransom demand so I couldn’t. I had nothing to tell them.”

  She could see his point but still she thought he should have mentioned the possibility of her being kidnapped to the police. It was a lot to take in so she sat down on the big leather seat in front of Oliver’s desk. She couldn’t believe that someone would want to kidnap her, but then again it certainly made more sense than the story Oliver had originally given her about her taking out a boat to sea in the middle of the night with suicidal intentions! She had known all along she wouldn’t have done that, it just wasn’t like her. “Why did you lie to me? Why didn’t you tell me this before? How could you possibly have let me think that I had been reckless or tried to hurt myself? For a moment you made me think that I tried to kill myself!” Helen shouted, angry that he had let her think something like that.

  When Oliver heard Helen sit down he took a deep breath, relieved she was finally seeing things more his way, and he turned around. He went back behind his desk and sat down facing her. His expression sympathetic, “I know it’s a lot to take in, that’s why I didn’t tell you before. It was better you didn’t know the truth, I didn’t want to worry you.”

  “Worry me?” Helen laughed, how could she not be worried?

  He got up from his chair and went around to Helen, pulling her up and into his arms.

  “It’s okay. I promise you will be safe with me, but you have to promise me that you will not leave here, not leave me. I can only protect you if you are with me. We have good security here and you will be safe, that’s why I don’t want you going out on the yachts yet. I need to keep you safe in the office or at home.” He said into her hair as he held her tight.

  Helen stood in Oliver’s arms frozen, not moving. She was confused; she wanted to leave and return to her little apartment. She had been looking forward to that just a few minutes ago, but what if what Oliver said was true? Would she be in danger? Would someone try to kidnap her again? And this time would they be more careful, and successful! Helen nodded her head slowly. If what Oliver said was true then he was right, she had no choice. She would have to stay with him for now. She couldn’t go to the police unless she had proof and knew exactly who was trying to kidnap her, and she didn’t. Until then there was nothing she could do. Helen pulled away from him seeing the smile on his face. ‘Well at least one of us is happy’ she thought.

  “Go up to bed Helen, you look tired.” Oliver said as he ushered her towards the door, “I will be up in a minute.”

  Helen nodded and walked out of his office heading up the stairs. She couldn’t understand how only half an hour ago she had been on her way to the feeling of freedom, and now she felt like she was even more of a prisoner than before.

  As Helen walked into her bedroom she decided that there was nothing she could do tonight. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do anyway, but she would have to do something. Her plans for leaving had been scuppered for now, but she wasn’t giving up, she wasn’t going to be held to ransom by anyone or anything. Pulling off her clothes she reached for her little nightdress and pulled it down over her body barely covering herself when she realised Oliver was standing at the doorway. She had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t heard his footsteps in the corridor, and she stood still watching as he walked into her bedroom unbuttoning his shirt as he went.

  “Oliver?” Helen asked wondering what he was doing - not since her very first night back had he been in their bedroom, he had given her the space she had asked for and moved to the bedroom across the hallway.

  “I told you I would be up in a minute Helen.” He said matter-of-factly as he put his cufflinks down on the dresser.

  That still didn’t explain why he was in her bedroom undressing. She stood still with her back against the dressing cha
ir and watched as he removed his clothes. Her heart was thumping and fear was beginning to form in her stomach. When he stopped at his boxer shorts she breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived as Oliver climbed into the big bed and patted the space next to him.

  “What are you doing?” Helen asked.

  “I think it’s time we stopped playing around, obviously the softly softly approach isn’t working, so now it’s time we got on with things Helen. If we carry on just the way we were before this nightmare began, then everything will fall into place in time, and it will be alright. So come on and get into bed with me.”

  She didn’t move from her spot across the bedroom backed up against the dressing chair.

  “I am offended Helen, I am not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I have never forced a woman in my life and I won’t start now.” Oliver said showing his obvious hurt.

  Guilt consumed Helen, she could tell he was just trying to do whatever he could to get what they had back. She should have known that he wouldn’t hurt her. Reluctantly she walked to the bed and climbed in next to him. She kissed him briefly goodnight and then turned over hoping that would be enough to satisfy him for now, but she felt Oliver move up behind her and place one arm heavily across her waist. She closed her eyes trying to pretend it wasn’t Oliver’s arm around her, imagining she was somewhere else right now, in another bed far away with someone else’s strong arm around her. But it was no use, she knew exactly where she was and who she was not with! She pretended to go to sleep but her mind wouldn’t stop churning around and around; she was torn, she didn’t want to be laying there in Oliver’s bed, but she also felt she had no good reason to feel that way; she actually liked Oliver - he was intelligent, handsome, ambitious, and he had shown her nothing but kindness, respect, and understanding. But even so she lay still not wanting to move, not wanting to give him a reason to think she may want more than to simply sleep in the bed next to him. After what felt like an eternity she heard his breathing change to a quiet snore and only then did she allow the tears to fall. And fall they did, soaking the pillow beneath her until finally she fell asleep.