by Jayne Blue
I was loaded down with the stuff. I struggled a bit but got the lamp on the side table and put the fabric on the couch. It wasn’t until after I had unloaded the stuff that I realized I wasn’t alone. There was a man sitting in the chair facing the fireplace.
I didn’t think it was Maddox or Sarge, and I sure as heck didn’t mean to barge into anyone’s privacy. Whoops.
“Shoot. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bust in here! Tracy didn’t tell me she had company!”
The man didn’t move. I looked down at the floor and saw that he had on a killer pair of cowboy boots. Man, those would go great at the store.
Then I froze.
He stood up, back to me, but it was unmistakable. The broad shoulders, the height, the hair, it was so familiar.
I felt an instant physical reaction, like a punch in the gut. The oxygen was sucked out of my lungs.
The man turned around.
Bo Parker. I was frozen to the spot. I don’t know for how long.
He was older, tougher looking, darker, and there was a cold menace to him that I didn’t remember him having before.
And he’d grown more goddamned handsome.
I hated everything about him.
“Lyric.”
I blinked. I had a million things to say to him. I had nothing to say to him. Five years ago, he disappeared. He left Port Az. My life. Without a trace.
“Shit. I wish I still had the lamp in my hands so I could throw it at you head,” I said, with all the hate I had stored up for him.
I was decidedly still pissed at this man. Livid. He’d broken my heart.
“I can wait if you want to go get it.”
He looked at me, he looked through me.
“You think you’re funny?”
“No.”
We stood there a second more. I did want to strike out at him. I wanted to shake him. I wanted to replay my last five years, the bad and the beautiful. I wanted him to feel sorry for me and I also wanted him to NOT feel sorry for me.
I was so overwhelmed with contradiction, I felt like I might actually pass out.
“How you been?”
How you been? He asked me how I had been! I blinked, slowly, and shook my head to clear my head. In the end, I had exactly one thing I wanted to say to him.
“Fuck off.”
I wanted out of there. I needed to get out. I turned around and ran. I crashed into Maddox on the way out.
“Whoa, where’s the fire?” he asked me and put his hands on my shoulders.
“Tell Tracy to let me know about the lamp and the fabric. Something fucking stinks in your sitting room. I’m out of here.”
I broke free and practically sprinted.
I had zero interest in letting Bo Parker have even the tiniest piece of my heart or my life. I also wanted to keep my son far away from him.
The son who looked exactly like him.
I felt a thousand needles in my heart. I’d given it to Bo Parker once before. He ripped it open, shredded it. And he left me without another thought. But I’d mended it, I’d moved to a stronger place. Why was I running? And I was running, as fast as I could to my car.
One look from him, the way he stood, the way he stared at me – all of it took me back to the time when I was desperately in love.
And stupid.
My hands shook but I got my keys out of my bag and got in my car.
Bo Parker may be back in town, but he sure as hell wasn’t getting back in my life.
Ever.
12
Bo
* * *
“Bro, I’m sorry. I had no idea she was coming over here.”
“It’s okay. There’s no doubt how she feels about me, anyway.”
“You’ve been gone a long time. If she hates you, that could be something.”
“I left her with zero explanation, I stood her up the night I was supposed to meet her family. I’m pretty sure it’s not love-hate, it’s hate hate.”
“Two sides of the same coin. My little Tracy still hates me and we’re married,” Maddox said. I laughed.
It was good to see him. It was good to be with people who knew me. But the Lyric question, well, that was answered definitively. I’d had no idea she even still lived in Port Az.
I wondered what had happened in the last five years. Whereas the road had hardened me, she had bloomed. She was even more gorgeous than I remembered. I supposed college had done that for her. I was glad for her. Whatever had happened in her life had been good. She radiated it. And yet, it still hurt to think she hated me. That she thought I had decided to leave her.
I cut off the ‘what ifs’ in my head.
Looking backward wasn’t helping. It never would.
“Let’s get to the MC,” I said.
We were headed to Church. Maddox had given me a place to crash since I’d been back. But I’d have to get out of there. If Maddox’s wife Tracy and Lyric were friends, I didn’t want to make it awkward for Lyric. She didn’t deserve that.
“Yep.”
“Lyric’s a decorator?” I asked Maddox. I hated having to ask someone else what had happened in her life. It was a life that I’d wanted to be a part of. That I’d dreamed up a future for.
“Shit, more than that. She owns a boutique! She transformed the pawnshop into it, and then today she opened up a new house décor store, I guess it’s called. Tracy can’t stop talking about it. She was at the opening today.”
“Great. Sounds like she’s doing great.”
I changed the subject. This was all I could handle knowing. I didn’t want to know if she was with someone. I didn’t want to know anymore.
We rode to the MC.
Port Az had changed in some ways, but it was also the same. The salt in the air brought me back to when I was kid here, fighting to survive. I didn’t know how much I missed my hometown until I was back.
I’d reunited with my closest brothers, Benz, Maddox, Kade, and Shep. I was back, I wasn’t on the run, and I was supposed to participate in this club. To vote. It was brand new again, as if I was probie.
There were fist bumps, hugs, a few faces I didn’t recognize. Probies that I’d never met. If they had questions about me, they didn’t ask them. We all knew sometimes it was best not to know details about some parts of each other’s lives.
And we had business first.
Bear was at the head of the table and E.Z. was next to him. E.Z. hadn’t said a word to me and I’d been back in town for several days. He was never a warm fucking guy. That hadn’t changed.
Maddox said E.Z. was on board with me coming back but there was an unease in the room. I didn’t know if it was because of me or some other club issue. E.Z. oozed anger just by be being still.
“Let’s settle down.”
Bear was always the dad – or tried to be – in a club full of nearly feral animals.
“First order of business, I want to welcome back our brother. Bo, we missed you.”
There were a lot of “hear hears” and pounding on the table.
I nodded a thank you. I didn’t want to talk. After five years alone, disconnected, I wasn’t even sure I knew how to behave back in the heart of the MC.
E.Z. broke his silence. And he said exactly what I expected.
“Bo, don’t take it fucking personal, but if the decision to bring you back gets you arrested or shines the spotlight back on us for the death of those two idiots, I’m going to remind everyone, Bear, that I fucking warned you.”
“The tapes are gone. The debate should be over,” Benz spoke up.
Since I’d been gone Benz had hooked up with an old lady. A lot of my brothers were hot and heavy with new women these days. Benz’s girl was a detective in the Port Az Police Department. She wasn’t on The Saints payroll like the chief, Maddox told me, but she had good information for us from time to time. Benz in love with a cop. It was a head-scratcher, but it was just one of many changes I was trying to get up to speed with.
“Bo was hustle
d out of here, out of Port Az, out of the MC, without a vote. That’s taken way too fucking long to correct. Let’s talk about that, E.Z.” This time it was Shep who spoke up. I shot a look at E.Z.
For five years I’d been under the impression that the club needed me gone to protect myself. And to take any heat off us for the double homicide of two Hawk soldiers.
It was a crime I didn’t commit, but one the club would pay in blood for if it was pinned to us. It was what my lifeline E.Z. had told me over and over again.
“I thought I was on club business with Dougie and Arnie, and with running?”
“Yeah, we did vote. But after the fact. E.Z. presented the options after the deeds were already done.” Bear’s words shifted my perspective on a lot of things. E.Z. squirmed in his chair.
I’d thought E.Z. was on my side. I was his weapon and he was my shield in the club. Something else was going on here. E.Z. tried to take control of the meeting.
“Bo, this club agreed that you disappearing was the right thing for you and The Saints. They can whine about logistics now, but you’re not in a federal penitentiary and The MC isn’t in an open war with The Hawks. All thanks to the swift moves I made back then. So why don’t you fucking ladies stop wringing your hands.”
“That shit still needs to come up for a vote,” Shep argued back to E.Z.
“Fuck off, boy. Keep your mouth shut about issues you don’t understand.”
E.Z. had malice toward Shep that time had soured to something even worse than before I left.
Shep charged forward and Maddox, a shit ton quicker than he looked, grabbed his shoulder before he could take a swing at E.Z.
E.Z. didn’t flinch. In fact, it seemed like a smile was behind his lips. He wanted to rattle Shep.
Bear pounded his gavel.
“Settle down, Shep. We all agreed, to a man, that Bo needed to get out of Port Az while the heat was on. Let’s not bring up old business when we got new shit to deal with.”
Smack dab in the middle of a fight between E.Z. and the Bear’s son Shep was exactly where I didn’t want to be.
I was glad to be back. I knew I was losing my soul a little bit with each hour alone, and each contracted job without my brothers by my side. I didn’t want there to be fucking fighting inside my MC. But it was happening. I was missing the reasons behind all of it.
I’d been a cog in a machine that had almost ground me up.
We continued on with the meeting. I listened. The five years that I’d been pretty much absent had been good for the coffers of the The Dark Saints. Maddox had already told me that I had a lot coming to me, though money was never why I was in the MC.
I’d been in and out, of Port Az, quickly, to touch base. But it was always in secret, and always I had to leave as quick as I came. I was a shadow at my own MC the last few years.
I learned that relations with The Hawks had gotten worse. I learned that Kade and Maddox had shed blood against the current Hawks. I learned Benz was more worried about a Mexican Cartel. And I learned a Saints probie defected to The Hawks, spilled secrets, and eventually paid for it.
I also learned that Cups, the sports bar, had been shot up by a flock of Hawks. I’d left to prevent a war. But maybe I’d only postponed it.
But the years had also brought tons of incredible growth within Dark Saints territory. Of course, that was what made it ripe for invasion by The Hawks. Other clubs wanted what we had and they were getting bolder trying to get it.
I’d left to avoid a war and arrest. Now I came back to find out we were closer to war than ever. I didn’t want to think about the fucking waste of it all.
We voted on several things that Bear needed to get approval for to run the business of the MC. The meeting finished without any more open hostility. It just simmered there, under the surface.
I wondered if I’d be forced to make a choice someday between E.Z., who I thought was acting in my best interest, always, and my brothers, who I could see actually did care about what the fuck happened in my life.
I needed to find a new place here, that was clear. Five years was an ocean to cross. Bear pounded the gavel and Church was over for today. We all stood up and the brothers trickled out to the bar.
E.Z. grabbed me by the arm and yanked me back as the rest of the brothers left.
“I want you to remember something. Shep is daddy’s boy. Bear looks out for him. You all think he’s looking out for all of us. But Shep is his son. I’m the one who kept you out of prison, not fucking Benz or Maddox. That evidence would have had you fry.”
“Thanks.”
“You owe me,” E.Z. said.
“Not exactly a warm welcome after all this time. Aren’t you glad to see me?”
I had had it with E.Z. trying to scare me into his way of thinking. I’d hardened up in the last five years. I wasn’t proud of that. But I also wasn’t blindly loyal either.
I’d been hired to root out snakes and cheats in MCs across the Southwest. Now I wondered if there was one right in front of me. I wondered if E.Z. had been using me for his own ends and not to make The MC stronger.
I decided not to say a fucking word to him.
“Yeah, I’m glad your back. I baked you cookies, did the mean boys steal ‘em from you?” E.Z. liked to mock any sign of weakness or connection.
“Look, Bo. I need allies against fucking Bear and Shep. I’m not going to lie. That’s the reality in this MC. You’re tough. I made you that way. And this MC needs tough or all that money we just added to your bankroll will dry up. And make no mistake, it’s a lot of fucking money for someone like you. For anyone. MC’s don’t thrive by standing still or being goddamned nice.”
The speech was long for E.Z. I nodded and pulled my arm out his hand.
“What’s my new job here for the club? Is that your call? Or Bear’s?”
“You do like we always did. You do what the club needs. And if I call. You come.”
He walked away like it was a done deal. I didn’t argue. What the fuck was his game?
I walked out to the MC’s bar. The exchange with E.Z. left a bitter taste in my mouth. Kade came over and put an arm around me.
“Come on brother, time for a drink!” A shot of whiskey was in my hands and I downed it. Kade pulled me along to the bar. The brothers welcomed me with more drinks, hugs, and the feeling of belonging returned. I washed the bitter taste that E.Z. had left down my throat.
I’d forgotten what it was to be a Dark Saint. I had forgotten that these men in these cuts were closer than blood. No matter what E.Z. thought. Maybe in his paranoid power jealousy, he’d forgot the most important part about being a Dark Saint. We were a crew. They were ride or die for me and I was the same for them. I’d been without that for too fucking long.
They caught me up on their adventures. It was a lot to process.
“Yeah, so this one, he’s got this dog, it fits in a purse,” Benz said to me and punched Kade in the arm.
“Tookie has vicious streak. Don’t fuck with her.”
“Who not to fuck with is your old lady! Harlow will sick all of her purse puppies on you!” Benz added. Apparently, this Harlow had Kade’s heart.
Benz filled me in on his Old Lady.
“Her name’s Jenny, she is straight as they come. Won’t take a dime from us. She had nothing to do with the evidence disappearing. But she did confirm it was gone, and well, let’s just say we still have other connections. And Jenny knows Port Az is better with The Saints than the Hawks or whatever else is out there,” Benz told me. I still couldn’t believe they’d all found women. I guess I had too, but it seemed to have ended better for them than me.
“She’s also hot as fuck,” Shep interjected his opinion of Jenny into our conversation. Benz turned around. He was ready to fuck some shit up in Shep’s direction. At least Shep was still the same!
“Say that again.” Benz and Shep tousled for a second. Axle came up and handed me another shot.
“Good to have you back, brothe
r, good to have you back.”
“Thanks, and I hear congrats is in order, a dad?”
“Yeah, domesticated as fuck around here.”
“I have to ask, this shit with E.Z. and Shep, did E.Z. lie to me?”
“More like acted without putting us in the loop. Did shit before we could undo it you know? No one wanted you gone. E.Z. said it was the only way. You were already out there before we voted. I’m sorry about that. We all are. And we’re all pissed as shit at E.Z. over it. Have been. Shep leads the charge in that department.”
“The heats off though, so E.Z. was right.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
It looked like Axle had his own beef with E.Z. and how things were going down. I had a lot to process.
“I’m here for the MC, however you need.”
“Yeah, let’s get you back in action here! You and Maddox can do a circle around Port Az. He’ll get you up to speed on our shit. What we’re looking out for, what’s ours. Where the fucking Hawks like to hide.”
“Sounds good.”
“What’s the plan, man?” Benz and Shep returned from their wrestling match arm in arm, the issue of Benz’s hot as fuck girlfriend apparently resolved.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you gonna live with Maddox forever? We’ve got an extra room to crash in,” Benz said.
“Thanks, brother. I have another idea, but I appreciate it.”
It had been in the back of my mind for years.
It was an old dream. I needed to dust it off and make it real.
I had the cash, and now the circumstances to do it. I just had to find the spot.
I didn’t share my plans.
I also didn’t share the details of all the dark business I’d done for E.Z. and in the name of The Saints. It was over, for now.
I was home. No matter what fights, plots, and issues we had, we were a brotherhood.
What was left of the good in me was connected to these brothers.
We drank until we couldn’t see straight.
It was good to be home.