Out of Excuses Aphrodite (The Goddess Chronicles Book 8)

by S. E. Babin

  Hermes sat ramrod straight. Hades had put some distance between him and Hera. He took a few steps over to stand by me.

  “Should we leave?” I whispered.

  “I can hear you,” Hera said in withering tone.

  “Right.” I pressed my lips together.

  My husband leaned over. “Probably.”

  Hera sent an icy glare toward Hades before turning her attention back to Hermes.

  “Sooo, walking away from all this glory, are you?”

  Hermes looked absolutely frozen, a deer in headlights. He had no idea how to respond. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how he should respond either. Hera was famous for her abrupt rages. One minute you were discussing how good the green beans were at dinner and the next she was screaming for a bloody execution.

  He blinked a couple of times. Hera stood there patiently. This wouldn’t be one where Hermes could change the subject. I almost felt sorry for the poor guy.

  He finally just went for honesty and nothing more. “Yes.”

  “And you don’t think I would be a good queen?”

  Hermes was positively green.

  A pregnant pause filled the air with tension. There was no way he could answer and not piss her off. I wanted to scream it’s a trap! But I pressed my lips together and wished I could be somewhere else.

  Hermes sighed. “How am I supposed to answer that?”

  Hera sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, and Hermes stiffened like a snake was about to strike him.

  “With an answer like that, you already have.”

  Hermes looked over at me. As if I could help. I wasn’t touching that with a ten foot pole.

  “Quit looking for assistance for your friends. I think we both know they’ve put themselves in a terrible position by agreeing to your asinine plan, wouldn’t you?”

  Hermes opened his mouth, no doubt to deny it was his asinine plan.

  Hera, sensing what he was about to do, tsked. “You might not have executed it, but you were responsible for it.” Her icy gaze swept over us. “You are aware you will never be able to repay them for this?”

  Hermes nodded, wary.

  “And you do know this will most likely bring the wrath of the Christian pantheon down upon our head?”

  He opened his mouth to speak.

  “Abby really had no choice.” Her gaze burned into mine. “I’ve spoken with her friend.” Her nose wrinkled. “The daemon.” As if being a daemon was a bad thing.

  “I didn’t expect her to do that,” Hermes admitted.

  To my utter surprise both Hera and my husband let out a bark of laughter.

  “Expect?” Hera hooted. “Since when has she ever done anything anyone expected?”

  Hermes’ shoulders dropped. “I suppose I deserve that.”

  Hades grinned, but there was a feral edge to it. “You asked my wife to do the impossible. She did it, to her own detriment.”

  Hermes’ gaze met Hades and something passed between them. I shuddered as the hair stood up on my arms. If I read that correctly, it was you better be appropriately grateful or I will melt the skin from your bones. To which Hermes said, I understand and I know I’m being a total tool.

  Or something like that.

  Hera clicked her fingernails together. “If you knew what was good for you, I would play appropriately dead for the next twelve hours so the powers that be can make sure you’re dead. After that, I’d prefer to never see you again, capisce?”

  Was Hera watching mob movies in her spare time? I watched her, the set of her thin shoulders, the tense lines of her mouth. This was extraordinarily difficult and the fact that she hadn’t gone off the deep end and killed us all was really a testament to how far she’d come.

  “Hera?”

  Her gaze didn’t leave Hermes. “Mmm?”

  “What do you plan to do after this?”

  She dragged her attention away. “Excuse me?”

  “After this. Once Hermes is gone and we ascend to the throne.”

  A shimmer of rage crossed over her eyes, and I regretted my word choice. Immensely.

  “Errr, once we seal the power vacuum.”

  The rage didn’t go away.

  Hades leaned over. “Shut up, darling.”

  I sighed.

  “I supposed I haven’t thought that far ahead. To be honest, a part of me thought you wouldn’t be able to pull this off.” Hera sighed and plucked an imaginary thread off her pristine chiton. “But then again, I do always seem to misjudge you, don’t I?”

  I was about to step into a hole I could never crawl out of. I knew it, but some part of me felt compelled to make an overture to her. She’d been through a lot over the years, and a lot of it recently was because of me. She was kingdom-less, a widow, and was about to start her entire life over.

  “Would you like to stay here?” I asked.

  She blinked. “On Mt. Olympus?”

  “Well, yes,” I said, “but I mean here, inside of the palace.”

  A flicker of distaste blipped across her features, almost faster than I could catch it. “You mean stay in the place where the woman who killed my husband has stepped into power? Stay in a place where the bad memories far outweigh the good?” She flicked a hand at me. “I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s unnecessary.”

  I didn’t think so, but I didn’t say it.

  “I will stay here for awhile if I can just to get my bearings together. I need to have a plan.” Her gaze flicked back to Hermes. “I can’t just lollygag my way through life, now can I?”

  To his credit, Hermes had no physical reaction, but if I knew him as well as I thought I did, he was seething inside.

  “Very well,” I told her. “If you need anything, please let us know.”

  She snorted. “Ever the consummate Queen, Abby.” She bowed low and it was only slightly mocking. “Welcome to your own personal hell.” In a blink, Hera exited the room.

  “I’m really glad I didn’t have to grow up with her,” said Hades as we all took a deep breath and let our shoulders fall back down from our ears.

  “Yeah,” said Hermes, “she was just an enormous bundle of fun.”

  “One good piece of advice she gave us was for you to start playing dead.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a vial. “Courtesy of Keto.” I paused. “Who may need to become a farmer, too, once this is all over.”

  Hermes eyed the bottle, then me. “What’s this?”

  “Just think Romeo and Juliet, magical style,” I said as I popped the cork and promptly gagged.

  The smell of sulfur and lavender drifted up. Whoever thought those two things went together needed to have their head checked.

  “So... I drink this and I die?” he asked.

  “Technically. You die for a little while. At least long enough to convince all the busybodies you’re really gone.”

  He held out his hand and I carefully placed the vial in his fingers. “Drink up, buttercup because in no time you’re going to be shoveling shit out of the yak pens.”

  He tilted it up and swallowed it in one take. “For the record, I am not going to be a yak -”

  Hermes keeled over, for all intents and purposes dead to the world.

  Hades’ eyes widened slightly. “Keto likes Hermes right?”

  I turned my head and stared at my husband. “You couldn’t ask that BEFORE?”

  Hades shrugged. “Circus, monkeys, whatever that saying is applies to this moment.”

  Chapter 17

  After questioning my husband’s moral code for a moment, I shook my head and decided to worry about it later. Part of me was amused, the other part appalled, but the most important part of me knew we had to get our tail in gear and get Hermes displayed like an 18th century monarch if we wanted people to buy this insane scheme.

  Artie should have taken care of that by now, and I knew her well enough to know that whatever she had staged was going to look convincing as all get out. Like so convincing the smell of rot and cloy
ing roses was going to happen. Speaking of which I may need to convince her to tone that down. We were way past the no preservation thing, plus we were immortal.

  Artie read too much.

  We walked back down to the Great Room, leaving Hermes dead on the bed and whispered quietly to each other as we walked.

  “Are you going to bow every time I walk into the room?” my husband asked. “Because I could find that very useful.”

  “Are you going to use my title every time you address me? I’ve always wanted to be called Queen.”

  “Liar,” my husband said with a chuckle.

  “I know. This is the absolute worst.”

  “Should we fake our deaths?”

  I gave him a hopeful stare. “Could we?”

  Hades rolled his eyes and tucked my hand in the crook of his arm. “I think one faked death per millennia is quiet enough.”

  “I don’t,” I muttered as Hades pushed open the door.

  The noise bowled us both over. Screams, shouts, noisy sobbing, and complete calamity met us as we strolled through the door. At first we escaped notice, but soon enough eyes began to turn to us. My heartbeat sped up and my steps faltered, but I knew one of the most important moments of my everlasting life was about to happen and if I hesitated or showed fear, these people were going to tear me apart.

  My gaze flew through the crowd searching for my friend, but there were so many people in here, I couldn’t distinguish really anyone. I wasn’t quite sure how this many people had managed to get in here, but I couldn’t worry about it right now. Hades and I would announce the death and tell them the body would be on display later. For however advanced we were in our magic, we were still super old fashioned when it came to certain death rituals, especially with our royalty.

  Then we could hopefully hightail it out of there and try to come up with a future game plan.

  As Hades and I stepped up the risers so we were high enough to look down upon everyone, the noise began to slowly die away. Hundreds of eyes were on us. I swallowed hard.

  Hades reached over to grip my hand and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Bad news is like a bandage. Best to rip it off than let it linger.”

  “Easy for you to say,” I whispered back. “You’re all manly and muscled and it probably wouldn’t hurt if you ripped it off. But I’m delicate.” I sniffed. “And I have a fragile constitution.”

  My husband sighed, which was a sound I was getting very used to. He cleared his throat.

  “The King is dead,” he announced, his voice booming over the crowd.

  I blinked at him. I guess he was serious because he just dropped that like a bomb.

  Dead silence. Owlish blinks. Frowns all around.

  One person from the back spoke up. “How is it Hermes has passed, yet you stand here unscathed?”

  “Luck,” I blurted. “Pure, dumb luck.”

  “That seems to happen to you often,” another voice grumbled.

  I kept my mouth shut on that one.

  “Where is Hera?” a small nymph from the back asked.

  My husband answered. “She is within the castle walls, but the rule did not pass to her.”

  Silence fell again until a man dressed like a lumberjack strode forward.

  A man I was, unfortunately, quite familiar with.

  And who just happened to be my brand new father-in-law.

  Chapter 18

  God stood there staring at us. Surprisingly he didn’t look like he was about to strike us down. In fact he looked downright cheery. It made me nervous because God wasn’t a cheery kind of guy unless something was going his way.

  So far, nothing should be going his way.

  Thus the reason my heart was clawing its way to my throat.

  Hades stiffened beside me. Tension rode every line of his body. If we got into a battle here, the casualties would be immense. So...we had to do our best to resolve this peacefully. I nodded.

  “Hello,” I said, my voice neutral.

  His big booming laugh echoed through the room. “That’s all I get?” he said with amusement. “A simple hello?” His gaze roamed over Hades. “Really, son, you should teach your wife some manners.”

  I didn’t see it, but I knew Hades’ jaw was clenched. First because of the surprise visit, second because this was Olympus and the true nature of Hades’ birth was a closely guarded secret. For God to stride in and call him son brought up the possibility that people wouldn’t think it was an expression and begin to question his origins. If the immortals found out Hades had merged with the soul of a fallen angel...well...things could go sideways in a heartbeat.

  “Manners are reciprocal,” Hades responded evenly.

  “I hear you’ve had some excitement around here today,” God said, ignoring Hades’s dig.

  We both nodded.

  A smile quirked the side of God’s face. “Cat got your tongue, eh?”

  By now the immortals were growing restless with the small talk. Not that we were the most patient lot anyway, but there was a lot to say about the situation, and an immortal never wasted an opportunity to inject their opinion into an awkward silence. God seemed to notice this as well. He took a few steps closer to us and paused, his blue eyes skimming us up and down.

  “Marriage looks good on you,” he said finally. His gaze drifted to the slight swell of my stomach. A white eyebrow quirked, but he thankfully stayed mum on my as of yet unannounced pregnancy. Having a child born of a fallen angel and an Olympian wasn’t the wisest thing that could have happened, but I actually wasn’t the first. Well...I was sort of the first considering the sheer power level Hades was contributing to Baby Draco. Persephone was close to giving birth to a hybrid angel/immortal baby, and we were keeping a close eye on her. You know, to make sure the toddler didn’t destroy the world or anything.

  “Thank you,” I murmured.

  He gave me a long look before he turned to his son. He stepped in close and murmured, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  He took a step back and turned to address the now restless crowd. “Many of you, probably most, have no idea who I am. I can assure you I am someone you need to worry about.” He paused and grinned at the dawning angry expressions on many of the immortals.

  I sighed internally. He was using their arrogance against them. I knew exactly how powerful he was. So I wasn’t surprised when seconds later, magic crept against my skin.

  Hades reached and clenched my fingers against him.

  Seconds later, the genial lumberjack guise fell away and the glory of God stood before us.

  Shocked gasps came from the crowd. I could hear some of the murmurs.

  Who is that?

  Did Zeus send him?

  I blew out a breath and waited for the other shoe to drop.

  Hades stepped in to interfere, but God stopped him in his tracks without even lifting a finger.

  “Today’s actions from the interim King and Queen involved trickery and deceit. The use of magic to emulate one of my archangels violates the tentative peace the former ruler and I established millennia ago. As the ruler of the celestial realm, it is my duty as well as my right to declare war upon the Olympians.”

  Dead silence fell for a moment before the entire floor erupted in outrage. God turned back to us, winked, and left us in a blink of magic.

  Leaving us to deal with the fallout of his announcement.

  The first two hours of our new rule were going just super, thanks.

  Hades held his hands up and begged for calm, but it was futile. He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “There is the distinct possibility we are going to have to leave here in a hurry.”

  I eyed the crowd. “You don’t think they’d hurt us, do you?”

  We laughed at the same time, seconds before a flying piece of food smacked me right in the side of the head.

  Hades cursed under his breath, picked the offending piece of chicken from my hair, and tried once again to calm the crowd.

  To no avail,
of course, because immortals were entirely unreasonable.

  “Who was that?” A voice yelled from the crowd.

  Hades stepping up and announcing the man who’d just declared war on us was actually his father and literally God was out of the question, so I answered.

  “An enemy,” I said simply.

  Hades sighed beside me. His relationship with his father was no doubt complicated, but right now at this moment, it was the simplest explanation we could give. We knew it might eventually lead to this, but we thought we would have had some time before it did. God knew this and struck while the iron was hot, no doubt to shake up our tentative rule.

  A small, painfully thin woman pressed forward. Pinched and thin, her face wore a look of disapproval, even as her hands betrayed her nervousness by twisting her long skirts in her hands. She stopped a few feet away from us and tilted her head up to look at both of us.

  I had never seen her before.

  But judging from the shocked expression on my husband’s face, he was very acquainted with the woman standing there.

  “Helena?” Hades whispered. He took the steps down and gathered her hands in his. “What are you doing here?”

  Helena’s lips pursed and she leaned forward to whisper something in his ear before she disappeared right in front of my eyes. Hades stood there, stunned, his lips bloodless.

  “Hades?” I asked, right before a massive blast of magic hit me square in the chest.

  My husband’s roar was the last thing I heard before I fell face first onto the hard floor.

  Chapter 19

  Artie was looking decidedly mussed. And guilty. Perhaps more guilty than mussed.

  Which told me she had been making out with someone.

  This I could tell within the first five seconds of waking up with a headache the size of a mountain range. Her chestnut hair, normally smooth and shiny, fell in loose waves around her head and was messy. Like she’d just gotten out of bed after wrestling with someone else.

  The fact that Atlas was trailing behind her a feet looking a little bedraggled too did not escape my notice. But...I was a lady and there were other people around so I did not say a word.