My Babies and Me

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  Laura’s brow was still furrowed, her eyes worried. “So you have heard of me?”

  “I actually know more about you from what Seth hasn’t said than what he has,” Susan said frankly. “Have a seat.” She led the woman over to the couch. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  Classic Susan, handling everything, Michael thought with admiration. Almost six months pregnant with twins, she’d been shopping all day, and with a quick trip to freshen up, was now playing the perfect hostess.

  Laura declined the drink, but she sat. After Susan had joined her, Michael sat, too, in a chair opposite them.

  “You’re probably both wondering why I’m here,” Laura said, twisting her fingers in her lap as she gazed earnestly from one to the other.

  Susan sent Michael a worried look. And because he knew her well enough to read her mind, he quickly reassured her.

  “I explained to Laura that I was an old friend staying with you while I’m in town on business.”

  “I’m sorry,” Laura said, still fidgeting with her hands. “I didn’t catch your name.”

  “Michael,” he and Susan answered in unison. Both forgoing the surname that would surely bring more questions than either of them was prepared to answer.

  “Then you’re—” Laura broke off, bright color creeping up her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just that Seth told me a lot more about you two than he apparently told you about me.”

  “Oh,” they both answered again.

  Damn. Restless, Michael stood. “I’m going to the kitchen for some tea. You ladies sure you don’t want anything?” he asked.

  He barely heard their requests for tea because he was already down the hall. Escaping from the watchful eyes of a stranger who knew what he’d done. Fathered a child with the full intent of abandoning all responsibility for it.

  Escaping, too, from the pressure that had been slowly building all these months. The pressure to just give in. He’d had to leave before he made promises he wasn’t sure he could keep. He’d almost told Laura that it wasn’t the way she thought, that Seth didn’t know everything. He’d almost told her he was in town because he had every intention of marrying Susan again. And of being a proper father to his children.

  He poured three glasses of iced tea, the peppermint tea he’d begun to favor since her pregnancy.

  And had himself more firmly under control as he carried them to the living room. He’d done nothing but grant his ex-wife a favor, given her something that apparently mattered more to her than life itself, saved her from throwing herself at the mercy of some unknown man who might have done far worse than leave her with his child growing in her womb.

  So why, since that fateful Super Bowl weekend, had he felt no higher than a slug in the mud? Unfortunately, he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with Atlanta losing.

  SURPRISING HERSELF, Laura liked Susan. A lot. She was intimidated by Seth’s older sister. Sure. Who wouldn’t be? The woman was a hotshot lawyer, and gorgeous to boot. Six months pregnant and her hair was styled and beautiful, her makeup impeccable. And the only place she’d gained any weight was her stomach. Laura had had fat arms. She’d hated that.

  But she wasn’t there on a social call. She waited until Michael returned with their tea, and then dove in before she could change her mind again and bolt.

  “I’m sorry to bother you both,” she heard herself say and followed the words with a silent reprimand. She’d decided to think more positively. Which meant presenting herself in a positive light. She tried again. “Thanks for seeing me.”

  “You’re welcome,” Susan said, grinning at Michael, who remained silent. Laura was so envious of them it hurt. It was obvious just being with them during this short period of time how attuned they were to each other.

  Laura had once believed she and Seth were that connected, too.

  “I just had to do something,” she blurted as the pain rose once again to swamp her.

  “About what?” Susan’s voice was warm, her eyes soft and concerned.

  “I’ve made a mess of things.” As usual. “And now I’m not sure how to go about fixing them.”

  “And you thought I could help?”

  Laura had a feeling the woman could do anything she put her mind to. “You know Seth so well,” She tried to explain what had sounded so good in the middle of one of her many sleepless nights. “I thought maybe you could give me some direction.”

  With another quick glance at Michael, Susan included Laura in her smile this time and said, “I’ll certainly try.”

  “I have a son.” Laura decided to get it all out there. Licking her dry lips, she yearned for the tea she’d yet to touch.

  “I know. Jeremy. I’ve seen him.”

  “You have?” Laura was incredulous—and confused.

  “Mmm-hmm.” Susan nodded encouragingly. “The same day I found out about you.”

  “Where? When?”

  “Seth drove me by a ballpark where Jeremy was practicing soccer. And then around the corner to point out your house.”

  “That was you?” Laura wanted to laugh, her relief was so great. And to cry.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Was that maybe six weeks ago?”

  “Seems about right.”

  Hope sprang even in hopeless hearts, it seemed. And then Laura recalled what else Susan had said. “You’ve seen my house?” She hadn’t meant to say the words aloud. Trying to make herself as small as she could, she hoped Susan wasn’t worried that Laura was getting her couch dirty.

  “Yeah,” Susan said. “Seth was staring at your door—and I’ve never seen such longing in his eyes.”

  “You must have been mistaken,” Laura whispered. Seth had walked out that door of his own accord. Mostly.

  “Uh-uh.” Susan shook her head so vigorously, the layers of her beautiful hair slapped her face. “I’ve known Seth his whole life. I could feel his misery as clearly as if it were my own.”

  Afraid to hope, for fear of her inability to survive another letdown, Laura looked for other possible explanations. And finding none, she changed the subject. Reminded herself what mattered.

  “Jeremy saw the two of you,” she said.

  “Oh.”

  “He told you this?” Michael asked, speaking for the first time since he’d brought in the tea. His glass was empty.

  Laura nodded. “And he hasn’t been back to soccer since.”

  Susan gasped. “Nooo.” The one word was so sincere, so full of honest empathy, Laura almost wept. She should’ve known Susan would be a wonderful person. She’d practically raised Seth, and he was the most honorable man she’d ever met.

  “It seems Seth has been watching practices and games from a distance since we, uh, broke up.” The explanations came a little easier. “And because of that, Jeremy kept playing. He figured Seth’s being there meant Seth still loved us.”

  “He does.”

  “Susan...” Michael said in a warning voice.

  “He does, Michael,” Susan said, meeting her ex-husband’s gaze head-on. Laura wished she had half of Susan’s gumption. “He does,” she said again to Laura. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but there’s no doubt how much my brother loves you.”

  “Just not enough to marry me.” Laura forced herself to acknowledge the truth.

  Susan frowned. “How do you know that?”

  Sighing, Laura remembered back to that last awful night. She’d handled things so badly, coming at Seth without a hint of finesse. She tried to tell his sister what she’d done—and couldn’t. She started to cry instead.

  “What happened?” Susan asked, sliding closer to take Laura’s hand in her own.

  “The kids were getting too attached,” Laura said, not bothering to fight the tears. She only had so much strength.

  Michael shifted in his seat, drawing Laura’s attention, but he didn’t say anything, just sat there and frowned. She turned back to Susan.

  “My kids have b
een through a lot.”

  “I know.” Susan’s eyes were full of understanding. “Seth told me.”

  Grateful that she’d been spared that particular explanation, Laura said, “So you can understand that I couldn’t risk putting them through another rejection.” Laura tried to tell the story without thinking about that last night with Seth. Wiping a tear as it slid down her cheek, she took another deep breath.

  “It was getting to the point where they couldn’t wait for Seth to come so they could tell him whatever good news they might have. They hung on his opinion, even asked his permission for things.”

  “And that bothered you?” Susan asked. “Threatened your place as their mother?”

  “Good heavens, no!” Laura almost laughed. “I thought it was heaven.”

  Susan looked a little confused. “So what happened?”

  Staring down at her hands, she confessed the rest. “I gave Seth an ultimatum. Told him we either had to have a firm commitment between us or I had to end things right then. Because the kids were already telling their friends he was going to be their new father.”

  “They couldn’t just be happy having him around as a friend of the family?” Michael asked. His hands were clasped, fingers against his lips, as though he were intensely interested in Laura’s plight.

  She’d wished so many times that things could’ve been different for her and Seth. But now she had yet another reason. Her life would have been so blessed if Susan and Michael could have been part of it.

  Embarrassed, she was glad her thoughts were her own. What audacious liberties she was taking, even imagining Susan as family.

  “It wasn’t the time he spent with them or whether or not he lived there so much as the impermanence that bothered me,” she finally said. “If Seth didn’t love me enough to give me some kind of commitment, then chances were he’d be gone without warning some day.” She spoke to both of them. “Whenever someone else came along, or he just plain got tired of me and my kids. I couldn’t take that chance. Not with Jeremy and Jenny being so vulnerable.”

  “Did you explain all of this to Seth?” Susan asked.

  “I tried to.” Laura was remembering again. Seth had looked so betrayed. She was no longer sure what she’d said.

  “The thing is...” Susan spoke slowly, not glancing toward Michael this time. “I think Seth is under the opinion that he’d have to quit his job to be with you.”

  “What?” Laura squeaked. “I’ve never heard anything more ludicrous in my life. Seth would never think that!”

  “Then why is he drinking himself to death in between scouting all over town for a job that will pay him a decent enough wage to support a family of four?”

  Heart pumping hard, Laura froze. “He’s doing that?”

  “Susan...” Michael warned again.

  “I’m sorry, Michael.” She cut him off before he could say anything more. “But I won’t see my brother kill himself over something it might be possible to fix. Anyway, I certainly can’t hurt him any more than he’s already hurting himself.”

  “Laura.” Susan turned back, her gaze intent, full of purpose. “Do you have a problem with Seth being out of town for much of the week?”

  She shook her head. “That’s the way it’s always been.”

  “Right. So why does he think it has to stop?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “I don’t know, either,” Susan said, frowning. Like a helpless child Laura simply waited for Susan to come up with an explanation.

  “Because he can’t be a proper father to those children if he’s gone all the time.” Michael’s words fell quietly into the room.

  “Who says?” Susan asked defensively.

  “Why not?” Laura challenged simultaneously. “Seth’s been more of a father to my kids than their own father ever was. He was over every weekend, coaching ball, playing with them, making them feel important.”

  Michael’s face was resolute. “Our marriage couldn’t survive with one of us working out of town, and I hardly think parenting takes less time and commitment than marriage.”

  “How do you know our marriage couldn’t work?” Susan said, staring at Michael. “You never gave it a chance.”

  “You knew as well I did that it wouldn’t have survived, Susan, or you would never have agreed to divorce in the first place.”

  “That’s beside the point, anyway,” Susan told him, leaving Laura to wonder if Susan had ever really given up on her marriage or just given in to Michael. “We. were dealing with you living in another state, working full-time in another state. Seth lives here. He’s home every weekend. He just happens to travel, too.”

  “All I can tell you is the man believes he can’t be a proper father and do what he does, too.”

  Laura’s heart was beating fast again, though not with fear. With an emotion she was afraid to name. “He’s told you that?” she asked. Michael sounded awfully sure.

  Glancing at Susan, Michael bowed his head once, slowly, and raised it again.

  Laura took that for a yes.

  “And that’s why he left us?” She looked from one to other, hope an unfamiliar flower blossoming inside her. Taking her breath away.

  “I think so,” Michael said.

  “Me, too.” The tears in Susan’s eyes won Laura’s heart forever. “If he’s been contemplating quitting his job to be a father, I’d say there’s little chance it’s anything else.”

  “Do you know where he is today?” Laura whispered, tears flooding her own eyes.

  “At home.”

  Laura minded her manners enough to down her tea in one long gulp, and then, with embarrassing haste, grabbed her purse and ran. She had a very stupid man to set straight.

  And then she was going to spend the rest of her life loving him to distraction.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “AN Sooz! An Sooz!” Susan’s stomach roiled as two-year-old Joey barreled into her.

  How’d she ever get herself into this?

  Grabbing him up, she pretended her back didn’t hurt as she settled him atop the mound of her stomach. “You’re supposed to be sound asleep, little man,” she said, heading back toward his nursery.

  She’d been looking forward to this evening ever since Scott and Julie had asked her the previous week to baby-sit for them. She’d been eager to get a taste of the joys she’d been anticipating all these months.

  She hadn’t figured on Joey having his own plans.

  “I wet,” Joey announced, right about the time Susan started to feel an uncomfortable warmth seeping through her maternity blouse.

  “You sure are wet,” she said, hugging the little body against her. After all, it wasn’t his fault she’d let him have three glasses of water that first hour after she’d put him to bed. He’d looked so darn cute, holding that cup by its handles.

  “I wet,” Joey said again, nodding his head.

  Ignoring the tug on her back muscles, Susan hauled the toddler up to his changing table and set about repairing the damage. Getting the clothes off him was the easy part. But then, instead of lying there quietly the way she thought he was supposed to, Joey started squirming around. He almost got away from her as he tried to chase a butterfly that was pasted to the wall above the changing table. Susan grabbed his ankle just in time and returned him to his back.

  He made it all the way to his knees when Susan reached for a new sleeper. He’d been after the laughing Pooh bear that time.

  “The wallpaper comes down off my nursery walls tonight,” Susan muttered, thinking of all the colorful things dancing across the twins’ walls at home.

  Joey started to cry when she forced him back down to the table. “Shhh,” she said, drawing imaginary lines on his belly to distract him. After several tiring minutes of coaxing and fighting surprisingly strong little limbs, Susan finally had him lying still.

  Prepared now, she placed her body half on the active child as she slid the dry diaper beneath him.

  Joey giggled. And
peed.

  Susan swore. She was going to cry, too. Until she saw the big blue eyes gazing up at her, watching. She smiled instead.

  “Okay, Joe, me boy, no more of that,” she said in a funny low voice. The little boy laughed.

  Stripping off her wet blouse, Susan stood in her bra and maternity shorts trying to be cheerful as she grabbed a fresh diaper.

  Five minutes later, the task was done; he was clean diapered, dressed. Suddenly sleepy, Joey cuddled against her as she finally lifted him from the changing table. He smelled of baby powder and little boy, and Susan gave in to the temptation to hold him for a while, rocking him back and forth. He seemed to grow heavier as he lay against her. In less than five minutes, he was sound asleep—from imp to angel-face.

  Susan walked softly, slowly, to Joey’s crib, trying to figure out how to get down the side bar with the child sleeping in her arms. She discovered, that it was the least of her problems. Because first, she was going to have to change the soaking wet crib sheet with the child asleep in her arms.

  She knew from her experience earlier in the evening—and from Julie’s warning, which she’d so stupidly ignored—that the second she put Joey down anywhere but in his crib, he’d be awake again.

  And Susan was pretty sure she didn’t have the energy to survive that.

  SUSAN WAS HOT. Sweat rolled down her back and pooled at the waistband of her ugly maternity underwear beneath her green tent of a dress. All this discomfort, just because she’d walked from her car to her office building. July was quickly moving toward August, and Cincinnati’s weather wasn’t being nice to her.

  Tricia met her at the door, on her way out someplace, and taking one glance at Susan, swung back.

  “Come on,” she said, linking her arm with Susan’s. “Let’s get something cold to drink.”

  Tempted to give in to self-pity and allow herself to be led, Susan held strong instead. “Weren’t you going someplace?” she asked, trying to remember where Tricia was headed. “A meeting with the insurance people, maybe?”

  “I’m their best customer. They’ll wait,” the other woman said.