He cleared his throat, guarding his expression. “I mean, you’re only here for a few days. Why start something you’re only going to have to end?”
It was advice he should’ve followed too.
“True,” Brady replied slowly and turned back to Josh. “Anyway, they’re all meeting up at nine. You game?”
“Sure. Let me make sure I have something clean to wear.” Josh opened his bag. There was nothing but lumpy, unfolded clothes inside.
“Don’t tell me you brought laundry with you,” Jack said.
Josh pulled out a handful of clothes and grinned. “I’m hoarding quarters out in Cali. Laundry is free here.” He ducked into the laundry room, a moment later calling out, “Dad?”
Jack followed to find a puzzled Josh pointing at the litter box and the cans of Rumbles’s food. “What’s all this?”
Shit.
How had he forgotten about that? Once again, Jack searched for a lie. “I…took a stray cat in for a while, but she, uh, got away.”
“That sucks,” Josh said. “It would be good if you had a pet, though. For company.”
Jack nodded. When they returned to the kitchen, Brady was putting the girls’ dishes in the sink. He turned the water off and smacked a decisive palm down on the table.
“Okay, Jack, are you in or out? ’Cause if you’re in, then you’re designated.”
Jack weighed his options. Could he go and keep his distance from Lilly, continuing the farce she’d managed to keep under wraps for him for so long?
He needed to see her. If nothing else, to confirm that she was okay and had put all this behind her.
“We’ll pick you up at eight.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
By the time Lilly got home from work, she was no closer to a clear head than she’d been when she left. If only she could talk to Jack. She needed the clarity he always provided for her, but wishing for the impossible was a waste of time, and honestly, what would he tell her to do? Sure, Lilly, go to dinner with the man who mangled your heart, who proved in five minutes today that he could unravel you with nothing more than words and a look. Great idea. Go for it.
Yeah, not likely.
But it didn’t matter what Jack would say. The only person she could count on now was herself, and there was only one thing that would help her think straight.
Trading her suit for her sweats, Lilly plugged in her headphones and went for a run.
She took off through the tree-lined streets. The feeling of her feet pounding the pavement helped slough away some of the shock ricocheting through her after Damien’s arrival. It was disgusting, how he’d shown up at her job like that. He’d probably done it to see if he could still rattle her, and if that was the case, well then, mission accomplished. She should’ve stopped him from talking so much, should’ve thrown the flowers back in his face and walked away.
But he never got married. It shouldn’t have changed anything, but it did.
Lilly’s pulse hammered in her throat, her lungs straining for her next breath. She was running too hard, her legs fueled by her emotions. Slowing to a walk, she crossed her hands behind her head and sucked oxygen deep into her lungs. She’d forgotten how captivating Damien could be, what it was like to be trapped by nothing more than his gaze on her skin and the smooth hum of his voice in her ear. How special it felt to have his attention focused solely on her.
His engagement had been the one certainty keeping the nails firmly entrenched in the coffin of her past. What had changed so much that he’d broken it off and flown out here?
Traffic stopped her from crossing the street and Lilly jogged in place, for the first time taking note of her surroundings. She’d been too lost in thought to notice where she was, but she’d run straight through town, all the way to the corner by Rosie’s Diner. She stared longingly at the place where everything with Jack started, the night they finally figured out what had brought them together.
Thoughts of him washed over her, a swell of memories that made Damien’s appeal pale in comparison. With Jack, she’d understood what it was like to submit in trust rather than in fear. The sense of security she felt when he had her shackled and helpless was no different from the safety of being held in his arms, drifting off to sleep next to the lullaby of his heart.
He made her feel cherished, wanted and strong. Damien never made her feel like that. Even today as he cornered her in the lobby, he made her feel small. Insignificant.
The traffic moved on, giving Lilly her cue to take off. She needed to flee again, needed to run herself to exhaustion, to silence all the questions bombarding her mind. But as she began to step off the curb, she stopped herself. How many things had she run from? The bar, home, anything that reminded her of Damien. She’d run from Jack too, but Lilly didn’t want to run anymore.
This time she wanted to turn around and face her fears head on.
Hours later, Lilly stepped out of a cab and walked toward Caterina’s, a little Italian place Damien had left the address for on her work voicemail. Her hair was up, her heels high, her makeup flawless, and she was wearing her little black dress. There was a lot of history in this piece of fabric, but she’d bought it long ago to congratulate herself for a job well done, and tonight was a night to celebrate another one.
“I remember that dress.”
Her head snapped up at the sound of Damien’s voice. He was leaning against the door of a shiny red car, a rental that was probably expensive and fast.
She strode past him and the ostentatious car, straight to the restaurant’s entrance. “I told you, I have plans after dinner. I didn’t wear this for you.”
Damien laughed and hopped up the steps after her. “Of course you didn’t.”
He made a grand gesture out of opening the door, sweeping a hand out as he held it for her. He took in her form, his gaze predatory. Lilly glared and walked inside. He was showing off, flaunting the attributes she’d once found so enticing, but gallant moves and sophistication weren’t enough to give him the upper hand this time. The elegant décor of the restaurant was a little more difficult to harden herself against, though. White table linens sat against shining cutlery and sparkling glasses, all of it illuminated by flickering candlelight.
The hostess led them to a secluded table in a corner, and Lilly found her composure as she studied the menu, searching for the most expensive thing on it.
He was paying, after all.
“So they’re treating you well out here?” Damien asked idly. “You haven’t been stuck with some deadly document review project?”
“You came here to talk about work?”
“No. Just asking about your life.”
My life is none of your business.
She took a breath and silenced the thought. One needed to be calm when facing poisonous creatures. “Why don’t you tell me what you flew here to talk about?”
“Where was this spunky, tough side of you before?” He leaned forward. “I like it.”
Lilly ignored his comment and continued perusing her food choices.
“My job is great. My boss has given me some amazing opportunities.” She glanced up, adding, “He’s offered me a position after I take the bar.”
Silence.
“What do you mean, after?” he asked. Then, more quietly, “You never took it?”
She glared at him. “Did you really think I’d be able to after your phone call?”
“Lilly—” he began, but the waiter arrived to take their orders. She chose the pricey filet mignon, flashing Damien her most saccharine smile.
“I’ll have the same,” he said.
When the waiter left, Damien folded his hands on the table, his expression something that could’ve been called concerned if she hadn’t known better.
“I had no idea my call would affect you so much.”
She nearly
snorted. “You didn’t do it on purpose to manipulate me?”
“Manipulate you?” He leaned back, as if the idea offended him. “No, I called because I didn’t want to risk you running into anyone from school and finding out there.” He reached a hand across the table. “I was trying to protect you.”
“You’ll have to forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe.”
“You shouldn’t.” He was still holding out his hand, as if it were only a matter of time before she gave in. Lilly crossed her arms.
“Tell me why you’re here.”
He pulled his hand back. “I’m here because…I needed to apologize.”
Now that was almost as much of a surprise as his saying please. Damien acting contrite wasn’t something she was used to. She’d expected him to say he hadn’t gotten her out of his system, and to laugh in his face when he tried to seduce her. But an apology? It seemed like another test, another way to control her.
“What are you apologizing for?” she asked. “Exactly.”
He sighed and lowered his head, then leaned in. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to get closer to her, or to make sure no one else heard him.
“I’m sorry we ended things the way we did. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Then why did you?”
“Breaking things off was the only way. What was happening wasn’t healthy, for either of us.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I know you remember. We were addicted to each other.” His eyes traced a hot path to where her breasts disappeared into her dress, then back up to her face. “We couldn’t stop. It was only a matter of time before someone found out about us.”
She felt it again—the pull that used to make it impossible to resist him. Heat flushed through her, and Lilly gritted her teeth against the hot pulse.
“Is that why you’d ignore me?”
He faltered. “That’s what you thought I was doing?”
“Refusing to speak to me when we were at the office or at school seems a hell of a lot like ignoring to me. Or would you call it something else?”
He shook his head and laughed.
“I can see why you might have taken it that way, but I wasn’t ignoring you. I needed to keep my distance, or you would’ve gotten too attached. As it was, I knew you wanted more than I could give you.”
That stopped the throb of desire he’d set off in her. “You were able to give ‘more’ to whoever you were going to marry.”
Damien grimaced. “She and I weren’t…complicated like you and I were.”
“So that’s why you broke my heart at graduation and got engaged two months later? Because we were complicated?”
“Yes. And not a day has gone by when I haven’t regretted it.”
Lilly glanced away, hating the way his words affected her. What he was saying—it almost sounded like he actually cared. And that made it hard to believe everything else she’d thought over the past year. Had he regretted what he’d done to her?
Had he regretted all of it?
“What about the rest?” she asked.
“The rest?”
Now it was her turn to lean in. She spoke quietly, her eyes burning. “The rest, as in forcing me to do things I was afraid of. In punishing me for not being able to handle them. In never telling me I was entitled to a checklist. Or limits. Or a safeword.”
His smirk returned, one dark eyebrow quirking. “You’ve been playing with someone else.”
She answered with a defiant lift of her chin. “Jealous?”
“No. Impressed, though. And maybe a little curious.”
He sipped his water, his eyes amused but calm, then crossed his arms on the table. Lilly drew her hands down to her lap, keeping whatever distance she could between them.
“For the record,” he said. “I never forced you to do anything. You enjoyed it. Every. Single. Minute.”
He was too close again, filling up her space. Lilly tried to remember how to breathe.
“I wasn’t punishing you for not being able to handle things. I was giving you your space, letting you decide if you wanted to come back to me. Which you did, over and over again. And I didn’t allow you a safeword because I trusted myself to be able to read you. I didn’t want you to have limits because that would’ve hindered your experience. How else could I have gotten you to the point of complete submission without taking away your safety net?”
Under the table, her hands curled into fists. “That’s what you were doing? Enhancing my experience?”
“Yes. And you loved it.”
Lilly scrambled for her defense, for anything to diffuse what he was saying, but her thoughts got garbled together. She couldn’t disagree. She had loved it. Or else she wouldn’t have gone back to him.
“Don’t lie to yourself, Lilly. You were consumed by it. Transformed by it—that fine line between pleasure and fear, control and release. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that isn’t what you wanted?”
Her nails bit into her palms, her defenses breaking down. Yes, her body had craved that, but she’d never wanted her heart stomped on, her head fucked with.
“I didn’t even know what submission was. How could I have known what I wanted?”
“At the time I thought having less information helped you let go. Clearly that was the wrong choice.”
“It was.”
“Then I apologize for that too.”
She frowned, her fingers uncurling. All these apologies were making her even more frustrated. “You should’ve told me that’s what you were doing, so I could have stopped it if I wasn’t comfortable.”
“What fun would that have been?” Damien’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Sounds to me like the person you’re playing with is being a little too easy on you.”
“That’s none of your business. And he was wonderful.”
No matter what Jack had done, she couldn’t stomach the idea of Damien judging him.
“Was.” He said the word carefully. “I assume that means you’re no longer with him?”
“No,” she said quietly. “That’s over.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
She nodded, her throat painfully tight.
Damien scooted closer in his chair. A slow smile built on his face. “Let me make everything up to you. Come back to Chicago with me.”
“What?”
“You don’t belong here. Come home. I’ll make sure my firm beats whatever Forrester is offering, and you and I can start over again.”
She fell back against her seat, her mouth slackened.
“I thought you said no one could know,” she managed. “That we couldn’t work together and be together. That ‘this was the way it had to be.’”
She used air quotes around the last bit, then dropped her hands to the table.
“Maybe I don’t care about that now. Maybe I’ve been going crazy thinking about you, broke off my engagement because of it, and flew all the way out here to win you back. Besides, you’re not my firm’s summer associate, or my student anymore. We can do whatever we want.”
He reached out and took her hand in his. She stared at it, unable to believe he was offering her the simple gesture she’d always wanted.
“Please, Lilly,” he said. “Be mine again.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“There’s a spot.”
Josh pointed to a parking space, and Jack pulled into it with a glance in the rearview mirror. Brady was practically bouncing in the backseat.
“I thought only Allegra and Hope had sugar highs tonight,” he said. “Or did you have some ice cream too?”
Brady gave him the finger and flashed a huge grin. “Sue me for being excited. I’m surrounded by females all the time. You have no idea how much I need a night out.”
“Haven’t you been going out, like, every Friday?” Josh asked as they climbed out of the car.
“Yeah, but tonight’s different.” Brady slung an arm over Josh’s shoulders. “You’re here.”
“Screw ice cream. I think you’re drunk already.”
“Fuck off.”
“Oooh, Uncle Brady said a bad word!” Josh teased. “I promise not to tell Aunt Sam if you buy me a beer.”
Jack chuckled, his stomach rumbling as they crossed the street. He hadn’t been able to eat much at dinner, his appetite replaced by a churning mix of apprehension and dread. He had no idea what to expect tonight.
They’d just reached the entrance to Neon Bar when a red Lamborghini purred to a halt at the curb.
“Nice ride,” Brady murmured. “Hey, looks like Lilly finally got a date.”
Jack’s gaze snapped to the passenger seat. His gut twisted, his pulse racing as he watched Lilly step out of the car, her hair up in a sleek twist, wearing that little black dress he’d once wanted to tear off with his teeth.
Her date got out too, and spoke to her across the roof, his hands folded confidently over the polished metal. He was obviously wealthy, with an expensive suit and an even more expensive car at his fingertips, but he was looking at Lilly as if she were an object he owned too. Jack suppressed the urge to murder the guy.
Brady elbowed Josh. “Guess you won’t be getting a chance with her after all.”
Josh’s head moved as he took in Lilly’s form. “Shame.”
Jack clenched his jaw, wanting to forcibly yank his son’s head in the other direction. Her date got back into his car and drove off, and Lilly turned around, stopping short when she saw Jack. Her eyes flashed with pain.
Brady didn’t seem to notice anything and stepped out to hug her.
“The brilliant legal mind arrives,” he said, pulling her close with one arm. “Who’s the guy?”
“No one important.”
“Important enough to be driving four G’s on wheels.”
She shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t smashed against him. “It’s a rental.”
His Contract: Legally Bound, Book 1 Page 30