Jack frowned. Who would she know that drove a car like that, even for a few days? Jealousy seared through him, his hands twitching with the need to touch her, to remind her who she belonged to.
But she didn’t belong to him anymore.
Christ, he’d been the one telling her to find someone else. He had no business feeling like this.
Josh cleared his throat and Brady clapped a hand to his chest. “Where are our manners? Lilly, this is Jack’s son, the soon-to-be Doctor Joshua Archer. Josh, this is Lilly Sterling, future lawyer and paralegal extraordinaire.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” she said.
“Likewise.” Josh smiled at her. “I guess congratulations are in order. I hear we’re celebrating a big win for you guys tonight.”
A proud smile blossomed on her face. “Yeah, we are.”
The smile killed him. He wanted Lilly’s eyes on him. Not on Josh or some stranger with a fancy car. Just him.
“I saw the article in the paper,” he said.
Lilly’s eyes snapped to his, a move that made the memory of her obedience rush over him, but Jack wanted more than just her attention. He wanted to take her aside, drag her around a corner somewhere and ask her exactly who that man was.
Fuck that. He wanted to press her against a wall and kiss her until she was out of her mind.
Instead, he said, “It sounds like you did a great job. I’m proud of you.”
Her gaze softened, emotion cresting. “Thank you.”
“You two know each other well?” Josh asked.
Brady stepped in between them. “Yeah, Jack mentored her or some shit like that. But she’s not just a ball busting lawyer-to-be. This girl can cook a mean lasagna.”
“Aunt Sam let someone else cook in her kitchen?”
“That’ll be the day. No, she cooked for us at your dad’s.”
Josh turned to Jack. “Really?”
There was an awkward silence that nobody filled. Brady studied each of their faces for a moment before getting impatient. “Okay, I’ve had enough of standing on the street. Are we ready to go inside and toast to my brilliance?”
Lilly laughed. Jack could see her relief in her face. “Your brilliance?”
“Of course. Without my incredible genius-ness, how would you ever have won the case?”
Josh snorted. “You do know that ‘genius-ness’ isn’t a word, right?”
“Fuck off.”
“That’s two curses, so you owe me two beers.”
“I don’t owe you shit.”
“And that makes three.”
Brady shook his head and led Lilly through the entrance. Jack hung back, watching her. Seeing her happy, that she’d been able to move on, that she was okay without him—it was what he’d hoped for.
So why did it feel so wrong?
Inside, the club was dimly lit and crowded, music thrumming. Hardwood floors were adorned with smooth leather couches, low tables and high-backed stools. He caught sight of Cassie weaving through the throng. She linked arms with Lilly.
“We’ve got a table in the corner.” She nodded to a spot behind her, then looked at Josh and did a double take. “Are you Jack’s son?”
He laughed. “How did you know?”
She eyed Jack briefly. “You look exactly like him.”
“I’m hoping that’s a compliment?”
“Yeah,” Lilly answered, another brief flicker of pain in her eyes before she smiled. “It is.”
There was far too much tension in the air, a vibe Jack was sure everyone noticed.
“Why don’t you guys go sit?” Cassie suggested. “I need to talk to Lilly for a minute.”
Josh and Brady walked off, and Jack watched Cassie guide Lilly to the bar, probably to quiz her about the date. The effort of having to pretend he didn’t care was crushing him. He had no idea how Lilly had done this when they were together, acting as if nothing was going on between them, when all she’d wanted was him.
“Now, this is more like it,” Patrick said, appearing by Jack’s side. “Why have we been going to that shithole by Fenway when we could have been here?”
Jack tried to force a laugh, but it didn’t make it to his lips.
“Trouble in paradise?” Patrick asked. “Did you lose the keys to your handcuffs?”
Jack stiffened. He’d forgotten that he’d never told Patrick they ended things.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He plowed through the bar, finding the table where the gang was seated.
“There’s the runt.” Patrick reached out to hug Josh. “It’s good to see you, kid. Glad you could tear yourself away to pay us a visit.”
“Thanks,” Josh said. It’s good to be home.”
“So,” Brady said, rubbing his hands together. “What are we drinking?”
Patrick’s brow lifted. “You’re eager to get started.”
“The clock is ticking. And Jack is driving so I’m making the most out of it.”
“I think a round of shots is in order,” Gabe suggested.
“Didn’t Cassie say that’s what gets her drunk the fastest?” Nick asked.
Patrick grinned. “Definitely shots, then.”
Josh started to pull his wallet from his back pocket. “I’ve been told the first round is on me—”
“I’ve got it,” Jack interrupted.
He walked back to the bar and found a spot not far from where Lilly and Cassie were standing. Her back was to him. Over the noise and music, he could just barely make out their conversation.
“I can’t believe it,” Cassie said. “You’re not going to say yes, are you?”
He heard Lilly sigh. “I don’t know. I’m so confused, but right now, with everything he’s offered me, and everything that’s happened here, going back to Chicago is tempting.”
Chicago.
Jack saw red. Anger seized him, threatening to boil over. That wasn’t some random date. The guy with the car was Damien. And she was considering going back to him.
Before he knew what he was doing, he’d marched straight to Lilly’s side.
“Can I speak with you?” he asked through clenched teeth.
Cassie moved to stand between him and Lilly, her lips pressed into a tight slash. Jack’s body tensed. It was admirable, the way she wanted to protect Lilly, but she needed to get out of his way. Now.
“It’s okay, Cass,” Lilly said, putting a hand on her friend’s arm.
Cassie gave a minute shake of her head before walking away. Lilly crossed her arms. “Yes?”
“Damien?” he spat. “You were with Damien tonight?”
Her posture went rigid. “You had no right to eavesdrop.”
“Why is he here?”
“He offered me a job.”
“Is that all?”
She exhaled and looked at the ground. It took every ounce of willpower to stop from capturing her chin in his hand and making her look at him.
“He asked me to get back together with him.”
“And what was your answer?”
Her gaze lifted. Her eyes were flat, emotionless. “I don’t have to tell you.”
She started to walk away, and he grabbed her elbow. “What was your answer?” he repeated, louder this time.
“That I had to sleep on it!”
She wrenched her arm from his grip. Jack backed away, shaking his head, feeling like a hole had been punched through his gut. After all they’d been through, after all he’d done to try to break her of that asshole’s hold, how could she even think of going back to him?
“Lilly,” he said. “What are you doing?”
Her chin trembled. “Why do you care?”
“Dad?”
Jack whirled around at the sound of Josh’s voice.
“
I thought you were getting the drinks,” he said, looking quizzically at the two of them. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.” Lilly plastered a smile on. “Your dad was grilling me on the questioning techniques we used at the trial.”
Jack clenched his jaw. She was lying for him, honoring his request for Josh not to find out. Protecting him, again.
“My dad is a passionate teacher,” Josh said, still throwing questioning looks at both of them.
“He’s the best I’ve ever had,” Lilly said softly, then stepped away. “I’m going to join the others.”
Jack turned back to the bar. He couldn’t risk another glance at her. “I’ve got the drinks,” he told Josh, waving down the bartender.
He watched Josh go back to their table out of the corner of his eye, then ordered their drinks, deciding at the last minute to get a shot for himself. Just one. He’d still be able to drive, and he deserved a goddamn drink right now.
He paid and downed it quickly, leaving the glass on the bar as he carried a bevy of small glasses back to the table. “You all ready to drink to your success?”
“Hell, yeah,” Brady answered.
“We need a toast.” Gabe picked up a glass and looked around the group. “To friendship and love.”
“To wins that make our bosses give us bonuses,” Cassie added.
Patrick winked in her direction. “To new experiences we might not have expected.” She rolled her eyes.
Nick pulled Lilly close to him. “To family.”
“Can we drink already?” Brady complained.
Jack kept his eyes averted as they knocked their shots back, sure his poker face had slipped entirely. An extra shot sat on the table. The bartender must have given them one too many.
He grabbed the glass when no one was looking and quickly downed its contents.
Josh picked up the next round, and Gabe continued talking about the case, Cassie adding in how happy Forrester was with them.
Nick lifted a glass in another toast. “Another good thing about this case was that it finally got Lilly out of the house, instead of being at home with her cat all the time.”
“You have a cat too?” Josh asked her. “My dad took in a stray for a while. Was that your influence?”
Brady snorted and scrunched up his face. “Jack never had a cat.”
Lilly quickly looked away. Josh’s brows went down low, his eyes shifting from her to Jack.
Jack reached for a shot without hesitation.
“Dude,” Brady complained. “I thought you were designated tonight.”
“I’m fine,” Jack insisted, but he knew it was a lie. His tolerance had been lowered after so much time off the bottle. Three shots in less than twenty minutes with no food in his stomach had done a job on him.
Everyone was staring. Jack’s face burned.
“I think Jack is a little overwhelmed,” Patrick said. “Having Josh home and all—it’s more excitement than someone our age can handle.” He pulled some cash from his pocket and handed it to Josh. “It’s time for us old guys to get going. You two take a cab home on me, and tell the driver there will be three stops. I’ll take it from your place.”
Patrick stood and looked at Jack expectantly.
“Fine.” He wasn’t thrilled at being parented by his friend, but had no desire to stick around here any longer. Gathering whatever dignity he could scrounge up, he threw a look at Brady and Josh, avoiding looking at Lilly completely. “Sorry about the ride. Have fun.”
When they were on the sidewalk, Patrick held out his hand. “Keys.”
“Why the hell should I let you drive? Weren’t you drinking too?”
“You drank all my shots. Or did you think extra ones magically appeared every single round?”
Jack huffed out a breath. That unfortunately made sense. He slapped his keys into Patrick’s palm.
“You could at least thank me for saving your ass tonight. Why the hell are you drinking?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You said that before.”
“It’s still true.”
Patrick sighed and got into the car. The entire drive to Cambridge, Jack was consumed with the need to be holding something—the steering wheel. The rim of a bottle. The handle of his flogger. He needed his control back. It was infuriating to feel so helpless.
“You know, I might be able to help,” Patrick offered when they pulled onto the driveway. “It’s rare that I have a bonus night with a girl, but when I do, I usually know what to say to get them back into bed.”
“No thanks.” Jack opened the door.
“Hey!” Patrick called, jogging after him. Jack reached into his pocket, but Patrick had his keys. He couldn’t even get into his own goddamned house. “Christ, Jack. What the fuck happened?”
“We ended it, okay?”
Patrick didn’t speak. He simply unlocked the door. Jack barreled past him and into the living room, opening the liquor cabinet.
“Are you going to tell me why?” Patrick asked.
Jack’s hands fell to his sides. “She’s in love with me.”
“And you don’t feel the same way.”
He shook his head. “I can’t.”
There was a beat of silence. Then Patrick said, “You’re an idiot.”
Jack snapped his head around. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You are an idiot.”
“Why am I an idiot?”
“Because you were happy with her and you fucked it up.”
“I don’t want to hear this. You can get the hell out of my house now.” Jack retrieved the scotch, waiting for Patrick to see his own way out. Fuck this. Drinking in solitude might not have been better for him, but at least it was quieter.
“Well, that’s too fucking bad, because somebody has to talk some sense into you.”
Jack coughed out a bitter laugh. “And you’re the one to do that?”
“You’re damn right I am,” Patrick spat. “So what did love for her imply? Was she asking to wear a dog collar and follow you around naked on her hands and knees?”
“No.” Jack took a long, burning sip straight from the bottle. “She wanted a real relationship. I can’t give her that. She’s too young. Being with me is the wrong choice for her.”
“But it was the right choice when you were just fucking her.”
“Didn’t I tell you to leave?”
But Patrick didn’t go anywhere. He yanked the bottle from Jack’s hands, shoved it back inside the cabinet and slammed the door shut. “So now you’re saying the problem was Lilly’s age? That if she were in her forties, you wouldn’t have broken up with her?”
Jack faltered. He didn’t have an answer for that.
“Because I think this is all complete and utter bullshit,” Patrick continued. “It isn’t about age, or Josh, or your career, or BDSM. It’s about letting Eve go and moving on, and you’re scared shitless to do it. It’s just an excuse to cover up how afraid you are. Clinging to your memories of Eve is easier than facing your fear of losing someone again.”
It was exactly what Lilly said when they broke up, and it definitely was not what Jack wanted to hear from his best friend.
“I thought you of all people would understand,” he growled.
“Why is that?”
“You? King of the one-night stands?” Jack scoffed. “I didn’t think you’d be the one to criticize when it was time for me to end it.”
Patrick’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, Jack saw how deep his words had cut. But he was too entrenched, too angry for being called out on something Patrick did almost every day.
“You’re right. I’m not you. I don’t have what you have.”
“And what’s that?”
“The capacity to love and be loved.” Patr
ick’s face hardened, lined with regret. It was the most unguarded Jack had ever seen him. “I’ve never been able to do that. To give enough of myself to anyone that she’d want to give me the same in return.”
He leaned in and poked Jack’s chest.
“I leave first because I don’t think anyone would want to stay long enough to actually be with me. I cut and run because I can’t stand the thought of watching one of them walk out the door.” Patrick came closer, until they were nearly nose to nose. “I’m the way I am because I’m afraid no one will ever love me.”
Jack blinked through his shock. He never imagined this was the reason behind his friend’s philandering and finally saw the easygoing smile Patrick so often wore for the mask it was.
“I didn’t know that,” he said quietly.
“Congratu-fucking-lations.” Patrick stepped back and folded his arms. “I’ve watched you our whole lives. I saw you fall in love with Eve when you were just a kid. I stood by your side when you married her. I helped you carry her casket when you lost her. And then I saw how Lilly was the first person to put a goddamned smile back on your face.”
Jack blanched and looked away.
“You’ve found someone again, someone who cares enough that she would risk everything to be with you. And you screwed it up for the dumbest reason I’ve ever heard.”
Anger raged inside him as he met Patrick’s glare. “And what about Eve? What about what she asked?”
“Do you love Lilly?”
“Did you not hear what I said?”
“I heard. You said you can’t feel the same way for her, not that you don’t. So answer the fucking question.”
“It’s not what Eve would’ve—”
Patrick got in Jack’s face again. He spoke slowly, enunciating each word.
“Do…you…love…her?”
Jack paused, the word “no” forming on his lips, but he couldn’t say it.
Why couldn’t he say it?
He scrubbed his palm over his forehead and paced across the room. There were so many reasons why he shouldn’t be in love with Lilly, but were they just a way to hide how terrified he was of moving on?
Five months ago, he’d been completely lost. He didn’t know who he was or how he would survive another day. He’d been afraid to go near the playroom, sure he wasn’t a Dominant without Eve, but Lilly gave him a purpose. He’d told himself he was only in this for her, to retrain her, help her, but that wasn’t true at all. He thrived as he watched her push through her fears, eager to satisfy his hunger. She did more than submit to him. She helped him see who he was again.
His Contract: Legally Bound, Book 1 Page 31