Just an Illusion - The B Side

by D. Kelly

  With relief in his eyes, he agrees. I get one more chance to hold Cadence before passing her off to her daddy. I’ve never seen Darren look so in love.

  Once we’re back at the hotel, instead of going straight to sleep, Noah gets on the computer and starts making calls. In under an hour, he’s hired a company to come out and redesign Darren’s bus. Nothing major, just making it baby friendly. They’re supposed to figure out the ways and hows of fitting essential nursery items in tight spaces. They bring all the furniture and Noah pays them on completion.

  After that’s taken care of, he looks at me with a beaming smile. “Let’s do some shopping, Mel.”

  As I curl up into his side, we look at a wide variety of items. Eventually, he places an order for a car seat, a stroller, a bouncy chair, and some essentials like clothes, diapers, pacifiers, and baby toiletries. Belle didn’t have a shower and she’s so last-minute, I know she doesn’t have anything yet. It’s another one of Noah’s good deeds, but it’s also fun to shop and browse. As a bonus, we now have an idea of all the stuff we still have to do as well.

  We debated themes, colors, and styles of things we’d eventually like to get for our nursery once we’re home from tour. He loves the Dr. Seuss crib set so much he ordered the whole thing now and had it shipped to our house. My husband-to-be is amazing.

  “If that company does a good job setting up their bus, we’ll have them come back out and do ours,” Noah says, putting his laptop to the side and tucking me into his arms. With a contented sigh, I curl up into him as my eyes become heavy with sleep.

  Later that evening—after bonding with Belle and Cadence for hours—I’m on a baby high. When Noah and I get back to the hotel and climb into bed, he pulls me into his arms.

  In the sweetest tone, he asks, “Can we talk about something important to me?”

  “Of course, what’s going on?”

  “Do you remember in Vegas when I told you if you ever got pregnant I was going to want to marry you immediately?”

  Uh-oh, I know exactly where this is going. “Yes, I remember.”

  “Let’s pick a day, Mel. We can have any kind of wedding you want. Big, or just the two of us, but I want to be your husband before our baby comes.”

  “Noah, isn’t the whole pregnant bride thing a little cliché?”

  His body tenses against mine. “Maybe if it’s a shotgun wedding, but this isn’t that.” His firm tone leaves zero room for argument. “You know how I feel about you, and we got engaged before we knew about him. But he’s coming, Mel, and I want us to be a married couple when he’s born. It’s important to me.”

  It’s important to me. Those four words did me in. I won’t deny him this; I really have no reason to.

  “Would your family hate us if we had a ceremony with the two of us? We could video it for them and have a big reception once the tour is over. I hate the idea of the pregnant bride thing, but I’d feel better if it’s only the two of us.”

  He quietly ponders my request. “I think they might be hurt at first, but I know my family and they’d understand. I’m sure it’s hard for you to think about a wedding without your parents there, on top of them not being here for the baby. But it will have to be a really big reception, followed by an over-the-top honeymoon with lots of sex. I’m sure Diane and Rob would keep the baby for us.”

  And it’s settled. Even though I feel massively guilty for Noah not having his family at the wedding, he’ll be happy with us. This is why I hate secrets. I don’t like having to think ahead to potential disasters. Noah will never know I had to weigh the pros and cons of Sawyer being hurt and getting drunk at our wedding. I don’t trust drunk Sawyer to keep secrets, and I’m not going to lose Noah over one stupid mistake. As long as Sawyer doesn’t have to suffer through a wedding, I’m sure he’ll be fine at the reception, especially because the baby will be here by then.

  But Noah is also right about something else. I’ve never wanted a big wedding because I don’t have my dad to walk me down the aisle. This way I don’t get hurt, either.

  “Deal, one intimate wedding, one massive reception with an unforgettable honeymoon.”

  Noah’s lips meet mine briefly before he asks another question. “Have you been thinking about names?”

  “Some. I guess it’s something we should start talking about.” After meeting Cadence tonight, I can fully appreciate the value of a good name.

  “What do you think about Nathaniel?” he asks tentatively.

  “I like it. It’s one I looked at in the baby book, actually. I have a list with a few names and I’m pretty sure Nathaniel is on it. I remember thinking we could call him Nate.”

  “Makes sense. I looked at the book after you and you had marked a few pages. I wasn’t sure what name on the page you liked, but that one stuck out at me. Do you know what it means?” He’s rubbing circles against my low back and it feels really good.

  “Mm … no, what does it mean?”

  “Nathaniel means ‘Gift of God’ or ‘God has Given’ and I think, in our case, it couldn’t be any truer.”

  “It’s perfect. Nathaniel, it is. What about a middle name?”

  “What if we wait to meet him for that? We can make a list and see if his personality or his looks match?”

  “That’s perfect, Noah. Did we really just name our little boy?”

  He chuckles at my excited squeal. “Yeah, Mel, we sure did. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Always.”

  The next evening before their show Noah and I go over to the buses to meet with the baby company guys and put away the deliveries. Noah even arranged for a twelve-hour laundry service to come so they can take all the clothes and bedding and wash it in baby soap. Everything will be perfect by the time Belle and Cadence get on the bus.

  The boss from the retrofit company shows us all the work they did; it’s spectacular. They took the unused office space and turned it into a changing nook. The bottom of the changing table has dresser drawers and there are two smaller dressers on each side to make plenty of room for clothes.

  In the bathroom, they hung a hook that holds the baby bathtub and toiletries. In Darren’s room, they replaced the long dresser with a tall one and used the extra space for a small version of a crib. He shows Noah all the safety features of how the crib and bouncy seat latch and lock into the floor. They also added the appropriate kinds of safety harnesses to the couch so they could lock the car seat in place.

  Noah is impressed and takes the guy’s card so he can schedule them to come back in a few months. After he leaves, we get busy sorting all our purchases, which doesn’t take very long. Noah runs outside to put the car seat in the car for tomorrow and while we’re here, I decide to grab a sweater.

  When I enter our room, I don’t know what to think.

  “Noah! What is this?”

  “Did you call me, Mel?” he asks, climbing into the bus.

  “What in the world is this?” I ask, pointing to the wall next to our bed. It’s more like up at the top by the headboard—or where the headboard would be if there was one—but it’s all soundproofing and a massive metal bar. Like the kind in handicapped bathrooms.

  “I had them put that in for you.”

  “What the hell for?” I’m angry as fuck.

  “Don’t yell,” he says, pressing his finger against my lips. “There are times when I’m not here and the further along you get, the harder it’s going to be for you to get out of bed. Or it might be,” he says, backtracking a bit. “I thought it would be better to be safe than sorry. I also had them put one against the wall next to the bathtub in case you wanted to soak and not have to ask for help.”

  And there’s that sweetness I love so much, which makes my anger dissipate. Even though he’s making me feel elderly, I understand his reasoning. “Thank you, it’s very sweet. I hope I don’t need them, but I’m happy you were thinking of me.”

  “I was thinking of you both, and you�
�re welcome. They can come off later as easily as they were put on.”

  “Yeah, they’re definitely coming down. Sawyer is going to have a field day with this one.” I can just imagine the jokes now.

  “Actually, he thought it was a really great idea. He saw how hard it was for Belle to move around at times.

  “Are you two always going to be this overprotective?” My smile belies the frustration in my voice.

  “Forever and ever, that’s our job. Especially mine. Come on, let’s get to the hospital so I can get to the show on time.”

  “Need a baby fix, Mr. Weston?” He can’t fool me; he’s jonesing for Cadence.

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Probably only to me. I need my fix of that cuteness, too. Let’s go.”

  Noah pulls me close and as his lips meet mine, all thoughts of Cadence are temporarily forgotten as I fall into his love.

  “You guys do realize you missed the baby store, like, five miles back, right? I know Darren said there’s some stuff on the bus, but seriously you don’t have any clue how much stuff we need.” Belle’s mama instincts are working overtime. I think it’s mean they’re making her worry, but I understand the element of surprise.

  Veronica was able to fly in for a day but she had to get back to work. She’d already missed time for her vacation and Christmas, but they let her come since it was her grandchild. If she didn’t have a massive deadline, she would have stayed longer. Darren arranged for a car to take her back to the airport when we all left the hospital this morning.

  “Belle, make me a list and Noah and I will go. You need to rest and Cadence doesn’t need to be in any store right now, she’s too small.” The softness in my voice makes Belle cry.

  “I know, Mel, but I was supposed to have all this ready for her. I’m already a failure.”

  Wow, talk about post-partum hormones; Belle never talks like this.

  “Stop that. It’s not your fault she came early. She’s impatient like her mother. Let’s go get you settled and you can make me a list. It will also help me see what I need to start preparing for.”

  Once she hears she’ll be helping me out, she nods her agreement. “Okay, come on.”

  Darren already took Cadence onto their bus, where everyone is waiting. When Belle is a few feet inside the bus, she notices the subtle changes. “What did you guys do?”

  Noah wraps his arm around my waist. “Nothing you wouldn’t have done if you could. Go take a look around and tell us if we’re missing anything and we’ll get it.”

  “You had a bottle station installed?” she squeals as she passes the kitchen area. “Oh my God, she’s got her own dressing area!” she cries as she passes what used to be the office. “You guys!” she screams as she enters the bedroom.

  Everyone is smiling, enjoying her incredible happiness at what she sees. We hear drawers and cabinets opening and closing all through the bus. “You even bought formula!”

  “Well, you know we can be sadistic now and again, but we prefer for babies not to starve to death,” Sawyer answers, and she uses her middle finger to blow him a kiss.

  “Did we miss anything?” Noah asks as she walks back into the room. Belle goes to move Cadence’s seat and she’s caught off guard when the seat won’t move. Looking under it, she notices it’s latched in.

  “I’m pretty sure I can say you didn’t miss anything. Hell, I don’t think I would have known about half of this stuff.”

  “Us, either,” Wyatt adds. “Noah is so analytical when he researches things. I wouldn’t be surprised if he learned his best bedroom moves from a step-by-step internet guide.”

  “Shut up, Wyatt, you’re just jealous Susie French popped my cherry instead of yours.”

  Susie French sounds like a whore.

  “Oh man, Susie French. Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. She was smoking hot. Why she picked Noah over me I’ll never understand.”

  “Dude, why would I want her instead of Anna? And damn, Sawyer, do you have amnesia or what? You were banging Susie’s best friend … what was her name?”

  “Lola Martindale, and she was as hot as Susie,” Darren adds.

  “Susie French, huh?” I say quietly to Noah.

  “Well, you know, we can’t all lose our virginity to pop royalty.”

  “Touché, Mr. Weston.”

  “Besides, all of that is behind us. No more Susie or Eli. Just me and you.” Noah kisses my neck, and Darren groans.

  “Not in front of my kid.”

  Darren shoots daggers at Sawyer when he starts laughing. “Darren, we have luxury buses but they’re still not huge. Are you not going to fuck in the room with your kid? Because if not, you’re going to have to start scheduling babysitters so you can get laid.”

  I wish I had a picture of Darren’s face right now. The sheer look of horror at the thought of having sex with Cadence in the room is probably his first official parental challenge. I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

  “How about we change the subject? Mel and I picked a name for the baby,” Noah tells them.

  “This is a subject I can get on board with,” Warren replies, finally joining in the conversation.

  “Yes! What is Cadence’s future husband’s name?” Belle asks excitedly.

  “You tell them,” I tell Noah, knowing this is one of those important moments for him.

  “His name is Nathaniel. It means ‘Gift of God.’”

  “That’s awesome. I like it a lot,” Sawyer says, nodding.

  “Little Nate, that’s the shit,” Wyatt says.

  “Cadence and Nathaniel. It already has a ring to it,” Belle adds, earning another groan from Darren.

  “You’re going to put me in an early grave, woman. Let’s get her into high school before talking about dating.”

  “Fine, we’ll put it on hold for now. Actually, we have something else to talk about before we take off,” Belle replies, looking directly at me and Noah. “That baby bump is getting big. You guys need to announce your pregnancy.”

  “Pot calling kettle much?” I toss back at her.

  “That’s why you should listen to me. I caught hell for that, and I’m lucky I still have my job. Slammed is supposed to get the exclusives, and anyone seeing you walk down the street who is paying two bits of attention is going to notice you rocking that bump. In two weeks, you’re going to be five months along, it’s time to spill the beans.”

  “She’s right, Mel,” Noah says against my ear. “We could release our first family photo. Just not the gender. It would be cute and the fans would eat it up. Maybe it will ease some of the haters, too.”

  “The haters will hate me even more, but I can handle that. Go ahead and announce it. Vague details, baby is due later this year, family photo, obviously we’re thrilled with the news. Scroll in on the photo, if there’s any identifying info on there at all … name, date, etc., edit it out.”

  With a worried bite to her lip, Belle replies. “Are you mad at me?”

  “No, I’m not mad at you. I was being ridiculous thinking I could fly under the radar longer. After the book signing in Chicago, when I thought someone saw Noah kiss my stomach, I’ve been on edge. At least now it will be out in the open.”

  “That’s the spirit! Don’t worry, I’ll make the post super cute and super vague. I’ll send it to you to proof in a few minutes and then I don’t have to work again until my next BAD update.”

  I kiss Belle and Cadence goodbye and Noah, Sawyer, and I make our way to our bus. At least now I’ll have Belle with me. Maybe I’ll interview her for the book; she’s a huge part of all of this now. Not only as Darren’s future wife and mother of his child but also as the lead reporter for this whole tour. It could be a great angle.

  “Hey, Luther, how’s it hanging?” Sawyer asks the bus driver as we all load on the bus.

  “Doing good. Ready to get on the road and see some action.”

  “Sounds good.
I’ll come up and talk with you later after I get a nap.”

  Noah and I exchange greetings with Luther and follow Sawyer inside. I haven’t had a chance to interview him yet. Maybe I’ll do that this week. Sawyer is always up here talking to one of them during the day when he has free time. I wonder if he’s always done it or if he does it now because Noah is occupied by me.

  “Has Sawyer always taken time to sit with the drivers, or is that new?”

  “Nope, not new, he always has. I used to try, but there’s something about the curve of that front window that gives me motion sickness. Instead, I do my catching up when the buses are stopped. Sawyer loves to watch the world fly by. There’s something about the open road in front of him that calms him.”

  “Yeah, I’ve noticed that in the mornings. It’s always been my habit to drink coffee and watch the scenery. I was surprised when I first got on the bus he had the same habit.”

  Noah leans back onto the couch and looks up at me. “Why do you have that habit? Sawyer’s always been an early bird, but what about you?”

  “Well, my dad wrote “Mellie Sunshine” for me, but the nickname actually came from me being an early riser. He said even as an infant I was always up with the sun, as if I knew not a second of the day should be wasted. He used to get up in the morning and sing, and there was nothing I loved more than sitting with him in the mornings while he was being creative.”

  “You loved him a lot but you hardly talk about them. Maybe now it will be easier to let the bad memories go and focus on the good ones.”

  Maybe he’s right. “He would have liked you a lot. You’re exactly what he always wanted for me.”

  “How do you know?”

  “He used to tell me to find a man who valued me more than his passion in life. He said that’s where he messed up with my mom. He thought he could balance both of his true loves equally, but he was never able to find the balance. You’ve never seemed to have an issue finding balance, Noah.”

  Noah pulls me to him and kisses my belly, then stands up and pulls me in for a kiss. “That’s because you are my passion, Mel. And you always will be.”