Bug

by Hunter, Ellie R.

  Opening the door to my old room, the bed is empty, and has already been made. I check the bathroom, but Tobias isn’t there. His uniform, that was hanging on the back of the door, is gone too. He must be up already, and I sigh. Everything is changing, and even though it’s temporary, these days here at the Bailey mansion will always stay with him. I hate that.

  “So, should I offer my condolences or congratulations?”

  I don’t bother to turn around. Ryder walks into the room and steps in front of me. Before he can see my face, I plaster on a smile and freeze it in place.

  “Congratulations is more fitting,” I tell him, and the lie hurts my throat.

  When Ryder makes an effort with his appearance, he blows me away with his beauty. This morning, his hair is perfectly tussled in place, and his shirt fits snugly over his strong arms. He hasn’t changed much since high school, only broader and more matured.

  “Oh, so you’ve had a change of heart?”

  His sarcasm could melt the icecaps.

  “Not exactly. I’m done fighting him. We have Tobias together, it makes sense for us to make it work.” And I’m going to make it work just enough for the town to see I’m not unwell. I’m going to find out just how much Huxley has lied to them, and then I’m going to make it right. I’m going to make him look like the liar he is. Biding my time will be worth it.

  “Just like that?” He snaps his fingers. “He puts a ring on your finger and you’re all in love with him again?”

  “I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him yet, but I’ve always loved him in my own way. I’ll learn to love him the way he needs me to.” Christ, how the lies just flow right out of me.

  “Are you hearing yourself?”

  Oh, I do, and I can taste every bloody lie. Not that I’ll admit it to him, though.

  “I don’t know what you mean. Me and my son have come home. Like you keep telling me, he was always going to find me, and now I’m going to marry him like I would’ve done before I left.”

  He can barely look at me without showing his disgust, but I don’t mind. This isn’t his life, it’s mine, and I’ll do whatever needs doing to shield us from Huxley. I don’t need him.

  “Wow, I didn’t think he’d break you this soon. I wish you were fucking stronger, Ally.”

  How fucking dare he. I lunge forward, taking him by surprise, and shove my finger in his chest.

  “Do you know what I used to wish for? I used to wish I was with you. Every time he hurt me, you were there for me with your sweet nothings. But, for all those times I wished for you, I’m glad they didn’t come true. At least when Huxley wants something, he does anything to make it happen. What do you do? You stand by, watch, and do nothing.”

  His jaw clenches.

  “That’s not fair.”

  “No, it’s not, but it’s the truth. If you’re only here for me, to make sure he doesn’t break me, then you can go. I’m fine here. I’m fine with Huxley. I’m fine, fine, fine.”

  “Maybe, if you keep telling yourself that, you’ll believe it. After everything we’ve been through, you think I’ve stood by and done nothing?”

  Oh, here comes the mind games. Snarling, I tilt my head and show him that I’m not being taken for a fool.

  “What have you done?”

  I don’t move when he closes the gap between us and winds his hand around the back of my neck. His touch scorches my skin.

  “Who do you think kept Huxley busy the day you left so you’d be able to get away? Even though it broke my heart to help you go, I did it because I wanted you away from him. I made sure his phone was running out of battery and drove him out to the middle of nowhere under the guise of purchasing land for a new project my father was working on. I busted my own tire so it’d be hours before we got back, and he couldn’t call you or track your phone.”

  It was because of Ryder? I did wonder how I got away so easily. Huxley never left me for long, or he called and checked in.

  “You…how did you know?”

  I was so careful. I didn’t make any plans in case Huxley found them. I went with the flow and left.

  “It doesn’t matter now. All you need to know is that I helped you then, and I’m helping you now, even if it doesn’t look like it. Please, trust me.”

  Trust isn’t so easily given in my life, not anymore.

  “Why? I’ve been gone for years. You shouldn’t have stuck around to help me again. You should have your own family, your own life.”

  I don’t understand why he’s taken this on. He’s missed out on so much because of me, and it’s hard to trust him when he tells me nothing.

  “One day, perhaps, I’ll have what I want, but it isn’t possible at the moment. I’m waiting for my girl to fly free so I can fly with her.”

  What do I say to that? I haven’t thought about him over the years. I’ve been too busy hiding from Huxley, and then falling in love with Conner. And it hits me.

  Conner.

  What I wouldn’t give to be back with Conner in our home where it was calm, safe, and full of love—and no lies.

  He broke my walls down, and without him, they’re back up and I move away from Ryder.

  “It’s been too long. If I’m the girl you want to fly free, it’s not going to happen. We’re two different people, and the moment we might or might not have had in the school cafeteria thirteen years ago is long gone. I’m marrying Huxley, we’re going to be happy, and be everything else a family should be. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to see my son before he goes to school.”

  The lies are coming easily, and they’ll remain lies forever. As soon as I find a way out for Tobias and me, we’ll be gone, and I’ll shut out all memories of this place and everyone here out forever.

  “He’s already gone. He said he’ll see you this afternoon.”

  I always see him off to school. This is because of last night. It’s never been so hard to keep my game face on.

  “You keep lying to yourself if that’s what’s getting you through this, but don’t try to fool me into thinking you’re all in with him. I know you’d rather die than allow him into your life again.”

  I hate how easily he sees through my façade like crystal glass buffed to perfection.

  “I don’t have that option anymore, I have Tobias.”

  “Do what you have to for him, and I’ll do what I have to for you. Nothing you say will change this path we’re on. Nothing.”

  Conner used to say something similar to his words and I sigh, the hurt from his absence reigniting something fierce inside of me.

  “You shouldn’t expect much from me, Ryder. I was gone a long time, and I did love my husband. I still do, and I miss him more than ever.”

  “That’s okay, I miss the girl you used to be as well. We all have our ghosts.”

  He can’t be serious. So much time has passed.

  “You can’t say things like that to me.”

  “Like what, that I love you? You know I do. I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t know how not to.”

  I can’t listen to this. Why do men think they can say things like that and believe it’ll make everything okay? I make it to the door, but he beats me there and blocks the exit. He places his hands on my shoulders and turns us so I’m backed against the door with him leaning over me.

  “This is my life, Ryder. I get to choose how it goes. You can love me, but you can’t expect me to love you in return just because you have feelings for me. It isn’t fair.”

  “Do you know what isn’t fair? My life involving you but never having you.”

  “That isn’t my fault. I can’t deal with your feelings as well as my life.”

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  “Then don’t creep into my room and put yourself in my business. My son comes first, and I’m trying to keep us above water.”

  “I can help you—”

  “No, you can’t.” Again, is he serious? “If you could, you would have done it years ago.”

&nb
sp; I don’t care if I’m hurting his feelings, it’s the truth. I needed his help years ago. Hell, I needed help from a lot of people, and in the end, I ran alone because I realised I was alone, and you can only depend on yourself.

  I slip out from under his arm and pull open the door. I don’t look back and push the hurt in his eyes out of my mind as I do what I have to do.

  Huxley spends as much time in this office as his father did before him. I used to wonder if Regina and Thomas actually spent any time together, besides the occasions when they had to appear in public together to keep up appearances.

  Thomas would help me with my homework sometimes. He was the one who was kindest to me here at the Bailey mansion. A layer of guilt covers my heart that I didn’t get the chance to pay my respects and say goodbye. He was a good man. His only downfall was that he raised a monster.

  Huxley knows I’m standing in the doorway. Without looking up, he carries on, typing on his laptop.

  “How did your father die?”

  Without missing a beat or looking up at me, he says, “Heart attack.”

  I don’t need to know the details, I can already guess it would’ve been in this office. He barely left it.

  “If you’re sticking around, sit.”

  There is something I want, so I cross the room and sit opposite of him.

  “You haven’t come to see me because you want to. What do you want?”

  At least he isn’t fantasising this is more than it is.

  “I want to be the one who drives the boys to school and picks them up.”

  I’m quickly learning that if I include Trenton, he’ll more likely believe I won’t do anything stupid. Why would I with his son? He’s not mine, so it’s not like I would run away with him.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  My teeth clamp down on my tongue, and I bite until I can taste blood. I sway the conversation and ask, “What am I supposed to fill my time doing?”

  Again, he doesn’t bat an eye as he taps away on the keyboard. His father would at least give you a few minutes of his time. Not that I want Huxley’s sole focus on me.

  “You can plan our wedding, it’s on the twenty-third of this month. You have three weeks before you officially become my wife.”

  How can one man have the ability to steal everything from you? It shouldn’t be possible for anyone to have this talent.

  I’m floored.

  Speechless.

  He chooses now to look up and grins when he sees the shock I’m miserably failing to hide from him.

  “Do you have any particular requests?” I find myself robotically asking, my survival instincts kicking in big-time.

  “A few, but we’ll get to them later. We’re going for lunch with your parents, and then we’re due at the courthouse this afternoon where you’ll sign some paperwork.”

  “What kind of paperwork?”

  “You’ll find out. For now, I want you to answer me one question. Do you have feelings for Ryder?”

  Well, here we are. He’s finally asking what I thought he’d ask all those years ago.

  “The feelings I have for him are nothing for you to worry about.”

  “I wasn’t worried.”

  Pushing out of his chair, he rounds the desk and kneels down in front of me.

  “I understand we’re not a conventional couple yet, and you’d rather be anywhere else but here with me, but I won’t tolerate you going behind my back with him or any other man.”

  Gripping onto the arms of the chair harder than necessary, the skin over my knuckles strain and turn white under the pressure.

  “I haven’t given you reason to think of Ryder and I like that. I’m still mourning my husband. I’m worried for my son, and I wake up every morning wondering what Hell you’re going to put me through. I don’t have the energy for anyone else.”

  I can’t make it much clearer for him, not that he would ever listen.

  “Still mourning, huh?”

  He catches me off-guard and jumps in before I can reply to his sarcasm.

  “Because I’m a bastard, and I like that you’re fighting me on everything. It’s making me hard that I could blow your world to bits and watch you finally break before me, and I’m a sly prick who will take advantage.”

  He’s too happy about whatever he’s hiding from me, and it puts me on edge.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When you first met Conner, you were wearing a yellow sundress and your hair was short, just a bit past your shoulders. I didn’t like it, but your beauty still stole my breath away.” Sliding the chair back, I lurch up to my feet and get the hell away from him.

  “How do you know that?” It’s impossible he would know those details.

  His smile sends a shiver down my spine, and he runs his hand up my thigh.

  “I was there, Bug. I sent him to find you. On paper, he was a private investigator, and a very good one. In reality, he was a snake who tricked me and took you away where I couldn’t find you. He changed his name and everything, it wasn’t until he died and his real name pinged up on his death certificate. I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”

  That can’t be true. Conner worked construction. He came home every night covered in dust and muck. As far as the death certificate is concerned, I couldn’t bring myself to read it.

  “You don’t want to believe me and that’s fine, but you know I don’t lie, unlike your dead husband.”

  The chair tumbles over as he throws it out of his way. Grabbing my arms before I can get away, he pushes me against the nearest wall.

  “If it weren’t for me, you never would’ve met him. Every day you got to spend with him was because of me. He kept Tobias from me. If he didn’t, I would’ve found you a damn lot faster. Be thankful I didn’t.”

  My eyes burn with tears, but I refuse to blink and let them fall. Conner acted like he knew I was hiding something, and now I know for sure that he already knew. All the guilt I felt keeping my life here in Bailey Cove from him was for nothing. He already knew everything about me. He lied to me, and it hurts worse than when he died.

  “Let them go. Let me see those beautiful tears of yours. It’s sweet how you mourn for a liar but you hate me. Let them go. You’ll feel so much better.”

  No way. Yanking my arms from his grip, I raise my chin and inhale deeply. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before he sees my tears.

  “What time are we leaving to meet my parents?”

  Narrowing his eyes, my refusal to give him what he wants irritates him, and he lets it show. His need to see my resilience weaken only builds it up. What he can have, though, is my hatred.

  The valet doesn’t move until Huxley is out and around the car to open my door for me. I remember we’re in public, and I need them all to see I’m not crazy. I want them to start questioning Huxley and his story. Heaven forbid people hear the truth that I just didn’t want to be with him. In all the time that’s passed, he could’ve moved on, and our time together in high school would have become a distant memory. The same as it is for most couples that break up as they grow and leave for college. His hand moulds around mine. His soothing touches do nothing for me. He can show me all the love in the world, but I know for a fact that underneath, his soul is dead. It’s probably best friends with the Devil himself.

  The good ole townsfolk, rich folk, of Bailey Cove, become a blur to me as I smile and accept their congratulations on our engagement as we make our way to our table where my parents are already sitting, waiting.

  I’ll prove to them I’m of sound mind, and eventually they’ll believe the reason as to why I ran and never looked back. Well, until I was dragged back.

  Dad remains his cold, stoic self, but Mom stands and nervously holds her hands to her chest.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hello, Allison.”

  “Hey, Dad.”

  All I get is a nod from him and we all sit, after Huxley makes a show of pulling out a chair for me, of course. His fi
ngers skim over my arm, and I force the shudder of repulsion down to the pit of my stomach.

  “It’s good to see you again, Huxley, and thank you for bringing our daughter home. We didn’t have the chance to speak last night, but we do now. We want to know where she’s been.”

  Why is he speaking like I’m not here?

  “I was far from this town. I raised my son, who is healthy and happy. He’s doing well in school and loves nature. I married a good man who treated us with kindness and respect and loved us very much. He died three months ago from lung cancer.”

  Huxley won’t take my time with Conner away from me. Even if I live to a hundred, my time with Conner will always be special to me. Huxley’s confession of Conner’s true self comes to mind, but I push it away for now.

  He chose me. Our love was real. I’m not surprised they’re not interested in knowing I’ve been happy. They don’t deserve to know who Conner was. I’ll keep him for myself.

  “However, I’m back where I belong, and I’m thankful Huxley found me and brought me home.”

  The words are poison oozing from my mouth, and they taste rancid. Dad, as usual, doesn’t look happy, but Mom is carrying enough happiness for the both of them.

  I take a deep breath and smile at the waiter who pours my wine.

  “Is it wise for you to drink alcohol? Aren’t you on any medication?” my father snipes.

  “One won’t hurt. I’ll be keeping a close eye on her.”

  My smile, frozen in place, swings to Huxley, and my inner Stepford wife stays firmly in place.

  “I trust Huxley will look after me.”

  “He’s been so worried about you, Allison, we all have. Nine years have gone by so slowly. Why did you leave?”

  “How did you support yourself, our grandson?” Dad inquires.

  “You were alone for so long, why didn’t you call?” Mom adds.

  I can answer all their questions, but they don’t truly want to hear the answers. And if they did, they’d twist them, and Huxley would have them believing I’m crazier than they already believe I am. If they wanted my answers, they would have heard me tell them not too many moments ago that Conner supported us. We were looked after by him.