Bug

by Hunter, Ellie R.

  The one table on deck is laid out with stark white linen and the finest silverware. A vase of red roses sits neatly on the edge of the table, and two lit candles flicker in their glass holders in the centre. Huxley’s cologne wafts up before he makes his entrance, yet I refuse to acknowledge how good he looks tonight in his white button-down shirt and linen pants.

  He pulls out a chair and waits none too patiently for me to sit. My heels tap against the polished wooden deck as I take my time walking over to the table. I sit and he pushes me in, his fingers brushing against my arms. He takes his seat opposite of me, and the waiter appears at our side. He pours our wine and assures us our food will be out shortly.

  “When you left me, it was like you died. I couldn’t breathe properly for months. The pain was excruciating, and I didn’t see a future without you.”

  I keep quiet and sip my wine. “Our wedding will be our fresh start. After the twenty-third, we’ll keep the past where it belongs and move forward, together.”

  Placing my glass down, a flash of blood seeping over the tablecloth fills my eyes, and I realise I’ve spilt my wine.

  “I’m so sorry,” I gasp, jumping out of my chair.

  “It’s fine. Frank will clean it up.”

  Frank, the deck hand, is quick with the towels and I move back, giving him more room to clean the mess.

  “Why would I be apologising to you? I was saying sorry to Frank, as it’s him who has to clean it, not you.”

  He has some bloody balls, Huxley does. I reach for a couple of towels, but I’m stopped when he lets them slip onto the deck and wipes the drips.

  “It’s fine, Ms. Miller. I’ve got it under control. Please, why don’t you and Mr. Bailey-Vaughan enjoy a glass of wine on the top deck while I arrange another table.”

  “Yes, why don’t we grab another glass, but we won’t be needing another table made up. Bring our food down to the lower deck.”

  “Of course, sir.”

  Scooping up the wet, red-stained towels, Frank disappears, and I look across at a pissed off Huxley.

  “What’s wrong with you? It’s only a little spilt wine.”

  “You have to ruin everything, don’t you? Is it not possible for you to give me a little room to make things up to you? I’m really fucking trying, but you’re giving me nothing.”

  He catches me off-guard for a second, then rational thinking returns, and I laugh.

  “Good one,” I chuckle. “You only think you love me because you’re trying to prove something. I don’t want you. I’m the first person to say no to you, and you have no idea how to handle it.”

  As smoothly as a shark glides through water about to attack its prey, Huxley is on me, pushing into me as my back hits the railing.

  “There’s only so much I can take, Bug. I only lost my mind when you left because I didn’t know where you were. I could make you disappear and be fine, because this time I’d know where you are. Imagine my grief. I get you back, and then I lose you during a tragic boating accident. This time, we could mourn you properly with an extravagant funeral.”

  At first, I think my hands are numb, but they’re shaking. I keep them at my sides. I don’t want him witnessing that he’s getting to me.

  “You need help.”

  “I need you, remember that. And remember, you can only push me so far.”

  He’s too close, and I can’t wait to wash his breath off my face. The scent of red wine fills my nose and mixes with the salt from the ocean.

  “The same goes for you. You can’t push me around anymore.”

  Raising his chin, he narrows his eyes. I don’t know where we go from here. One of us will tire from this back and forth fighting, but it won’t be me, not with him. Not ever again.

  It’s been a week since our weekend on the water, and my hatred for Huxley hasn’t faded, or grown. It’s the same as it has been for years. When he hasn’t been around, I’ve been spending every minute I can with the boys. When he’s in close proximity, I play my part and force a smile.

  After he left this morning to take the boys on a fishing trip, it took me two hours to wipe the forced smile off my face. The trip is ridiculous. Huxley would not sit around waiting for a fish. He would find it a waste of his time. He’s only doing it to get to me, to show me he can take Tobias away from me. My son is the only reason I’m still lying in this bed, unable to sleep as the clock chimes midnight.

  Apart from Rose, I’m alone in the house, and it scares me a lot less than Huxley being God knows where with Tobias.

  Sliding my legs out from under the sheets, I drag my robe on and turn the lights on as I head down to the kitchen.

  From our old room, the back stairs lead straight to the kitchen, and more importantly, the always fully stocked pantry. Our new room is more toward the front of the house, and I walk down the main stairs and through the lobby.

  As ever, the fridge is stocked full with bottles of water, and I pluck one from the top shelf.

  There were a few times I would come down in the night to get a drink, and Regina would be sitting in the dark, sipping her vodka. The sadness lived with her night and day. I was her in the making, and I couldn’t bear it. She gave me a glimpse into my future and was a large reason for why I ran.

  A crash echoes through the empty house, and I grip onto the bottle of water tighter as I listen for any movement. My heart thumps in my chest.

  Rose creeps around the house as graceful as a gazelle. She wouldn’t want to disrespect Huxley by breaking something, which means someone is in the house.

  “Shit.”

  The hushed curse comes from Huxley’s office and I relax. I have no idea why he’s here, but he’s no stranger.

  I push the office door fully open, and find Ryder bent over Huxley’s desk, riffling through the piles of paperwork.

  Well, this is a turnout I wasn’t expecting. Why is he snooping on his best friend? What could he possibly be looking for that he doesn’t already know about his best friend, and I’m sure, business partner?

  “I don’t think our mutual pain in the ass would like you here after midnight.”

  He briefly freezes before looking up at me. He plays off being caught with ease and leans on the desk.

  “Who says he doesn’t know I’m here?” he throws back at me.

  “Okay, I’ll call him then, just to make sure.”

  I walk toward the phone while he watches my every step. It’s clear Huxley doesn’t know he’s here.

  There’s nothing playful about Ryder tonight. He’s serious, and something has caused him to break in.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, stopping by the phone.

  It’s ridiculous. I don’t even know Huxley’s number. I’d have to call the phone I gave to Tobias.

  “Nothing.”

  “Yeah,” I snort. “It looks like nothing.”

  He isn’t finding me amusing. He isn’t making any rude comments, nor showing any gestures to distract me.

  “Seriously, what’s going on?”

  He steps around the desk, a beige file in his hand.

  The soft glow from the captain’s lamp casts a shadow over half his face, and for the first time ever, I see him for the man he has become, and not the boy I once knew.

  I take in his dark eyes boring into mine with a million unspoken words, and as my hand rises to cup his cheek, he slams his lips against mine.

  His hand finds the back of my head and locks me in place. His kiss is every bit as dominating as I used to imagine it would be. Before I can decide if this is a good idea or not, he breaks the kiss, but his fingers snakes through my hair, keeping me close.

  “We all have our secrets, now I’m yours.”

  Like a fleeting glance of movement, he’s gone from the office, and I’m left alone with my lips stinging from his kiss.

  I’ve been waiting on the stairs for the last ten minutes, since Huxley messaged me to say they’d be home soon, and now I have his number. I save it under “asshole.” T
his is the longest I’ve gone without seeing my son, and it’s destroying me, the not knowing how he is. I’ve texted him numerous times, and each one has gone unanswered. It was pointless getting him the phone.

  I’m about to text Huxley again when the door barrels open and slams against the wall as Tobias and Trenton run in. My hope picks up that he’s missed me and wants my arms wrapped around him, but he offers a guarded smile and carries on running toward the kitchen with his new best friend, his brother.

  Huxley appears in the doorway, and if I thought I was tense, he’s holding a whole new level of tension. I’d worry he knew about the kiss, but this mood from Huxley can be simply because the birds woke up before he was ready to rise.

  “Rose, make sure the boys eat something, and then get them washed and dressed for the day.”

  I spin around, and Rose is surely there, waiting for her orders like the creepy fucking nanny that she is. I haven’t seen her since they left for the fishing trip but she’s been here.

  “Will they be attending their tennis lesson this morning?”

  Tennis lesson? Since when has this been arranged?

  “No, cancel. They’re tired and overexcited for such things.”

  He moves out of the doorway as she leaves to carry out his orders, and barely looks at me as his long strides carry his obnoxious frame toward me.

  He climbs the first three steps and grabs onto my arm. His fingers bite into my skin and will most definitely leave a mark.

  “What’s crawled up your ass?”

  He ignores me and leads, or more like drags me up the stairs with him, and we don’t stop until we’re outside his room. I was careful not to make the bed this morning and I left my crap, as he calls it, on the nightstand. Little things that I know will annoy him terribly.

  Only, he doesn’t mention anything and pushes me toward the bed. The pulse in my wrists thump away, and I pick up on the difference in him.

  His eyes are colder than usual, and void of any emotion. His shoulders are slightly pulled in, ready to pounce, and in this moment, I know I’m going to have to fight him like I’ve never fought before.

  He shrugs out of his jacket and lets it fall to the floor uncharacteristically. His hands drop to his belt and the sound of his metal buckle being ripped open clangs in my ears.

  “I need to have you. I’m done waiting.”

  I don’t recognise his voice, it’s too deep and lustful.

  “No.”

  I recognise my own voice, and it’s strong, and very fucking clear.

  Like the hunter he likes to be, he stalks closer, never taking his eyes away from me. The bed dips where his knee lands, and then he’s on top of me, caging me in with his arms on each side of me.

  “Get off me, Huxley.”

  His head nuzzles into the crook of my neck, and his breath sets me on fire. Not the passionate fire you feel with desire, but the fire you feel when rage, irrational fear, and the need to fight kicks in.

  There isn’t much room for me to move, but I thrash and buck my hips, using every scrap of strength I can muster within myself, and I use it against him.

  “Stop fighting this, Bug.”

  “Never.”

  I don’t hesitate to answer. His body is as heavy as a boulder on top of me, and when he’s jolted fractionally to the side, I use it to my advantage.

  I bring my knee up and dig it between us, causing a slight gap between our bodies. His lips continue to assault my neck and my cheek, and I can’t take it.

  “I swear, I’ll bite your face off if you don’t get off of me.”

  Can he hear me? Trying to bring my knee up to his balls, it digs into his thigh instead, but it gives the play I need to pull my head up and snap my teeth at his cheek.

  And like that, he’s off of me. I guess he doesn’t like the thought of having to explain bite marks. Rolling to the other side of the mattress, I sprint up and dash off the bed like it’s going up in flames. Did he honestly think I’d fold and give into him because I was helpless against his touch?

  “If you want to unwind, go to the fucking gym. Don’t ever touch me again when I’ve said no.”

  He pulls himself up to sitting position, then scoots to the edge of the bed.

  “Come back, Bug.”

  “No.”

  “Say yes,” he growls, sliding off the bed.

  “No.”

  I hold my breath when he steps in front of me, but I’m ready. Ready to fight another round if I have to.

  “When we’re married, you won’t deny me.”

  “When we’re married, I’ll do what I like with my own body, and it will never, ever, ever be yours to touch.”

  His knuckles graze my jawline, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of cringing away.

  “Why won’t you give in?”

  I look into the eyes of the man I loved as a boy, and it finally hits me. I’m the one in control. I do have power when I’m around him. He was just the one who made me feel like I didn’t.

  “When I said I hated you, Huxley, I meant it. When I said I wouldn’t fall on my knees just because you want me to, I meant it. And listen carefully, when I say you will never have my body, I fucking mean it. I told you this wouldn’t be a second-chance thing for us. You’ve controlled me, abused me, and manipulated me. You’ve done everything you can to put me down, so why would I ever believe you could change? Why would I ever want you to change? You make my skin crawl, you make me sick.

  “You can make me your wife, you can take me to parties and luncheons, and charity events. I’ll smile and do my part, but when we walk through the door to this place, we’re nothing.”

  “You’ll do that because of Tobias?” he asks, taking in everything I’ve said.

  “All for him. You were right about him needing more, but don’t ever think money is all he needs. He’ll grow up and one day, when you think you have him and Trenton under your thumb, they’ll see you for what you are.”

  “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

  “You’re a little lost boy trapped in a man’s body, cocooned by wealth. You wouldn’t last long in the real world.”

  The corner of his mouth raises, and I keep my chin high as he stares down at me.

  He looks thoughtful as he gently glides his finger across my lips. “I thought I loved you when we were at school, but this new version of you… Fuck me, Bug, I love you even more.”

  He turns his back on me and heads for the door, fixing his belt as he walks.

  “Don’t turn this into a joke, Huxley. I’ll never give in to you.”

  “Yeah, I heard you.”

  He closes the door after him, and a whoosh of air forces its way out of my lungs. The pressure in my numb legs weighs me down and I fall, landing on my knees. Every time I think Huxley has gone too far, he reaches a new height. I was this close to biting a person’s cheek off, and my heart races at the memory.

  THE PAST

  Huxley has his music playing loud enough that he can’t hear my conversation with Kayleigh. He wouldn’t like me talking about our relationship with her, but she’s my best friend, and I need to talk to someone, if only to smooth out my frustrations.

  “He never listens to me. It’s so annoying.”

  “Of course he doesn’t listen to you. I wonder if he actually likes you,” she snorts, glaring at him as he messes around with Ryder, Craig, and Dash in the pool.

  The sun is unusually hot today, and the pool was the only place to be, according to the guys.

  “He loves me, Kay,” I say, defending my relationship, which doesn’t go unnoticed. I do it a lot.

  “You let him get away with it. If I have something to say, Craig certainly hears me.”

  She isn’t getting it, or maybe I’m not explaining myself properly. Huxley hears me when I speak, he just chooses not to listen.

  “It’s always his way or no way.”

  “So leave him. He’s a prick anyway. You can do so much better than him. He may own the town, but
he isn’t the world.”

  Dipping my legs into the water, Kayleigh slips into the pool and leans on the side of the pool, keeping her back to the guys.

  “Ally, you’re not stupid, and you’re not alone. If you don’t want to be with him anymore, dump his ass and move on. Don’t hang around just because he’s into you more than you’re into him.”

  She really doesn’t understand. I slip in the water beside her and watch the guys throw the ball between each other.

  “I love him.”

  “Are you telling me or yourself? This conversation is pointless. Until you see for yourself that he treats you like shit, I can’t help you. But I’m here for you, always.”

  Pointless. Since when is talking things over with your best friend pointless? “Hey, babe. Catch!”

  Craig throws the ball and it flies across the pool, sending a spray of water across our faces.

  Kayleigh shrieks with laughter and grabs the ball. Craig swims over and pulls her into his arms. Wrapping her legs around his waist like a monkey, she slips around him, onto his back, and kisses his neck. So tender, so loving, so much fun.

  I want that for myself. The easy-going, two-sided relationship. Perhaps I should break up with Huxley. Would he even notice I’m not around if I left?

  Bracing my hands on the side of the pool, I pull myself up, and my ass hits the tiles with a thud, then I’m sinking back into the water.

  I break the surface, and Huxley is there grinning just a few inches from my face.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asks, moving the wet strands of loose hair splattered to my forehead.

  “Nowhere.” I smile.

  Is teenage love meant to be like this? Confusing? Hot one minute, cold the next?

  “The summer house is empty,” he tells me, cocking a brow. “We should get out of the sun. We wouldn’t want this beautiful skin to burn.”

  And like that, I’m his, and I’m done. Kayleigh’s laughter drifts into the background as Huxley leads us into the over-the-top summer house and closes the door behind us.