Bug

by Hunter, Ellie R.

The front doorbell rings, and I quicken my pace by jogging down the stairs. I can hear Rose shuffling around close by, but I want to be the one answering the door. I get there before she does, and she scuttles off with a scowl. I still have no idea what her problem is with me, and I’m starting to care where I didn’t when I first arrived.

  Regina stands on the porch, nervous, with her hands clasped together.

  “Good morning.” I smile, but hers is strained when she smiles back at me.

  “Good morning, Allison.”

  “Are you okay, Regina?” I step outside and hold her hands in mine.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve been here, and it’s a little much. Much more than I was anticipating.”

  “How long has it been?”

  “Six years.”

  Wow. So long. Then it occurs to me.

  “Have you never met Trenton either?”

  She shakes her head, and somehow turns it so she’s holding my hands.

  “Then it’s about time the boys met their grandmother.”

  I hide my smile when she doesn’t say anything about my outfit. It must mean I dressed accordingly.

  You can sense the tension coursing through her as she steps inside and slides her sunglasses off her nose as she looks around.

  “Is he here?” she asks, meaning Huxley.

  “No, he had a breakfast meeting. He left a while ago.”

  And he won’t be back until after lunch. He was intent on letting me know that he wouldn’t be gone for long before he left.

  Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she catches the boys talking away amongst themselves.

  “Do they know I’m coming?”

  “No, but they’re going to love you. Big changes keep coming at them, and they seem to love each one.”

  “Children are resilient like that,” she murmurs as we walk into the kitchen.

  The boys are eating their breakfast of cereal and toast, and both look up when they hear us.

  “Boys, I’d like to introduce you both to your grandmother. This is Regina Bailey-Vaughan. She’s your dad’s mom.”

  As usual, it’s Trenton who’s most excited, and he pushes off his chair before Tobias joins him.

  One thing I have to give Huxley, he taught Trenton good manners. He comes over and holds his hand out.

  Regina chuckles and bends down so she’s his height and shakes his hand.

  “I’m very glad to meet you, Trenton.”

  “Do you bake cookies? My friend at school, he says his grandma bakes the best cookies.”

  Trust a kid to think with their stomach. Regina’s eyes widen, but she quickly recovers and clasps her hands together.

  “I’m sure I could try.”

  Now I chuckle. I doubt Regina has ever seen the inside of an oven, let alone baked a cookie. I doubt she’s even eaten a cookie because of the calories.

  Tobias stands beside Trenton and holds his hand out, choosing not to look at me. The strain is tightening between us, and I don’t know how to get our relationship back on track.

  “Come on, boys. Benjamin will be here soon to drive you to school.”

  I scowl at Rose and wonder where the hell she popped up from.

  “It’s fine if they’re late one morning, Rose. Please, pour the coffee and leave.”

  I have no time for her this morning.

  Regina and I take our seats, and the boys quickly finish their breakfast, never taking their eyes off their grandmother.

  “Where do you live?” Tobias asks. “Are you going to live here too?”

  “I used to live here, but I live somewhere else now, not too far from here.”

  Both boys hound her with questions, and she surprises me by answering every single one without making them feel like they’re wasting her time. She seems genuinely excited to speak with them.

  “I used to imagine you and Huxley living here, your children running around our feet. I craved it sometimes, the future. This house was always so quiet for so many years. I’ve missed out on so much.”

  “Whose fault is that?”

  We both turn to find Huxley leaning against the doorframe. He steps out onto the patio, and he’s pissed.

  “What an unexpected, but unpleasant surprise to see you here, Mother.”

  “Huxley!”

  I jump out of my chair. I don’t understand where his repulsion for his mother came from. I don’t remember him particularly caring greatly for his mom, but this is cruelty in its best form.

  “Be nice,” I warn him when I get closer.

  “You’ve given me no incentive to be nice. What is she doing here?”

  “I invited her. She’s helping me with the wedding plans. Who better than your mother who knows everyone and how to plan for so many people?”

  His scowl softens and he steps back.

  “As long as she stays out of my way.”

  And that’s what we do for the rest of the day. We go through the plans I have yet to decide on. It’s not like we want to be around him anyway, at least I don’t.

  It’s up to him if he wants to join us for dinner, and when he struts into the dining hall, where I instructed dinner to be served tonight—as I remember Regina loved eating under the grand chandelier—I’m surprised to see him take the chair at the head of the table.

  He doesn’t make eye contact with his mom or me. “How was your day, boys?”

  “Tobias has a girlfriend. He spent the lunch hour with her, and when Sean Godfrey threw a stone at her, Tobias saved her.”

  This is news to me. I didn’t hear this when I asked how their day was when they walked in from school.

  “Is that right?” Huxley grins. “Who is the lucky girl?”

  “There isn’t one. Trenton is lying.”

  Huxley’s laugh erases the embarrassment off of Tobias’s face, and then Huxley smiles at me.

  “I met your mom when we were at school, the school which we own. Did you know that?”

  Tobias nods and digs into his pasta dinner. Huxley moves on when it’s clear Tobias is done with the conversation.

  “And how was your day, Mother?”

  They finally look at one another, and I sit there, listening intently. This dynamic is such a contrast to the last time we all sat down to dinner at this table.

  “It was lovely spending the day with your bride-to-be. It’s been a long time coming.”

  “Oh, so you’ve changed your mind? You don’t think Allison was right to leave me?”

  “Huxley, not now. Not in front of the boys.”

  “You’re right.” He smiles, twisting a forkful of pasta from his plate. “If it makes Allison happy to have you here, so be it. You’re welcome here.”

  She’s welcome here? Like this wasn’t her home from the day she was born. This house has been passed down the Bailey line since it was built. Life is so unfair sometimes.

  “We decided to hold the ceremony inside in the grand hall and have the reception out in the garden. As we don’t have long, we’ve had to pay extra for the rush.”

  “Money is no problem. Pay whatever you must in order to make it happen.”

  “Are you looking forward to the wedding, boys?” Regina asks, and Trenton is quick to nod. She looks to Tobias.

  “I’m looking forward to having a dad again.”

  Huxley stops eating, shock covering his usual smug face.

  “I prefer having a dad than my mom. She lies.”

  The silence that hangs around us is thick with everything that needs to be said, but in actual fact, nothing is said. Huxley goes back to eating his dinner. Trenton acts like he didn’t hear anything, and Tobias refuses to look my way.

  I finish my wine, and Regina is quick to pour me another.

  “It helps,” she mouths, and I’ve never wanted to cry more.

  There is no further talk about the wedding. Dinner is quiet, and once Huxley is finished, he doesn’t bother with excusing himself, and leaves for his office. The boys disappear to the game room,
and I’m left walking Regina outside after she lets me know her driver is here.

  “He’s my son, and somehow I still have love for him, but I don’t understand how you can find it in yourself to stay here with him, or to marry him.”

  She walks to her car before I can muster a reply and offers a small wave as her driver takes her home.

  Upstairs, Huxley is overseeing bath time, and I leave him to it. I’m not strong enough to see the disappointment in my son’s eyes for a second time today.

  I wander through the house and head out into the gardens. The sky is black, and the stars twinkle animatedly as I sit down and crane my neck to stargaze.

  What am I doing here? I literally have no idea what I’m doing. I have nothing. I can’t stand the fact that I’m always at square one where Huxley is concerned.

  If I try to leave, I’ll be stopped, and he’ll take Tobias completely from me. There’s no outcome where I can leave with my son.

  “On our first date, we watched the stars.”

  I spent years jumping at the little things, thinking he had found me, and now they’re in the past. I don’t move a muscle when he comes up behind me.

  “There wasn’t any part of our relationship that was real on your part, was there?”

  I don’t know where it comes from or why I even asked. Do I really want to hear his answer? Would I believe it?

  “It was all real.”

  I think that makes it worse.

  He lights his joint, and I get caught up in the cloud of poisons when he exhales.

  I begin to cough, but he doesn’t seem to care that it’s bothering me.

  “Rose called you this morning, didn’t she? She told you your mom was here.”

  He doesn’t answer me, but he doesn’t need to. I already know she did. She’s his spy, and she’ll report everything she sees and hears to him.

  Instead, he asks, “Will it help you having my mother around?”

  Will it help? No. However, the boys liked having her here, and she’s a buffer when Huxley’s around, so I lie.

  “Yes.”

  Leaning my head to the side, I take in his appearance tonight and firstly, he looks tired. Huxley never looks anything but perfection. His shirt is creased, and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. It strikes me like a slap to the face. I’m causing him this fatigue. He’ll never admit it, but I’m taking over his life being back, and I have more power than I’ve let myself believe.

  “I have a condition I want signed off on before the wedding.”

  “Go on.”

  “If you cheat, I’ll be granted a divorce and I get the lot, your entire fortune.”

  “Done.”

  There’s no hesitation from him. He doesn’t think it over. He doesn’t try to negotiate with me. He simply agrees and finishes his joint, leaving me to think I’ve been played somehow.

  When I last refused him, he brought a woman into our bed after sending me to his mothers’ like a naughty child being punished. I plan on never giving him my body again. There’s no way he’ll be able to last and not go elsewhere. I’ve yet to meet a man who can go without a female’s touch. It’s basic human nature. I’ll bide my time and wait. He’ll cheat, and I’ll be ready for it when he does. If Ryder doesn’t come through with his secret plan, this will be mine.

  “It almost felt like we were a family tonight,” he murmurs quietly.

  “Almost is the closest you’ll ever get to it.”

  A slow smile creeps over his face and he cocks his brow, silently challenging me.

  Challenge fucking accepted.

  The next week passes slowly, but in a blur. Huxley and Ryder are nowhere to be found. The boys are excited for the party of the year, and Regina is making her way back into the house comfortably to help with the wedding.

  Opening the door to Trenton’s room, I check on Tobias, who’s sleeping soundly. A crash comes from down in the lobby, and I wait to see if it wakes the boys. It doesn’t, but I still curse the army of hired help running around to make the wedding perfect for tomorrow. They’ve been here all week, making sure everything is just right and exactly to Huxley’s liking.

  I climb into the bed I used to sleep in and turn off the lamp. Huxley surprised me this morning by saying we were to sleep in separate rooms tonight.

  For the first time in a long time, my body relaxes, knowing I’m on my own, if only to sleep.

  I don’t want tomorrow to happen, but my eyes won’t stay open to prolong the sun rising any slower. My dreams, the only place I can escape to for time to myself, come, but they’re not peaceful because Huxley invades them. He’s climbing into bed with me and pulls the sheets over the two of us. His arm is heavier than usual, draped over my stomach, and the smell of alcohol is strong.

  His thigh lands on mine, and the heat scorches my skin. I sink into the mattress as he rolls on top of me, and it’s then that I realise I’m not dreaming when he pinches my inner thigh.

  “Huxley, what are you doing? Get off of me,” I tell him, pushing at his chest.

  He makes quick work of collecting my wrists in his hands and holds them down over my head.

  His knee jerks and forces my thighs to open wider. No, no, no. This is not happening. Not again, not tonight, not ever.

  I warned him I would bite his face off, and by God, that’s what I’m going to do if he doesn’t listen.

  “Huxley, get off of me!” I yell, but it’s no use.

  His mouth assaults my neck, travelling over my shoulder and up my neck. I jerk my head back as far as the pillow will allow and try to snap my teeth near his cheek. It’s a near miss, and then he’s covering my mouth with his. Repulsion sets in deep and I bite his lip. He laughs into my mouth and rips his lip from between my teeth. His hold on my wrists changes, and his free hand reaches down to yank on my pyjama bottoms.

  My underwear are pulled down around my thighs, and the fabric rips across my leg, feeling like a knife cutting across me.

  “Please, no.” His hardness digs too closely, and I tug at my hands. How is he this strong being this drunk?

  “Beg me some more, Bug. It makes me so fucking hard.”

  A tear betrays me and rolls down the side of my cheek. Wiggling and bucking my hips, thrashing from side to side, it’s doing nothing but use up my energy to a pointless end.

  “You’ve never called the shots with me. You came back with a backbone, and I’ve let you keep it all this time, but tonight I’m going to break it. Tonight you’re mine.”

  As my body stiffens, imagining walls of protection coming up all around me, I roll my head to the side so I don’t have to see a single thing.

  I lock my mind down and take myself away from this scene as he degrades my body with his.

  * * *

  THE PAST

  “What did you tell your parents?”

  “I told them I was staying over at Kayleigh’s house because her parents were out of town for the night.”

  It’s partly true. Her parents are out of town, only it’s Craig who’s keeping her company. Tonight is the night I lose my virginity to Huxley. I think he senses I want more from our relationship. God knows he’s tried to take things further between us for a while, but now it’s the perfect time.

  He parks the car as close to his house as he can to save us from getting too wet in the rain, and he makes a run for it around the car to open the door for me. Together, we run to the front door and make it inside, just as it really starts to pour. A crack of lightning lights the foyer, and the expensiveness hits me hard. I don’t get a chance to look around too much because Huxley leads me up to his room. As he locks the door behind us, I look around. It’s nothing like I expected, but then again, nothing is when it comes to this boy.

  Grinning from ear to ear, he latches onto my jacket and drags it over my shoulders and down my arms.

  It falls to the floor, and his sweater follows it soon after. With me stepping back as he prowls toward me, we fall back on his huge bed and our mo
uths find each other’s with ease.

  Kissing Huxley is like eating expensive chocolate. Smooth and rich and makes me feel warm and gooey. It’s ridiculous, but it’s true. I’m someone else when his mouth is on mine. I take on this need to be as close to him as I possibly can, hence why tonight is the night.

  “Are you sure you’re ready?”

  “I want this, Huxley.”

  I want you.

  “You’re so worth the wait. I thought I’d be nervous.”

  Hold on? This can’t be his first time. He’s, well…him.

  “I thought you had already…you know…done it?”

  “Nope,” he says, popping the P. “You’re my first, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  Tonight truly is perfect. I considered how I would be compared to the other girls he’d been with, but now that I know there aren’t any, it’s even better. I am his and he is mine.

  All I’ve heard about your first time is that it can hurt, and it gets better the more you do it. All I can think about right now is how Huxley is ripping open the condom packet, and we’re going to have a piece of each other no one else will ever have.

  * * *

  PRESENT

  I squeeze the bottle of body wash until the liquid soap drips over my hand. In fact, I squeeze it all over my body until it’s empty. I scrub, clawing at my skin until I’m red and raw. The bubbles slide down my stomach and onto my thighs. The scent clinging to me makes it worse, as it’s his favourite fragrance on me. Sliding down the tiled wall, I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around myself. I pushed and I pushed, and I didn’t leave. I thought I could handle him, but I was wrong. Very fucking wrong.

  I could be asleep, I could be awake. My eyes could be open, they could be shut. The room is light now, and the person knocking at the door is growing inpatient. I could kill Huxley, but I’d have to wait until after the wedding. No one would believe I could do such a thing, especially if I go down there acting the crazy stupid love bride and mourn the shit out of him after. My plan to wait for him to cheat and get my divorce is out the window. Looking back, it was such a stupid plan. There’s no getting away from him. He’ll never let me go, and if I ever did manage to leave, he’d only find me. Another knock at the door comes.