Bug

by Hunter, Ellie R.

  “She looks like shit,” Dash offers, which doesn’t surprise me.

  My eyes fall on Ally as she steps away from the car, and I’m pretty sure if I were standing close to her, she’d smell of alcohol. Her make-up is heavy around the eyes, and the black netting shit covering half of her face is doing nothing to hide her bleary eyes. The folks of this town will see it as crying grief, not the hangover she obviously has.

  The boys follow her out, looking sharp in their suits. Both Trenton and Tobias refuse her hand when she holds hers out, and instead flock to Regina as she climbs out of the car.

  Tobias has been her sole focus since Huxley brought her back to town. Every time he pulled away, or Huxley broke their bond a fraction, the pain on her face was clear. Today, she doesn’t seem to care. This isn’t good.

  My feet are moving before I make the decision to go to her. A wall of alcohol hits me first, and then repulsion.

  Thankfully, I’m beside her when she goes to follow Regina and the boys, and she stumbles. I catch her, righting her before anyone sees, and force her arm through mine.

  I won’t let anyone have a reason to gossip behind her back, whether it’s from grief or the drink.

  “I thought you weren’t going to finish the wine?” I whisper-growl.

  “I didn’t,” she snorts. “I opened the vodka.” She giggles and smothers it by covering her mouth with her lace gloved hand.

  “Real childish, Ally.”

  “Hey, you want me to get through this day without screaming or slapping someone. I needed something strong to drink.”

  The church is warm, and people are taking their seats, all subtly keeping their eyes on the family. One thing I love about this town is me having Ally on my arm won’t be seen as me sniffing around. I’m the supportive best friend who is being there for his friends.

  This town sucks.

  We reach the front pew and she stumbles again. Her chuckle echoes around the church, and the people around begin to stare. This can’t happen, not today, and especially not around the boys.

  The vestry door is wide open, and from here, looks empty. I usher her across the church and force myself not to slam the door shut behind us once we’re inside.

  “This shit isn’t funny, Ally.”

  “I know it isn’t!” she snaps, sinking down on the nearest chair.

  Kneeling down in front of her, I grasp her hands. I need her to understand today isn’t the day to be attracting more attention than necessary.

  “You wanted to be free of Huxley. Kayleigh and Craig needed retribution, and a shitload of people needed closure for situations they don’t even know the truth about. You’re free now, so why the hell are you acting like you were his real wife?”

  I feel the sting of her slap before I register her hand flying through the air. Pushing on, I bite down on my inner cheek before speaking.

  “You hated him, you still do, and you always will. Stop pretending you need him as an excuse to drink because you don’t.”

  She softens and leans forward, her forehead resting against mine. All this contact is driving me wild.

  “You don’t have to worry, I won’t drop the act, drunk or sober.”

  “You think I’m not struggling? Fuck, Ally. I’m the one who set all these wheels in motion to end up here. I’m petrified of it all coming back on me, on you, on anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”

  “Today is a joke. He doesn’t deserve anyone’s grief, respect, or tears.”

  “I agree…”

  I’ve barely finished speaking when her fingers graze against my cheek. I dare not move from our position. This is my worst nightmare, her touching me and it not being real.

  “We should go back out there,” she whispers, still not moving.

  “We should.”

  But we don’t.

  “I’m losing my damn mind,” she admits.

  “No, you’re not. You’re the one in control here.”

  And she really is, so why can’t she see that?

  “I want to dance on his grave in front of everyone. I want to scream at them, I want to…”

  I close the gap between us and slam my lips on hers. The first time I kissed her in Huxley’s office in the middle of the night, I was acting on impulse and needed something to use on her because she’d caught me.

  This time, I’m acting on pure need for her. She doesn’t resist me. I slip my tongue in and sweep it across hers as she sits straighter to get closer to me.

  In all the years I’ve spent fantasising about this moment, I didn’t for one second believe it would be at Huxley’s funeral. It should feel wrong that this is happening now, but it doesn’t. It feels perfectly fitting.

  She clings to me as the kiss deepens, and somehow, at some point, we’re standing, and we can’t get enough of each other.

  Her fingers work my belt as I lift her dress up and over her hips, all while not breaking our kiss. I have Allison Miller pushing my dress pants down my thighs and wrapping her hand around my cock, and I’m fit to burst like a fucking teenager.

  “You sure you want this?”

  She continues kissing me, acting like she didn’t hear me.

  “Ally, say you want this.”

  It hits me why I need her to say the words, and I move away from her.

  “Ryder, I want you.”

  The four words I’ve longed for her to say, but it’s not right.

  “But last week you were…he…”

  “I know what happened to me, Ryder, but I’m not going to let it…”

  She falters, and I pull my boxers and pants back up, while she tugs her dress down and smooths it into place.

  “Trust me, there’s nothing more I want than you, but we can’t do this today, and definitely not here.”

  She turns around, but I catch something on her face that has my stomach sinking.

  “Don’t do that,” I say.

  “Do what?” she asks so fucking innocently. I grab her arm and turn her around.

  “Be embarrassed.”

  “It…”

  Releasing her arm, I wind my hand around the back of her neck so she can only look at me and nowhere else.

  “I wish it was somewhere different, some other time, but I don’t regret kissing you, today of all days. He would shit a brick if he could see us now. So, fix up your lipstick and let’s go bury your husband.”

  “We didn’t actually get married.”

  “It’ll still count to the town. You’ll always be known as his widow.”

  Rolling her eyes, she doesn’t turn her back on me again, and when we step outside the vestry, no one notices us slipping back into the crowd. The higher in society you are, the longer the circus goes on for. We weren’t missed, and our absence went unnoticed.

  Regina and the two boys are the only blood family here, and Dash and I have been asked to sit with the family on account that we were close friends. If only Regina knew the truth. I hung around to make sure he didn’t kill Ally when he found her, and Dash stayed around for the money.

  “Today, we are here to celebrate the life of Huxley…”

  My eyes are open, my expression is that of taking in every word the priest spits out, and occasionally my head nods as I’m agreeing. In essence, I’m tuning out every single word he’s saying, and replaying every moment I just shared with Ally in the vestry.

  Her skin was every bit as smooth as I thought it’d be. Her hand wrapped around my dick was the ultimate dream come true, and it was probably a good thing it didn’t go further. God knows I wouldn’t have lasted long.

  Ally is one of those women, one encounter will never be enough. I have no idea what will happen next, or if it’ll ever happen at all, but like usual, I’m prepared to give her time, as much as it’ll kill me. My body responds to the motions of the day, and when I come to, we’re standing at the graveside and it’s the boys soft cries and whimpers that brings me around.

  Allison is still beside me, and I like the fact that she hasn�
��t moved away after what went down between us. The boys stand between her, and Regina and the rest of the town surrounds us.

  It quickly becomes my turn to hover over the grave and throw in the white rose Regina had ordered. As I stand back beside Ally, I notice the boys are the only ones shedding tears. Ally’s eyes are bone dry, she just stares at the casket as if it could open. Regina isn’t shedding any tears either, his own mother, and she isn’t buckling with grief at his graveside.

  This whole day goes to show what people really thought about him. The only ones upset are the ones he spoiled with toys and technology, the ones who hadn’t been alive long enough to see the real him.

  No one’s going to miss you, I silently tell the casket. This man got everything he deserved.

  Ryder

  The mansion is swarming with people paying their respects, but really, they’re here for the gossip. I’d say it’s depressing, but it’s meant to be. It’s a fucking funeral.

  I swig my whiskey and stretch my legs as I sit and watch Allison’s father take the boys out into the garden. From what I’ve seen so far today, her parents are trying to help her, but she’s not having any of it, at least not with her dad. She’s sitting with her mom, Helen, holding her hands as they whisper between themselves. Only Ally’s small smiles are fake. As fake as everyone’s grief in this room, including the glorious Regina. Smiling to myself, I wonder what fake faces they’d pull if I bent Allison over the table and fucked her bare in front of them all. It would be a scandal, for sure.

  If they found out I nearly fucked her in the church this morning, we’d be the talk of the town for all time. Just remembering being with her is a form of new torture I’m not used to. For so many years, I’ve had to watch her with him, and then I helped her run when she didn’t even know I was the reason she succeeded in fleeing. Then the news came down that Huxley knew where she was, and that she was a widow. She had married someone, which meant she had met someone else, fell in love and made a home. She let him touch her. I spent my high school days making sure she survived Huxley, and I spent my entire adult life protecting her, even when she wasn’t around, and she got married. It was a bullet to the heart, and yet I couldn’t let it show how I felt. It was all about Huxley, how he felt, the actions he was going to take to get her back. Everything was about him and her.

  Now he’s gone, and she’s here.

  Finishing my drink, I get up and pour another. And another. And another. I wish it were touching me, but I feel nothing.

  Dash offers his arm to his wife and they leave. Regina’s coven of bitches’ air kiss their goodbyes with promises of returning if she needs them. One by one, folks offer their final condolences and leave.

  “Thank you for today, Ryder. Ally needed comfort from someone genuine.”

  I refrain from rolling my eyes and offer my arm to Regina as she walks to her town car that’s just pulled up out front.

  “Tell her I’ll be back in the morning.”

  I continue not saying anything and close the door for her as she slides into the back seat.

  The night is warm and quiet, only the sound of waves crashing against the shore can be heard.

  The house is quiet after Ally fired the staff, and as I close the huge front door, the slam echoes around the foyer.

  This place has never been a home, just a museum of wealth and power. The small voice in the back of my head that I’ve pushed away numerous times over the years is screaming that Ally will never be happy here. It gets louder as I walk into the kitchen and she’s pouring a glass of wine that she’s going to take the boys and go. She has the money to run and never be found. She has the money to buy a small fucking country and never let anyone from this town come ashore.

  Her eyes find mine over the rim of her glass as she takes her first sip of alcohol this evening, and it takes me back to when Huxley first found her, and we went to her house. Stepping through her back door, there was four empty wine bottles in the trash can and half a bottle in the fridge.

  “You don’t need to stay,” she says, maintaining eye contact with me.

  I lean on the island opposite of her and try to work her out.

  “After…”

  “The only ‘after’ I’m interested in is after Huxley, and at the moment, it only concerns me and the boys.”

  Slowly nodding, I hide my disappointment and stand straight.

  “You and the boys? Is that how it is now?”

  She doesn’t waver, and her shoulders broaden as she puts her glass down, standing firmly away from me, like I’m the one she needs to be wary of.

  “It’s the way it needs to be,” she says. “This morning, what happened between us was…”

  Amazing?

  Long overdue?

  “A mistake.”

  Disappointment disappears, but my heart doesn’t implode like I’ve always believed it would. A freeing sense overwhelms me, and I laugh.

  “Do you know what a mistake is, Allison?” I sneer. “A mistake is liking a girl who wasn’t mine to like, to love. A mistake is when you spend nearly half your life trying your best to protect that girl.”

  “I never asked you to.”

  “No, you didn’t. I guess that’s another mistake of mine.”

  She drains her glass and I snatch the bottle away when she goes to pour another.

  “I wasn’t going to jump on you just because you were going to spread your legs for me today. If you had any idea how I feel about you, you—”

  “I would what? Would I fall on my knees for you? Show you my gratitude for ‘protecting’ me? Oh, Ryder, you’re my hero.”

  Her sarcasm bites into me and I step back. Wickedness spreads over her, and she steps around the island, coming closer to me.

  “You’ve been sniffing around me since we were at school, and you hung around waiting for me to come back. I was never yours. How does it feel to have wasted so much of your life on me? I wasn’t thinking straight this morning. If I was, I would never have let you touch me. Huxley, you, everyone in this town are poison, and it’ll be a cold day in Hell before you come near me again.”

  Every word is pouring from her like a purge of built-up resentment, and I see now, so clearly, that she’ll never be mine. I fell in love with the wrong person, and it took me far too long to figure it out.

  What the fuck have I been thinking all these years?

  “Goodbye, Allison.”

  I don’t need to hear anymore. She’s made it all perfectly clear.

  “You should never have waited for me, Ry,” she calls out as I walk through to the foyer.

  And isn’t that a knife in the fucking back.

  Allison

  Why can’t I ever get things right? I thought I was strong enough to deal with Huxley, but in reality, he’s only gone because Mr. Dwyer killed him, and Ryder walked out last night because I was outright nasty to him. The funeral was an eye-opener. I’ve been so caught up with the people in town, and my own hatred for Huxley, it took seeing him being lowered into the ground that I realised I’m free. Me and the boys can go where we like, and there isn’t anyone who will stop us. All I wanted was to be alone while the boys were sleeping, and I ended up verbally cutting Ryder’s throat. Why did I do that? The hurt on his face as I told him lie after lie has plagued me all night, and my eyes burn from lack of sleep. Every time I close them, all I see is Ryder.

  Throwing the sheets back, I climb out of bed and quickly dress in my favourite jeans. I throw on a sweater and slide into my sneakers.

  Tobias wakes easily, but I have to carry Trenton in my arms as we go out to the car, and I cover them with a blanket from the trunk. The sun is beginning to rise over the horizon as I drive to Ryder’s house on the other side of town.

  The boys are asleep before we reach Ryder’s gates, and my guilt grows as I drive up the mile-long drive.

  This is the first time I’ve been to the Keogh residence, and the grandeur is very similar to the Bailey mansion.

  A man
with slicked back greying hair, a sharp black suit, and the shiniest shoes I’ve ever seen is waiting on the top step to the main doors.

  He walks down the steps and over to me when I park the car, and bends at the waist to look in so I don’t have to climb out.

  It’s a little early for him to be in full butler gear, but what do I know.

  “Mr. Keogh isn’t here. Your drive here was for nothing. If you had called first, it would have saved you the trip.”

  His eyes skim over the boys and back to me.

  “Do you know when he’ll be back?” I ask.

  “You misunderstand me, Ms. Miller. He left in the night, he doesn’t intend to return.”

  Straightening his back, he turns on his heel and walks back to the house.

  Ryder left?

  He wouldn’t do that, would he? I did tear into him when I had no right to. Hell, I would have left too.

  The door closes, and I numbly start the car and drive back to the mansion. I lead the boys back into their rooms and tuck them into their beds.

  Miraculously, they fall back to sleep, and I take advantage and go back to bed myself. Climbing under the sheets, I grab my phone off the nightstand and bring up my last text with Ryder. I start typing and force myself not to cry.

  ‘I’m sorry for what I said, and I’m sorry if you left town because of me. I hope you find what you need wherever you are. I’ll miss you.’

  He’s forever there for me, and I hurt him beyond repair.

  THE PAST

  My prom dress is navy blue, with real diamonds scattered subtly throughout the bodice. Well, as subtle as diamonds can be. I love everything about my dress, except for the fact that Huxley chose it. He loves this shade of blue on me, and if he had given me the choice, I probably would have chosen it for him anyway.

  I run my hands over the fabric one last time as I take in my appearance in the mirror. My hair is curled and falls effortlessly down my back. I’ve kept my make-up simple, but enough to know I’m wearing the stuff.

  It’s the thin diamond choker clasped around my neck that catches my eye. Everything about my look is pure Huxley and Regina. I’m their doll, but for tonight, I don’t mind. I feel beautiful.