‘You’re right. I apologise for monopolising your time.’ I state to Seb. ‘Joe,’ I shout. ‘Time to go home now.’
Of course, as I’m walking down the drive wanting to hurry home, Bettina calls out for me‘How’s Monique?’
‘We had a really good time thanks, she’s feeling a lot better. Thank you for helping out with Joe. I hope you don’t feel I’m putting on you. Niall thinks I’m taking advantage.’
‘Oh I think we’re okay now that he knows me a little better,’ she replies. ‘You’d forgotten to pack Joe some clean pants so I popped over to yours last night. I thought Niall was bound to have not eaten so I called to the fish shop on the way. We all ate together before I brought the boys back. I think he was a bit narked that Joe still wanted to come back with me though.’
‘You had tea together?’
‘It was a right laugh. You have some lovely crockery, it seemed a shame to put chips on it, but I can’t eat them out of the wrapper.’
‘Niall always does.’
‘Well he didn’t yesterday. Oh and your bedroom is so pretty. I’m thinking about doing mine a similar colour.’
I grit my teeth. ‘You were in my bedroom?’
‘Oh God, don’t look so panicked. I wasn’t seducing your husband. I just asked for a guided tour.’
I give her a beaming smile. ‘Well, I must get back, thanks again for having Joe.’
‘Any time you need me to mind him, it’s no problem. It was a pleasure yesterday, he’s a lovely boy.’
I ask Joe about everything on the way back. ‘We were only there ten minutes, Mum, eating our chips. Then dad said he really needed to get on with some jobs whilst we were all out of the house and we went back to Bettina’s.’
‘Okay darling,’ I say. Once again I’m reading too much into things. So what if she took the kids to our house for tea, she was just getting Joe stuff I’d obviously forgotten to pack in my rush to get to Monique’s. Failing as a mother again, I hear in my head. I’ve a bit of a nerve worrying about Niall when I consider what I’ve been up to with Seb.
All thoughts of Bettina are forgotten as I enter the house. Monique’s okay, business is good, and I’m looking forward to seeing my husband when he gets in from work. Therefore I’m surprised to find Niall already at home and in the lounge.
‘What’re you doing home this early?’
‘I took some time owing. I had something I needed to do.’ His face is frozen into a tight mask. He turns to Joe. ‘I’ve charged up your DS, it’s on your bed if you want to play for a bit before your homework.’
‘Cool,’ Joe goes running upstairs, it sounds like a stampede, not the small feet of a nine year old boy.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.
‘This came in the post today.’ He hands me a piece of paper.
I unfold it. It’s typewritten in capital letters and says YOUR WIFE HAS A SECRET. TRY 19, 5 AND 2.
My brow creases. ‘What? ... I don’t understand.’
‘Letters of the alphabet. Didn’t take much working out,’ says Niall. ‘It spells Seb. What secret do you have with Seb then?’ He spits the word Seb out like a venomous snake.
My heart is pounding. ‘Niall, there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Seb Kingsley.’
‘You’ve had plenty of opportunity with those fair meetings.’
I thrust the paper at his chest. ‘I have opportunities to cheat all the time while you’re at work and Joe’s at school.’ I feel air pumping out of my nostrils. ‘That however, does not make me a cheat.’
‘Well you’ll not mind if I check your laptop,’ he says. ‘You’re always on that bloody thing, I’m going to see what you spend your time doing.’
‘I’m running my business.’ I feel myself tremble. ‘If you do this, you’re showing that you don’t trust me, Niall. That’s a heavy weight to put on our relationship. Do you really want to do that?’
He hesitates. ‘If it’s not true then why would someone do this?’ He waves the paper around. ‘Why would they go to the trouble of posting a note?’
‘I have no idea,’ I say, but then it comes to me.
‘Oh my God, it’ll be her, Bettina.’
‘What?’
‘She’s trying to ruin things for me. She told me she turned up for tea last night and you were all cosy together. She turned up at the house the other day when she thought I was out. It’s just like Danny said, she’s trying to ruin me.’
‘Danny? Danny Southwell? Her ex? When have you seen Bettina’s husband?’
‘Last Saturday. He turned up here as I was about to set off to the car boot. He came to warn me about her. Told me that she’s nuts and was out to get me. Oh my God, it’s true.’
‘That psycho turned up at the house? Where was I?’
‘In the house with Joe.’
‘So you’re telling me that Danny Southwell was outside our house, that you didn’t shout for me or come and tell me, and you didn’t bother telling me afterwards that he’d been?’ He shakes his head from side to side. ‘Did you even go to the car boot that afternoon Lauren? I thought it was funny you returned without anything.’
So he had noticed.
‘You talk about trust,’ he looks at me with a sneer, ‘where was it that day?’
I’m silent. I don’t know what to say that at this point that won’t make things worse. How can the day have come to this when I was so positive about everything? I can’t stand seeing Niall look at me this way.
He folds his arms across his chest. ‘I want to see your computer, Lauren,’ he says, ‘so go and get it.’
Chapter 14
I open the computer with my password and hand it to him. I walk away, open the back door and sit on the doorstep. I often come out here to think. I breathe in the cool, fresh air and listen to the sounds of traffic passing the busy parkway near the house. It was going to be such a nice evening.
Niall will find nothing of course, thanks to my fortuitous deleting. I had ensured all comments to Monique were deleted too, so all that remained was our usual chat about life in general with inane comments about shoes. If he came across some crass comment in there about himself, well it served him right for reading my private stuff.
For some reason, even though I know full well I kissed Seb, I am damn angry that Niall was so quick to think I would cheat on him. He didn’t trust me at all. My teeth are clenched and I feel the need to hit out at something. Over in the corner of the garden, behind the shed, is an old tin bath that we haven’t got around to taking to the tip. I stand up and walk over to the garage, unlock it, then heave the door open over my head and walk to Niall’s shelves where I grab a large hammer. I stride to the back of the garden and take great heaving swipes at the bath. It reverberates loudly, how I imagine standing next to a church bell would sound. The bath begins to dint and I feel my anger pouring out like an overflowing red hot bath. Bang. Bang. Bang.
Niall comes running out of the house and I notice his first thought is to look up at the neighbours’ windows to see if any of them are watching. All reason leaves me and I throw the hammer, watching as it sails through the shed window. The plastic cracks, and it leaves a gaping wound.
‘For God’s sake what are you doing?’ He yells as he runs up to me and grabs my arms.
‘What does it look like?’ Tears stream down my cheeks. I begin to smack my fists into his chest. ‘You think I’d have an affair? You’re a total bastard. I hate you.’
Niall wraps his arms around me so that mine are trapped and drags me into the house whilst I kick him in the shins the best I am able. ‘Stop it, Lauren. Calm down.’
‘Calm down?’ my voice gets even higher.
‘Think of Joe,’ says Niall. ‘He’s just asked what’s wrong with you. I’ve told him you’re sad and angry about something that’s happened with Monique.’
I am shaking, I take some deep breaths for he is right, I will be frightening Joe.
We are silent for minutes, each not knowing how to get past this.
‘How could a note do this to us? You didn’t believe me ... after all these years?’
‘Well, it wasn’t just that,’ Niall puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs his shoulders. ‘When Bettina came over with the kids the other night, she kind of warned me about him. Said she felt he was really into you and was flirting while you were arranging the fair.’
‘So what? He flirted with me, big deal. At least he paid me some attention, which is more than you’ve been doing lately.’
‘I suppose I deserve that.’ He adds quietly. ‘Did you flirt back?’
‘I had a bit of banter yes, but nothing major, just like how you are with nearly every female you ever meet. I’m not going to apologise for it. I’ll tell you right now that it was nice feeling that someone found me sexy. It made me feel good about myself. Like I said, this is all down to Bettina. Well good for her, she’s managed to drive a wedge between us, score one for Bettina.’
‘She was just looking out for you.’
‘You’re going to stick up for her, even though I told you about Danny coming to warn me?’
‘He’s supposed to be a bloody psycho; I wouldn’t rate anything he said.’
‘Yeah? Well Monique warned me weeks ago that she thought Bettina was shifty. That night she went to the cinema with her, apparently she never stopped asking questions about me.’
‘She was like that in the car on the way there with me too. She just seemed nervous and we didn’t have anything else in common but you. It was probably the same with Monique. You can’t assume from a small piece of conversation that she’s out to get you. She’s had plenty of opportunity to kick your arse if she wanted to.’
‘She’s going for a less obvious way instead.’
‘It doesn’t appear that way to me. Lauren you’re being paranoid.’
‘I had a fucking poison pen letter sent about me today, I think I’m entitled to be a little bit paranoid.’
‘Look,’ Niall runs his hands through his hair, ‘I overreacted big time, Lauren, I’m sorry. It was just the thought of that nerd having his hands on you.’ His own hands ball into fists as he speaks.
‘Sorry doesn’t really get us anywhere right now though does it?’ I reply. ‘Like you said, I’ve broken your trust.’
‘I’ll get over the thing with Southwell.’
‘Yes, but you didn’t trust me in the first place.’ I walk over and pick up my laptop and put it on the side to take upstairs. ‘That’s going to be a lot more difficult to fix than the shed window.’
I go into the kitchen to start the evening meal.
I speak when I need to. Inside I feel wrecked, like I’ve just heard news of someone’s death. I put on smiles when Joe is talking. Niall is over exuberant. He thinks I’ll immediately put it behind me, like I do with our usual arguments, and move on. Life is short, but I don’t feel that way this time. When Joe goes to bed I run myself a bath and immerse myself, topping it up with warm water every so often. I stare at the white tiles on the bathroom wall as if I am drugged with anaesthetic, too numb to do anything but lie beneath the water. I let my skin wrinkle up until it’s too uncomfortable to stay in it any longer. I wrap myself in my towelling robe, looking at it as I do so. Its purple colour has faded, there are pulled threads hanging down from it all over. It has seen better days. It needs renewing. I feel at one with my robe. I place my feet in my slippers and pad into the bedroom where I dry my hair without being bothered to comb it through, knowing full well it will frizz and resemble tangled wool. I leave the hairdryer plugged in and on the floor, pull on my pyjamas and get in bed, pulling the duvet up to the top of my neck, seeking immediate sleep that will take me away from my problems. Luckily my body complies.
I wake in the night as Niall gets into bed. I wait to see if he gets on my back to cuddle in, but he turns the other way and I let myself drift back to sleep.
Thursday I ring Monique and ask how she is. She seems a lot brighter, but obviously picks up the tension in my voice.
‘Is everything alright, Lo?’
‘Yeah, just a bit fed up today. Nothing to bother you with, you’ve enough on your plate.’
‘Lauren Lawler, what is going on?’
‘I don’t want to put on you Mon, it’s not fair.’
‘I’m a big girl and can decide what’s fair, tell me what’s going on, I’m getting worried now.’
I fill her in on the note and Niall’s accusations.
‘Jeez, Lo,’ she says. ‘It’s got to be her hasn’t it? What a bitch.’
‘Well apparently I’m overreacting.’
‘It’s a bit suss that she just happened to mention Seb, and the next day, poof, here’s a letter stating you’re up to no good.’
‘Did you really just say poof?’
‘It’s an official magic term.’
‘Joe would call you lame, don’t you know it’s "booya" now,’ I scoff.
‘Is that a hint of a smile I can hear in your voice? See you need your Monique,’ she says.
‘I do,’ I agree.
‘Well get your ass over here then. I’m bored. Let’s talk this thing through.’
I mull it over but I don’t feel like going anywhere. ‘Thanks Mon, but I just feel like moping.’
‘You can mope just as well here as there.’
‘No. Thanks for the offer but I’m just going to lounge about at home til schooltime.’
‘Suit yourself, you know where I am if you change your mind.’
‘Thanks Mon, and sorry for putting on you.’
‘Will you leave it with the sodding guilt trip. Go forth and eat chocolate.’
‘You’ve read my mind,’ I state.
I take myself off up to my bedroom armed with a mug full of decaf and a share bag of Minstrels that I have no intention of sharing. I stick on my latest Private Practice box set to see what Addison and Co are up to, and lose myself in the drama of Oceanside Wellness for an hour or two. The phone disturbs me mid-afternoon. I look at the screen thinking that if it shows an unknown number, or anyone I don’t want to speak to, I’ll ignore it. ‘Niall mobile’ flashes on the screen. I hold the phone in my hand, hovering over the answer button. I decide to let it go to the machine.
‘Lauren, if you’re there please pick up, it’s an emergency.’
I press the green button, all annoyance temporarily forgotten. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’
‘I’m in the hospital car park. Someone’s just run into the back of the car. Then they’ve come round and played hell with me and said I reversed into them. I don’t know what the hell’s going on. They’ve someone with them who’s saying they’re a witness and that it was me. I was reversing, but I stopped when I saw them coming towards me. It was them. There’s no-one else around to witness it and they’re phoning the police.’
‘Calm down Niall, surely there’s CCTV?’
‘Oh, course, I didn’t think of that. I’ll mention it to the police when they get here.’
‘What are the people like, do they look rough? It’s only a car. If they look like they might stab you, don’t make a fuss.’
‘It’s a bloody doctor. I’ve seen his badge. Dr Matthias Bailey.’
‘Are you all right? You’re not injured?’
‘I feel shaky, my legs are wobbly, but I didn’t do anything Lauren, I swear.’
‘Is there much damage to the car?’
‘It needs the boot sorting, it’s crushed. It went with a right bang.’
‘Just wait for the police Niall, they’ll sort it out.’
‘Okay, obviously I don’t know how long I’ll be, I’ll see you as soon as I can get away.’
The line goes dead. I sit back on the bed. I’m not surprised at this doctor saying it’s Niall’s fault. No-one in this world seems to tell the truth anymore, or stands up and admits when they’ve made a mistake. I hope the CCTV�
��s working so justice can prevail. I feel my anger return. I wish I could turn up to the car park with a baseball bat and knock seven bells out of the git who’s blaming Niall. I bet he’s a cocky doctor who thinks the sun shines out of his arse. I notice it’s time to get Joe from school and think that now, if Niall’s car needs repair, he’ll take mine, and I’m the one who will end up inconvenienced. Annoyed I stomp to the car.
I say hello to Tanya in the schoolyard and let her twitter on about pointless rubbish whilst I wait for Joe. She’s looking at me weirdly and I realise she’s waiting for me to answer a question.
‘Oh, err, what did you say?’
‘I said, you don’t seem with it Lauren. Is everything alright?’
‘I’m sorry. Niall’s just had an accident in the car, my minds wandering. I didn’t mean to seem rude.’
‘Gosh, don’t worry about it. Is he okay?’
A hand clutches my arm and makes me turn, as if defending an attack.
‘Good God Bettina, you made me jump.’
‘Sorry, did I just hear Niall’s been in an accident?’
‘Yes, someone’s just reversed into him in the hospital car park.’
‘Is he okay?’
‘Just shaken up, thanks.’ I fidget from side to side and turn to the school Portakabin windows. ‘Is this bell ever going to ring? I just want to get home so we can get things sorted out.’
‘Do you need me to do anything, Lauren?’ says Bettina.
The tight wiring of the coil inside my body bursts free. ‘I think you’ve done quite enough lately, thank you.’
Bettina backs off, shocked, and her face sets like stone. ‘What the hell are you talking about? I’ve not banged into the car.’
‘I’m on about your little chat with Niall about Seb. He accused me of having an affair with him yesterday.’
‘I only said he was flirting with you. I felt he should know. Niall adores you and don’t think I haven’t seen you flirting right back. You want to stop having a go at me and look at your own behaviour.’
Tanya walks over to the other mothers, raising an eyebrow at them. It seems Bettina and I are now sparring in a ring with all the spectators looking to see who will win the next round.
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