The Way We Roll

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  I opened the door, and he almost fell inside the room. “Dang, can a sister get some privacy? What you want to see that bad? You trying to put on your X-ray vision or something?”

  “Naw, naw. I just was ... Okay, you caught me.”

  I don’t know what my mom had Mikey doing, but it lasted about thirty-five minutes, and during that time Kade and I just chatted. He was impressed with how much I knew about football, which wasn’t a big deal to me. I was brought up on it; my big brother loved the sport, and my dad did, too. The only way I could get any real attention from my father was when we talked about football. I felt so comfortable chatting with Kade that I confessed how angry I was with my dad. My Dad made me feel like he divorced not only my mom but me as well. Yeah, he gave me money, but he never gave me his time. I resented him for that.

  I was shocked when Kade revealed, “Yeah, I understandthat. My dad left my mom and me when I was little. Then when I started doing well in high school, he started to come around. He hadn’t paid my mom a dime in child support before that, but when I had a chance to make it out of the projects, he was the first one trying to show up, acting like he was some real father. I don’t know what kind of baller I’m going to be. I just know when I have a chance to become a father, I’m not going to be one that walks away.”

  “I’ve seen you play. You come off that corner like no one else I’ve ever seen. All that anger and passion you channel toward your opponent—I really understand it. I’m angry about a lot of things, too, Kade, but at least you have an outlet. You have a good way of expressing it, and you’re successful at it. Don’t worry, just keep your head on straight and keep playing with that fire, and nobodywill be able to deny you.”

  Gazing into my brown eyes, he said, “You’re denying me now ’cause you won’t go out with me.”

  “For what, so I can be the new girl of the month and then you can ditch me like you supposedly ditched your girlfriend? I don’t think so. And anyway, I just met you.”

  “You’re fiercer than any opponent I’ve ever seen on the field and definitely more intriguing than any girl I’ve ever met. You’re telling me I’m a great player, but you don’t want to get with me. Honestly this has never happened to me before.”

  “What, I’m not feeding your ego? It is what it is. News flash: you’re just a guy.”

  He came over to me and bent down to my ear. “Just a guy that wants to get with this beautiful girl.”

  “And you’re trying too hard,” I said to him as I moved away.

  Thankfully the door opened. Mikey was back, and he could tell his boy was way into me. Mikey didn’t like it at all. I didn’t care. Flirting that went nowhere was fun.

  Later that evening, I was at the Beta Gamma Pi Collegiate Stepshow Afterparty. I had been coming to these things for years, and it had always been a big part of the convention.Though only Betas participated in the stepshow, all the fraternities and sororities were in the house. I was used to being alone, but for some reason tonight I felt isolated, and it wasn’t as cool of a feeling as it had alwaysbeen. On either side of me there were clusters of people nestled beside me laughing and having a good time.

  The whole sisterhood-friendship-bond thing was somethingI just didn’t understand, but maybe I wanted to. I quickly shrugged that off when Mikey and Kade came walking toward me. Kade had on a buttoned up shirt he’d unbuttoned most of the way. His chest was popping out from behind the shirt, and he was looking superfine.

  “You seen any of the Betas from your school?” Mikey asked me.

  “No, I don’t hang out with them girls,” I said real salty ’cause he couldn’t even say hello.

  “Hey, Mikey.” Some girl came over to my brother. “Let’s dance, baby.”

  She pulled him out on the dance floor. There I stood with Kade. Why was I so nervous?

  “You look gorgeous tonight.”

  “I see you’re still trying hard,” I said, trying to sound uninterested.

  “Well, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day, and even though I know your brother would probablykill me if I mess with you,” he said, licking his lips, “that is just a chance I am willing to take. I’m sprung!”

  “You’re a liar,” I said, completely flustered.

  “No, I’m serious.”

  As I tried to walk away, he grabbed my hand. The touch sent chills up my arm straight to my heart. My heart started beating faster. I knew nothing was gonna happen tonight, but I was willing to go along with Kade. Shoot, the brother was hot.

  “You want a drink?” he said.

  “Sure, why not.”

  We walked toward the punch table. When we got there, though, he pulled me over to a doorway past the bartender. I was thirsty and confused.

  “Where are we going? The punch is right over there.”

  “I’m not talking about no punch. I’ve got a little somethingin my car. Are you down for that?” He held my hand and gave me a serious stare.

  Rolling my eyes, I said, “What, so you could slip me a roofie? I don’t think so.”

  “I don’t need to take advantage of you. I just need you to warm up to me. See how hot you can be for me.”

  I’m a cute girl. Five-nine, slim, nice brown skin, fluffy black hair, and my boobs and butt are in the right place. I’ve never had a problem turning a guy’s head. But I certainlyhave never let them know that I was interested, and I certainly didn’t give it up on the first date.

  So an hour later when we were parked and Kade was on top of me, I was completely shocked. Though this was fast, something real was going on here, and it wasn’t just on his side. I wanted him to make me feel good—to heck with being a good girl. When he kissed me, I didn’t fight back. When he slid his hand up under my shirt, I didn’t move it off. And when his hands went to other places, I felt better than any man had made me feel before. Though I had been with only two guys, they were nowhere close to Kade.

  Just when he wanted to get me acquainted with every part of his body, I said, “You know what? I just can’t.”

  “What—doesn’t it feel good?”

  “You’ve got a girlfriend. I can’t have sex with you.”

  “I told you that was handled,” he said.

  “So what—we do this, and then I never see you again? I want more than a fling.”

  His answer was a passionate kiss. Though he didn’t know me, and all this was going way too fast, the brother put it on like he loved me or something. All my fears subsided.I let him have his way with me, and it felt marvelous. Right after, he wanted to hold me, but I just couldn’t. Though I had enjoyed it, deep down, another part of me was not really understanding the type of girl I was becoming.

  2

  GOSH

  I hadn’t done anything so crazy and spontaneous ever, but it sure had felt good being with Kade like that. It had been a while since I’d gotten my groove on, and now I felt like a new woman. Stepping back into the crowded stepshow afterparty, I was confident that I had just started something amazing with a guy who had honestly swept me off my feet. I couldn’t say it was love at first sight, but it was certainly something close to it.

  Or, at least, I thought it was until this girl came rushing over to us and screamed out, “Where have you been, Kade? I told my girls you brought some football players. We were looking all over for you. You tell me you’re gonna be here at ten o’clock, I expect you to be here at ten o’clock.”

  He didn’t respond. He just looked down and wouldn’t look at me or this chick in the eye. It seemed he didn’t want to acknowledge that he and I were together. Yet he didn’t want me to know this girl had a claim on him. My brother had been right—obviously Kade was still involvedwith his girlfriend.

  “I thought you said you’d broken up with your girlfriend?”I shouted loudly to him, tired of the silence.

  He grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the side. “Why you tryin’ to call me out and play me like that in front of Sharon?”

  “Oh, that’s
her name. So that’s still your girlfriend? Basicallyyou just played me. What a fool I was!”

  “You know I’ll handle it. I just got to do it in my own time. I hadn’t seen her yet.”

  “Why’d you make me think you’d already ended it?” I asked, seeing the faith I had in him skate away.

  Before we could say anything else to each other, the tired-looking Beta chick with an Alpha chapter jacket came between us. It was just my luck. His girl was a Beta from the college I attended.

  “Why is this girl standing around like you’re giving her the time of day? She’s not even Greek, for crying out loud. I thought she was a Delta or MEM or something. She’s a TBD—yes, a To be Determined—and you’re sitting there all goo-goo-eyed, embarrassing me. Why’d you make me look all over the place for you, Kade?”

  “First of all, you need to quit flinging your little nappy head in my face,” I said, pushing her away, as anyone could tell she needed a retouch. “Don’t you ever talk to me again. You think just being in a sorority makes you something? Well, it’s no big deal, girls wearing letters on a jacket. Don’t be so naive. You’re so full of yourself, you don’t even know how to take care of a man. Now I see why Kade is all over me.”

  Sharon turned to him and asked, “What is she talking about, Kade? Is there something I need to know here?”

  “Wait—I know this girl,” a familiar voice said. It was the girl I’d run into in the hall earlier. Hayden came over to me and said, “Can I talk to you for just a second?”

  I rolled my eyes and told her, “I’m about to leave.”

  In a sweeter tone, she said, “No, this’ll be really quick. Please.”

  I looked at Kade with disgust before I turned and walked away. He knew he’d better not ever mess with me again. Sharon was trying to talk to him, but he kept looking at me. He hadn’t forced me to go all the way with him, but I should have known better. I got what I deserved.

  “What do you want?” I said to Hayden after we’d walked away from Kade and Sharon.

  “Why are you so angry, Malloy? When I met you yesterdayyou were angry at your mom, and now you’re givingme an attitude.”

  “Quit trying to analyze me. I don’t need a psych evaluation.I’m getting out of here.”

  “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Kade, but that’s my line sister Sharon’s man.”

  “And?”

  “There’s no way you’ll ever make line if you keep foolingwith him. Sharon’s kept girls off line at the University of Southwestern Arkansas, and we don’t even go to that school because girls have tried to mess with Kade.”

  “And you’re telling me this because?” I said, not really caring.

  “Because your mom is my National President, and I have all but promised her you’re going to make line. Don’t make it hard for me to do my job. Stay away from him, okay? You can do way better than that guy anyway.”

  “Are you threatening me, Hayden? Maybe I need to go tell Mommy dearest.” I tried to walk away.

  “Okay, do what you want. I’m just trying to make this easier for you. You don’t have to tell your mom anything. Forget we even had this discussion.” she said as I walked away.

  When I got up to the presidential suite, I dashed in to my room, slammed the door, fell in the bed, and sobbed. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a good cry. But I didn’t understand how I could have been so wrong about the connection between Kade and I. He’d just been, fronting,playing me like any other honey, trying to get into my pants. And I had always been able to see through guys like that. Kade and I had talked about our fathers; we’d talked about him being broke, and we’d talked about our dreams. We’d talked about a connection that was more powerful than anything either of us had ever felt. I guessed all that had meant nothing.

  I punched the pillow as if it were his face. Then suddenly, I felt dirty. I stripped, ran into the bathroom, and showered.I could have stayed in there for an eternity, still never feeling clean enough. But when the hotel water got colder, I was forced to get out and really deal with how I was feeling. A good ten minutes later, I heard the door to the suite open, and my brother and Kade came in laughing.

  Mikey said, “Dang, man, you had all the honeys swooning.I can’t believe you put her in her place like that.”

  “You think your sister is here?” Kade asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  I couldn’t even front like everything that had just happenedwas no big deal. Kade had lied to me about how he’d felt, and I hated him for that.

  I opened my suite door, the bath towel still wrapped around me, and yelled, “Get him out of here now, Mike! He’s not welcome here!”

  “Girl, why you keep coming out here with no clothes on? Dang, I got company.”

  “It’s not like he hasn’t seen it all,” I said as I opened the towel and dropped it, clearly out of my mind.

  I had shocked even my brother. He quickly picked up the towel, and covered my body with it as he pushed me back inside my room. “Go get dressed.”

  “No. You get him out of here now.”

  “He’s my friend. He’s up here, and he’s staying here. Mom said we could. You don’t own this place.”

  Opening the door, I went back into the room and said, “Kade, I can’t believe you had the nerve to come in here.”

  “What is she talking about, man? Why is my sister so upset?” Mikey asked his buddy as I tried to hit Kade. “Malloy, get in there and put on some clothes.”

  Mikey shoved me really hard back into my room, and I hit the dresser. I fell to the floor, and tears filled my eyes.

  Mikey shut the door and said, “Malloy, I’m sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to push you that hard.”

  Kade pounded on the door. “You gotta let me in there to see her.”

  “Man, my sister ain’t got on no clothes. Why you tripping?”Mikey stood abruptly as though a revelation had come to his mind. He opened the door. “But why is she so comfortable without clothes in front of you? I told you not to mess with her. I know you ain’t crossed that line, Kade, for real.”

  “You don’t understand, man. Your sister’s changed me.”

  “Are you kidding, dude? I just saw you down there in the midst of a whole bunch of honeys. When I couldn’t find you at the party, it was because you’d left with my sister?”

  “I can explain.”

  “Naw, partner. And now she in there with a broken heart, and all because you couldn’t keep your word. My sister is not easy, and, you like girls that fall all over you. Was she a challenge or something?”

  “Naw, naw, I—I—I’ll explain it to you later. I just want to talk to Malloy right now.”

  I put on a robe and walked into their room. “Look, I don’t want to talk to you. I told you that downstairs, and I still mean that right now.

  “I’m sorry, Mikey. I should have listened to you. He played me just like you said he would. As soon as we got back to the party, he went back to the girl he told me he’d broke it off with.”

  Trying to defend my honor, my brother jumped on his friend. The two of them started fighting around the room. Kade wasn’t even hitting back, though. He was just takingthe punches my brother was throwing.

  “All right, man,” Kade said as blood rushed from his nose. “Malloy, I didn’t mean for it to go—”

  “Psh, please save it,” I said, not even bothering to let him finish.

  Kade held up his head and said, “Mike, man, I didn’t mean to—”

  “Man, please. I don’t know how you gon’ get back to campus, but you better go try to make up with Sharon or something. I’m through. I asked you to leave Malloy alone, and as soon as I turned my back, you took advantageof her. Dang, man, I hope y’all wore protection.”

  “Yeah, I was stupid for getting with him in the first place, but I’m not an idiot.” I went over to the suite door and opened it.

  “I just want to say something. I need to explain. You gotta listen,” Kad
e pleaded.

  “Oh, whatever,” I said as I shoved him out and slammed the door. Actions speak louder than words. I was done with him.

  A couple weeks later, I was home for summer break experiencing the most boring time I’d ever had. I didn’t have a girlfriend to call up and go hang out with. There was no guy in my life I could go on a date with. My mom was so involved debriefing the details on the Beta convention,if I wanted a life, I needed to get a job.

  I love fashion, and one day I want to run my own clothing line. I have sketch pads full of my thoughts from when I was ten. My mom thought it was a dream job—something that might happen—but she wanted me to do something more stable, like a doctor, teacher, or an administratorlike her.

  Maybe that was part of our struggle. I wanted her to see my talent and push me, believe in me, and tell me that I could do what I wanted. But all she kept doing was pointingme in other directions. So we compromised. I had wanted to go to design school, but I ended up going to Western Smith College and majoring in business; she hoped I’d become a banker. But I knew I could get the necessary tools to make me successful once I got one of my designs in the right hands.

  The only summer job I could find related to fashion was working with the buyers at Wal-Mart. My dad, Michael Sr., was a VP there, and he pulled some strings to work with the buyers. Even though he and I weren’t that close, and I had no worries for money because he sent more than I needed, it felt good that he’d hooked me up with a job. Maybe he really did want his baby girl to be truly happy.

  Ms. Beverly, the buyer I worked for, was so sweet. Every time sketches came in, I would take my pen and alter them. I always thought my tweaks made them look better.

  I didn’t know she thought the same thing. “Gosh, girl, you are so talented. I just hate we gotta go to these establishedcompanies to get items. When you get that degree behind you, I’ll definitely send your stuff over to some of my designer friends in New York. You’ve got talent!”

  I just wrapped my arms around her, which was so uncharacteristicof me. It was hard for me to show emotion. I never cared what anybody else thought, but hearing her say I was good meant something.