“If you been where I been,” I replied, “and had to put up with taking a backseat to this stuff all your life, you wouldn’t be all nostalgic either, trust me.”
“Young ladies, hello and welcome.” My mom came out, hugging Torian and Loni.
She’d never met them a day in her life, but she was such the politician. She didn’t, however, reach out her arms to me, probably a little unsure of how I was going to respond, as I’d already cut up a little bit during our entrance. But I couldn’t play, act, or brush off the fact that I was ecstatic to see my godmom over in the corner. A dark-skinned lady, she was short in stature, but she was sassy. She didn’t live in California—California lived in her. She was regal, upbeat, optimistic, lively, and charming, and everything about her said “I am an empowered black woman. Now what?”
After complete introductions were made, my godmother, Dr. Day, said, “So, ladies, Malloy’s mom tells me you guys are trying to be Betas?”
“Yes, ma’am, we are,” Torian said in a perky tone when she saw I wasn’t going to answer.
I looked around the room and started whistling. My godmother wanted me to pledge just as badly as my mom. They both were going to be disappointed.
“Oh, come on, now, dear, I know you’re not going to let us down.”
I still couldn’t respond. I didn’t want to let her down. But I wasn’t sure I could give her what she wanted either.
Dr. Day said, “You two stay here and speak to the National President. I’m going to take this lady here for a stroll.”
As soon as we stepped out of my mom’s office, I felt less pressure. My mom’s eyes on me was always intense. I always felt like I was gonna let her down just by not standingcorrectly.
My godmother said, “Girl, I have prayed for you so much over the years.”
“Yeah, and you’ve been there a lot for me, too, when my mama wasn’t.” I had to give her props.
“Okay, might be some truth in that. But are you aware of all the good things your mom has done for the world and in the community through her services to and through our organization?” I shook my head. “Well, Malloy, she’s the president now, and this is a paid position for her. Yeah, unlike all the other sororities out there, we’ve recognized that just as the executive director gets paid, the National Presidency is a full-time job and should be paid as well.” She waved for me to follow her.
“Where are we going?”
She unlocked the steel door. “This is our private room.”
“This isn’t reserved for Betas only, is it?” I asked as we went into a dark space.
“No, it’s ... it’s not.” She flipped on the switch, and on the wall were thank-you letters from different mayors, counselmen, lawyers, and everyday people.
Squinting my eyes, I asked, “What am I supposed to make of all this?”
“Don’t just read the headlines. You have got to read deeper, my dear.” My godmother saw me still not getting it and took me by the hand. “When the white racist talk-showhost got on the radio and degraded the first black homecoming queen of a predominately white school, your mom petitioned for his resignation and won. She made that man understand the depth of hurt and pain he caused many generations of young women. One discrimination case after another, your mom has been a social activist making change for our country. Here, a wrongfully convictedman was about to get out of the death penalty. Do you see this?”
“Yeah,” I said. A tear almost came to my eye as I looked at the picture of the badly beaten man.
“Because your mom got behind him, this young man is free. A lot of these people had no hope before Beta Gamma Pi got into the mix and exposed their unfortunate situation.I know there’s a lot still wrong with our organization, but we need strong ladies like you to continue to make change. Beta Gamma Pi might have taken a piece of your childhood, but it can add so much more to your future if you let it. Join your mom and me in this great cause. Beta Gamma Pi needs you.”
I wanted so badly to ignore everything she was saying, but it stuck to my heart. What was I going to do?
A week later, I couldn’t believe I was at the Beta Gamma Pi interview. Why was I doing this? Well, I’d convinced myself that all the good the organization stood for far outweighed all the reasons I wanted to stay away. Though I felt my mom had cheated me, she loved me with all her heart. This was her way of being the best mom she could be. I had to give this a try.
Surprisingly the first part of my interview went very well in front of the Betas and the adviser. I truly thought the Betas hated me, but they were overly cordial and all business.Obviously I had misjudged the group.
“Great, thank you. That’ll be all,” Hayden said to me.
When I was ushered out, the chapter adviser followed me. “Now, you tell that mom of yours we took real good care of you.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I saw four other girls waiting to go in. “You guys aren’t done, are you?”
“We’re taking a break for fifteen minutes. These young ladies are early. Got to go pick up my kids from school and run them home right around the corner. I’ll be right back before they start up, or they’ll have to wait. But, honey, you did so great.”
That was fine and dandy and all, but I wanted to make it on my own merit. No special treatment needed. Fair and just was all I asked for, and I knew deep down that would be all my mom would want.
As I went to look for my keys, I realized my purse wasn’t on me.
A door opened, and the Vice President, Bea, yelled out, “Malloy, I think you left your purse!”
Darn it, she was right. I walked back to the room to get it. Bea didn’t hand it to me, though. She actually tugged me back inside the door and slammed it.
“Round two of the interview. Okay, let’s get down to business for real!” Sharon shouted out. “Sit, trick! Why do you think we’d ever want someone as disgusting as you to be a part of our group?”
“Disgusting?” I said, trying to maintain my composure. “I don’t go around bashing in people’s windows. Besides, when men tell me they don’t want to be with me anymore, I let them go. I don’t get mad at another female when I can’t hold on to my man, and if I was a part of any kind of sorority trying to do good for the community, I would always seek out women with my characteristics.”
I looked hard into Sharon’s face and rolled my eyes. I could not believe I had been thinking they were cool after all. These girls were now holding me here without an adviserpresent. Though I knew I could jet, I was ready for their heat.
“Okay, see, that’s just it right now—she’s accusing me of breaking her window,” Sharon said as she took off her earrings and came charging toward me.
“I thought this was an interview. If you guys wanted to ask me some serious questions, I could sit here another few minutes without your adviser, even though I know this little one-sided chat is illegal.”
“What, are you threatening us?” some tall girl hollered from the back.
A Beta who wore a pin with the name Dena on it pointed at me. “I haven’t even seen you at any of our events. What events have you come to?”
“I’m taking a heavy course load this semester—”
She quickly cut me off. “And what about last semester?”
“I actually did attend a Beta Gamma Pi event for anotherschool this summer.”
Sharon yelled, “Oh, but you’re trying to pledge Alpha chapter here, and you haven’t been to our functions! Plus, going to parties don’t count. You think we should let you on?”
“Again, I didn’t think you were letting me on because I’ve come to your stuff. I thought you were letting me on because I could add to what you may do in the future.”
“Are you getting smart with me?” Sharon asked.
“Listen, ladies, I want to be a part of what you’re doing, I do.” I couldn’t believe I was uttering those words.
All of them looked like a bunch of barracudas waiting to eat me alive. I was trying to see past their yuckines
s. But if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be crushed.
“Okay, that’s more like it,” the president said.
“Don’t be thanking her,” Sharon said to Hayden.
The door opened up, and the adviser came in. She looked at me strangely. I knew she wondered why I was back in there. I grabbed my purse and smiled at her. The Betas frowned at my exit. I knew my odds would be against me making their line. Whatever!
“Hey, y’all, what’s up?” I said as I opened my door the next day to Loni and Torian. “Okay, neither one of you guys are smiling. What’s going on? Y’all look all right, so I know nobody is hurt. What’s up?”
“Why are you looking at us?” Torian said to Sirena, alerting me to the fact that Sirena was listening in the hallway.
“She’s cool,” I said to my friends as I stuck my head out my door and waved. “Hey, girl.”
“Hey, I just was making sure you knew them.”
“Yeah, these are—”
Sirena squinted her face. “Who, who are they?”
“Why she got to tell you? Come on,” Torian said as she pulled Loni in and slammed the door.
“Now, you know that was rude,” I said.
Torian said, “Come on, Malloy, the girl was all up in your business. We got more serious stuff to handle than some girl that don’t have a life.”
“Girl, that used to be me. I didn’t have friends and all this other stuff till you guys came in the picture, trying to make me pledge and all that.”
Torian got excited. “What? Tell me. You got your letter?A call?”
“No, and don’t you two try to save my feelings. It was no big deal that I didn’t get invited in. You don’t have to put on a face. This is October, not April Fool’s. You can be excited if you got in.”
But they weren’t smiling. They weren’t opening up. They weren’t overjoyed, and they showed me no official letters.
Loni sank down in my bed and said, “You know what? I just really wanted this. I’m trying to stay positive about it, but it’s just so unfair. All these girls are getting letters that have like a 2-something GPA; mine is 3.5. Yours is what, Torian?”
Torian said, “Mine is 3.0.”
Loni continued venting. “And you said you didn’t get a letter. Malloy, you had what, a 3.9?”
I nodded.
“And who wrote your letter?” Loni asked.
“My godmother.”
Loni rationalized, “So the First National Vice President wrote your letter, and you didn’t make line.”
“How do you guys know we didn’t for real?”
“Everybody has gotten their letters. Word is if you didn’t get anything this morning, you’ll be getting the no-thanks letter next week,” Loni said.
Torian looked away. “I think it’s because we’ve been hanging out with you.”
Trying to be real about it, I said, “Guys, we’ve just been hanging out for, what, a couple weeks?
“Yeah, but that’s the most crucial time,” Torian said in a salty tone. “Ever since we’ve been together, they’ve been having little events here and there, and we haven’t been going.”
I detested the fact that many girls trying to pledge a sorority felt that participating in illegal pledge activities was all right. Anything outside of the programs that were sanctioned by the national organization was underground activity. This was forbidden for a reason. Yet lots of peoplefelt true pledging could be handled only with off-the-recordstuff. If the only way to become a legit Beta was to have someone demean you with violence, they could count me out.
“I never stopped you,” I said. “You want to get your head bashed in, then more power to you.”
“I knew I should have pledged Rho Tau Nu,” Torian said. “Friendlier than the girls here.”
“Oh, you think so?” Loni said.
“Maybe, and why wouldn’t they want me? My Beta interview went well.”
“My first one did, too,” I said, “but then I had another one that was crazy.”
Torian said, “Yeah, we tried to call you afterward when we hadn’t heard from you. We didn’t know if you were participating in some of that underground stuff because you hadn’t returned our calls and had left us out.”
“I’m sorry about that, y’all. I’m just not used to having to check in with girlfriends. I’ve gone to none of their sets.”
“It’s cool. Your mom is going to be so hurt, too,” Toriansaid.
“I tried. I mean, why is she going to be disappointed? It’s not that I didn’t go after it. They just decided not to put me on.”
Torian said, “Yeah, I don’t think she’s going to be mad at you, but she’ll be sad that all the hopes and dreams she has for you weren’t realized. The things she wants you to gain out of this whole pledge experience will never be.”
Loni added, “She was really pumped that we were hangingout.”
Torian said, “She says you’ve always been a loner.”
“Yeah, because I had friends in middle school who back-stabbedme. That stuff hurt like something I’ll never forget, and I just said I wasn’t going to let a girl have that power anymore. Particularly a group of them.”
“Funny, it has always been just the opposite for me,” Torian said. “I’ve always stuck my neck out for my girlfriends.We’ve had issues, but deep down I knew how much I cared for them. I’d make sure that good was done in their life, and if I could change any of the pain they’d ever go through, I would. That’s just what deep friendship and true sisterhood is all about.”
I thought about what the two of them said, and I tried to make our evening fun. I cooked some steaks on my George Foreman Grill, and I even pulled out some girlie movies, putting my homework aside. But Torian and Loni weren’t getting happier. They kept checking their e-mail to see if they’d gotten an electronic letter.
I knew Torian was right. The reason they weren’t going to make line was really because they had been hanging out with me, and because the girls in the chapter had a personal vendetta with me that had nothing to do with my friends. I so wanted to help my girls get their dream. I genuinely cared that they were hurting, and I didn’t want their outlook to stay bleak.
8
GIGANTIC
“What do you mean, you didn’t make line?”
“No, not me, Mom. I’m not calling about me,” I said to my mother over the phone as her voice got extremelyangry, hearing that her precious Betas had omittedmy two qualified friends and myself from their line.
“Yes, I understand about your two friends. They were lovely ladies. I haven’t read all their information, but I’m certain they would have been great candidates, particularlyif you say so. But I know your package was more than tight, and the adviser told the Regional Coordinator you shined. They didn’t put you on? Oh, no.”
“Mom,” I said as I got up and went into my bedroom and closed the door.
Torian and Loni had looked extremely excited when they’d seen me calling my mom on their behalf. The last thing I wanted to happen was for my mom to turn it all around and get only me on line, when I wasn’t even sweatingabout not being chosen. She had to understand that.
After I talked it through, she said, “I hear what you’re saying.”
“Do you, Mom, because I don’t want you to get me put on just because.”
“Well, you need to understand that they can’t just pick and choose who they want without true justification as to why you guys didn’t make it. Somebody not liking you—that’s an unacceptable reason. They can’t even hold it against you that your mom is the National President. And you think if those jokers were smart enough they would have put you on just because. But, again, I know your stuff was pristine.”
“So can I tell my friends we’re on?”
“No, no. You can’t tell anybody anything. The Regional Coordinator has to handle this. Let me call her and get her involved. Tell your friends not to worry and just to have faith. And I’m so glad you called me, Malloy, because if the cer
emony had happened and I didn’t protest it in time, there’d be nothing I could do. But right now I can’t believe this, and there is a lot I can do.”
Because my mom worked on a national level for Beta Gamma Pi, I knew too much about the organization. There was a Pi ceremony, the induction ceremony where girls took their first pledge into the illustrious group. Then there were five gem ceremonies that each provided a special piece of training and vow that moved a person closer towardintake. Lastly there was the big ceremony, where a person actually became initiated. But you could only be initiated if you went through all the ceremonies. It was an all-or-nothing pledge process. But if they didn’t want me to be a part of their organization, forget them. Why couldn’t my mom see that?
“And you really want me to be a part of this sorority?”
“Well, we all have drama. We all have problems, but that doesn’t mean it can’t get better. So let me take care of what I need to take care of, and I’ll be in touch. Smooches.”
“Bye, Ma.”
“Tell us what she said,” Torian said as she swung open my bedroom door and waited for my response.
“Well, I don’t need to tell you—it looks like you were eavesdropping.”
Torian smiled and came closer. “I could hear only your part of the conversation. I didn’t hear what she said.”
“Let’s back up, Torian, and give her space,” Loni said rationally.
“Yeah, we just gotta chill right now. I don’t know nothing.But she is going to try.”
I didn’t know how to respond when Torian suddenly hugged me real tight. It was the first time I’d ever experiencedthat kind of gratefulness. Quickly I pulled back. A part of me still didn’t want to get too close. I still wasn’t used to this girlfriend stuff. And another part wanted to hug Torian back and tell her how I felt about her friendship.But for now I had to be real.
“Listen, I know my mom’s got pull and everything, but she didn’t say we’d make line for sure.”
“I know, I know, but it’s just the thought that you tried,” Torian said as she reached over and hugged me again. “Oh, my gosh, Malloy, thank you.”
The Way We Roll Page 7