Back-Up

by A. m Madden

  I feel like a caged animal after being cooped up for hours. I need to get out of this apartment. It is a beautiful day outside and fresh air will do me good. Kicking my ass into gear, I throw on some workout clothes, pull my hair up in a ponytail and take off out the door.

  Living in Hoboken affords me the greatest view of the city. There is a pretty walking path along the river only a few blocks from my place. I set out for it and I feel better already. Distracted by recent events in my life, I walk and lose myself in my thoughts.

  I have so much running through my head. The same thoughts keep me up at night. The problem is that I start to panic when I allow myself to spend time in the cluttered corners of my mind.

  I’m a just normal girl from Jersey. Is this really something I am prepared to embark on? Where will it lead for me? I know where I want it to go, which is singing in my own band, but I am absolutely not ready for that. I tell myself that I need to be in the back ground for now? I am only twenty-five and I need to mature before taking on such ambitious plans, right? I’ve lived a very sheltered life in Jersey, and I need to push my comfort envelope.

  This back and forth going on in my brain is giving me an aneurysm.

  Then there are the stupid issues, like how much do I pack for a six-month tour? I was only partially kidding when I worried where I would hide my tampons. Do we get to stop at a mall to shop in between shows? How will I do my laundry? When will I be able to pick up on more shampoo and mascara? Will I be getting that stuff myself or will someone be shopping for me? A roadie?

  Oh God. Does that mean they will also be buying my tampons?

  Who would I even ask these questions to? Jack? Um no! Jennifer? Hell no! Can I Google it?

  After walking for hours, I am exhausted and my head hurts. The thought of walking all that way back, continuing the battle in my own head, makes me want to throw up. I pull out my cell phone and make a better choice. I call Evan.

  “Hey, can you come get me?” I plead into the phone.

  “Where are you?”

  “Edgewater. I’m at the Starbucks.”

  He huffs, “Fine, I’ll be there soon.” He doesn’t even ask why I’m all the way in Edgewater without a car. Evan knows better.

  I can relax now. I will not torture my brain or feet for the rest of the day. Instead, I grab a latte and sit at a table facing the river. Every sip calms me and gives me a moment of clarity. This is what I was born to do. I need to quit whining and show everyone, including myself, what I am made of.

  ***

  On Wednesday morning my newfound confidence is missing. I lost it somewhere in the middle of the night. I don’t get it, though. After my “ah ha” moment and the ego stroke from Evan, I was convinced that I was good to go.

  Damn it!

  I force myself out of bed to get ready for my appointment with Mr. Morrow. I search through my closet for another professional outfit and find a basic black dress, my mom’s pearls, and sensible black heels. It’s the perfect outfit for meeting with lawyers and/or funerals.

  The drive to Fort Lee is quick and it’s less than a half hour later when I’m sitting in Mr. Morrow’s outer office waiting to meet my legal guardian angel.

  An angel is exactly who steps out from his office to meet me. He is a very pleasant looking man and has rosy cheeks and a portly middle. He looks like a grandpa. His mere presence comforts me.

  Shaking my hand he ushers me into his office. “It’s very nice to meet you Miss Marino.” He smiles and gestures to a wingchair positioned in front of his antique wooden desk. “Ready to secure your fabulous future?”

  “Please call me Leila. And yes, I’m very ready.”

  “Well, Leila, this is quite an opportunity for you. You must be extremely excited.”

  “Oh, yes I am, but equally nervous. It’s a huge change in my life. I want to make sure I am ready for it.”

  Since he had sent a messenger to pick up the contract yesterday, he assured me he would be totally prepared for our meeting. He glances down to retrieve his reading glasses and replies, “Well, this is why you are here. We will make sure you are comfortable with this information and the expectations this band requires from you. Let’s get started.”

  Two hours later, I feel much better. We discussed what I was okay with and what I wasn’t. He prepared me with amendments to the contract that I should insist on. He explained, in layman’s terms, all the legal mumbo jumbo that I had no clue how to interpret. He discussed salary and whether I was content with their offer, which I was. My new salary was a significant increase over what I was making, even with the weddings and bar mitzvahs. This contract covered the first album and tour only, with re-negotiations required for future salary and royalties.

  Mr. Morrow said his secretary would make the necessary changes and that she would fax a revised contract over to the studio by the end of the day. For my part, I was to request a meeting with Devil’s Lair to review. If we all agreed, I should be prepared to sign. If not, back to the drawing board.

  Ok, I can do this. I thank him, and leave his office feeling like I have someone on my side. I make a mental note to call Barb to thank her, as I loved Mr. Morrow and am grateful she recommended him.

  Needing to make another phone call, a very important one, I wait until I am inside my apartment to call Jack’s number.

  “Hi Leila.” He answers on the first ring. He saved my number?

  HE SAVED MY NUMBER!

  “Hi Jack. I’m ready to discuss the contract.” I say trying to sound confident and calm. “My lawyer has a few minor adjustments we would like to make. He will have a revised copy to you by this afternoon.”

  “Great, we are anxious to get this ball rolling. Why don’t you come by tomorrow at noon? This will give us a chance to review it with Jennifer and our own lawyer as well.”

  “Ok, I’ll be there.”

  See? Easy…except for my palms are drenched.

  Chapter 6- Jack

  It was minutes after my warped confession to Trini when I fell into a very deep sleep. The smell of coffee wakes me and it is heaven.

  “Thanks for letting me crash, not that you had a choice. What time is it?”

  “It’s before nine. I know you have to be at the studio, so I set an alarm. After you passed out on me last night, I got a lot of sleep.” She carries a hot cup of coffee over to me in bed, while smile and I stretch. She has gotten dressed in short shorts and a tank top. Her hair is adorably messy. She removed her piercings and make-up at one point during the night, and it makes her look so young and sweet. She really is very pretty.

  “Remind me, why I haven’t proposed to you yet?” I ask as I grab the cup from her hands.

  “You can’t keep up with me, Lair.” She says before bending to kiss me on the lips.

  “You are awesome Trin. Thanks for listening last night.” I say while looking down into my cup of coffee.

  “I owe you for all the times you listened to me crying like a girl over some dick.” She says smiling warmly. “It will work out Jack, have faith.”

  I look up at her and smile back. “I hope so.”

  After my coffee I am a new man. Showered, dressed and out the door in record time, I arrive at the studio by nine-thirty and thankfully am the first one in. I grab another two cups of coffee on the way, and look forward to sitting in peace quietly drinking my drug of choice. I still have to complete the little task of calling Leila, but it’s way too early for that now. It will have to wait until later.

  My time alone goes by way too quickly when I hear Hunter and Scott coming down the hall arguing annoyingly on what time I will show. They have twenty bucks riding on me. Scott has me for ten-thirty, Hunter for eleven.

  Douchebags.

  I can be very responsible when I want to be, or have to be.

  When they walk through the door they both stop in shock. “What, did you sleep here?” Hunter asks.

  “Zip it dickhead, I heard you both betting on how late I would be. I got here a
half hour ago.”

  “No shit. Well we both lose then.” Hunter says smiling his annoying smile.

  “Fuck off.” I fume, flipping him the bird.

  “You sure are pissy.” He repeats my words from last night.

  “How was your night, Jack?” Scott says trying to make peace.

  “Awesome. How did your date with Hunter go?” Now it’s Hunter’s turn to flip me the bird.

  Trey walks in wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I am too. An exchanged glance is the extent of our conversation on both of us getting lucky last night.

  Once Jennifer arrives we get right to work. We need to lie out the album sequence, and fax it to the studio heads by the end of the day. This is going to be agony as we all have an opinion.

  Three torturous hours later, we are taking a short break and Hunter remembers my homework assignment. “Did you call Leila?”

  “It was too early when I got here. I’ll call her now.” I need to get this over with. Jennifer looks over at me, as I am about to walk out of the studio and moves to follow.

  I hold up my hand. “Stay here.”

  Stopping her in her tracks, she gives me a look.

  “I want to talk to you when I am done calling her. You need to ease up on her. She’ll be one of your clients if she signs and she deserves the same treatment as you give us. Just think about it.” I turn and walk out of the studio leaving a stunned Jen behind. Suddenly I want to protect Leila from Jennifer even more.

  Ducking into the conference room, I shut the door and dial her number. Why the hell is my heart pounding through my chest?

  “Hello?”

  “Hey there, how are you?” I say trying to sound normal.

  “Hi Jack. I’m great. A bit overwhelmed, but great. What’s up?” She sounds like she is

  surprised to hear from me.

  “Just checking in to make sure you don’t have any questions.” This is a legitimate reason to call, right?

  “Well I have tons of questions, but none that you can really answer.” She laughs into the phone. Her laugh is adorable. God she is too cute.

  “Are you sure? I am more than happy to help.” I really would like to help her in any way she wants me to.

  “Well I am putting together a list for my lawyer. Once I review with him, I’ll call you with any other questions he can’t answer. Is that ok?” She asks tentatively.

  “Sure Leila, that’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that I meant it when I said I’m here for you if you have any questions or concerns. I’m sure your head is reeling right now and I want to remind you how talented you are. This is going to be great for all of us.” I pause. I better stop now. “Um, well, have a great day, and I hope to hear from you soon.”

  There is silence on her end before she answers, “Ok, thanks. Bye, Jack.”

  She does not sound as if she’s about to bolt. I’m sure her lawyer will put any other reservations she has at ease. Jennifer and Scott are just overreacting. I feel better as well, plus it was really nice hearing her voice.

  Shit…

  Chapter 7-Leila

  Dinner with Dad tonight should be interesting. I wonder if he will continue to ignore the situation. I’m meeting him at his favorite restaurant. Well, it’s actually just a pizzeria, but they serve a mean chicken parm. I’m barely two feet into the restaurant when the entire front staff yells out, “LEILA!” in varying degrees of Italian accents. I love this place.

  “Hi guys. How’s it going?” I call over to them, heading for my dad’s table.

  Angelo, the owner smiles and says, “Bellisima.” as I walk by.

  “Hi Dad. I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” I bend to kiss the top of his head.

  “Nope, just got here. How’s my sweet girl?” He seems chipper and is showing no apprehension at all. This is good. I know he and Evan have a heart to heart talk. I may owe Evan big time, once again.

  “I’m great. I have had a few busy days. I’m really excited about this.”

  “Ok, let me have it. I want all of it no matter how much it will hurt.”

  I begin to fill him in on all the details of my meeting with Devil’s Lair. I tell him about my audition, since I held back a lot of details when I saw him last week, but I still leave out details of Mr. Sex on legs. I tell him about my meetings with Jennifer and the band, and with Mr. Morrow, and how I will be re-meeting with the band tomorrow to finalize the contract.

  I talk as we eat and he rarely interrupts me at all. After he knows almost everything, he lays it on me.

  “You really want this, right babe?”

  “Yeah, dads, so much.”

  He closes his eyes and nods. I guess that was his last attempt to sway me. “Ok. I get it. Lei, first I want you to know that I am extremely proud of you. You have been the most wonderful daughter a man can ask for. I know your mom is smiling down on you right now, and I so wish she could be here for you. I’m sure being raised by your dad was challenging and inadequate at times.”

  I’m about to interrupt, but he puts up his hand and tells me to hush. “Through it all, through all my insecurities, I managed to raise a beautiful young girl and watch her become an even more beautiful young woman. I look at you now and know I did something right.”

  He is freaking killing me…

  “I want you to know that I support you wholeheartedly. I am not going to lie. I am terrified about this tour thing. I expect a phone call every few days, even if it is for ten seconds. Texts won’t count, as I will need to hear your voice. If anyone hurts you in any way, I will find that bus and I will kill them. I know plenty of places to hide a body.”

  Oh jeez, he’s only half joking about this I’m sure.

  “I want you to relish in every minute of this awesome experience. Most would kill for this opportunity and you need to constantly remember how fortunate you are. I want you to take care of yourself and most importantly stay true to who you are. That’s all I ask of you.”

  “That’s it?” I’m smiling now from ear to ear.

  “Yep, that’s it. Your dad is done ranting. I will be fine. Don’t you worry about me for one minute.” The way his eyes moisten with unshed tears rips at my heartstrings and causes my eyes to betray me too.

  “Dad, I’m not leaving for a few months. You can’t keep making me cry.”

  “Sorry sweetheart, I can’t make any promises.” He says while squeezing my hand. He reaches over and wipes away my tears and kisses my forehead gently.

  “I love you so much, baby girl.”

  “I know dad. I love you too.”

  That could have gone a whole different way. This man always has me guessing. When I expect him to freak out, he doesn’t. When I expect him to be cool, he freaks out.

  Relief floods my veins. I was absolutely dreading this conversation with Dad, more than anything in the world. I don’t look forward to having the same conversation with my band. With this behind me, though, I feel much more confident and able to get through the rest.

  I have an awesome support system. I am a lucky girl, in so many ways. I have so many great people who love me unconditionally, a talented singing voice, and a chance to pursue my dreams of becoming a rock star.

  ***

  Jack, Jennifer and an older gentleman are in the conference room when I arrive. “Welcome back Leila.” Jennifer says with a forced smile. She is once again dressed to kill. From what I’ve seen of her wardrobe, it looks to be very expensive. I have on the same dress that I wore yesterday to my meeting with Mr. Morrow, except I lost the pearls and traded the sensible heels for funky ones. Even so, it still feels more appropriate for a funeral than a business meeting.

  “Thank you.” Since we are going to be spending a lot of time together, I might as well kill her with kindness.

  She barely smiles back. It’s obvious that she doesn’t feeling the same way as I do, yet her eyes aren’t as cold as our first meeting. As she turns away, I’m hit with a realization. I think I understand her attitude t
owards me. She was probably queen of the Lair and I’m possibly going to muddy the estrogen-to-testosterone ratio with the band. Well this should be interesting…

  “Leila, this is Mr. Crowse. He is the attorney for Devil’s Lair.” She says while motioning to the gentleman standing next to her.

  He reaches over the table to shake my hand. “Nice to meet you Miss Marino. “

  “Please, call me Leila.” I reply while shaking his hand. He seems nice and not at all intimidating.

  Jack leans closer and whispers, “Welcome back.”

  Two words and nothing remotely sexy, hot, or seductive about them.

  SO WHY THE HELL IS MY CROTCH PULSING?

  Thankfully, Mr. Crowse takes over and interjects, “Well, Leila, we have reviewed the new contract containing the revisions you and Mr. Morrow have made, and we feel all amendments are acceptable.” I make a tiny sigh of relief.

  One of the amendments states that I can still continue to perform with Cliffhangers, even after Devil’s Lair rehearsals begin. I asked for this to be added to the contract. I thought they were going to veto that request, but they obviously didn’t have a problem with it. Rehearsals will run daily Monday through Friday. As long as I can manage both commitments, there is no reason that I can’t continue with Cliffhangers on weekends, until our tour begins. I’ll catch up on my sleep during the nights that I don’t perform.

  I’m fine with it and can definitely handle it. I will only perform at The Zone, which is definitely an upside. This will also give me a chance to wean myself off my boys and vice versa.

  My mind wanders as we briefly discuss some more details. The contract effective date is first of June. That gives me less than a month before rehearsals begin. This will give me a chance to spend quality time with dad, and for Cliffhangers to replace me. I need to have a conversation with them regarding that and I am not looking forward to it.

  “Do you have any further concerns, or questions for us?” Mr. Crowse question yanks me back to our meeting.