Back-Up

by A. m Madden

  “I don’t know. What do you think man, should I?”

  “Damn it, Hunter. Just go for it! She is obviously into you. She’s hot. What the hell is the problem?” I want to smack him upside his head. I don’t know what his issue is when it comes to picking up girls. He is normally one of the most confident guys I know, yet he’s pathetic when it comes to this.

  “Do you like Rachel?”

  “No. She’s annoying.”

  Amanda is more my type, but I decide to keep that bit of info to myself.

  Hunter laughs. “Annoying? That never stopped you before. She’s gorgeous. What’s your problem, Are you off your game tonight?”

  His arrogant comment hits a nerve.

  “No, jackass. I’m just not in the mood.”

  “Not in the mood? You?”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll hook up with Rachel if it helps you to hook up with Amanda.” Hunter turns his body to give me a scathing look.

  “What?”

  “Hell man, don’t do me any favors.”

  “Sometimes you need a little push. I’m just trying to help you out.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Whatever. There’s no need for hostility.”

  Hunter gives me the silent treatment until the girls return from the ladies room. He never holds a grudge, and is back to his normal self in no time.

  Watching Hunter and Amanda interact so comfortably with each other is my deciding factor. In my buzzed state I stupidly convince myself that hooking up with Rachel would only help Hunter. Regardless of what he thinks, he needs me to seal the deal. If I were to back out right now, Rachel would be gone with Amanda in tow. So I guess I’m taking one for the team. After the four of us consume several more rounds of beer and a round of shots, I decide I’ve had enough.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  Normally, I am very diligent in choosing the women I hook up with. I like those who seek the exact same thing as I do, aren’t looking for a commitment, want a good time, and whose company I enjoy. I don’t appreciate women like Rachel who are annoying, yappy, and make me want to slit my wrists.

  I regret my decision by the time we arrive to the apartment.

  Something has my radar all messed up. There were too many red flags during the night that I ignored and now I am worried this is a huge mistake.

  After a quick tour, a quick beer, and a quick coin toss that I rigged, Hunter is now on the roof with Amanda while Rachel and I get comfortable on the couch.

  She unleashes question after question after question about our tour, our album, the rest of the band…blah, blah, blah. I feel like my ears are bleeding.

  I really need to shut her up. Contradicting my gut instincts, I move closer and start nibbling on her ear. Thankfully this does the trick, and she finally shuts up.

  Unfortunately, I’ve now started something I really don’t want to finish. As she starts to kiss my neck, I quickly play out two scenarios in my head. Either, I tell her I’m not in the mood and call her a cab now or I let her finish what she is about to do, and she goes on her merry way.

  As I’m debating these two scenarios in my head, Rachel is making it very clear why she came home with me tonight. Since my cock has a mind of his own and is at full mast anyway, I might as well make him happy.

  Moving us to my room gives Rachel the green light she’s been waiting for. She effectively has me prepped and ready in no time. I quickly roll on a condom to give Rachel what she came for.

  By closing my eyes, I actually manage to have a very pleasurable experience after all. My vision, fantasy, or dream, whatever the hell you want to label it, is very real and vivid in my mind.

  Leila.

  Where previously her face caused me panic and confusion, tonight it’s a welcome sight.

  I can taste her lips on mine.

  I can feel my fingers wrapped in her silky hair.

  I can feel her breasts pressing against me with each thrust.

  I can taste her skin as I run my lips and tongue down her neck.

  Rachel speaks and I quickly kiss her lips to stop her from ruining my fantasy.

  Three deep thrusts later results in a very satisfying release. Leila, I mean Rachel, follows immediately after.

  For a few long minutes we both lay on our backs, fighting for breath, neither of us saying a word.

  “Wow. Jack that was fantastic.”

  I can only nod in response.

  She has no clue I used her body to fulfill my fantasy. Nausea hits as the shame I feel slowly slinks through my digestive tract. I regret using Rachel. Unfortunately she fell short in capturing my attention.

  Totally oblivious to my inner turmoil, Rachel cuddles up to me and I unconsciously stiffen. I don’t do the cuddle thing, not even with girls I like.

  “Round two?” she asks as she nibbles on my neck.

  Um…no.

  “Rachel, I’m exhausted…you wiped me out.” A partial lie.

  Taking my comment as a compliment, she picks up right where she left off, and starts to run her mouth a mile a minute, kissing me intermittently. She’s quiet only when she stops to take a breath. I pretend to listen until I can’t take it any longer.

  I can excuse myself and arrange for Scott to call me with an emergency.

  Or I can start a small, contained kitchen fire.

  Or I can stab myself by accident.

  Holy hell…I need to get her out of here.

  I sing the lyrics to about a dozen of our songs in my head and then decide that I’ve waited an acceptable amount of time. “I’m sorry Rachel. I have a really early appointment tomorrow. Can I call you a cab?” The look on her face unleashes a barrage of guilt, so I lie to soften the blow. “I’ll call you.”

  This is why I rely on my “relationship scale” technique. It’s foolproof. By ignoring my meticulous system, I am now feeling all the crap I try so desperately to avoid - guilt, shame, and pity.

  Damn it…And I’ve broken at least ten of my own rules. The most important one being, “Never tell a chick you’ll call her…ever!”

  This whole night was a huge mistake.

  I feel like I just spent the last few hours babysitting a child with severe A.D.D. by the time I close the door behind Rachel. Her attention span is the size of a pea. It took most of the forty minutes to talk her out of going up to the roof to tell Amanda she was leaving. I wasn’t about to let her ruin Hunter’s night. I paid for her cab and promised I would tell Amanda personally that she had left.

  Now I feel gross and add that to my fucking list. The minute she leaves I hide in my room to work out like a mad man before showering and falling into bed exhausted.

  Chapter 9-Leila

  Evan is sitting on my couch, drinking a beer and watching me in the kitchen. He offered to help, but I shooed him away when he kept eating my ingredients. Now he’s pouting.

  My apartment is on the third floor, and it’s one big rectangle. From my door you can see the entire space. Past the kitchen on the left is a short hallway with a bedroom and bathroom adjacent to each other. To the right is the living room and small dinette table with four chairs.

  The best part of the space is the windows. The living room is in the front part of the apartment. There are windows from floor to ceiling that look out onto the street. You can see a fantastic view of the city if you sit in my favorite chair in the front corner of the room. Next to the chair is a media cabinet with a modest sized TV. The wall facing the chair and TV has a long, comfortable, squishy couch. A coffee table some pictures on the walls and a lamp complete my furnishings.

  The guys usually crowd onto the couch and watch TV when I have them over, while I sit in the chair facing them watching the view. I love it, even if it’s hard to kick them out. They love hanging out here, especially when I cook for them.

  There was a reason I decided on making the penne with vodka sauce. It’s one of their favorites. I also have garlic bread and a salad, which they won’t touch. I picked up a huge
chocolate cake and the soft packaged chocolate chip cookies that Joseph loves, my brownies, along with lots of beer. It’s the perfect meal for “buttering them up.”

  It’s after six and I have some alone time with Evan before they get here. Joe usually comes earlier than the rest of them to get the best spot on the couch.

  I curl up next to Evan with my glass of cheap wine. “Ev, do you think I’m making a mistake?”

  He turns on the couch to face me and rests his arm on mine.

  “No I don’t. You were meant to sing on a stage Leila. You were meant to be seen outside the corners of Hoboken. You are going to be great. I know you worry about your dad and us. We will all be fine. You need to do this and you know it.”

  I take a deep breath as I let his words sink in. I know he’s right and that I have to do this. Basically I don’t have a choice after today, but hearing him say it helps my insecurities just a little.

  The intercom buzzes making me jump. Evan laughs and gets up to answer the door.

  “I’m here!” Joseph yells as he enters the apartment. I’m sure they heard him down the street. I get up to hug my teddy bear. As I am clutching his big chest, Joe chuckles into my hair. “Whoa, what’s this Lei? My very own welcome committee?”

  “I’m just going to get all my hugs in now, so no comment please.” I answer hugging him tighter.

  “Even Matt?” he asks.

  “Not Matt!” I answer, pulling away and punching him in the gut. “Want a beer?”

  “Naah… I want two.” He plops himself down on the best spot on the couch, dead center in front of the TV.

  Once I grab Joe’s beer, he pats the spot next to his.

  “How are you doing Leila? Are you trying not to relish in the fact you are going to be a huge rock star and forget all of our names? Even Evan’s?” He says, ruffling my hair.

  “I will not forget all your names…yet.” I retort as I ruffle what little hair he has. He keeps his hair Marine short.

  The intercom buzzes again. Evan answers the door and Logan and Matt stroll into the apartment. Matt looks like he owns the place and Logan comes over to give me a hug. They are early, which means that they are anxious to get this over with or are starving.

  “Hey sweet girl, how are you holding up?” Logan asks.

  “I’m very nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time.” I make my way into the kitchen to return with two more beers. I hand one over to Logan as he sits at my table and the other to his brother, who is already sitting on the far end of the couch. Matt winks as he accepts it but I ignore him and sit across from Logan.

  “When’s dinner? I’m fucking starving.” Matt says like that’s the only reason he is here. He is such a jerk. They’re attacking the bowl of chips and pretzels I put out for them, so I know they are hungry. Only Matt makes me know it though.

  “Soon.” I announce dismissively. “So, guys, I want to fill you in on my contract and the details of the tour.” I take a deep breath, and start giving them the run-down. This may actually be a bit worse than when I told my dad, because there are four of them.

  They listen and occasionally ask questions. With the exception of Evan, they were surprised that Devil’s Lair agreed to let me continue with Cliffhangers until we leave on tour. I don’t know if they thought I would be gone after this weekend. The relief clearly showing on their faces, even Matt’s.

  “I also wanted to run something by you guys.” I pause to find the words. “I want you to replace me.”

  “No.” Evan barks.

  Logan follows. “Absolutely not!”

  “No way.” Joseph copies.

  “Guys, you need someone to pick up keyboards, and to sing alongside Matt. Please promise me you’ll think about it. I feel like I’m abandoning you and this will make me feel better. You guys are awesome and it’s just a matter of time before you are noticed. By adding back a singer/keyboardist, you can ditch the weddings and bar mitzvahs and spend your free time at band festivals and competitions. You need to get out there.” I take a deep breath and am happy that I got it all out.

  Evan speaks first. “She’s right.” He looks around the room. “We need to step it up a notch.”

  “I’ll stop singing for you once you find a replacement. This leads me to the last thing I want to tell you. I know you guys can’t afford it, but it may be smart to hire an agent. This agent that Devil’s Lair hired is the reason they are where they are. You need someone batting for you, and getting you out of Hoboken. Well, guess what? I figured out the perfect way to do just that.”

  “Where are we going to find a person, who will accept, hell, beer in payment? To help us become rich and famous?” Logan grins at his own joke.

  “Lori.” I say. They all look at me like I’ve sprouted antlers. “What?”

  “Lori?” Matt mocks.

  “Yes, Lori. Lori Banzini.” I respond.

  “You must be kidding.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m serious. Lori can’t afford to quit bartending. This affords her to continue to be there with you during shows and not on your dime. She has a very persuasive personality. Most people love her after speaking to her for a few minutes. She is professional, and she loves music. She is gorgeous and people respond to that. She would go the extra mile for you guys and accept little for it, until it paid off. Trust me.”

  “Have you spoken to her about this?” Logan asks.

  “Not yet, I wanted to run it by you all first. But if you are ok with it, I plan on talking to her first thing in the morning. Lori loves to go into the city to see bands play. She knows the best bars to be seen in and what the competition sounds like. She will be good for you guys. Plus she is looking for her dream job. I just know that this is it.”

  I’ve been brewing this over since I signed my contract. I was afraid to voice my idea to anyone, even Evan, for fear they would think it was crazy. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. For Lori, it would be a social thing as well. She is smart enough to know that schmoozing is necessary to get noticed, and she is just the person to do it. I was a little concerned about her feelings towards Matt. But that brings me to Plan B. I think she and Hunter would be perfect together. I think things could happen between them. If I can get them to meet, then Matt will be a distant memory. I smile at myself for my perfect plan.

  The guys are considering this. This is a good time to leave them with their thoughts, and go fix dinner. I busy myself in the kitchen while they are discussing the pros and cons of my brainstorm. Matt is piping in all the reasons it won’t work and the others are practically ignoring him. This is good. I can feel them warming to the idea. Hopefully Lori won’t think that I’m an idiot once I tell her. I’ll worry about that tomorrow.

  I announce dinner after I lay out pasta, bread, salad, and more beer on the counter. They all bolt in my direction and pile the food on their plates. I make myself one as well and join everyone at the table. Matt chooses to eat alone at the couch.

  I eat silently and listen to their discussion over Lori.

  Joseph looks at me and asks, “Do you think she will go for it Lei?”

  I look at Joseph and answer honestly, “I hope so. I plan on explaining how perfect a fit I feel she is and I will definitely stroke her ego. I think I’ll be able to convince her that this is a good opportunity. It may not pay well now, but there is definite potential.”

  Evan says, “Let’s vote. I say yes.” He looks at Logan.

  “What can it hurt? I’m a yes.”

  “Joe?”

  “I agree. This could be brilliant.” Joseph inhales more of his pasta.

  We all turn towards the couch and look at Matt. He has definitely been listening, but acts like he hasn’t a clue.

  “Matt?”

  “What?”

  “Cut the crap.” Logan barks. “Yes or no?”

  He waits a few seconds and then answers with arrogance. “All that chick wants to do is get into my pants. I’m not thrilled with this idea.”<
br />
  UGH! He is so annoying.

  “We will all make sure she doesn’t try to get into your pants. If that’s your only concern, we are counting you as a yes.”

  I smile at my victory and Matt’s failure to ruin it. “I will talk to Lori tomorrow and let you know what she says. I know this will work guys.”

  I serve desert soon after and the entire cake and all the cookies and brownies are gone in record time. It’s a good thing I hid Evan’s second batch. Damn, they can eat. They make their way back to the couch to settle in like they are about to spend the night.

  What feels like minutes later, I feel a kiss on my cheek and open my eyes to see Evan leaning over me. I must have passed out. It has been an exhausting week and all my sleepless nights must have caught up to me.

  “What time is it?” I ask him while yawning and stretching.

  “Twelve-thirty.”

  “How long have I been out?” I hope to God that I wasn’t drooling. These guys have seen me in some compromising situations, but my open-mouthed, drool-induced, sleep-coma is not one I’d like them to witness.

  He laughs like he knows what I was thinking. “As soon as your butt hit that chair. We watched the game. Logan and Matt left about an hour ago and Joseph stayed long enough to help me clean up.”

  “You cleaned up? God, I love you so much.” I hug him tightly.

  “You love that I cleaned up but I love you too.” He responds smiling. “I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He bends to kiss my cheek again and grabs his jacket to leave but stops at my door. “Hand over the brownies.”

  Locking up after Evan, I prep for bed in less than five minutes. The instant my head hits my pillow, I fall into a very deep, very nice sleep.

  ***

  He is shirtless as he plays a guitar and sings to me. We are alone in a room I am not familiar with. When I look around all I see are windows…lots and lots of windows. He stands and very slowly walks over to me, while still singing. Next he puts down his guitar, takes me in his arms, and runs his nose along mine. After penetrating me with his gaze, he bends to kiss me.