Damaged and the Beast

by Bijou Hunter

  “I guess. I don’t really know that many babies.”

  “Oh. I babysat a lot growing up so I love babies. I’m really good with them and I could teach you.”

  Suddenly, I understood Maddy’s interest in me and babies. I had always thought she was embarrassed to get pregnant the way she had or at having people judge her. Instead, she saw it as a way to keep a wealthy guy she actually loved. Now, she looked at me with my similar poor background and figured I could ensure Cooper stayed interested.

  “I would appreciate the help,” I said, keeping my words vague. “No one in my family is very good with kids.”

  Thinking I planned to ditch my birth control, Maddy smiled. “It’s not so weird being pregnant. Like I puked a lot in the beginning, but it was just certain smells that did it. Now, I feel fine. I’ll probably finish out the semester then go back to school in a year or two.”

  “Unless,” Bailey interrupted, interested in us again, “Fuckwad keeps you barefoot and pregnant permanently.”

  “Why would he do that though? If I was forever pregnant, he’d always have to drink alone. Don’t be dumb.”

  “Don’t call me dumb, bitch!”

  A standoff occurred and I had the urge to take off running from the food tent. It was stupid, but I remained very still until Bailey shrugged.

  “Can’t hit a chick who’s all preggers. Wouldn’t be classy.”

  Skye laughed. “I don’t want kids until I’m almost forty. I want to have plenty of time to party. Once I’m too old to have fun, I’ll have kids and they’ll be fun. Got it all planned out.”

  “I have nothing planned out,” Bailey said, looking bored and ready to leave. “Why plan your life when you can just let it happen naturally?”

  Both Maddy and I nodded like Bailey was onto something profound. Then, Maddy looked at me and smiled. I hadn’t really thought about her as a real friend because she and I never talked before. I didn’t even think she wanted to be my friend, but put up with me because she was with one brother and I was with the other. Yet, we weren’t so different. Maddy was alone in Ellsberg except for Tucker. Her friends were people aligned to Tucker. Her life was completely tied to the guy she loved.

  As we returned to silently listening to the band play, I planned to make more of an effort with Maddy. Talk baby stuff since no one seemed interested in the subject except her. Maybe she was lonely and I was too self-absorbed to notice until now. I even wondered if she had a Tawny back home.

  By the time Cooper returned with Tucker, I felt closer to Maddy even though we hadn’t spoken for the rest of lunch. I just saw her differently and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone in Ellsberg.

  Cooper took my hand and we walked over to where Aaron listened to another band play. Sitting on the other side of the picnic table, I leaned against Cooper as Aaron sketched in his book.

  “Anything?” Aaron asked Cooper.

  “Not a peep.”

  Frowning, I glanced between them. “What?”

  “Patience,” Cooper said, grinning.

  Aaron smiled too then returned to sketching. “Maddy wants her tribal fixed.”

  “Of fucking course she does. No one wants a tribal anymore. It’s poser shit.”

  When Cooper glanced at me, I nodded like I knew what the hell he was talking about.

  Still smiling, Aaron sighed. “Can’t fix it while she’s preggers. Scratch that. Won’t fix it. If she gets freaked or something goes down, Tuck will kill me.”

  His gaze still on me, Cooper nodded. “For my next one, I’m leaning towards something badass. Black and gray, maybe religious.”

  “If you can give me the gist, I’ll draw it and we’ll start working.”

  Cooper refused to look away from my face. Even when I glanced around like I was checking out the passing people, his gaze remained on me. Finally, I looked into his eyes and gave him what he wanted. A hint of a smile played at a corner of his lips then he ran a hand down the back of my hair. When I frowned because he was acting weird, Cooper glanced at Aaron who grinned. “She’s not very perceptive.”

  “To be young,” Aaron replied.

  “I got a new tattoo,” Cooper told me, giving his friend a nod of appreciation. “Take a look.”

  On his wrist was my name in cursive. Staring at it, I wasn’t sure what to say. Love could be temporary, but tattoos were forever.

  “Lord,” Cooper grumbled, “there’s no pleasing you.”

  Lifting my gaze to meet his, I knew he was angry. No doubt when Maddy saw her name on Tucker’s wrist, she lost her mind and blew out a few eardrums with her squealing. I wasn’t Maddy though.

  “Um, is that for me?”

  “It’s your fucking name, so yeah.”

  “It’s just that I just assumed that,” I babbled, struggling for a way around his irritation, “if you got a tattoo in my honor that it would be like a big replicate of my face on your back or something. You know, complete with my giant lips.”

  Puckering up for him, I waited to see if Cooper’s feelings were soothed. Just as I hoped, he laughed and high fived Aaron.

  “Hell yeah. Screw a religious tat. Let’s get her face on my back.”

  Laughing too, I ran a finger over the fresh tattoo. “Can you imagine how weird my face would look blown up like that?”

  “I’ll do it,” Cooper said, staring hard at me. “You think I won’t, but you’re wrong.”

  “Please, don’t.”

  “Why?” he asked, a hint of irritation still around the edges of his expression.

  “Because if we have sex near a mirror and I saw my face looking back at me, I might freak out. Or at the very least, lose my loving feeling.”

  Grinning, Cooper gave me a soft kiss. “You lie like shit.”

  “I never had any complaints before I met you.”

  “People are either stupid or humoring you. Likely both.”

  “Um, I’m not getting your name tattooed on me.”

  Really?” Cooper said, pulling me closer. “I was thinking something like the words ‘Property of Cooper Johansson’ on your forehead. Unless you think that’s too subtle?”

  “And if we break up, I could just get bangs.”

  “We’re never breaking up,” Cooper murmured, resting his lips on my shoulder. “If you die, I’m dating your corpse.”

  “I’m being cremated.”

  “I’ll date your urn.”

  “My urn already has a boyfriend. They’re really serious too.”

  Cooper laughed against my neck then wrapped himself around my waist, swallowing me up with his warm embrace.

  “My pop has my mom’s name on his wrist,” Cooper whispered against my cheek. “Underneath, he has my name along with the lesser crap kids he got stuck with.”

  “I’m in college,” I blurted out.

  “Yeah, I remember you mentioning that.”

  “Tattoos. Kids. Dating my corpse. Seems serious.”

  Leaning back, Cooper adjusted me so I rested against his chest. “I always planned to settle down when I was an old fart like my pop. Meet some cute piece of jailbait and make a few bad seeds plus one decent kid I could trust with the family business. Instead, here I am not even done with college with a tattoo of my girl’s name on my wrist.”

  “You could change your mind.”

  “I won’t. You’re a keeper.”

  “I could change my mind,” I said, wiggling my brows at him.

  “Who would you replace me with? Seriously, look around and see what shit pickings you have to choose from. I’m the best you’ll ever do, baby.”

  “You are pretty sexy. Tall too. Yeah, I can see keeping you around.”

  A grinning Cooper glanced at Aaron. “I’m so whipped.”

  “It’s pretty nauseating, yeah.”

  Ignoring them as they discussed more tattoo stuff I didn’t care about, I ran my finger over Cooper’s wrist. I traced the letters of my name and tried to be rational. Cooper could turn on me at any time. Ditch me and forg
et my name. Except now it was on his flesh and I couldn’t be rational. A man I hungered for despite my best judgment had marked his body with my name. He also expected to add more names when we had children.

  A part of me never thought I’d be loved for the real me. Instead, I’d always pretend for my dull husband. It wasn’t that he would judge me, but I would always worry he might. Dull husband wouldn’t push my buttons and force the truth out like Cooper had. I would hide and dull husband would never know the real me.

  Of course, I was assuming a nice guy would want someone who cried during sex. I had been assuming a lot when I built those dreams, but I never knew how messed up I really was until meeting Cooper. Bosses liked me. Coworkers liked me. Teachers liked me. I was likable. Safe and normal. Now, I realized I might hide my damage well, but it was still there.

  Yet, Cooper loved me.

  Lifting my gaze to his face, I found him watching me silently. I hadn’t even noticed the conversation dying down. Aaron was flipping through papers and Cooper stared at me in the needy way he did sometimes.

  “You got my name tattooed on you,” I whispered.

  “I’d like to leave now,” he whispered back as his gaze grew needier. “Would you be okay with that?”

  “Only if we’re going somewhere to be alone.”

  Cooper’s eyes searched my face then he swallowed hard. As I stood and Cooper followed, Aaron just grinned.

  “Later, Coop.”

  “You’ll know one day.”

  Still grinning, Aaron returned to sketching. Cooper took my hand and we made great time back to his truck. I was so excited to be alone with him that I nearly sat on the balloon I had tied to the loop on my jeans. Cooper laughed then punched the balloon out of his way so he could kiss me.

  “I’d do you right here,” he mumbled against my lips.

  “No fucking way,” I said, knowing there were a hundred people in the parking lot.

  Cooper let me go so he could start the truck. “You’re naked as soon as we hit my apartment.”

  “I’ll start unbuttoning things now to prepare,” I said, laughing as I undid my jeans and pulled the laces on my shoes.

  Cooper forced himself to focus so we could leave the parking lot without running over anyone. Soon, we hauled ass down the highway to his house. By then, I had my shoes and socks off. My bra was unsnapped. I even leaned over and unbuttoned his jeans. Cooper gave me a cocky smile and I knew what that look meant. Hell yeah, we were having fun tonight.

  Two hours later, we sat naked in his living room. I ate weird little taco things his mom made while Cooper downed BBQ chicken like a man starving. I had finished my first beer by the time the sun was setting. I was on my fourth when I decided dancing for Cooper was the sexiest thing ever.

  He found a song on the satellite music channel and I shook my scrawny ass to Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It). It wasn’t even Beyonce, but the Chipettes’s version. Cooper alternated between laughing hysterically and getting so horny I was shocked when he didn’t lunge across the coffee table and fuck me right there.

  Sober enough to remain in control, Cooper waited to fuck me until we were in his bedroom. I was still wiggling around in my attempt to dance sexy. I’d never make a living as a stripper that was for sure.

  “I love when you get all mellow,” he whispered as we kneeled on the bed and teased all the naked flesh we had to work with. When he saw my face, Cooper sighed. “No, what?”

  Unable to control the tears, I was drunk off my ass and everything felt too powerful and important. Nothing could be restrained.

  “I’m sorry I get pissy and high strung. I just want to work hard and do better so I won’t be trash,” I said, my voice failing on the final word. “I come from a long line of trash on both sides of my family. I want my kids to have a home like I never did and to feel special. I want so much more than I have, but it’s hard to dig my way out.”

  “Baby, you’re not trash,” he said, his eyes searching my face. “How can you even think that about yourself? You work hard. You follow the rules.”

  “I’m drunk. That’s against the rules.”

  “Yeah, I’m a bad influence.”

  “You’re not trash though. You’re special while I just hope to be average.”

  “You ever see that show Storage Wars?” Cooper asked and I shook my head. “These guys bid on abandoned storage lockers. Lots of times, these lockers are full of trash. Sometimes though, they have hidden treasures. That’s what you are. The hidden treasure in the trash of your crap family. You have value and I don’t want you to think otherwise.”

  “That’s how you see me?” I said, smiling up at him. “As treasure?”

  “Of course. You’re irreplaceable. It’s why you make me so crazy.”

  I smiled in sloppy drunk way. “I’m giving you a hickey to mark you as mine.”

  Cooper burst out laughing, yet tilted his head to expose his neck to my loving. I licked at the skin then sucked softly. He tasted warm and beautiful.

  “You have to suck harder, baby,” he moaned, leaning back against the headboard.

  “I’m afraid to hurt you.”

  “I can handle it.”

  Nodding, I sucked harder then felt him adjusting my body in his arms. When he pressed inside me, I let go of his throat.

  “You’re so horny.”

  “Hell yeah. Man, you’re hot.”

  “I feel hot.”

  We both laughed as he moved in and out of me. Leaning me on my back, Cooper worked himself into a fast and hard rhythm.

  “Feels so good,” I moaned and I wasn’t lying. Relaxed like this, I could imagine what other girls felt. Cooper was thinking about the difference too.

  “Do you think you’ll come?”

  “No, but maybe it’d help if I sang? Don’t go messing with a son of a bitch.”

  Thrusting harder, Cooper laughed even as he neared the finish line. Just thinking of it as a finish line made me laugh harder.

  “How come you don’t sing to me?” I asked, giggling.

  “You’re too classy for that shit.”

  Not knowing if he was serious or teasing me, I laughed so hard I snorted.

  “Fucking adorable,” Cooper said, kissing me before returning to his redneck fucking rhythm.

  Without knowing the lyrics to Hair of the Dog, I only hummed while Cooper thrusted deeper into me. He moved just right and I groaned in a weird way.

  “Was that a good noise or a bad one?” he asked, slowing.

  “So good.”

  “Do you think you’ll come?” he asked again. “Should I slow down?”

  “No, I’m fine. Go to it, champ.”

  Cooper rolled his eyes while I laughed and returned to humming. Maybe the song aroused him because he was thrusting wildly. Even holding onto his forearms, each thrust pushed me a tiny bit closer to the edge of the bed. Would I fall off? Would he fall with me? Would it even disrupt his rhythm if we went tumbling?

  I never found out because Cooper came hard long before I fell off the bed. He was out of breath over me and I grinned at his flushed cheeks.

  “You want me so bad,” I teased.

  Resting his body on mine, still deep inside, Cooper grinned as he wiped sweat from my face.

  “I wished you liked it half as much as I do.”

  “I do.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “You don’t know what I feel. I’m too mysterious.”

  Cooper laughed. “A femme fatale.”

  “I like when you’re inside me.”

  Cooper smiled softly. “If you let me go down on you for like two minutes and hated it, I’d stop. I bet after two minutes though, you’d beg me to stay down there forever.”

  “No.”

  “It feels so good.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Girls freak the hell out when I do it. You can’t beat the response.”

  “No.”

  Tracing my face, he sighed. “Baby, you let me d
o other stuff those guys did. Why not let me help you feel good?”

  Grinding my teeth, I wished he would get off me. Instead, he watched me with a light frown.

  “He bit me,” I whispered, breathing too fast. “It was the only time any of it felt good then he bit me. I don’t want that. What if I freak out? What if…?”

  Cooper kissed my cheeks. “It’s okay. I’ll never make you do something you don’t want.”

  “I’m afraid I’ll have a panic attack. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I’ll have one.”

  “Don’t be scared. I love you and I’ll never hurt you.”

  “I love you too, but I’m messed up and I can’t fix it.”

  “You don’t cry as much anymore,” he said, leaning on his side next to me. “You seemed to like it a few minutes ago. You’re fixing yourself. Be patient.”

  Cooper sat up and reached for the beers. He handed me one then leaned against the headboard. When he lifted an arm for me to cuddle under, I crawled over and wrapped myself around him.

  “There’s no hickey.” I said, looking at his throat.

  “You didn’t suck hard enough,” he mumbled, finishing his beer. “Are you hungry?”

  “I’m going to suck you until I make a hickey. I want to mark you.”

  Cooper laughed. “You’re so goofy drunk. It’s fucking perfect.”

  Straddling him, I licked his throat. “I’m going to suck on you like a crazed vacuum cleaner so prepare yourself.”

  Cooper was still laughing when I latched on. I didn’t know if I sucked soft or hard. I wasn’t really sure what happened next because everything got fuzzy fast. Waking up the next morning, I thought we had sex again and maybe ate. Otherwise, most of the night was a blank. Looking over my shoulder, I found Cooper asleep on his stomach.

  After a quick trip the bathroom to clean up, I returned to bed where Cooper was still dead to the world. The morning light created a golden hue to his muscular back, so I tugged down the sheet to see the skull tattoo on the lower part of his back. Soon, the sheet rested at the curve just above his butt. Feeling daring, I tugged it down a bit more to admire his beautiful ass. I’d never thought I’d be a butt girl, but Cooper sported one hell of an ass.

  The second the sheet reached his thighs, I was in a state of hysterics. Even covering my mouth, I woke Cooper who watched me through half opened lids.