“This way.” He walks me toward the side of the house and down a set of unfinished stairs. Without a railing, I’m hesitant to follow. He stops and turns. “Hold my hand. I remember how you hate these.” I take it gratefully, and the moment he touches me, warmth radiates to my heart.
He leads me to a path in the woods. When we enter the trees, the construction noise is muffled and the temperature drops. A deep, earthy smell penetrates me as we step down a steep incline. At the bottom, I hear it: the sound of trickling water. A small brook is ahead, and the water lazily makes its way past like the blood in my veins. There’s a circular area next to the brook. It must have been cleared once. We step underneath the tall trees that have all bent over, creating a dome; the branches thin near the middle. Rays of sun stream in toward the center. It’s magical.
I whisper, “Oh, Jason.” Somehow the sound of a voice wouldn’t be right. I hold my camera in one hand, but the other is on my heart. It’s as if this place fills it with love, and I gaze at Jason in wonder. He smiles down at me, and a sunbeam behind him makes his hair glow. I’m so captivated by the magnificence tears spring to my eyes as I say, “It’s so beautiful.”
I sink down to springy, soft moss and slide my hands across the cool, moist plant. Jason crouches down next to me and whispers too, “I thought of you the moment I saw it. I can’t explain why, but I knew I had to bring you here.”
I pick up the camera and take a picture. The flash goes off, and I stop. I look at Jason and shake my head. “It won’t work. Nothing can capture this.”
He takes my hand and puts it on his heart. “This is where we keep it.” I gaze at him and see the allure there in his eyes. His heart beats under my fingers, and his hand sends tiny waves of pleasure through me. I’m overcome with such peace I don’t want to move.
I take my hand off his chest and reach up to his face. He leans into it, and his warmth is soothing on my palm. This is my Jason. One who treasures small pieces of magic. I still love him. It’s a love all its own, one I can’t describe. A love that fills my heart beyond measure. I’m not sad to know this, because it just is.
I stand and walk out of the circle. Jason follows me, and we don’t speak as we climb back up to the site. As soon as I leave the trees, the puncture of a staple gun invades my thoughts.
I turn to Jason and say, “Thank you.” He smiles at me, and for a moment it’s as if we’re in the past we used to have. There are no words for what I feel, and I don’t want them. “I’m going to go.” I point toward the next lot. Instead of walking up the stairs, I opt to climb the steep bank beside the house.
I continue through the rest of the properties, taking pictures and reveling in the silence. Winding back down the road to the development, I try to process what happened with Jason. I felt so content, and it makes no sense. I can’t be in love with two men in different ways and at the same time. Can I?
20
Wind whips my hair, and I’m annoyed. It’s in my eyes, my mouth, and even my nose. My feet seem to punish the sidewalk as I stomp toward the bike shop. I stop and yank my curls back into a ponytail. I don’t have a hair clip, so I twist and tie it in a simple knot. Not my best look, but right now I don’t care. The sky is gray, and my mood seems to match. Megan is headed toward me, and I guess she has just left the shop, because Blaine and Nick are working today.
“Casey! On your way to see Blaine?”
“Yeah. How are you?”
“Fantastic. Want to ditch Blaine and get coffee with me? I’ve got news. Oh.” She pauses to laugh. “And a great story for you.”
Defiance rears, and I decide, why not. “Sure. Let me text him.”
Sidetracked. Having coffee with Megan. I’ll stop by later. <3
“This wind sucks,” I say as I look over at Megan. Jealousy tweaks at me because she has long, straight hair, and it’s pulled back in a ponytail. Barely a piece is loose. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Your hair. I want to shave mine off right now. Yours is barely messy.” I sigh. “I wish I had your hair.”
“Are you serious? Oh my God, I would kill to have your hair. I have to pay mine to stay in an elastic band. It’s so straight and slippery. Trust me, you’d hate it too.” She pulls open the door to The Baked Bean. In New England we would assume it was a play on words associated with beans in a pot. Here? It’s a different connotation. And it looks that way, too. Torn muslin triangles hang from a string-like garland in random places throughout the shop. Each is tie-dyed in a different way. But while the food is organic, the owners appreciate sugar.
I say, “Don’t mind me, I’m cranky today.” The aroma of coffee sends craving pulsing through my body.
“Then let’s get something yummy to go with the coffee. Something gooey and sticky and oh-so-bad for us.”
I feel better already. “Now you’re talking.” We order coffee and two desserts to share.
I pull a heavy oak chair away from a scarred wood table and clunk the big mug and plate of cake down. I drop to the chair the same way. “It feels so good to get out of that wind. What a miserable day.”
“Who peed in your cornflakes? Blaine?”
“No.” Well. Maybe. I’m not sure why I’m so cranky. Things are just wrong. I sigh. “I’m probably PMS-ing.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you the funny story first.”
“No, I want to hear the news. I’ll bet it has something to do with Nick. Spill it.”
She leans forward. “Nick and I are moving in together.”
“Really?” I reach for her hands and clasp them. “Megan, that’s so awesome. You totally just made my day.” It did. I love Nick and her together and am glad to know things are getting serious.
I decide I have an ally, and I lower my voice. “Okay, I have something to share with you, but you can’t breathe a word to anyone.”
Megan leans forward with an eager face. I glance around to make sure nobody is listening. “Blaine told me he wants me to have his babies.”
“You know what this means? We could be planning weddings together,” says Megan. “How fun would that be?”
“Shhh.” I look at her with mock panic.
“I just had a thought. Do you suppose Nick and Blaine are at the shop checking out china patterns online?” We both laugh. Only, on the inside, I panic. I know what bothers me now. It’s been two days, and Blaine hasn’t mentioned our little problem at all. It’s as if he pretends it doesn’t exist.
Megan reaches over and takes a forkful of the carrot cake. “This is just what we needed,” she says. She slurps her coffee. “So you remember Jess, right?”
I roll my eyes. “How could I forget?”
“I guess she comes into the shop often to see Blaine.”
“Really?” I feel a twinge of jealousy.
“Yeah, and it bugs the crap out of Nick. She hangs all over Blaine, and he kind of lets her. So the other day, Nick told him he had to put a stop to it. That it was disrespectful to you.”
Yup, I’m definitely a little jealous right now. But liking Nick even more, I take a big swig of my coffee.
“Today, Jess was in the shop, and I was in the back talking to Nick. Of course I just had to know what was going on. So I’m being all stealthy and pretending to check my phone. I don’t know what she said, but Blaine took her hand off his chest and told her to stop. That she wasn’t allowed to touch him, and he was very much in love with you. And then”—she leans toward me—“he told her to stop coming by the shop. She was pissed.” Sitting back, she says, “The moment she left, I ran right out there and gave him a big hug.”
“Kiss your Nick for me. He’s amazing.”
“Happy to.” She flashes me a lovestruck smile. “You know, for such a great guy, Blaine sure is stupid when it comes to women.”
I think the same thing.
After Megan and I finish at The Baked Bean, I head toward the shop to see Blaine. Now as I walk, the wind doesn’t bother me, and I’m glad I got a lit
tle girl time to cheer me up. My phone vibrates with a text, and I pull it out to read the group text from Tara.
“Girls’ night out tomorrow, you in?” I knew it was coming. Blaine told me Kaleb had broken up with her, and I know Tara well enough to understand her ego is bruised and she needs a bar full of men drooling over her to ease the pain.
I text Megan, who is on her way home. “I’ll go if you do. :)” We both know what a night with Tara involves. It’s fun, but it’s better with a sidekick to help deal with the wake.
“Deal. Wheee! We get to dance.”
Yes, we do. There is a club in town called The Fish Bowl. The owner of the space is a genius. He has a restaurant and bar area with pool tables in one section, and then across a small atrium is the dance club. Girls want to dance all night while the guys they are with may not. The way it’s set up, a guy can walk across to the pool tables when he needs a break.
I text the group, “I’m in. Dress and heels required?” I’m being selfish. Tara has the sexiest body I know, while mine is not even close to curvy. I have small breasts and slender hips. However, I do have great legs and a decent butt from running that a body-fitted dress and heels will show off nicely.
Tara immediately texts back. “Hell yah! Saturday night, my house at 9.”
Tara lives in an apartment downtown, which is probably why she gets in so much trouble. She never has to drive.
21
Blaine sits on my bed and watches me get ready. Freshly showered, I have just come out to the mirror in my bedroom, and I’m stark naked. I open my underwear drawer and take out a thong and push-up bra. I slide the panties on and turn so he can look at my butt. I glance over my shoulder at him. He has his head tilted. He likes this.
I lean over so my breasts hang down and put on my bra. Once hooked, I reach in and pull them higher. I turn to show him my cleavage, and he smiles appreciatively. I pull a dress off a hanger and slide it seductively over my head, making sure to wiggle my hips back and forth in a slow motion. It fits my body like a glove, and the neckline is scooped low. I turn so my butt faces him and bend over a bit as I ask, “See any panty lines?”
He coughs. “Ah, no.”
Cocking my hip out, I move my hand slowly down over my backside. “I think you’re right—nice and smooth.” I walk over to my closet and bend over again instead of squatting down to find my shoes. I know my dress exposes more than my legs. I ask, “Now, where are they?” I grab my highest black heels and saunter over to the bed. With a shoe in each hand, I crawl like a cat over to Blaine. I know he can see down my dress, and he’s looking. I put my mouth right next to his ear to whisper, “How do I look so far?” I don’t wait for an answer and nibble his earlobe. I move down to his neck and leave a trail of kisses.
“Dangerous,” he breathes.
I straddle him and take his face in my hands. “Perhaps you should give me a reason to stay home tonight.” I kiss him and reach my hand down to place it on his crotch. I rub the rough denim and feel him grow hard. Taking that as a cue, I unbutton his jeans, slide the zipper down, and slip my hand into his boxers. I stroke him as we kiss, and he moans.
I want him inside me. I push him down on the bed and strip his pants off. I look up at his face, and it’s Jason. I take him in my mouth so fast he doesn’t have a chance to stop me. He moans. I suck hard; his smooth, tender skin is sleek and soft on my tongue. He trembles, and I have no doubt he likes this. As he’s on the brink, I rise up and guide him into me. Oh God, it’s so glorious. I gyrate my hips and his body shudders. I meet him there and cry out. “Jason!”
I jerk awake. Wait. Blaine was on that bed. How did he become Jason? I close my eyes, willing a replay with Blaine. It doesn’t work. Damn it. Blaine can’t even sleep with me in my dreams. I let out a big sigh and get out of bed to pad to the kitchen. The tile is cool under my feet, and the moon dimly lights the yard. The world wavers as tears fill my eyes. How can something be so perfect in every way but one? A really big one. Millions of stars twinkle above the Continental Divide, and I watch for a while before I’m rewarded with what I hoped to see. One shoots by, and I make a wish before I go back to bed.
* * *
It’s been haunting me for a couple of days now. How am I supposed to kiss Blaine, feel what I do, and know he doesn’t? I think it’s like being the only drunk in the room. When everyone is buzzed, you do whatever you wish. When you’re the only one? You second-guess every move. This calls for a plan.
I text Blaine with one thing in mind—I need to kiss him. Kiss him knowing he feels nothing, and see if I still get that burning desire. “Lunch? I’ll meet you at the shop.”
Ice runs through my veins. If I don’t feel anything for him, where do we go? Gretchen’s words haunt me. “Just make sure you aren’t seeing only what you want to see.” That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. All these months I’ve been kissing him with intense desire for more while ignoring the suspicion he felt nothing. Betrayal is what comes to mind first, but that’s not really the emotion. I think he has no idea what people usually feel. I don’t know the right thing to do here, but I do know what it is I need. To be craved.
The shop door opens with a familiar jingle, announcing my presence. Blaine is working on a bike, and he glances up to say, “Hey, beautiful!” Last week those words made me feel special. Today they don’t.
He doesn’t stop working, and metal clunks as he says, “I can’t leave for lunch. Want to get us something?”
“Sure. It’s what girlfriends do.”
My feet clomp down the street. When it’s my turn, I place the order and wait. Because that’s what girlfriends do. I’m in a mood, and nothing is going to be right. Tapping out an impatient beat with my foot, I notice a couple kiss as they wait for their sandwiches too. She moves over to his ear and whispers in it. He looks a little flustered, and I notice he shifts his hips a bit. Exactly. That’s what’s supposed to happen when your girlfriend makes suggestive comments in your ear. The girl next to me gives me a quick glare. She’s probably annoyed with my tapping, so I stop. Casey, get a grip. You’re expecting the worst of Blaine right now. And that’s what you’ll get. Chill.
I take a deep breath. Okay, let’s set the stage to get this right. You love this guy, a lot. Give him a chance to show you why.
Walking back to the shop, I look out over the mountains and let them be awesome. I pay attention to the breeze in my hair and stop to smell a flower box. The sun is on my face, offering its gentle embrace. I walk into the shop in a much better mood and call out, “Lunchtime!”
Blaine and Kaleb come out from behind the counter. Kaleb says, “Thanks, Casey. You’re the best.” I flash him a smile.
Blaine grabs his without a word and sits down to eat. He looks up at me after a few bites and says, “Thanks.” Okay. No boyfriend of the year on that one, but let’s be fair. He didn’t know he was being tested.
I sit next to him to discover I don’t know what to say. How is it I used come up with clever things to say and somehow end up kissing him?
“Hey, Kaleb, I’m sorry to hear about you and Tara.”
“No worries.” He takes a sip of soda to empty his mouth. “We weren’t really a good mix. She’s fun, but a bit too much for me.”
I give him a knowing smile. “So you’re back on the market. It shouldn’t take long for some girl to snatch you up.” Kaleb is big and muscular. Along with his dark skin and vivid-blue eyes, he is swoon-worthy.
He says, “I don’t know about that. The odds here are five to one. It’s tough out there.”
He’s right about that. “You just need to go fishing,” I tease. “But don’t go tonight. Tara organized a girls’ night out.”
He raises his eyebrows at me. “Thanks for the warning.”
I stare at my sandwich as my stomach rolls. I’ve only taken a couple of bites, but I’m full, so I wrap it up to take with me. It occurs to me that I haven’t eaten much lately, and a memory of Jason comes back to me.
“U
gh! My jeans are too tight,” I say as Jason lies on the bed while I get dressed. He reaches across and yanks me onto my back.
He tickles my stomach with kisses. “I like you fat and happy.”
I smack his head playfully. “That’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to say to me.” But I laugh because I know he doesn’t think I’m fat.
“I’m serious. When you aren’t happy, you get skinny. You look great this way. Buy bigger jeans.” He goes back to kissing my...
Whoa. Don’t go there. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.
“Hey, Blaine,” I sing out in a provocative voice. “Want to make out with your girlfriend and remind her why she shouldn’t dance with any guys tonight?” Clever, I’m not.
Kaleb stands and grabs our garbage. “I’ll take the trash to the Dumpster. You guys have five minutes.” He looks down at his watch and then winks at me.
I get up and saunter over to Blaine. Taking his face in my hands, I straddle him, and he leans back to accommodate me. His lips are soft under mine when we meet, and his arms wrap around my waist. He slips his tongue into my mouth, and I taste the tang of mustard when I respond. This is nice. My body warms up, and I’m relieved my libido is still there for us. Except, I can’t help but wonder why you would do this if it wasn’t.
I pull back and gaze into Blaine’s eyes. Why does he do this if he feels nothing? He whispers, “I love you.” He pulls me back and kisses me again. But this time, it’s not so nice. I pretend anyway—and realize I’ve become him.
22
I slither into a tight black dress with a slight scoop neck. I opted for no cleavage tonight considering I’m going to be with Boobs-R-Us. The sleeves are sheer lace and make my arms look long. Pulling my hair forward, I look at the effect. I do a quick turn to make sure the thong doesn’t show through, and flash to my dream the other night. Desire twinges, and I frown. A lot of good that will do me with a man who feels nothing.
Hearts on Fire: Romance Multi-Author Box Set Anthology Page 12