I shook my head without speaking.
“It’s reinforced. Special modification for that custom engine. Come on, baby.”
He called me baby.
I shook my head again, but this time it was more like a maraca. Maybe that would rattle those stupid thoughts out of my head.
April came to my rescue. “Here, use the blanket.” She spread out the red and white checkered blanket in front of the car.
“Yes!” I latched on to that idea.
“Oh, this is good. I like the contrast of colors.” Ryan motioned for me to get with the program.
I found myself being led to the blanket by both Brandt and Kieran.
“Wait, first shot let’s do all three with Claire. Sit down with your knees crossed. Then Claire, you’re going to lay across their laps,” Ryan directed.
I followed his directions. Everyone was so set on this course, so why the fuck not?
“Damn it, Austin. Your belt buckle is killing me,” I grumped.
“That’s not my belt buckle, sweetheart.”
My eyes went wide and the shutter kept clicking away.
“That’s it. That expression. Put your finger against your lips. Pin up style… faux startled. You know what I mean.”
I knew exactly what he meant, but I wasn’t a pin up sex kitten.
“Look at me. It’s just a camera, and I’m behind it, right?” He peered out from around the lens. It’s just me looking at you.”
He was right. The camera wasn’t some raging beast that was trying to hurt me, or wound me. It was just him. Looking at me while I was wrapped in male stripper.
I tittered.
“There you go.” His face was once again consumed by the shuttered mons—camera and I started to relax. “Okay, now I want just Brant and Kieran.”
“Fine,” Austin huffed in faux indignation, but grinned. “That was too much sausage for me anyway.” He put one arm around Rosa and the other around Hollie.
I laughed.
Ryan continued to push us through a series of poses, each a bit more risqué than the last. I tried not to think about it—being pressed between them. They were both so strong and hard, a contrast to my softness.
Soon, I couldn’t tell who touched me where. It was all sensation—heat. And when I surrendered to it, everything changed. It was like turning on a light.
“There it is, that’s what I want.” Ryan praised me.
“You like this?” Brant whispered.
“We do,” Kieran said in my other ear.
They were trying to kill me.
In fact, I was sure I was dead. This was either heaven or hell, I didn’t know which. Maybe both.
“Now, just Kieran,” Ryan ordered.
This was supposed to be my shoot, but instead, it had turned into Ryan’s and I couldn’t find the wherewithal to care.
My limbs were pliable—boneless. I don’t think I could’ve stood on my own if I wanted to.
Kieran lifted me easily and I found myself on the hood of that damned car. He was posing me, moving me as he pleased and I let him. His hands were in my hair, sliding down my sides…
“Look at me, that’s right,” Ryan said.
Kieran positioned himself between my thighs and my self-respect was this tiny voice in the back of my head shrieking that everyone could see. But primal brain didn’t care. Primal brain just wanted Kieran to keep touching.
Kieran leaned into my neck, his breath teased the shell of my ear. “Tonight, you’re going to bring Brant home, and I know you’re going to fuck him.”
My lips parted and I gasped.
The shutter continued to snap away, capturing every moment as stark as any memory.
“But I’m not bringing April home. I’m going to be in my room, alone.”
I tightened my grip on his shoulders, as if that would make him stop talking. Whatever he said next, I couldn’t unhear, no matter what that meant for us.
For me.
For all of it.
He took my nails digging into his shoulders as tacit permission. “I’ll be listening to every sound that comes through those walls. Every gasp, every cry.”
Rather than looking at the camera now, I found myself watching Brant. I don’t know what I expected to see there, but it wasn’t the blatant arousal I recognized from our night together.
I clung tighter.
“Jesus, every woman on the planet is going to order something from Chubbalicious if it turns them into Claire,” Rosa half-whispered.
They were all watching me, rapt, but it seemed like they were so far away. Like another dimension, even April.
“—And I’m going to come in my hand wishing it was me.”
His words broke the spell. I shoved hard against his shoulders and he released me.
“Show’s over.” I hopped off the car and smoothed my hair.
“Those were some great shots. I can’t wait to show them to you,” Ryan said.
I couldn’t believe how calm he was, like Kieran hadn’t almost fucked me right there on the car. I took a deep, calming breath. Okay, so maybe he hadn’t almost fucked me, but it was creeping on carnal knowledge.
Why would he say that to me?
I bit the inside of my cheek hard when I tried to talk. It made me feel stupid, but it was probably a sign from the universe to just keep my mouth closed.
Now that imagery of Kieran, it would be in my head forever—of him alone in his room, stroking himself… I shivered.
I didn’t know what he was playing at, but we’d have to have that shit out directly. He couldn’t say those things to me, it wasn’t fair. Not unless he meant them.
Hell, what did it matter if he meant them? We’d never even so much as kissed and now he was telling me he was jerking off thinking about me? I wasn’t sure if I was flattered or offended. Maybe a little of both.
“Claire—”
I turned to look at him, he still had his shirt off, his jeans unbuttoned. My mouth went dry. “Who am I talking to? Kieran or Finn McCool?”
My words hit him hard as any fist.
“What’s wrong, Claire?” April asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head. I didn’t want everyone to know I was having a fucking meltdown because things got a little heated. “Thanks for doing the shoot, Kieran. I appreciate it.”
His mask was in place again. “Anytime, sweetheart.”
Yeah, that wasn’t Kieran. That was Finn.
And that hurt, because anyone could have Finn. Anyone could buy him. Kieran was supposed to be mine.
There was my problem in a nutshell. He wasn’t mine, and I’d started to think of him like he was. Even if we were together, he still wasn’t mine, you can’t own another person—and who would want to?
I sighed.
“Thanks, everyone. I’ve got to drop off our intrepid photographer, so I’m going to head out.”
Brant met me at the car. Ryan didn’t wait for me to say anything, he just got in and closed the door, giving us a modicum of privacy.
“What was that about?”
“I can’t even.” I shook my head. How was I supposed to tell him even if I were so inclined?
He hugged me. “I’ll meet you at your house and we’ll go grab dinner like we planned.”
His arms were warm, safe, and the comfort I found there had nothing to do with height, muscle or anything but the man who embraced me.
“I’ll change.”
“I kind of like your pin up couture.”
“Okay then. I’ll wear it. Even these eyelashes.”
He released me and opened the door for me. I slid into the seat and started the car.
“It’s none of my business, but that’s not the guy I expected you to be dating.” Ryan said.
“We’re not really dating.” We hadn’t put a label on what we were doing and I liked it that way.
“You and that other guy, I thought my camera was going to explode. You’re on fire together.”
“Are we?” I
asked, curious now how everyone else saw our interaction.
“You were great models. The chemistry was explosive. It’s like that other girl said. If you use these pictures, every woman will wish she was you.”
I could tell that he genuinely meant what he said, but I didn’t see it. It was unimaginable.
Just as I put the car into gear, April put her arms around Kieran. He returned the embrace, but watched me over the top of her head.
I drove as fast as my little Chevy would carry us away from Kieran and everything he stirred in me.
9
Brant was sitting with his back against his car door waiting for me when I got to the house—Kieran’s car was nowhere to be found.
So much for staying in tonight alone. I knew he had to work, but that’s why I expected him home. He napped after we watched American Horror Story. Although, to be fair, I’d made plans with Brant.
My brain wouldn’t stop picturing him doing…things. But now instead of him by himself, thinking about me, my stupid imagination had painted April into the scene. He was touching her, tasting her—she was making those damn sounds like she had the night of her birthday.
Maybe I should just fuck him for my birthday present too. After all, it was just Finn McCool. He’d do it.
Even having the thought broke my heart.
“What’s wrong? And don’t try to bullshit me and say there’s nothing wrong. What did Kieran do?” Brant said when he saw my expression.
I searched Brant’s face for some ulterior motive. There was only concern. “He’s just being a douche.” I slid down to sit next to him.
“He’s jealous.”
“What?”
“You’re spending all of your time with me or Chubbalicious, and that’s new. You’ve always been his.”
“But he set us up. That makes no sense to me.” Who was I trying to convince? Him or me?
“He’ll get over it. Or not. And you’ll stop seeing me to be with him.”
I turned my head sharply.
“If you think no one saw the burn between you two, you’re sadly mistaken. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But don’t lie and say it’s not there.”
The part of me that was a selfish bitch wanted to tell him everything, because now with this rift with April, Brant was quickly becoming my best friend. I could feel the pieces clicking into place. I wanted to tell him things, wanted his thoughts and his advice.
Most of all, I didn’t want to hurt him.
“No,” I said slowly. “I won’t deny it. I guess there is no denying it.” I took a deep breath. “How do you feel about that?”
“I guess it depends on what you want to do. If you want me to be your friend, I can be your friend, Claire. That’s why I wanted to wait before we had sex. I want you, there’s no refuting that. But what am I going to say here? That it’s fine? It’s not. It’ll hurt like a motherfucker.” His laugh was self-deprecating. “Will I respect what you want? Of course.”
“Do you want to keep seeing me?”
“I thought that was clear.”
“Obviously, we have chemistry too.” We did, because the way he touched me—it was the best sex I’d ever had.
“If we’re being honest, we all had chemistry together.”
My eyes widened as his implication became clear.
“Shocked? You shouldn’t be. You make jokes about it all the time.”
“Only because it’s a dirty fantasy.” I pursed my lips, trying to hold back whatever else my mouth could say without my brain’s permission.
“It doesn’t have to be. Kieran and I have shared women before. You want him. I still want you.” His tone was matter of fact. “And if I’m not mistaken, you want us both.”
I didn’t think my whole body could blush, but I had to be because I was hot everywhere. I’d never thought of myself as a prude, but maybe I was. The woman I wanted to be would’ve grabbed this opportunity by the balls and shook them like maracas.
Except the woman I was? Not so much.
I laughed. It was an awkward, tinny sound. “If I’m embarrassed to be naked in front of one man, what would I do with two?”
“Come so hard you see stars. Now tell me what he did to piss you off.”
This wasn’t happening. It just wasn’t. Synapses refused to connect and fire. He’d basically told me that I could have everything I wanted. I could live a fantasy. “But I don’t want the guys who work at The Rooster. I want you, Brant. The real you. The one I connect with. I don’t want Finn McCool. I want Kieran. Your bodies are gorgeous, that’s not in question. But I want more than that.”
“You’ve got it. At least from me.”
“I don’t have it from Kieran. I did, until things got weird. Now, he’s Finn.” I slumped. “Shit, I sound like a total psycho.”
“No, he does. Switching back and forth between personalities? We call that multiple personality disorder.” Brant grinned.
I just love you was on the tip of my tongue. He made me laugh, he made feel safe, he seemed to know how to make everything right. What wasn’t to love? But I wasn’t in love with him. I said I love you to Kieran all the time, to Rosa, to Hollie, to April.
But Brant was different. He wouldn’t hear it the same way.
I was glad my tongue obeyed me with that little tidbit. Instead, I said, “Thanks.”
“For what? Offering to bang you and your crush?”
I giggled. “For being you. For making being me okay.”
Surprise bloomed on his face. “Why would it not be okay?”
“You’re always so sure of yourself.”
“Usually, but if you held out on me any longer before you said yes, you might have changed all that,” he teased me. “Can we go eat now? I’m starving.”
“You just stuffed your face with April’s picnic.”
“That sounded way dirtier than it was.”
I laughed and nudged his shoulder. “You know what I mean.”
“I only had one sandwich and some strawberries. I need some protein if I’m going to work out later.”
“You work out before you dance?”
“Yeah. Makes everything harder.”
“Everything?”
“Everything. Wanna see?” he teased me.
“Maybe I just do.” I reached over and grabbed his biceps. He flexed for me and that made me giggle too. It was silly, but it was nice to have this freedom to touch and be touched.
I guess it was more than a freedom, it was a kind of intimacy. An intimacy that would most likely be ruined if I took him up on his offer.
Even though I knew some things were better left as fantasy, now that the idea had taken root in my brain, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Remembering what it was like being pressed between them at the shoot earlier—he’d said I could have that again. I could have everything. I tried to push it out of my head.
He took my hand from his arm and pulled it down over his chest slowly. Down to his abs, down further to the waist of his jeans. I recognized the move from the club. All the guys did that when they were giving dances.
I hated that I knew that and I hated that it bothered me.
How many times did I need him to prove I was special to him? My brain knew that I was, but my heart was afraid to believe it.
But I didn’t stop touching him. I should have. For a million reasons. Because I wasn’t in the right place to have a relationship, I had feelings for Kieran, and I didn’t know what I wanted from Brant. I was officially an asshole.
Yet, Brant didn’t seem to mind.
“What if I did… this?” I drew my hand down further over and played with the pull on his zipper.
“So what if you did?” He grinned. “You can do anything you want.”
This time, it was me who leaned over and kissed him. He tasted like strawberries.
Brant pulled me across his lap so I straddled him. This wasn’t normally a position I enjoyed—it always made me feel so big and awkward, li
ke a drunken yak. But it felt too good for me to worry about it.
Even though I was on top, he was still very much in control. His hands were under my shirt, cupping my breasts—I’d swear he had extra limbs if I hadn’t seen him naked. It seemed he could touch me everywhere at once.
He moved from my mouth to my neck, biting and licking, and I braced my hands on his shoulders.
God, we were making out like teenagers in the driveway. “What if someone sees us?” I panted.
“Let them watch and wish they were you.” He grasped my hips and pulled me harder against him, grinding us into each other.
Just like everything else with Brant, it felt too good to stop. His Mustang hid us from the road, and the bushes would probably block the neighbor’s view. Probably. But with the pleasure building, I didn’t care.
I could’ve done any number of things. Suggested we go inside, dragged him into the backseat of his car, anything but what I did.
Because just as Brant brought me off, Kieran pulled into the driveway behind Brant’s car.
Our eyes met, and I knew I was making my “O” face.
But I didn’t look away and I sure as hell didn’t tell Brant to stop.
Kieran didn’t look away either.
Those seconds seemed to last for years. I drowned in bliss, and Kieran. Except when the storm passed, I looked away, embarrassed.
“Shit. Kieran’s back.” I straightened my clothes.
“It’s not like he’s your dad.”
I scrambled to my feet. “No, but…he saw me.”
“So?”
“Brant! Can we just go? Please?”
“Yeah.” He got to his feet. “Where do you want to go?”
“Wherever.”
“You should at least say goodbye,” he said after he stood.
“Why?” No, there was no reason for that.
“Because April is in the car with him.”
It shouldn’t have felt like getting kicked in the gut, but it did. What did it matter that April came back with him? I was dry-humping in the driveway with his co-worker.
“Did we interrupt something?” April asked when she got out of the car.
I looked back and forth between Kieran and Brant. Kieran looked like a storm cloud and Brant seemed very pleased with himself.
Hearts on Fire: Romance Multi-Author Box Set Anthology Page 65