Hope(less)

by Melissa Haag

  * * * *

  Just before dinnertime, I pushed open the door of Sam’s old pickup and, ignoring its groan of protest, climbed out. My feet crunched on the gravel parking area. Not much had changed. Though, still rundown and in need of repairs, to me the familiar buildings exuded welcome. With a twinge, I realized I’d probably miss these frequent visits. I pushed the door closed, reached around to the bed of the truck, and grabbed my canvas bag.

  “There a pack meeting tonight?” I asked Sam, looking at the other vehicles.

  I couldn’t remember ever seeing so many cars before. Yet, for the number parked in the yard, the Compound was unusually quiet. Typically, before a meeting, groups of people stood outside to talk and renew acquaintances. I glanced at the buildings again. Though quiet outside, thin lines of light escaped from behind thick curtains in many of the windows on the main house. Definitely, a full house tonight. But why stay inside?

  Sam just grunted in response to my question, shouldered his own bag, and headed toward the main building.

  I studied Sam’s back. He certainly seemed rushed. He’d even sped so we arrived in just over seven hours. We’d only stopped once for a five minute, gas-up, eat, and pee break. I hadn’t questioned why, but it was unusual.

  He’d stayed abnormally silent and pensive the entire trip, too. I didn’t mind the quiet, but he generally updated me on current pack activity during the drive. Bored, I’d alternated between listening to my mp3 player and watching the country pass in silence.

  I turned a slow circle, studying the area while I breathed deeply, and began to focus. In two years, the area of my sight had expanded so I could see much further in the vast darkness of my mind. It didn’t exhaust me as quickly as it used to.

  I closed my eyes and continued to turn a slow circle. At the Compound, focusing was harder. Typically, for humans, some sparks came in strong and glowed bright like a newly replaced light bulb while others were weak, more like a lightning bug’s glow. I didn’t know why; it just was. The lights of the werewolves were different. Their sparks tended to flash in and out of focus regardless of how bright or dim I perceived them. I considered the flashing a false perception. Instead, I believed I was watching the amazing speed at which they moved—there one second, gone the next, then back again. Since I hadn’t yet shared my ability with Sam, I couldn’t confirm my suspicion.

  In the darkness behind my closed eyes, I saw the usual flashes of light, but they jumped around in a pattern that made me dizzy. I could see flashes in the Compound and many more in the surrounding woods and beyond.

  I stopped turning before I made myself lightheaded. When I opened my eyes, I faced the woods to the right of the Compound just inside the gate. I felt watched. Not moving, I listened. Nothing but silence and my own breathing. I mentally shrugged and turned away from the trees to walk toward the main building. If any werewolves lingered out there, they would show themselves, or not, depending on their nature and if we’d already been introduced.

  Several men exited through the main entrance as I stepped onto the porch. Two gave me kind, but dispassionate—perhaps even indifferent—nods of greeting. Mated. The other two watched me alertly and nodded politely. UnMated. I nodded a greeting in return and walked past them, safe with the Mated males nearby. Pack law: Protect unMated females from unMated males. Another pack law: Don’t place yourself in a situation where you’ll be alone with an unMated male or it could be seen as acceptance of his suit.

  Inside, further down the long hall that branched from the main entry, more men headed my way. I kicked off my shoes, nodded, and walked past them. Again, a Mated male amidst the unMated.

  “You’re early.”

  I smiled at Charlene, who walked briskly toward me.

  “He drove fast. Are Paul and Henry around?”

  “I haven’t seen them, but I’m sure they’re around somewhere. I’ll see you at breakfast.” Charlene didn’t slow. She had a pile of clothes in her arms.

  She seemed more hurried than normal. As a Mate to the leader, she tended to be busy, but she usually always made time to talk to me.

  With a tingle of apprehension, I hurried toward our assigned apartment. The same one we’d first stayed in, but with big improvements. The once sparsely furnished apartment now made a cozy weekend getaway. A plush rug protected the refinished hardwood floors. Pictures decorated the walls and various knickknacks adorned the room, just a few of Charlene’s efforts to make it homier for those staying here. It also now had a small kitchen, which included a sink, dishes, and mini fridge. It still lacked appliances for cooking since we all took meals with the rest of the pack in the commons. The kitchenettes in the apartments were there for private convenience. Sam and I never used ours, but we weren’t the only ones who stayed here. Though we had priority on the apartment, I knew visiting Mated werewolves used it on our off weekends.

  Sam had already thrown his bag on the foldout couch in the living room when I walked through the apartment door. I walked past him, tossed my bag on my own bed, and returned to the living room to watch him and to try to puzzle out his mood. The last few informal Introductions had been less than typical with an unusually high number of unMated males coming to the Compound from greater distances. I figured this one would be no different. Maybe he was worried about the number attending.

  “So, when do we get started?” I paced around the room to stretch my legs after the long drive.

  “Soon as you’re ready, I guess.” Sam riffled through his bag, looking for something.

  “How many this weekend?”

  He didn’t look at me. In fact, he seemed to be making an effort not to look at me and had been making that effort since breakfast. My stomach wanted to do a flip, but I firmly smashed down my emotions. I needed to figure out what was going on before I reacted in any way. Emotions around werewolves gave you away. They could smell some and hear others.

  “I’m not sure. All of the Elders put a call out since it’s your last one. Ready?” He straightened, with pencil and paper in his hand, and still did not meet my gaze. He kept himself busy by tucking the pencil into the spiral of the notebook as he moved toward the door.

  “Yep.” I fell into step behind him. “So, what does that mean?”

  “That there are more ears than usual.” He opened the door for me.

  A werewolf fun fact to keep in mind at all times: They have excellent hearing. I didn’t say anything more. Sam typically stayed very open with me, but something definitely felt different about tonight. I followed him down the hall. Our footfalls echoed softly on the hardwood floor.

  Despite my effort not to react in any way to the oddities I kept noticing, a tension built inside of me. Not about the Introductions. I’d grown used to those. They could throw as many unMated at me as they wanted. I knew it wouldn’t work.

  In the past two years, not once had I felt any physical interest in any werewolf. There’d been some nice ones I’d enjoyed talking to, but nothing more. No spark that Sam had insisted I would feel. He’d stressed that whatever I felt, the male would feel infinitely stronger, a compulsion that they wouldn’t be able to deny.

  No, the tension wasn’t about meeting more werewolves. It was Sam. The tension continued to grow as I puzzled over whatever Sam hid, whatever made him act so nervous and guilty at the same time.

  When we didn’t turn to go to the commons, but instead, went down the hall I knew housed the infamous Introduction room, his odd behavior suddenly made sense. They planned to go old school for my last Introduction. Since Sam had stressed a formal Introduction could be dangerous to me, his nervousness and guilt were understandable. But I didn’t understand why they thought a formal Introduction necessary. Did they really think the results would be different?

  “Sam...you should have told me first.”

  He said nothing as he stopped and opened the door at the end of the hall. He motioned me i
nside. Resigned, I entered.

  The windowless room had the same comfortable log cabin design as the rest of the Compound. However, near the center of the room, ten worn X’s taped to the floor formed a gentle arch. A few feet away, a solid line ran from one side of the room to the other, separating the front and back halves of the room. On my half of the room, folding chairs waited along the wall, a place for Elders to wait and observe. Having Elders present meant disputes were resolved quickly and without bloodshed. It also meant better protection for the female. Each side of the room had a door.

  According to tradition, five men would enter from the opposite door, which led outside, and remain in the room for five minutes. The Elders present would watch my reaction to these men and their reactions to me. Five minutes gave enough time for me to introduce myself to each of them. It seemed pointless to me, though. Through their own admission, true Mates would know within a minute of meeting each other.

  All ten marks came into play during Introductions for older, unMated were-females. Once Introductions started, unMated males traveled from distant states until the Elder network announced a Claim.

  The males competed aggressively for a Mate since fewer females were available to men. Sam had told me, statistically, the birth rate was about three to one. Some thought it nature’s way to keep the werewolf population low. Other’s disagreed. They argued that it didn’t make sense when human females appeared to be evolving to fill in the need.

  I understood the seriousness of this Introduction and stood near the door I’d entered. If trouble broke out, I would step through the sturdy, thick door, lock it behind me, and run like hell. The locked door wouldn’t slow a determined werewolf. Without an Elder standing between an oncoming werewolf and me, I wouldn’t stand a chance. Still, locking it would make me feel better once I stood on the other side. Declared a safety zone, I was supposed to remain in the hall beyond to wait until the Elders calmed whatever disruption might occur.

  Although the setting had changed, the rules hadn’t. They couldn’t force a Mate on me. It was up to Nature. One more weekend to play it cool, then...done.

  The Elders began to enter behind me. During the informal Introductions in the commons, two or three Elders always remained nearby. If informal Introductions called for at least two Elders, I knew to expect more for a formal Introduction. Definitely three. Maybe four.

  Sam already sat on a folding chair to my left. Gradually, four more filed in; four men, including Sam, and one woman. The number surprised me, but I didn’t mind the extra eyes. I’d met Nana Wini two years ago while still learning about Introductions. A kind and patient teacher, she’d explained so much to me. Having her here comforted me, and I looked forward to talking to her afterward.

  Once the last Elder sat, the outer door opened and ten men stalked in. Ten? I successfully kept my feelings from my face, but I knew they would smell my confusion. Ten explained the extra Elders. Werewolves in their fur were all powerful and vicious, Elders more so because of their position in the pack.

  In addition to the increased number of Elders, the ages of the werewolves who stood on the X’s ranged from young to old without restriction. Screw Nature. No way would I be even remotely interested in someone old enough to be my father. Especially when I had no clue who my father might be.

  Wanting to get the Introduction over with, I stepped forward so the toes of my socks rested just behind my safety line and met the eyes of the first man. I nodded a greeting, turned with military precision, and paced to the next taped X to meet the second man’s eyes. I slowly walked down the line and met the eyes of each man I passed. At the last man, I turned around to face all of them.

  “Thank you for coming.”

  They all stepped back from the tape and turned to leave.

  I stayed on my side of the tape and watched their retreating forms. The door on their side of the room opened so they could file out. It felt weird not learning their names as I usually did in an informal Introduction. But I knew this was typical of a formal Introduction. Any man interested in me would remain on his taped mark while allowing the others to step back to leave. This would give Sam a moment to note the interested party. Anyone on Sam’s list would have an opportunity for a second Introduction where I would actually converse with him. The second round had more danger.

  Movement in the recently vacated doorway broke my chain of thought. The doorway had barely cleared before the next set of ten entered. Was it always this rushed?

  Breaking protocol, I glanced at Sam. He watched the men, still not looking at me. Without frowning at him like I really wanted to, I turned back to focus on the men who now stood on their marks. In this group, all of them were over forty. I repeated the same process from the first group, acknowledging each of them as I walked past. One appeared to have the start of a black eye.

  I thanked them for meeting me and watched one remain on his mark while the rest marched out. The remaining man waited for Sam to make a note then nodded at me before he turned to leave.

  Again, ten more filed in as soon as the room emptied. This felt wrong. Too rushed. They weren’t even waiting the full five minutes once the men stood on their marks.

  Instead of moving forward toward my line, I put my hands behind my back and kept my eyes on the ground. The rules said that the Elders would not interfere unless they perceived danger. They would not speak unless it was imperative to my wellbeing. It ensured no outside influence to any decision I might make regarding my choice of Mate. That rule made it impossible to ask Sam for an explanation and actually get an answer.

  Why did they change to a formal Introduction now? Why on the last visit? What were they trying to accomplish? The unMated males entered ten at a time and faster than the normal five minutes.

  I looked at the line on the floor. The crisp tape looked new even though I’d heard from Henry and Paul, still my best sources of information, that it hadn’t been replaced in years. It looked new because it had never been walked on, never crossed. You leave by the door you enter. That’s the rule.

  I looked up. Rules are meant to be broken. Answers waited beyond the opposite door.

  Stepping to the line, I met each of the unMated males’ eyes. While doing so, I noted dried blood under one man’s nose.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said and waited, saying no more. They all stepped back to leave, and the door swung open.

  “A moment, please.” As one, they stopped before any of them reached the door, and turned to look back at me. I could feel the Elders watching me but didn’t look at them.

  I broke protocol, crossed the line, and walked toward the door. Since none of the men acknowledged any interest in me, I hoped I’d be safe enough.

  “Gabby, wait,” Sam called.

  Hearing him stand and follow me caused my stomach to dip. My steps slowed for a heartbeat. Stepping through the door could compromise my wellbeing...but staying inside wouldn’t get me answers. The door beckoned. I stepped through onto a packed dirt path and looked around.

  The light that spilled from the door illuminated a small area. The trees that crowded the building left only a small gap of about twenty feet between the treeline and the roofline, which cast the area in an early dusk. In the cleared space near the back door, twenty men waited quietly. I frowned, puzzled. Something still felt off. I’d expected to see many more given the rushed Introductions.

  Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply and focused. Tiny sparks flashed around me in the darkness. Sam, I saw, stood to my right. His spark glowed steadily, not blinking at all. The group of twenty was different.

  Some of the werewolves’ lights blinked like strobes. Some faster, some slower. Some so slow, I at first thought they might have left. As I studied them, it began to make sense. I wasn’t seeing werewolves quickly running all over the place, rather an arrhythmic indication of a werewolf’s location. I focused beyond the twenty. L
ights too numerous to count stood out in the darkness. It would take hours to meet them all.

  Had all the prior Introductions been a farce, a game to keep me from running until Sam could arrange the real thing? How strongly were the Elders determined to see me Mated? Would they let me leave unMated? Had my thoughts of college been a dream? I struggled with my growing frustration and panic. No. Not a dream. I wouldn’t give up.

  I opened my eyes already knowing that the group of twenty had doubled. I studied their faces and noted more bruising and blood. Some men dressed in jeans and shirts while others wore clothes too filthy from fighting to identify. Seeing the filth and blood, I understood why they wanted to rush the Introductions. Too many werewolves had arrived for this; and the Mating challenges the Elders feared, had begun.

  I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Anger churned in my stomach at Sam for not telling me. I felt tricked and yet sad for the men waiting.

  “Sam,” I said, turning my gaze on him. There was nothing playful in my look. I wanted to tell him that I would never forgive him for this but knew the werewolves listening would take my words as a rejection. It would take away what little hope they had facing these numbers. Instead, I let my look convey everything I felt.

  He lowered his gaze and broke eye contact, something he never did first. Good. He knew.

  I turned away and studied the growing crowd. I’d lived among them enough to know not to show intimidation. They respected strength. With their hearing, I didn’t need to raise my voice. Even those still hidden within the trees would hear me.

  “No more fighting. There’s no need to wait and fight for your place in tonight’s Introduction. I will meet you all. Start a line here, and I’ll walk it. If I am not right for you, there is no need for you to remain after I’ve passed you. You may leave and know that I am honored by your presence here tonight.”