Hope(less)

by Melissa Haag

  * * * *

  An unusually quiet house greeted me. The brisk wind rattled the kitchen window as I set my keys down and searched the house for Clay.

  I didn’t find him but did see evidence of his busy day. The neatly folded items from the laundry I’d put in, and the load I’d set aside before leaving, filled my dresser drawers. Clean shirts hung in my closet. Clay had even remade the bed with the fresh sheets. The baby powder smell of the detergent permeated the room. I grinned, thinking of him wearing his clean clothes.

  A knock sounded at the front door. Still smiling to myself, I turned and answered it.

  An older gentleman stood on the stoop. Dressed in a smart grey suit that complemented his dark grey hair, he reminded me of Sam, and I felt a moment of guilt. Sam had called several times to check on me, but I hadn’t returned any of his calls.

  A smile lined his face, reaching his warm hazel eyes. “Gabby? I’m Joshua.”

  My polite smile froze in place. This was Elder Joshua? I’d pictured a younger man. Doubt crept in, and I did a quick scan. His bright blue-grey spark glowed before me. That color...my stomach dipped in fear. Joshua had the same color light as the werewolf that had attacked Clay. Coincidence? I doubted it. So far, only Charlene and I had unique sparks. A knot formed in my throat.

  In the distance, a child squealed in laughter. The sound snapped me out of my other world. I held myself still, clutching the edge of the door while I fought hard to push back the sudden burst of fear.

  His nostrils flared slightly, and I knew my efforts were too late. I wanted to slam the door and run but knew it wouldn’t work.

  “I apologize for startling you, Gabby. Sam was concerned when he didn’t hear back from you after the confrontation. He asked me to stop by and check on you.”

  “Confrontation?” My voice sounded dry and strained.

  “Yes, we heard there’d been a failed challenge. Is everything okay here?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yes, thank you.”

  Think, Gabby! Why would the werewolf launch itself at Clay from out of the darkness only to politely knock on my door? And why the front door? The neighbors could see him.

  Staring at his puzzled face, his hazel eyes called my attention. The other wolf’s eyes had been blue. What did it mean that he had the same color light as the werewolf that'd challenged Clay? I really wanted to believe it was just a coincidence. I had to call Sam and get a description of Elder Joshua to be sure the man before me was who he said.

  “How are things going with Clay? Any other problems? Is he becoming too aggressive?”

  “Everything is fine. He’s very polite.” But missing when I really need him, I thought. Convenient that Elder Joshua just happened to show up when Clay wasn’t home.

  “We were surprised to hear of a challenge. Usually, strong ties aren’t challenged,” he commented.

  I didn’t know how to respond so I remained quiet.

  He reached into his pocket and withdrew a business card. “Well, if you need anything give me a call, or call Sam. We’re here for you.” He handed the card to me.

  The card simply had his name and number printed on it, no title or business name. I nodded, hoping he would leave so I could give into the panic attack I barely held back. He smiled, bobbed his head in farewell, and turned to leave.

  I closed the door and tucked the card into the front pocket of my jeans. This time I watched through the peephole as he got into the car he’d parked in front of the house. The door muffled the sound of the engine as he started it.

  When he drove out of my line of sight, I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead on the cool wood of the door. First, a wolf with a uniquely colored spark challenged Clay. Then, Elder Joshua appeared with the same color. For more than two years...through every visit to the Compound...not once did I ever see a variance in the color of a werewolf spark. Just like humans, they remained consistent.

  If not for the challenge, I wouldn’t have worried about it. But I knew without a doubt, I’d never met Clay’s challenger before. And if I’d never met him, why would he dispute Clay’s tie with me? I needed to know who the challenger was and why Elder Joshua had an identically colored spark. Yet, no one knew about my ability to see the sparks. I could ask Sam outright if Joshua was different to their kind in some way. The best I could do was verify Elder Joshua’s identity without raising too many unwanted questions. I needed to calm down and call Sam. If I called sounding freaked out, he would probably send Joshua right back over.

  I pushed away from the door and turned to go into my room. Someone stood right behind me. I produced a full-throated someone’s-sawing-off-my-arm scream before I realized it was Clay dressed in jeans, t-shirt, and running shoes. By his shocked expression, I’d just scared him as bad as he’d scared me.

  Heart stuttering, I clapped a hand over my mouth. No way would I call Sam now. I wasn’t even sure I could speak. The hand over my mouth shook from the adrenaline rush.

  He tilted his head, studied me, then reached into my pocket to pull out the card. He glanced at it, shrugged, and shook his head, clearly puzzled. How did he even know it was in there? Had he been watching me?

  I dropped my hand and did another round of deep breaths to try to calm down.

  “Did you see who was here?” I asked. My voice wavered so I cleared it.

  He shook his head.

  “How did you know that was in my pocket?”

  He briefly lifted the card to his nose. So, he could smell the other werewolf? That was good.

  “Have you ever met Elder Joshua before?”

  He shook his head.

  “Have you ever smelled him before?”

  Again, he shook his head.

  I closed my eyes briefly and let out a relieved sigh that sounded a bit like a sob. Joshua wasn’t the werewolf Clay had fought. Even though I remembered blue eyes, I’d still worried.

  The new color variation bothered me, though, and I wished I had someone to talk to. Now that Clay had confirmed Joshua wasn’t the same werewolf from the challenge, I didn’t see much point in calling Sam other than to yell at him for sending Joshua over.

  Lost in my own thoughts, I jumped when Clay lightly tapped my forehead with his index finger.

  I gave him a weak smile. “You want to know what’s going on in my head?” I guessed.

  He nodded, and I finally recognized that my someone-to-talk-too stood right in front of me.

  “I’d like to know what’s going on in my head sometimes, too.” If only I could figure out those lights. “Let’s make dinner while I talk. Let me know if you hear Rachel or anyone else.”

  He nodded, kicked off his shoes, and put them in my room before joining me in the kitchen. He took the lead on dinner prep and gave me busy work so I could talk. I started to peel a potato while he clanked pans on the stove.

  “That was Elder Joshua at the door. He stopped by because I haven’t talked to Sam lately, and Sam asked him to check up on me. I guess he was worried after that challenge.” I picked up a second potato. “Something was odd about him, Clay.”

  When I was quiet for too long, Clay nudged my chair on his way to the sink with the potatoes I’d peeled. His way of saying I should keep talking, but I struggled with how to tell him everything.

  “I’m different,” I said abruptly.

  He turned from the sink, looked at me, and shrugged as if to say it didn’t matter.

  “No. Really different. It’s kind of hard to explain. Sam told me I was different when he met me, but he doesn’t know all of it. He said that I was rare because I was one of only a few humans compatible with werewolves, just me and Charlene.”

  I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. Based on my mom’s reaction when I’d told her the truth, the idea of telling someone everything scared me.

  He picked up two more potatoes and handed them to me. I started peeling again as he went to th
e stove. I spoke slow, essentially thinking aloud.

  “Since as long as I can remember, I’ve seen lights. Not with my eyes, but in my mind. When I was younger, I had to close my eyes and concentrate to see a relatively small area around me. As I got older, I didn’t need to concentrate as hard and could see a much larger area. Now, I can see these lights at will, briefly, with little effort, and over a longer distance. And I don’t need to close my eyes.

  “These lights are people, Clay. I can see the neighbors moving around in their houses right now. It’s not an aura I’m seeing.

  “To put it in perspective, I can see a square mile around us, but in my mind, the area looks like an inch. The lights within that area are small pinpricks, but I can see them so clearly, they could be the size of quarters three inches from my face. And all those dots are the same color. Every human around us has the same yellow light with a green halo.”

  Clay handed me a glass of water, breaking my train of thought. He rescued the potatoes I’d cubed into tiny pieces.

  “Thanks.” I took a drink and studied the glass for a moment before continuing. “You and I, in the middle of those dots, stand out. I have the same yellow light as everyone else, but my halo is orange. I’m different from the people around us. Even from you. Werewolves have a green core with a blue halo. At least, that’s all I ever saw in the past two years, until the night you were challenged. That werewolf had a blue-grey light. Now, imagine my shock when I opened the door and saw a man, who introduced himself as Elder Joshua, with the same color light. Only the difference in the color of their eyes kept me breathing.

  “I’ve been like this my entire life, and I have more questions than answers about this second sight. Why are all humans green and yellow except Charlene and me? We’re human. Why does Charlene have a red halo? Or me an orange halo? The only similarities are the yellow cores. I’ve been thinking it means human, but don’t know what the halos mean.

  “And I’m sure that you’ve caught on to the whole guy situation. I call to them somehow, as if I’m a beacon or something. Do I really send out some kind of signal?” I looked up at him questioningly.

  He held a plate in each hand. Both loaded with some kind of chicken skillet dinner. He handed me a plate and studied me for a moment before shrugging and shaking his head.

  “So nothing as far as you can tell. There’s got to be a reason, a connection to it all.” I sighed and played with the food on my plate for a minute, thinking.

  “I’ve never told anyone all of this. People figure out there’s something different about me if they’re around me long enough. But no one knows about the lights. I’m torn. Do I call Sam and tell him everything? Do I tell him the light of the guy who challenged you is the same light as Joshua? There’s nothing concrete I can offer about the coloring or why I’m so worried about it.

  “Why would a werewolf I’ve never met challenge you? And why does he share the same coloring as Joshua? So far, the lights have had a category: humans, werewolves, and compatible Mates. I don’t think the challenger and Joshua can be compatible Mates because Charlene and I are uniquely colored from each other.” I shook my head to try to clear away my frustration at my inability to solve the puzzle.

  Taking my first bite, I struggled to swallow the cold food. I looked up at Clay in surprise and saw his empty plate.

  “Bet you’re wishing you hadn’t asked.”

  He shook his head slowly still watching me. I started to doubt the wisdom of sharing so much with him. What if he started to treat me differently? I didn’t want to lose his friendship. It devastated me to think I could lose the one person with which I might have had a chance to be myself. When he didn’t say anything, I forced myself to eat.

  He waited until I finished eating, took both our plates, and cleaned up the kitchen while I sat at the table and did my homework. The spatter of running water, the soft clicking of dishes, none of it distracted me as much as my own doubts. Uncertainty over what I’d just shared and his lack of response ate at me. Granted, he hadn’t spoken to me at all before my announcement, but still.

  When he finished, he left the room for a few minutes. His nails clicked on the kitchen floor as he padded back in. I didn’t have time to wonder why he’d changed to fur. He nudged my arm with his head and looked toward the living room. The tightness in my chest, which I hadn’t even noticed, loosened slightly. He watched me expectantly, and I ran my fingers through the fur at his neck, hoping he wouldn’t ever act like a real dog and run away from home.

  Deciding I’d done enough, I packed up my homework and followed him. We watched some sitcoms then called it a night.

  When he curled up on his usual spot at the foot of my bed, I sighed and closed my eyes. He hadn’t seemed to treat me any differently after I’d told him everything. I hoped it would stay that way.

  Rachel came home after a very late evening shift at the hospital. I knew she was alone because Clay only shifted on the bed to acknowledge he’d heard something. The nights Peter stayed, Clay grumbled a bit. They probably did keep him awake. Poor Clay.