Falling Fast, Contemporary Romance (Last Frontier Lodge Novels Book 4)

by J. H. Croix

  The moon was high above the mountains and close to half-full. The stars were so bright here, he felt as if he could reach up and touch them. The ski slopes glimmered like silver under the moonlight. He leaned his head back against the couch and sighed. Dinner had been good. It was always good, but he was glad to have Ivy here. He thought back over all the years he’d spent traveling around with Eric and realized he and Eric had never had the same type of close relationship he shared with Ivy. Eric was so focused on racing and competing he didn’t even bump up against emotional topics. Once Ivy grew up and started college, she and Cam had gradually become each other’s main support within the family.

  He hadn’t intended to, but on the ride back to Diamond Creek from Homer, he’d ended up telling Ivy all about Ginger and how he felt. He hadn’t used the word ‘love’ because he was still uncomfortable even thinking it himself, but he’d been open about his uncertainty. Ivy, of course, had been thrilled. Ivy was rather romantic even though she left little room for romance in her life. She was all but convinced Cam should declare his love for Ginger and ski off into the sunset with her. That thought elicited a twinge of worry. If only it was that simple. Ginger had seemed tense tonight. If it hadn’t been for Ivy, he would have wanted to ask her what was wrong.

  Impulsively, he tugged his phone out of his pocket and texted her.

  How’s George?

  He stared out at the sky while he waited for her reply. An owl hooted softly in the trees by the lodge.

  George is great. He’s napping by the woodstove.

  Ah, smart rabbit. By the woodstove is the best place to be. Ivy enjoyed meeting you.

  Ivy’s awesome! She looks so much like you.

  So I’m told. Just wondering…everything okay with you tonight?

  He didn’t know how to meander his way into asking her, so he just went for it. He couldn’t say why he was nervous to ask if she was okay, but he was. The pause between his text and her reply stretched out long enough that he began to worry he shouldn’t have asked the question.

  Think so. Kinda got anxious about meeting your sister. You know…the family thing.

  Right. The family thing. Well…hope it was okay.

  Of course! smh…me worrying about nothing. I’ll be up for some skiing tomorrow.

  This was what he hated about texting. He wanted to see her face, so he could read her expression. Was she worrying about nothing? Or was more going on? Her quick change of topic could either mean she was dismissing the topic because it was minor, or because she really didn’t want to discuss it further. Without anything other than words on a phone screen, he didn’t have any other cues to help him decipher.

  K. Wish you were here.

  G’night. 

  Sleep tight.

  After pointlessly waiting to see if she’d say anything else for several minutes, he tossed his phone on the coffee table and went to bed.

  Chapter 18

  Ginger finished her last email of the day at work and hit send before closing her laptop and standing up to stretch. Mondays were usually her busiest days and today was no exception. She snagged her water bottle off the table and took several swallows before grabbing her coat and purse and heading out. She’d had a busy weekend. With Ivy visiting, Ginger had gone skiing both Saturday and Sunday. Between skiing and the casual gatherings of friends and family at the lodge, Ginger had barely had a minute to herself. The good thing about that was she hadn’t had much time to obsess over Cam and just what the hell she was doing. For a little while after they’d talked, she’d managed to mentally relax—a tiny bit. Between the passage of time and her discomfort with how comfortable she was getting with Cam, she was out of sorts.

  Every time she had a minute, her stomach churned and anxiety coiled in her chest. Cam was starting to mean too much to her. She was remembering how painful and disorienting it had been when her marriage fell apart. While she wasn’t married to Cam, he already meant more to her than Tony ever had. She’d thought she loved Tony, but hindsight showed her mostly she’d thought it was time to settle down. What she felt with Cam rose to another level entirely and scared the living hell out of her. Because she didn’t know if her heart could take it if somehow things fell apart with them.

  Snow was falling softly when she pushed through the main school doors outside. She hit her remote start and walked quickly to her car. When she got home, she saw Cam had texted her about coming over tonight. She’d sidestepped him all weekend, three entire nights, and made excuses about why she couldn’t stay at the lodge. Ivy’s surprise weekend visit had given her a little breathing room. Ivy had flown out this morning. A part of her was near frantic to dive into the incandescent flames between her and Cam, to nearly singe herself in his arms until she found release, and to fall asleep twined in his embrace. And that’s what terrified her. She wanted him so, so, so much. It went beyond physical. Oh, she wouldn’t deny sex with him was so intense, it was otherworldly. Yet, it was the emotion underneath that fanned the flames between them.

  She ignored his text for now and immediately went to the woodstove to get a fire started. The snow had started to pick up and an icy wind was coming off the bay. She wanted a warm fire and a quiet night. And Cam. You want Cam. Precisely why I need to take some space. I can’t let myself fall apart again. But Cam won’t hurt you, you know that. She shook her head sharply. Cam wasn’t Tony. She didn’t think he would be callous or purposefully hurtful. Yet, she had no idea if he planned to stay in Diamond Creek beyond this winter. She didn’t want to pressure him, and there was no way she could consider leaving Diamond Creek. Diamond Creek was home, heart and soul to her.

  She finishing setting some logs in the woodstove and tucked a few soft, frayed scraps of spruce underneath as tinder. With a flick of the lighter, the tinder caught the flame. She adjusted the damper and closed the door before standing. The snow blew against the windows. The light was fading, the gloaming of dusk taking over. The slate gray sky was nearly indistinguishable from the gray water below. She heard George hopping down the stairs and turned to follow him in the kitchen.

  Hours later, she sat on the couch with her favorite fleece blanket draped over her and George napping nearby. The fire flickered through the glass door of the woodstove while the wind kept blowing off the bay, a steady drone of sound. She was watching reruns of various comedy shows and had successfully dodged Cam’s request to come over by telling him she wasn’t feeling good. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t for the reasons he might have assumed. He’d come to mean far too much to her, and she needed to find a way to protect her heart. She went to bed and tossed and turned through the night. Every moment she was awake, she longed for Cam.

  The following morning, Ginger stood under the steaming hot water and made a decision. She would tell Cam she needed some time to herself. She didn’t even know if that made sense because they hadn’t defined what they were. It didn’t matter because she needed to get a hold on her emotions, to corral them to a place where she could manage them.

  After getting dressed and having a quick breakfast, she raced outside to get the snow off of her car and head to work. Snow in Alaska rarely meant anything closed. Unless a storm was severe, and severe in Alaska meant more than three feet of snow, everything carried on. As such, even though a foot of snow had fallen last night, school was open and buses were running on schedule. She started her car and began brushing the snow off with an industrial sized snowbrush.

  She was in the middle of clearing the snow from around her tires when she heard another vehicle pull up. Expecting to see the plow guy, she glanced up to find Cam climbing out of his truck. Her heart flew into her throat. For a flash, she recalled when she first saw him. Just now, with his amber hair and eyes and his strong, sculpted body, her breath hitched and she lost her words. She scrambled for purchase in her mind and mentally shook herself. This effect he had on her was precisely why she needed some space. She couldn’t tell if the overwhelming at
traction she felt for him was wiping out her sanity, or if her feelings contained the depth she felt. She needed enough distance to know.

  She straightened up and set the snowbrush on the hood of her car. She removed her mittens and clapped them together, knocking the snow loose. Cam walked toward her and leaned against the back corner of her car. “Hey there. Feeling better?” he asked.

  “Yeah. Just a headache. I’m fine.”

  He nodded, his eyes searching. His shoulders rose and fell with a breath. “Would you tell me if something was wrong?” he asked abruptly.

  Her stomach tightened, and her heart skipped a beat. She was silent long enough that he continued. “Over the weekend, it seemed like…I don’t know, like something was wrong. I know Ivy being here kept me busy, but…”

  She shook her head. “It’s not that. It was great to meet Ivy…” She paused and gulped in air. She didn’t want to talk now, but he was asking questions, so she’d just get it over with. “I think we need to take a break. This is all happening so fast and I don’t know what you want and I don’t know what I want—I don’t know if you’re staying in Diamond Creek and…” Her words flew out and then suddenly stopped. She couldn’t stop the fear spinning inside, or the emotions careening within her.

  Cam’s eyes widened and he pushed away from her car to step in front of her. “Ginger, can we…”

  She cut him off. “No! I need to think. I can’t think when I’m with you all the time. I have to go to work.” She turned away from his eyes. She could hardly bear to look at them. She grabbed the snowbrush and opened her car door, tossing it inside. She started to climb in when he curled a hand around her arm.

  “I love you,” he said. “I know it’s happened fast, but please don’t do this. Give me a chance to talk to you. I…”

  His words slammed into her. Hope soared inside, her heart clamoring to be heard over the din of her fears—those familiar fears that helped her build walls around her heart to keep them out. She couldn’t do this now. It was too much, and she wasn’t ready. “Cam, I can’t do this. Not now. Just give me a little time. Please.” She shook his hand off and climbed in her car. She couldn’t keep from glancing up, and the look on his face twisted her heart. His eyes were dark with confusion and pain.

  She put her car in gear and backed up. As she drove away, she glanced in her rear view mirror. Cam stood there in the snow in her driveway. With her heart heavy, her stomach queasy, and her mind a muddle of confusion, she went to work.

  ***

  Cam skied toward the warming hut by the ski lift. He stopped beside it and stepped out of his skis. A few minutes later, he was seated on one of the benches against the walls. He took a swallow of water and leaned his head back with his sigh. He’d been skiing straight through the day. He’d doubled his usual routes through the slopes and backcountry trails, checking on other skiers, helping with a few minor falls, and basically trying to ski away the pain in his heart since this morning. He’d known he and Ginger needed to talk, but she’d blindsided him this morning. He hadn’t even fully adjusted to the way he felt about her, but then he’d gone and blurted out he loved her. He thought it only made things worse. Now he was stuck figuring out what to do next.

  The idea that Ginger might decide she didn’t want to be with him was like a knife straight to his heart. He wanted to push, to demand she look at what they had and see it for what it was. Maybe he hadn’t talked about his plans, but he knew what they had was special. Between Ivy’s cheerful pressure for him to find somewhere to call home and his own internal confusion, he hadn’t quite been ready to make any formal decisions. The only thing he had any clarity about was the fact he couldn’t imagine life without Ginger. He’d come to Last Frontier Lodge to find a way to heal the hole in his heart from his brother’s death. He’d been able to find a sense of peace here. He would always miss Eric, the ache of that loss would ripple forever, but he’d gotten his footing back again. He’d found Ginger. Now, he was afraid he might lose her.

  “Fuck!”

  He flung his empty water bottle across the small room. It landed against the wall with a rather unsatisfying thump. Empty plastic bottles only had so much oomph. At that moment, the door swung open and Gage stepped inside, kicking the snow off his boots before he shut the door.

  “Hey, man. How’s it going?” Gage asked as he pulled his gloves and hat off before plunking down on the bench across from Cam.

  Cam tried to marshal a smile, but it just wouldn’t come. He shrugged. “Just the usual.”

  “Can you toss me a water?” Gage asked, nodding towards the cabinet beside Cam, which was stocked with water.

  Cam reached inside and quickly tossed a bottle of water to Gage. Gage caught it with one hand and took a long swallow before he set it on the bench. “Is the usual you skiing like a madman all over the mountain, not eating lunch and avoiding everyone?” Gage asked with an arch of his brow.

  Cam sighed. Gage was damn perceptive, so he didn’t see any point in denying the obvious. “Sorry man. Didn’t mean to be an ass. Had a rough morning.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  Cam considered Gage’s question. He sure as hell needed to talk about it, but he wasn’t used to talking about things like feelings with other men. It didn’t help that he wasn’t used to having feelings like he did for Ginger. He felt like he was skiing blind in a snowstorm. He leaned his head against the wall. He didn’t have anything to lose besides his pride by talking with Gage. Gage had known Ginger far longer than he had and happened to be married to Ginger’s oldest and best friend.

  “Ginger told me she needed a break this morning.”

  “Ah. I see. Did something happen?”

  “Just that. I didn’t see it coming. This whole thing with her took me by surprise, but I don’t know what the hell to do now.”

  Gage took a few chugs of water and leaned back. “What do you want?”

  Cam’s heart skipped a beat and his stomach felt hollow. He was only starting to come to terms with how he felt about her inside himself. He doubted he’d have had the courage to tell her he loved her if it hadn’t happened the way it did where he felt backed up against the moment and afraid she was slipping through his fingers. He looked over at Gage. Gage was a quiet, low-key man, but Cam knew he felt things deeply. He saw it in the way Gage looked at Marley and how he cared for his family.

  “I didn’t see it coming, hell I didn’t plan on even thinking about a relationship. But here I am. I love her.”

  Gage nodded slowly. “Thought so.”

  “That obvious?”

  Gage smiled ruefully. “Only because I’ve been right where you are.”

  “Any suggestions?”

  Gage chuckled. “I don’t know. You and Ginger are your own people. Did she say why she needed a break?”

  “She said something about everything happening too fast and that she didn’t know what I wanted, or what she wanted. Everything got fuzzy after that. I want to call her and talk, but I think she might feel like I’m pressuring her.”

  Gage nodded slowly. “Ginger definitely doesn’t like to be pressured. I’ll talk to Marley and see if she has any idea what’s running through Ginger’s brain, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to tell me. They’re best friends and have been forever. I’ll say this though, make sure she knows how you feel. She got burned pretty bad by her ex from what Marley told me. Trust is kind of a thing for her.”

  Cam sighed. “I know. How the hell do I make sure she knows how I feel when she won’t even talk to me?”

  “Logistics. All you have to do is call her. If she won’t answer, leave a message.”

  “Great. I’m supposed to declare my love on a voice message? I told her I loved her this morning. Isn’t that enough?”

  “It’s a start, but if she’s worried about what you want, she needs to know if you’re planning on being around. You know, those pesky details. Love is great and all, but if you’re not aroun
d, then it doesn’t matter too much.”

  Cam ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Again. “Look, I’ll be wherever I need to be with her. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about staying on after this season anyway. I love it here. My parents aren’t sure where they plan to go after they retire in a few years, so I don’t have any reason to try to settle down near them right now. Ivy, well, Ivy’s going to go where her research and her brains take her. Diamond Creek would be a good place for me to settle down anyway, and Ginger makes it the one and only option.”

  Gage grinned. “Can’t say I’m not happy about that. You’d be hard to replace. With the ski classes and your reputation, we’re already booking halfway into next winter. Plus, you’re damn easy to work with.” His eyes sobered. “Ginger needs to know you’ll be around.”

  Chapter 19

  Cam paced back and forth in front of the windows in his suite. It was day four of radio silence from Ginger. He’d tried calling her, but had yet to marshal the courage to leave her a message beyond asking her to call him. He stopped pacing and stared out into the fading light. There would be no glorious sunset over the mountains this evening. The sky had been thick with clouds all day. No snow had fallen, although the air had been scented with it all day.

  His phone beeped, indicating a text had arrived. He slipped it out of his pocket, his stomach clenching when he saw Ginger’s name. He tapped the message to open it.

  Look, I got your messages. When I said I needed a break, I meant it. Please stop calling. I can’t see you right now. I’m sorry.

  Cam grabbed his jacket and slammed out of his room. With his stomach churning, he raced out of the lodge to his truck. Maybe Ginger refused to see reason, but he had to talk to her. As he climbed into his truck, his phone vibrated. He yanked it out and answered without thinking. It was his mother. He’d just spoken to her yesterday, so it was unusual for her to call again this quickly. “Hey Mom, what’s up?”