Perfectly Clueless

by Madeleine Labitan

  What he feels for me?

  “B”—Dylan takes a deep breath—“I’m fucking in love with you.”

  Air rushes out of me. “W-What did you just say?” Dylan is in love with me? What… When… How… My mouth goes dry. Pulse pounds a mile a minute, deafening my ears, making me dizzy. Breathe. “B-But you’re back together,” I sputter. “I saw you—”

  He advances on me, his eyes looking even more desperate and frantic than before. His fingers touch my cheek. “I told you it was nothing. She kissed me, not the other way around. I didn’t even kiss her back. And I made it perfectly clear to her that we’re not getting back together.”

  “This”—I shake my head—“is all so confusing.”

  His face falls. “You don’t believe me.”

  I pull away from his touch and sit on my bed. My hands are trembling as I place them on my lap. “What do you want me to say? You just told me you’re in love with me. That’s the last thing I expected to hear from you. I don’t even know what to think.”

  Just a few minutes ago, I decided to let go of my feelings for him. I was ready to give up. Now he’s telling me he’s in love with me. I had no idea. How did it even happen?

  “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  No, he wouldn’t. That’s not Dylan. He’s always been honest. I’m the one who lies. But this doesn’t add up.

  I stare up at him. “Are you sure you’re in love with me? Because a week ago you were just dating Kristen. And days before that you were hooking up with different girls. How—When did you manage to fall for me? How could you even know?”

  And that’s exactly why I’m not jumping up with joy at his confession. Why I can’t bring myself to believe him. It just doesn’t make sense.

  “Did you know when exactly I started scaring guys from going after you?” he asks instead of answering me.

  “When?”

  “When I caught you making out with that dick Harrelson.”

  I stare at him, stunned. “You saw that?”

  “When I saw his hands on you, it almost drove me crazy. I couldn’t stand it. So I told Harrelson I’d break his nose if I ever saw him kissing you again.”

  My mouth falls open. That’s when it started?

  “After that I started threatening guys who dared to show interest in you—at least the ones who had a chance to win you over. At the time, I thought I was just being protective. That I was only looking out for you, steering you away from those douchebags.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard.

  “But that’s not the truth. And it took me a long damn time to realize that. I was a complete dumbass. Seeing you with Mallick scared me. I saw the way you looked at him. I knew right then he had a chance. So I’ve been an asshole, acting out in frustration. And when I realized I’m in love with you, I broke up with Kristen.”

  “Is that why you came over to my house that afternoon? But why didn’t you tell me?” I ask in a quiet voice.

  “I didn’t know what to do. I was completely floored by my feelings for you. Then when I asked if you really liked Mallick, you said yes. I didn’t want to stand in the way anymore. Plus Nick told me to stop being a dick. That I wouldn’t win you that way.”

  “You talked to Nick?” Did Nick tell him I’m in love with him? “Did he say anything else?”

  He barks out a laugh, shaking his head. “He told me he knew about my feelings for you all along, but the fucker didn’t say a thing about it. Just waited for me to figure it all out on my own.” He puffs out a breath, brows drawn together. Is he blushing? “He also said I should take the stick out of my ass and go after my girl before another guy snatches her from me.”

  My girl. The way he said those words. The way he’s looking at me. And his whole confession… All of them are making my heart flutter, urging me to believe him.

  But it’s all too sudden. Too much.

  I suck in a breath, filling my lungs with air. “Dylan, I—”

  He squats in front of me, taking my hands in his. “He also told me to give you time. To not push you. That you’ll be rightfully confused and disbelieving. Turns out he’s right.” He chuckles darkly. “So it’s also right that I listen. I’ve laid all my cards on the table, B. Now it’s your turn to do whatever you want to do to them. Once you made your decision, you know where to find me.” Grazing my cheek with the back of his hand, he gives me a close-lipped smile and stands up.

  Then quietly climbs out my window, leaving me stunned and reeling from his parting words.

  Eighteen

  I don’t know how I managed to sleep soundly last night, but I did. Maybe because Dylan confessed he’s in love with me—in love with me! How did that happen? Did last night even take place? Or was I just dreaming the whole time?

  No, it’s been real. He really came to tell me that.

  A slow smile breaks across my face as I sip my morning coffee. To be honest, I kind of feel like I’m on top of the world. I guess it’s already sinked in.

  But what am I going to do? Dylan said it’s up to me, that the ball is in my court now. Should I go over to his house and declare my love for him?

  I don’t know. All I know is that everything is starting to make sense. Like why he’s been acting like an asshole toward Rohan. Why he was scaring those guys off. Although he already explained it himself, it’s just now starting to be clear to me.

  But I’m still apprehensive.

  If I were any other girl, I’d probably be jumping at the chance to be with Dylan. But I’m not any other girl. I’m the girl who silently pined away while he showered attention to other girls. I’m the one who had to pretend like his hookups didn’t affect me. And that girl turning out to be the one he’s in love with? It’s not an easy transition.

  How do I convince myself that Dylan’s feelings for me are real?

  That question effectively wipes the smile off my face.

  “Princess, is everything okay?”

  “Huh?” I blink at my Dad’s concerned voice, finally noticing that we’re the only two left on the table.

  He’s sitting across from me, with his iPad propped in front of him, a mug of coffee right next to it. “A minute ago you were smiling like a Cheshire cat. Now you’re frowning like someone just died. What’s wrong?”

  Screw it. Dad’s here and I need someone to talk to. It’s not like he’s not the right person for it. He actually gives good advice. And I trust his wisdom.

  “Dylan told me he’s in love with me.”

  “Well, it’s about time,” Dad says, not even the least bit surprised.

  “About time? What do you mean?”

  His eyes soften. “Princess, anyone who’s paying attention can tell that boy has it bad for you. Your mom and I were just waiting for him to stop fooling around and realize it himself.”

  I wrinkle my nose. Are my parents actually rooting for me and Dylan? But Mom was just so excited about Rohan last night.

  “She only gave up when that British kid came along.” Well, that answers that. “I take it the date didn’t go well last night? Otherwise, we would be talking about him, not Dylan.”

  “Oh, the date went well.” I look down, guilt washing over me again. “And I like him, I do. It’s just that—”

  “He’s not Dylan.”

  I nod. “He’s not Dylan.”

  He gives me a stern look. “I hope you made your feelings clear to him.”

  “He actually figured it out himself.” I grimace. “And I still feel terrible about it.”

  “Not much you can do about it. You can’t force yourself when your heart’s not in it. It’s unfair to him and to you,” he says sagely, sipping on his coffee.

  “I know that.” I blow out a sigh. “But it still doesn’t stop me from feeling bad.” I pause for a few beats. “Dad, how did you know that Dylan’s in love with me? What clued you in?”

  Dad rubs his few-day-old stubble. “I guess you can say it’s the little things. When you were kids, he would bring you things just
to make you smile. I remember when your favorite doll broke when you were eight and you were inconsolable. Two days later he came here to give you a new doll—the same replica of your old one.”

  My eyes widen in amazement. “Oh my God, I remember that.”

  Adam had accidentally broken my favorite doll and I had been so devastated. Until Dylan gave me the replacement with a sheepish smile on his face. When I asked him how he managed to get it, he said his mom agreed to buy it in exchange of doing some chores around the house.

  How could I forget that? It was only one of the many momentous things Dylan did for me. Like how he brought me to the music festival last year as a surprise present for my seventeenth birthday.

  So many times he went out of his way to make me happy. And I realize just now that I’ve taken them for granted.

  If I had focused on them long enough, maybe I would have realized a long time ago that he felt the same way. Instead I chose to focus on the girls around him. I chose to bottle my feelings instead of expressing them openly.

  “Of course I also remember him glaring at any boy who dared to look at you for more than a few seconds.”

  I chuckle, remembering the looks Dylan sent Rohan at the drive-in. “He still does that, actually.”

  “So, what’s the problem? Don’t you feel the same?”

  “I do,” I admit. “But I’m scared, Dad. What if he ends up breaking my heart? He isn’t exactly Mr. Commitment.”

  Because where Dylan’s concerned, that’s a possibility. We aren’t even in a relationship and yet I’ve already cried buckets of tears for him.

  “Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. But you'll never know for sure until you try. For what it’s worth, I believe that boy would rather hurt himself than deliberately break your heart.” The soft expression on his face disappears and once again replaced by a stern look. “But this means he’s not allowed to sneak into your room anymore.”

  My eyes bug out. “You know about that?”

  He pats my hand indulgently. “Your mom and I have always known.”

  Nineteen

  I think about what Dad said throughout the day. I also look back at the times Dylan had unknowingly showed me he loves me. How he drapes his jacket over me when I’m cold. How he sits through a thousand chick flicks and rom-coms with me, grumbling under his breath but staying put all the same. How he goes up to my room to fetch me a blanket when he sees me already feeling asleep. How he freely lets me use his arm and shoulder as my personal pillow when that happens. And many other meaningful gestures that I’m only remembering now.

  They all make me realize one thing: Dylan isn’t the only one perfectly clueless. It’s both of us.

  So when afternoon rolls in, I come up with a decision. I spot Dylan’s jacket before heading out the door, and I realize I need a “reason” to see him. Call it lame, but I’m taking it with me.

  Who knows? Maybe he really wants it back. I’m just being a considerate best friend and—hopefully—soon-to-be girlfriend.

  But when I move to grab it, something else falls to the floor.

  A mascara.

  Kristen’s.

  Frowning, I pick it up. I didn’t know she left it behind. Judging from the brand name printed on it, it has to be expensive. Surely, she’ll want this back.

  Guess I have to do something first.

  Twenty minutes later, I find myself standing in front of Kristen’s house and knocking on the door. To be honest, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to come here. I still don’t. But I know that if I’m going to return her mascara, I need to do it here and not in school. I doubt she’d give me the time of the day there.

  The door opens, revealing Kristen who looks pretty even in a simple shirt and yoga pants, the bun on top of her head in complete disarray.

  She greets me with a scowl. “Oh, you.”

  Of course she’s not happy to see me. Why am I not surprised?

  She crosses her arms over her chest. “Did you come here to gloat?”

  I blink at her. “Excuse me?”

  Kristen rolls her eyes. “Dylan already told me, okay? You don’t have to play pretend.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Confusion takes over her features. “Are you actually being serious? You have no idea? She barks out a dark laugh. “You didn’t know that he dumped me for you?”

  Wait, what? Did Dylan actually tell her what he feels for me? No wonder she’s been ignoring me at school.

  “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

  My expression darkens. What is she implying? “If you’re saying Dylan cheated on you with me, you’re way off base. Dylan was faithful to you the whole time. We didn’t fool around and sneak behind your back. I would’ve never done that to you. The whole time you two were together I treated you as a friend. I had nothing to do with your breakup.”

  “Friend, huh?” She shoots me a smile dripping with venom. “Well, friend, if I ask you not to go after Dylan, will you do that?”

  I stare at her mutely, my mouth opening and closing.

  “Thought so.” She smirks. Then her smile turns bitter. “I came to see him Friday night, you know? Hoping to patch things up with him. Thinking he was just confused and I still could change his mind. That he’d see that breaking up with me was a mistake. I was even desperate enough to kiss him. But you know what he did? He pushed me away and told me point blank he’s in love with someone else—you.

  “Can’t say I was completely surprised. I’ve always had a feeling that there’s something between you. I’m not an idiot. Do you think I never noticed how your eyes sparkle whenever you look at him? I know you hated me that night we broke the news to you. You were glaring at us at the party the whole time. Seriously, why do you think I kept kissing him in front of you?”

  I gape at her. “You were doing that on purpose?”

  Here I thought Kristen Stevenson was a goody two-shoes. But turns out, this girl can be just as much as a bitch as I am. Clearly, I was wrong in my assessment of her.

  “Why did you even befriend me?”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “You’re my enemy. I had to keep you close.”

  Wow. She really is a bitch. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually impressed. She had me fooled.

  “I thought I was winning.” Her lips form a thin line. “But I couldn’t make Dylan let go of you no matter how I tried. I couldn’t seem to shake you off. He talked about you all the time. Bianca this, Bianca that—ugh, it was so annoying.

  “It’s like you were always there with us even when you were not. And you were always a priority to him. I’ll never forget how he ditched me just to drive you home.” She sneers, “Well, that explains it now. The asshole is just as into you.”

  I already decided that I believe Dylan. That I’m going to take a chance on him. But to hear his words practically echoed by someone else—especially Kristen—and after my conversation with Dad this morning, I know now that I made the right choice.

  Without thinking, I break into a giddy smile.

  Kristen, on the other hand, looks like she wants to punch me in the face.

  Shit, why do I have to be so insensitive? “Kristen—”

  “Now that you know, feel free to get lost. Your time to gloat is over.” She moves to close the door, but I put up a hand to stop her.

  “Wait. That’s not why I’m here.” Fishing the mascara from my pants pocket, I show it to her. “I actually came over to return it to you.”

  “Oh.” Her face softens, if only a little, as she takes it from me. “I wondered where I left it.”

  “It must have fallen off during our sleepover.”

  Our eyes lock, and I know right then we’re both remembering that night. She already decided I was her enemy. But that sleepover had been a lot of fun for her, too. She genuinely enjoyed herself. She can lie about it all she wants, but she won’t fool me.

  God, it felt so long ago when it only happened last week. So much has
changed since then. I feel a twinge in my chest, knowing the chance of that happening again is zero.

  I clear my throat. “Do you think, if Dylan wasn’t in the picture, we could be friends?”

  Kristen rolls her eyes and looks at me with disdain. “No. You’re not cool enough for me.” Then she slams the door in my face.

  “Bitch,” I mutter, but a small smile pulls at my lips.

  Twenty

  I put Dad’s car into park and turn off the ignition, staring at Walter’s garage. Am I really going to profess my love for Dylan here? Where his dad and a few mechanics are sure to witness the whole thing?

  But this beats doing it at school where we can attract an even bigger audience. I don’t need that kind of attention. I cringe just thinking about it.

  I take a deep breath, my eyes never leaving the garage. I can’t see Dylan from here. But I know he’s there somewhere. He always helps with car repairs during the weekends.

  I wonder if he can see my dad’s car and recognize it. No, I can’t let him come here. I have to go in there myself.

  Ugh. Why are my hands so clammy, my heart hammering like crazy? Why am I so nervous? It’s not like this isn’t going to end well. I already know his feelings. It’s just my turn to come clean to him. There’s no way this is going to end bad, right?

  This is what you’ve always wanted, Bianca. It’s time you go for it.

  I suck in another deep breath. It’s now or never. Pushing the door open, I grab Dylan’s jacket from the passenger seat and climb out of the car, striding purposefully toward the garage.

  It’s Walter who sees me first. He grins widely. Oh yeah, he knows the real reason why I’m here. And it has nothing to do with the jacket in my hand.

  “Boys, why don’t we all take a break for a while? I’m ordering pizza,” he announces to his guys.

  They whistle and cheer on, shuffling inside the shop—most likely toward the pantry. Walter follow after them, but not without mouthing “good luck” to me and winking conspiratorially.

  Fighting back a laugh, I let my eyes wander over to Dylan. He’s in a corner, working under the hood of a black car, wearing coveralls like the last time I was here. He’s leaning forward, his back to me, but I’ll recognize his sexy built anywhere.