For Love or Magic

by Lucy March

  “Eliot?” Desmond’s frantic voice called to me, anchoring me, and I pulled up from the darkness. I opened my eyes a tiny bit, allowing a small shaft of light in, and shards of pain shot through my head. I pulled in another breath, and my lungs burned with a fury.

  “Stacy! Nick! Someone! Help!” Desmond laid me on the grass gently and tipped my head back to open my air passages. I took in another ragged breath and coughed.

  Fuck, I thought. This hurts. But I couldn’t say anything. I was too weak to say anything. All the peace that I’d felt in that space between life and death had gone. I was inside this body which suddenly felt unreasonably heavy and gross. Every inch of me seared with pain like I’d never felt before and yet … I was happy.

  I stretched out my fingers, a tiny movement that took almost all my strength. Immediately, Desmond’s hand was holding mine. I felt him kiss my knuckles, not raising my hand to his lips, but rather lowering himself to me. Then he gently kissed my forehead, and I felt his breath shoot against my skin as a sob overtook him.

  I opened my eyes again, and withstood the pain of the light as my sight adjusted. Finally, I was able to see Desmond looking down at me, the sky bright white and blinding behind him.

  “Help is coming,” he said. “You’re going to be all right.”

  He pulled me into his arms again. I rested my head on his shoulder and looked into the white sky, where Judd looked back down at me. His mouth moved, but I couldn’t hear him. After a moment, he threw me a kiss, gave a short wave, and walked away into the whiteness.

  And then, everything went black.

  *

  The walls of my room were pink.

  The natural light was dim in the room, so it was either dawn or dusk, but I had no idea which. It wasn’t a hospital room, but when I moved my hand, I felt something pulling on the back of my hand, and when I looked down, there was an IV taped on, and a plastic tube running up to what looked like a saline bag. A door opened, and a short, pudgy redheaded woman I’d never seen before stepped in wearing pink scrubs. She walked over to my bag, checked it, and then looked down at me. A look of pleasant surprise washed over her face, and she smiled at me.

  “Well, hello there,” she said. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

  “Um…” My voice was hoarse and my throat was scratchy. The nurse rushed to the nightstand and poured some water from a plastic hospital pitcher into a plastic hospital cup. I drank gratefully and tried again.

  “Where am I?” I asked.

  “Olivia Kiskey’s house,” she said. “My name is Beverly. I live down on Jefferson, by the old laundromat?”

  “Oh. Right,” I said. “Yeah, I go there.”

  “It’s a good place. Anyway, I work with Peach at the hospital. I smuggled in the equipment.” She winked at me. “Apparently, treating magical injuries at the hospital can make things worse, so we’ve had that British doctor managing your care.”

  My heart started to race at the mention of what I presumed to be Desmond, but Beverly didn’t seem to notice.

  “Anyway, you’ve been out for about fifteen hours, but everything is going to be just fine. We’ve set up a triage here for magical injuries, and that guy has been running around like a chicken with his head cut off.”

  “You mean … you mean Desmond, right?”

  She waved a hand in the air and laughed. “Is that his name? I came in and he started barking orders at me and I just took to calling him Doc. We were never really introduced.” She sat down on the edge of my bed. “So … this magic thing. That’s a pip, huh?”

  “Yeah,” I said, looking at her. “You live in town? Do you…?”

  Her expression remained friendly, but I could see a hint of freaked-out in her eyes. “Night magic. I do a thing with my hands, there’s a whole bunch of weird green sparks, and then poof! Watermelon.” She laughed. “It’s the damnedest thing. ‘What’s your magic?’ is the new pickup line at Happy Larry’s. It’s crazy.” She patted the bed and sat up. “Well, honey, it’s still early. Maybe you should go back to sleep.”

  “Um … the doctor…? Is he…?”

  “He’s sleeping,” she said. “Finally. They said something like he hadn’t slept since the fireworks, poor guy. Are you all right? Did you want me to wake him?”

  “Oh.” Yes. Yes. Yes. “No. Let him sleep. I’ll see him later. I’m fine.”

  “All right, honey.” Beverly started for the door, then stopped and turned around. “We’re not supposed to talk to you about it. The doc says not to upset you or anything, but…” She took in a deep breath, and her chin quivered a bit. “I’ve got a small boy. He’s twelve years old. The magic hit and he was so excited. We didn’t know it would hurt him to use it, so we let him play and then…” She let out a sharp sigh and swiped at her eyes. “Well, you know. I was scared to death, and then all of a sudden, this blue spark whips over town and our TV set stops working and he just hops out of bed and asks for Fruit Loops.” She laughed. “We’re not supposed to say anything to you, but I just can’t leave this room without saying thank you for saving my little boy.”

  Her eyes filled with tears and she rushed over and gave me a quick hug.

  “Don’t tell the doc I said anything, okay? He’ll skewer me with a fire poker if he finds out I defied his direct orders.”

  I smiled. “I won’t say anything.”

  “Good. We’ll keep it just between us girls, then.” She headed back toward the door. “You sure there’s nothing I can get for you, Ms. Parker?”

  “No, thank you,” I said. “And you can call me Eliot.”

  “Okay, Eliot. If you need anything, there’s a little wireless button on your nightstand there that will ring a bell downstairs.” She laughed. “We had to go get ’em at the Home Depot out in Buffalo. Nothing in this town works anymore!”

  And with that, she slipped out and shut the door behind her. In the hallway, I heard the tone of her voice talking to someone, and a moment later, the door opened slowly, and Desmond walked in.

  He stood there by the door for a while, just watching me. Unlike Beverly, Desmond wasn’t dressed for the job, and he looked like hell. His face was sporting a patchy layer of scruff, his tie was gone, his shirt unbuttoned at the collar and half sticking out of his trousers, which were wrinkled and still had grass stains on the knees.

  “Wow,” I said. “You clean up good.”

  He let out a short laugh and looked down at himself, and it seemed as if this was the first thought he’d given to his appearance in days.

  “Yes. Well.” He walked over to me and pulled a chair up next to my bed, but didn’t say anything, just stared at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read, except to tell that it wasn’t happy. He picked up a notebook that was sitting on the edge of my bed; I guessed that was my medical chart. “It looks like your vitals are improving.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going,” I said. “You would have tried to stop me.”

  “You’re right.” His eyes landed heavily on mine. “I would have. It was stupid and reckless and it might not even have worked—”

  “But it did,” I nudged.

  “But it might not have.” His face was stony calm, much as it had been when he’d been sitting over my dead body. He lowered his eyes, going back to the notebook. “I would like to keep you under observation here for another twenty-four hours at least.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again. “I know that was hard on you.”

  “You can’t begin to know…” He trailed off, his eyes still on the notebook, but I could tell he wasn’t focused on the writing.

  “I know,” I said. “I was there. I was watching.”

  He looked up at that, his dark eyes wild. “No. I was there. I held your body.”

  “I know,” I said, but then he looked up with dark fury in his eyes and said, “You don’t know!”

  I went quiet and waited for him to talk again. It took a while, but he did.

  “I apologize for s
peaking harshly to you. I don’t mean to. You did what you thought was best, and you were triumphant. You saved an entire town full of people, and given the choice to do it again, you would do it again. It’s who you are, and it’s why I—”

  He stopped short, gathered himself, then started again.

  “It’s why I think so highly of you,” he said, very carefully, as if each word was a struggle. I would have felt elated at the confession, except I knew what was coming next. I could see it on his face.

  “For years, I felt nothing. And then, one day, I felt everything. It was like stepping into the sun after being in a dark room for too long. It blinded me, and it was excruciating. So I moved back into the shadows and stayed there. I maintained a distance between myself and others. It was working out rather well. Until I met you.”

  I felt tears pushing at the sides of my eyes, so I clenched a fist to keep control. He had been so strong for me. Now it was my turn.

  “You were so charming, so intelligent, so breathtakingly beautiful—”

  I snorted, unable to stop myself, and he smiled sadly at me.

  “So tragically incapable of graciously accepting a compliment.”

  “I mean … thank you,” I said, trying to lighten things a bit.

  “Well done,” he said softly, and visibly steeled himself for the rest of it. “Everything happened so quickly, and under such intense circumstances … had we simply met and gotten to know each other like normal people … maybe…” He stared out the window for a moment, then shook his head. “But … probably not. Every emotion is overwhelming for me. Happiness at seeing a friend. Sadness at a television commercial…”

  “Oh,” I said. “The one with the puppies and the grandma?”

  He smiled. “It’s why I gave up my television. It’s why I keep myself at a remove from people. I just snapped at you for being foolish and reckless, but that’s exactly what I’ve been. It was so careless of me to allow any of this to happen, and I apologize, Eliot. I shouldn’t have allowed it to go as far as it did.” He looked at me, his expression tormented and tired. “Finding you in the town square yesterday, I felt … shattered. I don’t know how else to describe it, and the word falls woefully short of the experience. Every part of me now is a ragged piece, and when I feel emotions, they all cut into me. And when I look at you, I feel … emotion.” He sank back into the chair, dropped his eyes, and spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. “Do you understand?”

  He seemed almost like a little boy. So lost, so vulnerable. And of course, I knew exactly what he was talking about. For those moments, I felt it. Before shooting back into my body, that excruciating pain I’d felt hadn’t been mine. It had been his. And if being with me was going to make him feel like that, how could I possibly ask it of him?

  It was at that moment, of course, that I broke down. My chin quivered and my eyes filled and tears fell down my cheeks and the poor guy … he just looked wrecked.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m okay, but you have to go.” I reached over and hit the button by the bed, and Desmond stood up, moving closer.

  “Are you all right? Is there anything you need? Are you in pain?”

  “I’m fine. I’m fine.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it tight and trying to show in my face that I wasn’t angry, that I didn’t blame him, that it was okay. “It’ll take me a couple of weeks, but I can go back to Massachusetts, or maybe … Emerson’s gone now. He’s probably left me an estate or something.” I let out a laugh that turned into a sob. “I’m probably rich.”

  “Eliot, it’s not necessary for you to leave—”

  “No, I should. I mean, we can’t risk bumping into each other on the street. If I cause you pain when you see me—”

  “There will be no risk,” he said. “I’m leaving, tomorrow.”

  I blinked up at him, stunned. “But … they’re going to need a special doctor, someone who understands…”

  “They will,” he said, his face stony. “I have a friend from Niagara Falls, who is both a magical and a physician. He’ll be setting up a practice in town. You’re well enough that you no longer need me, and everyone should be fine under Beverly’s care until he gets here.”

  “And now that Emerson is gone, there’s no reason for you to stay,” I said, finishing his thought. “And every reason for you to leave.”

  We went silent for a bit, my hand clutching his as I tried not to cry and failed miserably, knowing this was probably the last time I’d ever see him. He reached out and touched my face and when I looked up at him, he looked like hell. His face was stony, but his eyes were hot with pain, and it hurt me just to see it. I couldn’t imagine what he was feeling, how terrifying it must be to know that if you felt anything, even happiness, it would sear through you like a hot poker.

  There was a gentle knock on the door, and we released our hands. Beverly walked in, saying, “Sorry that took me so long, honey, but I had a kid got knocked in the head with his own magical baseball bat and we have to heal the stupid just the same as the smart.” She saw my expression then, and her eyes shot up to Desmond. “Doc? Everything okay?”

  Desmond kept his head lowered. “She’s on track for a full recovery. She should remain on observation until tomorrow, and then she can go home.”

  With that, he handed the notebook to Beverly and walked out the door. Beverly glanced down at the notebook, a look of confusion on her face, but jerked her head back up when I broke out into unrelenting sobs.

  “Oh, honey.” She walked around and sat down on the bed next to me, pulling me into her arms. “Oh, shhhh. I know it’s scary being all cooped up. You should have seen me after my C-section. I cried for three days straight, and the nurses were…”

  She kept talking, running her hand over my hair and getting me tissues, just talking endlessly, somehow understanding on instinct that what I needed at the moment was to think about anything other than my own consuming sadness.

  Chapter 16

  “Well, that’s the stupidest line of bullcrap I’ve ever heard,” Stacy said, stabbing a hot dog off the grill and stuffing it into her bun. We were at Liv and Tobias’s, celebrating a return to what passed for normalcy in Nodaway Falls with a barbecue. Liv handed out margaritas while Tobias manned the grill; apparently, Stacy’s job that day was to be pissed off at Desmond.

  “Asshole just got me to like him again, then he just takes off and leaves town, abandoning you?” Stacy rolled her eyes and sat down on the Adirondack chair next to mine. “I’m telling you, if I had any idea where that limey butthole went, I’d hunt him down and beat the hell out of him.”

  “It’s weird,” Liv said, taking a sip of her margarita. “You hating him isn’t that much different from you forgiving him.”

  “Stacy is a complicated woman,” Leo said, taking a bite of his burger. “It’s why I love her so much.”

  “Look, it’s okay,” I said. “We weren’t even really a thing. We were—”

  “If you say ‘just friends’ I’ll smack you,” Stacy said. “And it’s not okay for him to leave you like that. If he’d just allow himself to feel something, if he’d sit down and get it all out with a good cry like Leo does, he’d be fine.”

  Tobias snorted, and Leo shot Stacy a look. “Hey.”

  Stacy patted his knee. “It doesn’t take away from your masculinity, honey. It takes strength to cry, and feel your feelings, and deal with whatever’s bugging you. That makes you manlier than any of these other guys.”

  At this, Tobias’s posture straightened. “Hey.”

  “All I’m saying,” Stacy went on, “is that Desmond’s problem isn’t from the potions. It’s from being Desmond. Hell, when he saw Eliot, the woman he loves, lying on the ground, dead as a doornail, he didn’t even cry. Seriously, what the fuck?”

  “He didn’t love me,” I said. “It never got that far. We were just—”

  “Don’t say it,” Stacy warned. “I’ll have to kill you and I’m starting to like you a little b
it.” She went quiet for a moment, then shook her head and said, “I don’t care what you say, that man loves you. Maybe he didn’t cry, but I saw the look on his face, and it wasn’t the look of a man who had just lost his favorite piece of ass.”

  “Stace,” Liv said, warning in her voice, and when I looked up, she was shooting a worried expression my way. I smiled at her, as much as I could.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “Really, I love reliving this whole thing. Can we do it some more?”

  “Sorry.” Stacy patted me on the knee so I would watch as she stuffed her hot dog in her mouth, shutting herself up. She smiled around a mouthful of food, and everyone groaned and laughed.

  “You are disgusting,” I said.

  “I’m adorable,” she taunted back, mouth still full.

  And I had to admit it; she was.

  It had only been a week since the magical world had broken open at Nodaway Falls, and somehow, most things were oddly normal. Amber had taken over my job at Happy Larry’s and it was a perfect fit. She was mean to the patrons and made an absolute ton in tips, without having to be constantly corrected by my father. She did show up at my place with flowers when the news came that his body had been found in a hotel room in Buffalo, which I thought was nice, and some evidence that he’d had a good influence on her, at least a little.

  Meanwhile, a lawyer had been in touch with me, and while I was still living off my Happy Larry’s tips at the moment, it did appear that Emerson’s life insurance and estate were going to keep me in lights and dog kibble for the rest of my life. I was in no rush for it, though; I didn’t have any big plans.

  I hadn’t seen Judd since the day I died, and that was okay. I missed him, sometimes, a little, but I was glad he’d finally gone toward the light. Maybe he and Emerson were out there on the other side, having the dead-guy equivalent of a beer. I had no idea if that was even possible, but the idea made me happy.

  “Watch out, everybody. The party is here!”

  I looked up to see Peach, Nick, and baby Josie coming through the back gate. Peach looked amazing; five days past giving birth, and she was already moving faster than I was. She had dragged me out at five in the morning that day to go on a training run.