True Beauty

by Shelia E. (Lipsey) Bell

  30

  His hands are saying that he wants to hold her. His feet are saying that he wants to chase after her... He's probably forgotten that I'm here, beside him.

  Layla lay underneath the sanctity of Tyreek’s arm, which was wrapped securely around her shoulders. Their lovemaking had left Layla sure, more than ever, that she was falling deeply in love with him. She snuggled closer to him, her backside nestled against his front, so close that there was no space between them. Looking up toward him, their eyes locked.

  He leaned forward and kissed her on her lips. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Oh, just about how happy I am right now.” She shifted her body over to directly face him. “Everything is finally going right in my life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, things have definitely been better than ever, but it’s like the icing on the cake now. I’ve met someone who makes me feel whole, complete.” Tears glistened in both corners of her eyes. “I can’t help it, I’m in love with you, Tyreek.”

  Tyreek’s relaxed body stiffened. He lifted himself up and rested on his elbow. Looking down at Layla he sighed then said, “I don’t think what you feel for me is love. At least I hope it isn’t.”

  Layla moved her naked body until she was sitting upright in the bed. Tyreek sat up too. She looked at him with disdain. “Why do you hope it’s not like that? I can’t help it if I love you. Don’t you feel the same?”

  “I like you. I like you a lot. But love, it’s way too soon for me to say those words. And it should be the same for you.”

  Layla stared. A look of disbelief plastered on her face. “I cannot believe this.” She pushed the sheets off of her and preceded to grab her clothes from the nearby bedroom chaise.

  “What are you doing?” he asked. “I know you aren’t calling yourself getting an attitude because I don’t want you to be in love with me.”

  “Oh, it’s more than an attitude.” She continued talking while she hurriedly dressed like she was late for a flight. “I cannot believe I let myself fall for your crap. I see why you hit it off with Envy so well.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean? You women kill me. You always say you want a man who will tell you the truth, then when you run across one, you blow up when he doesn’t say what you want to hear. I said I like you, Layla. I like you a lot. But I am not in love with you. I’m not trying to hurt you, or upset you, but I won’t lie to you either. Who knows, maybe one day my feelings will change, but right now, I’m not trying to fall in love, sweetheart.”

  By the time Tyreek finished talking, he was standing next to Layla in what he came into the world wearing.

  “You should have told me that in the beginning then.” Layla yelled. “I don’t lay down with just anybody. You waltz up into church like you’re a changed man, filling my head with your game, pretending like you’re just so wrapped up in me. Well, never again. You can count on that. Lose my number.”

  Layla stepped in her pumps and headed toward Tyreek’s living room where she grabbed her purse off the end table. She stomped toward the door, digging frantically inside her purse with each step, until she pulled out her car keys.

  “So this is how you want things to end between us?” Tyreek’s hands stretched toward her. “Just because I don’t want things moving too fast? Why can’t we take things slow? We don’t have to get all caught up. Let’s enjoy one another. That’s all I’m saying. I just got a little nervous hearing you talk that love stuff.”

  She swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. “I can’t help the way I feel, Tyreek. Maybe you’ve become so used to being used by Envy, that you’ve actually become a male version of her. Well, I can’t, and I won’t be some sleep buddy for you. You’ve got the wrong one, baby.” She put on her last stitch of clothes and proceeded to walk out of his bedroom and toward the back door.

  Tyreek followed behind her – still stark naked. With outstretched hands he said when she reached the door, “So this how you’re going to act? You’re just going to walk away from the best man you’ve ever had in your life? Yeah, I know all about how fat you used to be, and how you lost all that weight. You never had someone to make love to you the way I do. Admit it, Layla.”

  Layla remained absolutely motionless for a moment before she grabbed the door handle. “I wish I could say what I want to say to you. But my momma always told me that God don’t like ugly. And if I stay here one minute longer, you’re going to see just how ugly I can get.

  Layla fought back tears as she climbed in her car, nervously fumbled until she got the key in the ignition, shifted to reverse and hit the pedal to the medal. “I will not cry. I will not cry.” She could not believe that she had allowed herself to fall for Tyreek so quickly. Maybe she didn’t know what true love was after all. Tyreek had certainly pulled the wool over her eyes. As she continued to clock miles that separated her from Tyreek, her thinking slowly changed. She admitted that there was some validity to what he said. He never professed to love her, only that he liked her. She was the one who lost control. Had she confused sex with love? How could she blame him for being honest about his feelings? She had given up the love of Dennis for the kind of man she thought she wanted. She was wrong and now she had no one to turn to. No one that is, accept for – God. “Lord, I’ve done it again. I’ve messed up. Forgive me again for putting a man before you. I’m hurt, but this time I realize that you’ve got me in the palms of your hands – and I will survive.”

  By the time she pulled into her driveway twenty minutes later, she succumbed to the hurt that was steadily mounting. Her heart pounded and her head rested heavily on the steering wheel. She released the tears that she had fought hard to hold back.

  Her cell phone ringing startled her. She answered it without recognizing the number.

  “Hello.”

  “My mind fell on you the other day. I don’t know why; I just know it did. I’m not calling to bug you, I just want to know how you’re doing,” Dennis said.

  Layla’s red, swollen eyes grew even larger. She quickly wiped her runny nose with an old tissue she found in her purse.

  “Dennis?” She tried to sound as normal as possible.

  “Yeah, look, I just want to know how you’re doing.”

  “I’m…I’m fine.” She barely got the words out. She couldn’t believe it was Dennis, But why now? Why did he have to call her now after what she’d just gone through with Tyreek? “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. Well, now that I know you’re doing okay, I won’t hold you. It’s good to hear your voice, Layla. Sorry if I disturbed you.”

  “Wait, Dennis. You didn’t disturb me. I was just pulling up in my driveway. I’m about to go inside. I didn’t recognize your number.”

  “I switched cell phone carriers. I started to keep the same number, but I changed my mind and just told them to give me a new one.”

  “Oh, I see.” She was at a loss for words. Hearing Dennis’s voice was soothing to her. She walked up to her apartment, unlocked the door, closed it behind her and went straight to her favorite chair and sat down. What could she say to Dennis? She was still reeling from the night’s events with Tyreek. Did Dennis feel as bad as she did right now when she broke things off with him? Was this payback of some kind?

  Silence invaded the connection between them.

  “Listen, take care of yourself, Layla. Be happy.”

  Layla felt an onslaught of fresh tears about to surface. She fought hard to hold them back because she didn’t want Dennis to hear the hurt in her voice.

  “Dennis−”

  “Yeah?”

  She wanted to tell him she was sorry for hurting him the way that she did. She wanted to rush over to his house and bury herself inside the sanctity of his arms, but she couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Anyway, knowing Dennis, or rather knowing the women out there he encountered on a daily basis, she was almost sure that someone had snatched him up. Any woman with a lick of sense could see that Dennis was a great catch. Any woman but her that
is. She’d messed up a good thing and there was no way she could expect him to want her back in his life.

  “Maybe we can have lunch sometime,” she blurted out.

  She could hear Dennis sigh. “Uh, wouldn’t that be a little awkward? I mean you’re in a relationship, aren’t you?”

  “You know me,” she said trying to feign happiness. “This is the new and improved Layla. I’m not committed to anyone. But I totally understand if you don’t want to. I know you’ve moved on.”

  “I’ll call you later this week about lunch.”

  “Oh, uh.”

  “You sound surprised,” he said.

  “I guess I am. After the way I’ve treated you.”

  “Layla, I love you.” His voice was still full of tenderness. “I always have. And to be honest, I miss you.”

  Layla let the tear drops fall. What a fool she’d been. Yet, here this man was still telling her that he loved her and missed her.

  “Dennis, I don’t know what to say. I never meant to hurt−”

  “Let’s not go there. I’ll call you in a few days, okay?”

  “I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Goodnight, Layla.”

  “Goodnight, Dennis.”

  Layla hit the End button on her cell. She curled up in her chair and cried until her phone rang again. It was Tyreek. She couldn’t talk to him now. She didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. He’d said more than enough already. She turned off her cell phone, got up and went to her bedroom and prepared to take a shower.

  Dennis, Dennis, Dennis. How can you still love me?

  The jet streams of water washed her outward body, while her inner spirit was being renewed by something stronger than she was. Maybe she didn’t quite know it or understand it just yet. But in the grand scheme of things, Layla would have to come to learn that beauty goes far deeper than outward appearances.

  When she got out of the shower, she dried off and put on her pj’s. She got ready to get in bed, hoping sleep would come quickly so she wouldn’t have to relive the day’s events.

  Turning her cover back, Layla climbed underneath the sheet and comforter. As she reached for the remote, she saw her opened Bible on the nightstand. Her parents taught her to always keep a Bible in the house, and always keep it open so the word of God would be visible and plain. Every few days, without really thinking, Layla flipped the pages of the Bible. Without giving it much thought she picked it up and it was the book of Jeremiah. She saw a verse she must have highlighted during one of Pastor Betts’ sermons, or maybe it was a special passage she’d read at an earlier time. Jeremiah twenty-nine verses eleven and twelve were highlighted. Layla read the two verses with intensity.

  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

  God was speaking to her. It was so plain. Why else out of all the places she could have had opened in her Bible was it on Jeremiah and these two verses highlighted? The hurt she had been feeling began to slowly disappear. Layla got down on her knees and began seeking the man her parents had taught her about since she and her siblings were toddlers. Somehow after she finished praying, Layla knew that no matter what tomorrow held, she was going to be just fine.

  31

  "Fight one more round. When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round, remembering

  that the one who always fights one more round is never whipped."

  The three friends gathered at a little spot called GG’s for Girls’ Night Out. It was a totally different scene from the places they used to go for their get together. They ordered their food and while they waited the quaint restaurant known for superb service and food was filled to the brim with their chatter.

  Layla told them about her lunch date with Dennis. “We had a good time. I don’t know where or if it’s going to lead to anything, but it’s like we’re starting all over again.”

  “What about you and Tyreek,” remarked Kacie. “Have you heard from him lately?”

  “He’s been calling and I keep telling him the same thing. I’m not going to subject myself to his kind. For him to even think that I should be lucky to have him?” Layla crinkled her lips and waved her hand. “I don’t think so. There’s nothing more I have to say to him.”

  “Good for you,” replied Kacie.

  “I agree,” added Envy. “Your worth is not based on what he thinks about you. Take some time and learn who you are, Layla. Since I released my past mistakes, I feel better, so much better. I’m enjoying spending time really getting closer to God. I’m not sitting here trying to sound like I’m all perfect and everything. I still have lots of growing to do.”

  “And what about Leonard?” asked Layla.

  “Yeah,” said Kacie. “What’s up with you two?”

  “I guess I have to admit to you two that, well, how do I say this. Umm, I’m enjoying spending time with Leonard, getting to know him and he’s getting to know me. Who knows where our relationship is going, but for now, I can tell you that I really do care about him.”

  “Ooooo, I’ll be praying some more for y’all then.” Kacie chuckled.

  “Yes, First Lady,” teased Envy. “But seriously,” Envy said and looked at Layla. “Layla, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say for a long time now.”

  “What?” Layla remarked.

  “About everything that happened between me, you and Tyreek.”

  “Girl, please. That’s all in the past.”

  “I still have to say this. None of it was worth jeopardizing our friendship over. God has blessed me with freedom from my past, yet I was still being spiteful and vindictive.”

  “Envy, there’s no need to bring that up again. Tyreek is a goner anyway, and you and Kacie are my girls. Nothing will ever change that.”

  “I know, but it’s like God has been impressing upon my heart to tell you this, so please let me say it. It’s time that I do better and act better.”

  “You are doing better. We all are, in my opinion,” Kacie interjected.

  “Yes, we are. And I think it all started when you stepped out that day in church and rededicated your life to God. It’s like soon after that, I understood the importance of getting my soul right, my head on straight, my heart right, and my present ironed out.

  I’m tired of holding back my heart. Holding back the love I want desperately to give. I was turning into a bitter and angry person.”

  Layla giggled and jokingly remarked, “You got that right.”

  Kacie laughed too. “Go on, Envy. We were just messing with you. Finish saying what’s on your heart.”

  “Well, to think that I had the capacity to treat you the way I did, Layla. My best friend too? Someone whose been by my side through all of what I’ve been going through? I mean what was the big deal if you and Tyreek did make some good happen in your lives? Who was I to try to ruin it? But I tried, and thank God I failed miserably. I’ve really learned a lot about myself over these past months. Sometimes we can hang on to the past so tight that we can’t move into the future that God has designed for us. I just want to tell both of you how much I love you and how sorry for all the foolish things I’ve done to you. Won’t you all forgive me?” Envy asked looking at Kacie and then allowing her eyes to rest on Layla.

  “How can we not forgive you,” replied Layla. “I think I can speak for both me and Kacie when I say that all of us have done things toward each other that hasn’t always been in the other ones best interest. But it’s part of growing and getting to know one another. It’s part of friendship. We share the ups and the downs – together. And there are going to probably be other times when we have our knock out drag out disagreements, but as long as we don’t let it keep us apart, we’ll be fine.”

  “I agree,” said Kac
ie. “Every day we’re allowed to be here on this earth is another opportunity to live to the fullest. There’s not time to hold petty grudges against each other. You two are my rocks, well, other than Cecil.” Kacie beamed and started laughing.

  “Yea, tell us about it,” said Envy. “We know that Minister Cecil has taken our top spot. But it’s cool. I ain’t mad at you.”

  “I know I’m not,” said Layla.

  “So, now can we eat? My catfish is getting cold and I think a tear just fell in it,” said Envy.

  They all laughed and began to eat.

  It was amazing. The lives of three friends were being transformed. They once had self-made definitions of true beauty, but slowly they were beginning to see themselves the way God sees them. Kacie, Envy, and Layla felt it, but more importantly, they believed it was good—ALL good.

  Words from the Author

  Kacie, Layla, and Envy experienced situations in their lives that shook them to the core. Some of the mistakes they made were of their own making, some were because of the circumstances of life, and others were brought on because of other people.

  They equated beauty with the way they looked, the way they walked, the possessions they owned. They mistook love for something that was meant to hurt, kill, steal, and destroy; when the Word of God says that the devil is the one who is out to kill, steal, and destroy. God is a God of love. No matter what He allows to enter into your life, He remains in total control.

  When God told Satan that he could try Job, Satan was given certain instructions and rules to abide by. One of them was that he could not kill Job.

  Many times in our lives we believe that when problems, troubles, and tragedy enter our lives, we are down for the count. We don’t ever see how we can get up again—but God can take any bad situation and transform it into something that will turn around and glorify Him.

  Kacie had seven children by seven different men. She had a physical handicap too; yet God used her to help renew and restore her friends. He showed her both sides of what being a mother meant.