In Case You're Curious

by Planned Parenthood

  WHY HAVEN’T I GOTTEN BOOBS YET? MY SISTER’S ARE HUGE!

  It’s important to remember that everyone’s body is different. And all bodies are great, whether they have big boobs, small boobs, or no boobs. It is possible you will have breasts (boobs) the same size as your sister’s, but it is also possible that your breasts will be smaller or bigger than hers. Breasts grow during puberty (often between the ages of 8 and 16), but they can change throughout a person’s life. For example, if a person gains or loses a lot of weight, or gets pregnant, their breasts may change in size. People can’t control when their boobs grow or how big they will get.

  WHY DON’T BOYS GET PERIODS?

  The simple answer? It’s all about anatomy! People with penises don’t get periods because they don’t have a uterus. A period happens when the uterus sheds its lining.

  The term “boy” refers to gender. If someone has a uterus and identifies as a boy, they can get their period. See chapter 4 for more information on gender.

  Don’t worry, it’s not forever! It’s normal to bleed anywhere from two to seven days during a period. The full menstrual cycle lasts from the first day of a period to the first day of the next period. The average menstrual cycle is about twenty-five to thirty days, but it can be as short as twenty-one days or longer than thirty-five—it’s different for each person. The number of days in a person’s cycle may also vary from month to month.13 People with vaginas start having their periods during puberty, and will continue having periods until they go through menopause. (For more on menopause Click Here.)

  Especially during puberty, everyone (no matter their gender) goes through emotional cycles because of hormones. For people with vaginas, they may experience these hormonal changes each month in the days or weeks before they start their periods. Some people may feel sad, grumpy, irritable, hungry, tired, or many other emotions; while other people may not have a noticeable change in their mood at all. But remember, just because someone’s feeling moody, it doesn’t always have to do with their period. They could just be having a bad day, or they could be sick of being asked, “Are you on your period?”

  Some people may notice cravings, like for certain foods, while on their period. Despite what people think, craving chocolate isn’t a result of hormones. People usually crave the things that give them comfort because periods don’t always feel great.

  WHAT CAN SOMEONE USE IF THEY ARE ON THEIR PERIOD?

  So many options! There are lots of products to help keep the blood from getting on your clothes. Some people use pads, which stick on the underwear to catch blood as it comes out of the vagina. Some people use tampons, which are inserted into the vagina to absorb blood. People can also use menstrual cups or specially designed sponges, which are inserted into the vagina to hold the blood, and which can be reused. There is even special underwear that helps absorb the blood. With so many options, it’s important to figure out what works for you and your lifestyle.

  You can find directions on how to use each of these options on the packaging.

  A person gets cramps because the uterus is contracting to release menstrual blood. Some people have mild or no cramps, and some people have intense cramps. While cramping can be normal, it should not be so painful that it gets in the way of your ability to do what you usually do. If your period cramps are extra painful or last a really long time, it’s important to talk with a doctor. Some good ways to relieve cramps are: taking a hot bath, taking over-the-counter pain medication, stretching or exercising, or using a heating pad.

  WHEN YOU HAVE A TINGLY FEELING IN YOUR PENIS, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

  A tingling feeling can be different things: an itch, the sensation of needing to pee, or sexual excitement. If a person with a penis is getting sexually excited, the penis might get erect (or hard). This can make the penis stand up and away from the body. A person can choose to do nothing, and the erection will go away (after time, the penis will get soft and lay against the body again). A person could choose to touch the penis, but this should only be done in private. Or a person might choose to be sexual with another person, as long as both people give permission (consent).

  Well, good morning! Getting an erection during sleep or when waking up in the morning is normal and healthy. This is especially common when going through puberty, but can happen at any age. There are different theories why this happens. The two most common theories are: because the body is most relaxed in the morning or, because there are higher amounts of hormones in the morning. Just because a person wakes up with an erection doesn’t mean they were dreaming about something sexy.14

  WHAT DO I DO IF I DON’T WANT PUBERTY TO HAPPEN?

  Ready or not, you can’t hide from puberty. puberty is a time in life when people go through many changes, and these changes are physical, emotional, and social. Everyone feels differently about puberty and the changes the body is going through, especially when it is happening to their body. Puberty starts and ends at different times for different people, and it is a very individual experience. With all these changes, some people are excited and like the idea of going through puberty, while others get worried or anxious about the idea. One way to handle all the emotions and changes is to discuss what you are feeling with someone you trust.

  WILL I REALLY GROW HAIR EVERYWHERE?

  Although there is a lot of hair that starts growing during puberty, do not fear—it will not grow everywhere! Most people will grow thicker, darker hair on their legs. Hair will begin to grow under the arms and in the pubic area (on the vulva, the scrotum, and the area around the penis). Some people might start to grow hair on their chest and face. Wow, that does seem like everywhere! But here’s the cool thing: your body is your own. You get to decide what to do with the new hair. Some people leave it and let it grow, some shave it or wax it, and some people even dye it different colors. Whatever you decide to do with your hair is your choice.

  Don’t worry, you can’t catch puberty! It’s not a cold, it’s a set of physical, emotional, and social changes that happen over time. It might seem like everyone is going through puberty at the same time, but that’s only because everyone goes through puberty at around the same age (usually between the ages of eight and sixteen). Everyone’s body is different, and puberty will start whenever the body is ready. Even though puberty is not contagious, it does happen to everyone. So hold on—it is a fun and wild ride.

  Did you know? Hands and feet growing are often the first signs puberty has started!15

  Can you? Sure. Is that what they are meant for? No. Tampons are meant to be put in the vagina to collect period blood. You should never insert something into the anus/butt that isn’t meant to go there. Inserting something into the butt that is not meant to go in the butt can be harmful and dangerous to the body.

  The “Adam’s Apple” is a bump that sticks out on the front of the neck. It’s not something stuck in the throat—it’s actually the larynx, or voice box, which is located in the throat and gives you your voice. During puberty, the larynx grows larger, usually becoming more noticeable in people with penises. This growth and expansion of the muscles is what causes some people’s voices to get deeper during puberty.16

  WHEN WILL I BE FULLY GROWN?

  “Is someone ever truly fully grown?” Sorry, we went a little deep there! Growing up means different things to different people. If we are thinking about a person’s body developing into adulthood, this is one way people “grow up,” and it is called puberty. Puberty is a time when a person’s body changes from looking like a child’s body to looking like an adult’s body. This typically starts between the ages of eight and sixteen and usually includes at least one big growth spurt. But puberty can take many years, so depending on when someone starts puberty, it may be years before a person is “fully grown.” Being fully grown doesn’t just refer to a person’s body, but it can also refer to brain development. Did you know that a person’s brain isn’t fully developed until twenty-five-years-old? Being fully grown takes time and looks differe
nt for everyone.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “IS TWELVE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW I’M BI?”

  AND OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT SEXUAL ATTRACTION, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, GENDER IDENTITY, AND GENDER EXPRESSION

  WHAT IS GENDER, ORIENTATION, AND EXPRESSION, ANYWAY?

  The Trans Student Educational Resources center created this graph to help people understand gender. And who doesn’t love a unicorn (especially an inclusive, educational unicorn!)?17

  Gender is the way someone feels inside and how they identify themselves. Some examples of how people identify are: woman, man, gender fluid, and queer. But there are many other ways in which people can identify. Gender expression can refer to how someone expresses themselves. Like, how someone dresses, styles their hair, or behaves. A person’s gender identity and gender expression can be different from each other or the same. It’s important to be respectful and not make assumptions about how people identify. Sexual orientation refers to who someone is attracted to. Attraction can be physical, based on how someone looks or the body parts they have, but can also be emotional, based on who they like spending time with. Some people might identify themselves as gay, lesbian, straight, or bisexual. Check out the Gender Unicorn, from TSER, that helps visually break down these differences.

  HOW DO YOU BECOME THE OTHER GENDER?

  When people are born, their sex is recorded at birth, based on if they have a penis or a vagina. The way a person feels inside is their gender. For some people, their sex recorded at birth feels comfortable or right for them. And for some people, it doesn’t feel right or comfortable. If someone feels their sex recorded at birth is not right for them, they might take steps towards affirming their gender, this can be called transitioning. People whose gender identity is different from their sex recorded at birth may identify as transgender, while others may not. Transitioning can be social (how a person dresses) and/ or medical (medicine or surgery) and can be very different for each and every person. The truth is that there’s no right way to transition! No matter how a person identifies or how they express their gender, it is important to respect their identity. If someone needs support around transitioning, it can help to talk to an adult they trust. Check out the Wrap up section for more information and resources. Isn’t it cool that you can identify however you want and make changes that feel right for you.

  WAIT, YOU’RE TELLING ME THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO GENDERS?

  Ah, the age-old question we ask every new parent: blue or pink, boy or girl? Honestly, there are many different beliefs about how many genders actually exist. Sometimes people may be more familiar with the binary two genders, male and female, while others agree there are unlimited gender possibilities. A person’s gender identity can be any of the following and more: woman, man, intersex, gender queer, gender fluid, or gender nonconforming. In the end, though, it doesn’t really matter how many genders there actually are—just that you respect how others identify themselves, and they respect how you identify yourself! Check out page 96 (gender unicorn) for more information on gender.

  HOW DO YOU BECOME GAY/BI/LESBIAN?

  Sexual orientation is not a choice. Sexuality is a lifelong process, starting with understanding yourself and leading to understanding who you are attracted to. Sometimes sexual orientation changes over time, and sometimes it stays the same. Sexual orientation cannot be changed with therapy, treatment, or pressure from family or friends. Each person defines their own sexual orientation.18

  Not at all! People can know their orientation, or who they like, at any age. “Bisexual” refers to a person who is attracted to two genders. As people go through puberty, they often start to notice who they are and aren’t attracted to. They may notice that they get butterflies in their stomach when that cute boy from math class walks past, or that their cheeks become rosy when they watch a movie starring their favorite actress. Sometimes people may tell you things like, “You’re just confused” or “You’re just experimenting.” But honestly, you know yourself best—and only you know how you identify and who you’re attracted to. Some people know their attraction and sexual orientation right away, and others may need some time to explore it.

  HOW DO I KNOW IF MY FRIEND LIKES GIRLS TOO?

  Wouldn’t it be so cool if we had special gadgets to tell us to whom someone is attracted to? Unfortunately, we can’t ever know who someone is attracted to unless they tell us. You get to decide if you want to share your sexual orientation with your friends. But just because you share your sexual orientation, it does not mean they have to share that information with you. Your friend might feel comfortable telling you, or they might not. It’s their own decision as to who they decide to tell, so it’s important to respect their feelings.

  It can be really tough having a crush on a friend. And honestly, this may be true no matter what their sexual orientation is. It can be hard to know exactly how to act around them or how to feel towards them. And it can be especially hard to figure out how they feel towards you. Whenever this happens, you have some options for how to handle the situation. You may decide to tell your friend how you feel, or you may decide to keep your feelings private. But it’s important to know that people can’t change to whom they are attracted to. So if your friend expresses that they don’t feel the same way towards you, you need to respect their feelings. It might also be helpful to talk with them about how you both can feel comfortable in your friendship moving forward.

  Why not? Only you can decide how (and if) you identify your sexual orientation. Who you date, or even who you have sex with, does not have to determine your sexual orientation. Dating a new person won’t change your orientation unless you want it to.

  WHY ARE PRONOUNS SO IMPORTANT?

  A person’s pronouns can often help communicate their gender to others. Some people might use the pronouns “he/him,” others might use “she/her,” and others might use “they/them.” They know themselves best, so only they can say which pronouns are right for them. Being mis-gendered (meaning being addressed as a gender outside of the one you identify with) can often be hurtful. To be respectful of a person’s gender and validate their identity, it’s important to use the pronouns that they ask you to use. Using the correct pronouns can help everyone feel safe and respected—and is not that hard!

  HOW DO I KNOW IF SOMEONE IS GAY?

  The only way to know if someone is gay is for them to tell you themselves! You can’t tell someone’s sexual orientation by the way they look, act, or talk. A lot of people will make assumptions, but you cannot tell who someone is attracted to by any of those things. And really, do we even need to know? A person’s sexual orientation is their own business, and if they feel like disclosing it, they will.

  How do I know if someone is trans?

  Just like with sexual orientation, the only way to know if someone is transgender is for them to tell you. You can’t tell someone’s gender by the way they look, act, or talk.

  I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY SEX IS SUCH A BIG DEAL. I DON’T REALLY HAVE THE URGE TO BE SEXUAL. IS THAT OK?

  Heck yeah! Everybody has a different level of sexual desire. Some people have a lot, some people only feel desire after getting to know another person really, really well, and some people don’t have any sexual desire at all. All of those are okay, normal, and healthy. Some people want a romantic relationship but do not want a sexual relationship. Often, people who don’t feel sexual feelings or desires identify as asexual, or Ace.

  Not necessarily! The decision of whether to tell people about your sexual orientation (coming out) is one that LGBTQ+ people will make often, not just once. So it is a decision you will likely make over and over again throughout your life in many different situations. Some situations may be easier than others, and some may take more thought. People might choose to tell their whole family, or they might choose one or two people to tell first (like a favorite cousin or a sibling). Whether or not you tell your family may depend on your family’s culture, beliefs, and level of support, as well as whe
ther you feel safe with them. This is a personal decision, and only you get to decide if, when, and how you do it.19

  HOW DO I SUPPORT A FRIEND THAT IS GAY?

  How do you support any friend? You listen to them. You try to understand what they are going through. You let them know that you care for them. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are. And hey, it might even help to ask them what they need! Different people need different things to feel loved and supported. Don’t forget it helps to show support in front of other people too. Sometimes people who feel like they always have to defend themselves can use a friend to speak up with/for them.

  There’s not just one reason. Some people feel like it is more inclusive, because the word “partner” can refer to a person of any gender identity or sexual orientation. Some people use the term “partner” so that they don’t have to out their sexual orientation when they talk about their romantic partner. And some people feel like the term better represents their relationship. Always make sure to let someone else define their relationship and use the term that feels best for them.