I’ve tried to figure out if it’s something I did, or if he’s depressed but speaking to him is like drawing blood from a stone.
He used to be such an attentive lover. Our wedding night in particular was magical. He was so happy to have caught me, his words not mine, that he spent two hours worshipping my body with his hands, ridding me of the aches and pains that my dress and heels brought.
I was so in love with him.
So in love that now I’m wondering how I didn’t realize that I’d stopped.
We should have separated months ago.
With that thought in mind, I put on a real smile, and with Maya, we go to Marie’s.
Their apartment is stunning. I keep thinking it and saying it as I wander around with a cocktail in hand. I don’t know what flavor it is; I just know I need more of it. Lots more of it.
I chat with people I know, laugh with people I don’t, drink with people I dislike, and then find Maya and Marie gabbing away in the kitchen.
Standing with them, I drain my glass and move to the punch bowl on the side where more swims around. I could drink this stuff forever. There’s alcohol in it but I don’t know what kind. It’s going down far too well.
“You’re so quiet tonight. You avoiding me?” Marie asks, grinning playfully.
I nod. “You smell.”
“That’s the best you got? I smell? Where’s the fire in you, the urge to burn?”
“You’re mixing me up with Jacob. You passed that burning sensation onto him,” I retort, returning her grin.
Maya snorts into her drink and Marie’s brow rises. She’s about to nail me. I can always tell with her.
Every time I think I win a round she…
“You mean the one you gave to me when you were grinding all up on my body? Begging me for an orgasm?”
… nails it.
“You’re just pissed because I didn’t ask you again.” I flip her off which makes her laugh loudly. “Missed you, ho.”
“Sorry I didn’t text, I’ve been—” She motions to the space around her. “Getting settled.”
“Where’s Jacob? Isn’t this half his party?”
“He is on his way back, I think, he said he’s got to get something first. He vanished with Lucas two hours ago.” She doesn’t look bothered in the slightest. Marie is so laid-back and carefree. She doesn’t stifle anyone. That’s why I’m so surprised she agreed to get married, but she and Jacob are amazing together.
They are totally in love with each other on a level even I don’t understand and I’m a hopeless romantic.
I’ve never seen two people more in sync than them.
“I feel like dancing,” Maya says, bopping her shoulders from side to side.
“Shall we?” Marie asks, holding out her hand to our mutual friend.
Maya nods, slips her hand into hers, and then twirls under her arm gracefully. I step out of the way as my friends fool around, stumbling slightly as they crash into a crate of beer left on the floor by the fridge.
“Who put that there?” Maya demands.
“You did,” Marie replies and takes a whiff of Maya’s hair. “You smell good. Citrusy. Like lemons.”
“You look like lemons too,” I mutter jokingly and they both yank me into their ballroom dancing to country music. By the time we’re done I’m laughing so hard I can hardly breathe.
Marie drops us when the door opens and our crowd of people cheers.
“Hi, honey, I’m home!” Jacob cries above the noise and then he grunts from the force of Marie colliding with him no doubt.
I turn the corner and watch Marie kiss him desperately as though he’s been gone days, not hours. I should feel like that.
Although she’s not normally this sentimental or sappy. I wonder what has gotten into her. Perhaps my perception of how she handles intimacy has been wrong all along.
“Can you move out of my fucking way?” comes another voice, laced with a long, deep chuckle and an accent that’s gentle but there.
I tense. Maya beside me tenses. The room starts spinning.
It’s him.
It’s Mason.
He steps around Jacob and hugs his sister who jabs him in the ribs with her fist and demands, “Where the fuck have you been?”
“You know I can’t talk about it,” Mason mutters, rubbing the spot she just hit.
I panic, having gazed upon his black-shirt-clad chest for too long, not daring to seek his eyes for fear of him seeking mine.
In my drunken state I figure running is a good idea but when I turn to dive into the kitchen, my face meets the doorjamb instead and I immediately taste blood in my mouth as my ass hits the floor with a jarring thud.
Maya roars with laughter so hard she falls to her knees beside me. Marie starts choking for air.
I cup my nose with my hand and panic even more. I can’t breathe, everybody is looking and laughing. I’m so embarrassed.
“Shit, Summer, are you okay?” Jacob asks.
I close my eyes, convincing myself that if I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
“Babe,” Mason whispers, I hear the smile in his voice.
“No, I’m not here. Go away.”
His hands grip my arms and he helps me onto my feet. “Let me see?”
Let him see me like this? I just face-planted the fucking doorframe! I probably look like Fred from Drop Dead Fred when he got his head stuck in the refrigerator.
There’s blood on my tongue. I’m probably so disfigured and ugly. My cheekbone hurts too. My head is still spinning.
I’m mentally hysterical in the crazy way. Is hysteria a sign of concussion and imminent death? I sure hope so.
“Open your eyes,” Mason commands, ignoring Maya and Marie who are now clutching each other on the floor as they continue to laugh. Maya snorts like a pig which only makes Marie laugh so hard no sound comes out. I kick her thigh.
Marie manages to pull herself out of it as I peek through my lashes at the collarbone that I’ve sucked on intimately in the past. She moves to me with Maya, both flushed from all the laughing.
“Are you okay?” Maya finally asks but it’s hard for her to say through the lingering humor.
I flip them off with my good hand and move to the bathroom. They all follow, and once we’re inside, Maya locks the door behind us.
Marie gets to work on finding a cloth to dampen in order to get the drying blood off my face but Mason, who I still have yet to look at, steps in and takes it from her.
His body just fills the space. So many muscles, so large and defined. His scent overpowers the stench of the bleach-cleaned bathroom and Maya’s lingering perfume. It’s making my mouth water.
“Give us a second, please, ladies,” he softly demands, placing his fingers under my chin.
“But…” Maya starts.
He shoots them a look that has Maya closing her mouth. I don’t have to look at him to know he’s communicating with his eyes. He’s so expressive.
Marie yanks her out and Mason follows to lock the door afterwards.
When he turns back to me, I watch his polished, black, leather boots get closer. I listen to the rubber soles squeak on the tiled floor. He’s in his combat pants. They’re beige and sit on his hips just right. If I stare hard enough, I can make out the shape of his you-know-what too.
He stops, toes to mine, chest nearly touching mine, and then with a swift move that startles me, he lifts me onto the counter. “How have you been, Summer?”
Large hands stay on my waist, thumbs digging into my hips.
“I ran face-first into a wall. So not great,” I grumble and close my eyes as he wipes away the blood from my top lip and then cups my face in his hands. “Am I hideous?”
“Not in the slightest,” he replies, and I finally look at his face. “Does it hurt?”
“I’m gonna be a cliché and say just my ego.”
We share a smile and his is so dreamy. I want to bottle the power it has over me and keep it forever and like
use it in job interviews or something.
This is the first time since that night that we’ve actually looked at each other like this. And been close enough to touch.
Flashes of the memory spill forth, of his elbows either side of my head, his forehead against mine, his cock vanishing into my body with each thrust. I shiver, a sharp spasm of pleasure shocks my system and I immediately moisten between my thighs.
“I was going to call,” he whispers, trailing his fingers over my hurting cheek. “But I didn’t want to cause issues for you and Chris.”
I look away from his amazing gray eyes that remind me so much of Marie’s and sigh gravely. “He knows, Mason.”
“Marie warned me.”
“Marie knows?”
“Maya warned her, I think,” he mutters and shrugs. My lips part but I realize it doesn’t really matter who told who. I’d have told her myself anyway.
What a cluster-fushka. “I’m sorry for putting you in this mess.”
His smile becomes so gentle and tender. “It’s okay, Summer, I did wrong too.” We share a moment. “How did he find out? I swear I didn’t utter a word to anyone.”
“No, it was me. I told him.” I look at myself in the mirror behind me and press my fingertips to the space he just touched. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing to me. We did this together. This isn’t on you.” His hands rest on my knees and his thumbs smooth gentle circles on the inside. It’s soothing but it’s also not okay. I shouldn’t be this close to him, sharing such an intimate moment. “How did he take it?”
My teeth sink into my lip and my eyes blur with tears. Shaking my head, I look down and admit, “Not well. He threw me out.”
“Fuck, babe.” He gathers me to him for a hug, wrapping his large arms around me and I return it. I shouldn’t be taking the comfort from the man who helped destroy my marriage. I don’t want to hurt Chris any more than what I have, but at the same time he feels so good and he smells so nice and I feel so safe in his arms. “I should have called.”
“No, I’m glad you didn’t.” I tuck my hands between us, pressing my palms against his chest as my cheek squishes against his pec.
“Really?” His tone fakes insult. “In that case…” He starts to pull away until I yank him back. When he laughs a little, I smile at the sound, but then he sobers and continues, “For what it’s worth, I am truly sorry.”
“It’s not your fault either, Mase. I chose to do it.”
He tilts his head. “You’re okay?”
“No, but I will be. We were going to separate anyway. The way we were together it could only ever hit that conclusion.” Saying that aloud has me shocked. Am I convincing him and myself that this is okay? Or am I secretly terrified that if I say anything else Mason will leave me forever too if I don’t tell him something to make him feel good about it?
I am a horrible person.
Or do I mean it? Was I at the point where I was ready to leave Chris? Is that why I haven’t chased him? Is that why I haven’t begged to go home?
I feel as though if I do beg Chris and he does take me back, I’ll spend a lifetime trying to make him forgive me when he’s not interested in being my husband anyway. Life with him will be even worse.
Getting rid of my thoughts, I push gently on his chest, lean back, and smile. “That night was amazing though.”
He chuckles, looking bashful suddenly, which isn’t like him. Mason is all arrogance but in a sexy way, not a superior way. Is he worried his performance wasn’t adequate? “I’m glad you think so.”
I check my face in the mirror again and slide off the counter, which means pressing my body against his. He remains close, too close, and he doesn’t budge an inch. When I turn to face the reflective glass my rear brushes against his groin and his nostrils flare with a sharp inhale. I see them darken in his mirror image. I grip the edge of the counter and gulp. Tingles are destroying my sense of self-preservation. I don’t know what it is about this man that has me abandoning my morals but they’re vanishing faster from the room than flies from a fire.
He brushes my hair off my neck and then tastes the path he just cleared.
I inhale sharply. My thighs press together. My head lolls forward.
“Your skin is so soft,” he whispers against it, brushing his hands over my shoulders and to my wrists. “I almost forget just how soft.”
“Mason…” I whimper, pushing back against him, feeling his arousal against my rear.
He groans against me, a deep guttural sound. His breath fans the surface of my skin, making it tighten with desire.
“Summer?” Maya calls, banging on the door. “I’ve made more punch.”
We both separate at the sound of her voice, leaving me feeling cold on the outside, scorching on the inside, and aroused on all the sides.
“Coming,” I reply clearly.
Mason nods toward the door. “You go, I’ll catch up.”
Confused dot com.
Have I offended him? “Why?”
He clears his throat and then we both look down at the huge and very obvious bulge in his pants. My core gives a strong twinge of need as my cheeks heat with remembrance of what that bulge can do to my body.
“I’m sorry!”
“Don’t be.” He grins, showing perfect teeth and dangerously seductive eyes. “We’ll talk soon, yeah?”
I nod rapidly and reach for the door handle. The second I click the lock and pull it open I feel even colder than before.
A man like that has been inside of me. It’s wacked. And he was incredible. He’s not just good looking, he’s amazing in bed! He’s attentive, caring, sweet, he’s hygienic too, and his mouth tastes so good.
A weird thought but a valid one.
Maya doesn’t bring up the subject of us being alone in there together.
No such hope from Marie though who announces, “Well that was quick.”
I roll my eyes and drink my drink with a trembling hand. When I check my phone and see no missed calls, I feel positively frosty.
My life is such a mess right now and my anxiety levels are through the roof. I’m one of those who feels an ounce of stress and just wants to end it all. It’s a weakness, and I can’t help it. I’ve always been sensitive to drama. I don’t like stress, it hurts my entire body and, in the moment, I feel like I can’t cope. Or like I don’t want to cope.
I’ve never been good with conflict.
“I still can’t believe you hit the wall with your face,” Marie suddenly says, stopping Maya from finishing a sentence that I wasn’t listening to.
Marie starts sniggering into her glass, but it becomes full-on laughter like before. Maya joins in after pursing her lips in an effort to stop herself.
“You just…” Marie claps her hand against her vertical arm. I’m assuming I’m the hand and her arm is the wall. We listen to the resounding slap and I cringe.
I glower at her. “That was so embarrassing.”
“Yep.” Maya laughs even harder.
“I hate you both.”
Maya throws her arm around my shoulder. “No, you don’t.”
“You love us,” Marie finishes. “We’re hilarious.”
“I’m going to have a massive bruise under my eye tomorrow!”
“Why?” Loryn’s voice carries from behind me, despite the music. “What did I miss?”
“Oh, you are going to die.” Marie’s grin is malicious.
I lunge for her, making her cackle like the witch she is, accidentally knocking Loryn’s drink a fraction. She grumbles as the contents spill over her fingers.
Loryn is Maya’s brother-in-law’s beau. She’s gorgeous with shoulder-length brown hair and big brown eyes. She’s petite and so kind. We all think she’s great and she fits our little clique just fine.
Marie tries to fill in the blanks without exposing my truth by explaining, “Summer saw Mason, freaked out, turned and face-planted the wall, then fell on her ass.”
“Which actually h
urts too!” I snap, glaring at my friend. “Don’t you care about my health?”
“Yeah, but… why?” Loryn looks so adorably confused. Will she be ashamed of me when she finds out?
Before she can reply through those stretched lips of hers, Mason’s voice also appears behind me. “If I’d known about that I’d have rubbed it better for you, Summer.” His arm wraps around the front of my shoulders and he pulls me back into his chest. A possessive move. A foolish one.
I tense, wishing I could just melt into his touch, but I’m terrified of the judgment it will bring, and the hurt it will bring Chris if he finds out.
“What am I missing?” Loryn whispers to Maya.
“Can I get you ladies anything?” Mason asks, his arm sliding down and back around until it’s across my ribs.
I stare wide-eyed at Maya who looks at everyone but me. She hates me. She’s ashamed of me.
Loryn looks at us all for some kind of answer but gets nothing.
“A new brother,” Marie replies and then waves her brown bottle of beer at him. “And one of these.”
“Get it yourself, fuckface.”
Marie raises a perfectly pointed eyebrow. “It’s my housewarming.”
“And I’ve already seen it, so why do I care?” Mason’s chest is against my back, I feel the vibrations of every single word he says. It feels incredible. “Loryn? Thirsty?”
She raises her glass and replies, “I’m still good here, but thank you.”
“Maya?”
Maya shows him her glass, she doesn’t use her words. I’ve never seen her so quiet.
If Mason notices he doesn’t let on.
“Summer?” he finally asks, right at my ear. I physically shiver and it’s visible. Marie gags playfully and Maya turns, muttering about finding James in the crowd. Loryn still looks really confused.
“I could use a refill.” I raise my glass to show him how empty it is.
He takes it, releases me, and says through a seductive smile that I can’t take my eyes off, “One ninety percent alcohol drink with fruit flavoring coming up.”
He strides away, his muscular back straining against the fabric of his T-shirt. We watch him go until we can’t any longer.
I turn back to the group just as Loryn asks, “So… what the fuck?”
A Little Bit of Guilt: Little Bits #5 Page 3